| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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I feel guilty for my affair with a married man, ...yet want him to move to my country. What should I do?
Q. i want a couple of months ago to cuba there i met a man which he is married with two kids, we had a affair, I'm going back very soon to see him. i feel like I've falling in love what should i feel very guilty because on top of that his aunt is marry ...
A. 30 March 2010: He's just using you for sex, and maybe just to get into the USA. He's married with kids. So he's a liar, a cheat, and a user of women. Do you really want to be second best for the rest of your life. What makes you think when he gets into the US he ... (read in full...)
How would you deal with your partner putting pictures of their deceased ex everywhere? Am I being insensitive?
Q. My man have his deceased ex pictures posted on everything, Am I being Insensitive? My man posts pictures of his deceased ex on his profile page. She died a year ago. The picture posted as his main photo is him and her together hugged up. At that mom...
A. 30 March 2010: He shouldn't have taken on another girlfriend unless he had come to terms with her death. He won't get over her totally, and she will always be there in his heart. But to have photos everywhere shows he's not over her and not ready for a ... (read in full...)
Should I continue pressuring a friend to have a relationship me even though he doesn't want to?
Q. my friend and i have known each other for almost 8 years. him and me have been having sex or years. i've always pressure him to be in a relationship with me. we haven't spoken in two months because he got tired of me telling him to be with him. he ...
A. 30 March 2010: Oh dear. He's taken as much as he can take I'm afraid. And you're developing a dangerous obsession that could land you in court or something. He doesn't want be with you, and is now moving on with his life. You need to do the same.... (read in full...)
I told him I was not stupid when he asked for a loan. Now he wont speak to me, ...did I handle this wrong?
Q. Can someone please help me out. I have been dating this guy that I once dated before. So getting to know each other would not be a deal. We were so happy getting back together. About a week ago his calls and txt messages had stopped. Even when I ...
A. 30 March 2010: Well this says it all, doesn't it. You didn't loan him the money, so he stopped contact. Don't date him again, he's only after using you. ... (read in full...)
Oral sex whilst on my period.
Q. My boyfriend wants to go down on me while I'm on my period. I've never let anyone do this. My only concern is, should I show up with or without a tampon?...
A. 30 March 2010: This is not a good idea.... (read in full...)
I've never even kissed a girl before. Is this normal?
Q. Help, I have recently became depressed because I have never been kissed before let alone have had a girlfriend. Is this normal? All the other males have girlfriends and it makes me sick and depressed when I can't find one of my own, hell some are ...
A. 30 March 2010: Yes, perfectly normal. ... (read in full...)
My mum has threatened to kick me out of the house if I don't do what she wants!
Q. im 16, pretty independent, mature an very respectful. but lately ive been stressed out an realy upset cause of my mum. she is extremely controlling, in fact she grounded me until i am mature! my mum knows my dream is to be a great chef, and she ...
A. 30 March 2010: My awkward side says walk out. But I know that's not the best thing. So, compromise. Finish school, then make your career choice. Make sure you have the best grades you possibly can to make sure you get a good start. Then tell her you want to be a ... (read in full...)
My fiance has sexual pictues and videos of his ex girlfriends.
Q. My fiancé has several sexual videos and pictures taken with past girlfriends. I found them before and we almost broke up. He told me he would get rid of them yet one year later I see by his compter history he has them hidden on a file on his compu...
A. 30 March 2010: I'm sorry you found all this. But in I way I'm glad. I say that because now you know your fiance really is. He's a liar and has videos of his ex's. Leave him.... (read in full...)
She introduces me to other women as her boyfriend, but to other men as just a friend
Q. What does it mean when my girlfriend continues to see other men she claims are "friends" for drinks. She introduces me as her boyfriend to other girlfriends but only as a friend when introducing me to other men as to not offend them it seems ...
A. 30 March 2010: This is about her keeping her options open with her male friends. She's happy to announce you to her female friends as a boyfriend, but not her male friends, which means there is a male in her group of friends who she likes more. Decide whether you ... (read in full...)
I feel romantic towards my bestfriend, and bored with my boyfriend
Q. How do I choose between two guys I am very close to?? Nr. 1. I am together with him about one year and two weeks ago still loved him. Then suddenly there was nothing left.I lied to him once or twice but told him everything about me.. there are n...
A. 30 March 2010: Forget your best friend right now. He's adding to the problem. You need to sit down and be level headed. What has changed in your relationship? Are you bored? Are you unhappy? You need to address these issues, because if you don't the same issues ... (read in full...)
A much older married man says he loves me as well as his wife, how can this be?
Q. hi, i m a 25 yrs old acrective girl,my problem is that i m in love with a married man he is 43 yrs old.he has one child 14 yrs old.and his marrige is also love marrige.he loves her too much,but he saying he loves me too much also how can its ...
A. 30 March 2010: He's using you for sex. That's all. He won't leave his wife for you. so end it and find a man who deserves your attention and love. There is only room in the heart for one person.... (read in full...)
He says he wont divorce her because I wont put his name on my house
Q. I have been with my partner for 4 years now and we have a 2 year old son that he never wanted, took me to the abortion clinic 11 times but each time i could not go ahead with it because i wanted it and he ended up leaving me but came back. I have ...
A. 30 March 2010: I'm going to give you the best bit of advice. End it. And now. He's left you four times already, and has come back. It's pretty clear that he still loves his wife in some way and can't let her go. The reason he wants you to put his name on your ... (read in full...)
I don't know if he really means to break up or if he is rethinking his decision
Q. My ex and I were together for about a year. We were in love, he moved in with me, I spent every Sunday with him and his family, the whole 9 yards. In the last few months we started arguing a lot. He was staying out late, drinking more, etc. ...
A. 30 March 2010: Don't get your hopes up. He'd failed you, and you can do better. You're one year into your relationship and he's already walked out. You need to end it. Don't sit there wasting time and your life waiting for him to come back. Start moving on. Take ... (read in full...)
Should I confront her and let destiny run its course?
Q. I'm in-love with my wife, she is my soul mate, the love of my life! We been married for 16 yrs and 13 yrs ago I caught her cheating on me, it broke my heart. She promise me that she would end the affair and begged me to stay I forgave her and took ...
A. 30 March 2010: Relax, I won't judge you. You were a saint for taking her back, and she has now proved that she is really that low. A woman who would lie and cheat for that long. Yes, confront her, and get rid of her. You might think you want her to be unhappy with ... (read in full...)
I want to help him with his drug problem but I don't know how to... help!
Q. Hi, i really need help! My boyfriend is a very honest person, he's shared a lot of information with me since we've got together. It's been hard to take it all in; his past etc. However, i'm willing to accept him as a person. I really like him ...
A. 30 March 2010: You don't want to seem too controlling? THAT MAN IS ON DRUGS! You're not his mother, so stop trying to help. You can't help a man like this. He has to help himself, and he has to want to do it for himself. He even did drugs on front of you. Asking ... (read in full...)
How can I get my shy guy to loosen up?
Q. I'm "dating" a guy but he's sooooooooo shy!! He barely ever starts conversations etc... How can I tell him to loosen up? Would you be offended if someone told you to loosen up? Were off to see kick ass on Thursday so advice before then would be ...
A. 30 March 2010: Men open up when they feel that it is safe to do so. To open him up, you have to speak to him, make him feel at ease, make sure he knows you can be trusted, and ask him questions. You can't just tell a shy person to 'loosen up'. That will make him ... (read in full...)
What do you think? Does my guy friend like me?
Q. Does my guy friend like me? We were talking today and he said that he would vote no just to make me mad. He also blushed when I told him that he doesn’t know his own Horoscope. He always thinks he knows everything! When I prove him wrong he says ...
A. 30 March 2010: I think he does like you. But there is only ever one way to find out, and that's to ask. He may like you, but like a lot of men may not have a clue about how you feel about him. So you should try talking to him about it.... (read in full...)
Why is he telling me he's still in London when I know for a FACT he's not???
Q. Ok whats with this guy I do kinda like him but hes driving me mad met this guy 3 months ago he likes he drink and sometimes smokes weed. Anyway started talking after a period of not then past couple of days hes being really quiet again well ...
A. 30 March 2010: The ladies on here have replied and told the truth. I'm a male, and will give you the male truth about all this.
A man who is interested will make an effort.
A man who isn't interested won't make an effort.
Sorry, but he's not interested. ... (read in full...)
How to stop bipolar boyfriend drinking and smoking weed?
Q. Hello, can someone please offer some good advice... My bf has not been well for the past year or so of our 4 year relationship. It has recently come to light that he sufferes from bipolar disorder. I knew he suffered depression, but never im...
A. 30 March 2010: You're breaking a Golden Rule. You're trying to get him to change. HE WON'T and has already proved that. You need to move on NOW before this get serious. As you'll be aware, recently in Britain there have been issues raised about the safety of ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend won't come to my graduation... because I'm going to a BBQ!
Q. My boyfriend is mad because next weekend i have a BBQ to go to (that he was invited to, just refuses to) The BBQ is on sunday, i said i can go over his place on friday, stay the night and saturday then i will go home to the BBQ on sunday which wou...
A. 30 March 2010: Do you see yourself with this seriously immature, pathetic boy for the rest of your life. Or would you prefer an actual man who understands that you're allowed out with friends or to go out socially? I think the second option. Far too many people ... (read in full...)
I feel so jealous when my boyfriend looks at other girls!
Q. I feel so jealous when my boyfriend looks at other girls, we have 2 children together an we are both in our 20's. I no i dont have much confidence and low self esteem but i really need and want to change i feel so depressed and stupid all the time ...
A. 30 March 2010: If you have low confidence, then you would be best off getting counselling. It could be that you're suffering from depression, or you're just very unhappy in general. If you speak to your doctor, they might give you a referral to an NHS counsellor. ... (read in full...)
One minute he wants me, the next he blows me out for his mates!
Q. Ok when you read this you may think this guys a player but in fact hes not. He's a bit weird with how he deals with things but hes a nice guy, a good person, never had a gf, funny, slightly big headed but yano its all why i love him. its just ...
A. 30 March 2010: If he's blowing you off this much, then he's not interested enough to make it worth you going out with him. You say you don't want to lose him? In truth, you've never had him. He just seems to come and go as he pleases. Quit being second best and ... (read in full...)
Should I break up with him and become single seeing as I'm starting Uni soon?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend, C, under a year and half (which isn't too long term in regards to previous relationships I've had) but whilst we've been together I've been on and off attracted to other guys and have even had a few affairs with other ...
A. 30 March 2010: Please end it. If you're cheating this much, no way is he the one, and it's unfair to keep him around when there is another girl out there who will love him. Focus on your own life and let him go. ... (read in full...)
Evidence of a possible affair from years ago, what should I do?
Q. Hello Agony Aunts Please can you give me some advice. To cut a long story short, I am recovering from finding out that my husband was having an affair - this was over two years ago [2008] and we did the counselling thing. And to date things have...
A. 30 March 2010: Do you know when he last contact this woman? If it was recent, end the marriage and move on. If not, and the last time anything was sent was years ago, then continue to try and rebuild the marriage. If you don't know, send an email in his name ... (read in full...)
Still waiting...
Q. I've come back from University for my easter holiday and I expect to see my boyfriend a lot in the next three weeks, because it's my birthday too! But I haven't even seen him since last Thursday when I came back. He was bored last night and I expect...
A. 30 March 2010: Why don't you ask him out instead. Men are not mind readers, nor are we good when it comes to dealing with emotions. He might not be sure whether you want to meet. So try asking him and see what happens.... (read in full...)
He ended it with me... but he still loves me!!! What gives?
Q. My partner and i have only been together for a short period of time (10 months) hes 25, im 21. We had a rough patch after 6 months but worked through it and since then things have been brilliant.. Then he turns up saturday and tells me he cant do it ...
A. 30 March 2010: Run a mile. He has major issues that are clouding his judgement. If at 6 months into your relationship you were having problems, and at ten months you split up, you can be sure this is not the man for you at all. He may have commitment issues, or ... (read in full...)
I really thought he liked me... as it turns out he was just comforting me!
Q. This is about a guy and i'd really appreciate your help. Well i was at a party on saturday night and me and my best friend fell out and i ended up crying. After about half an hour i calmed down and things were sorted out so we went back to having f...
A. 29 March 2010: Well it's likely he was only interested in one thing. Sex. And when he didn't get it, maybe he decided he couldn't be bothered. Let's face it, if he fancied you, he'd actually make an effort. Don't bother with him again. ... (read in full...)
Is it right that I should go back out with him?
Q. heyy, i broke up with my boyfriend about a month ago because i was all stressed and i didn't want that to effect anything .. we both stayed friends i text him this morning whilst he was on holiday to just ask how he was then he text back saying...
A. 29 March 2010: If you were truly into this guy, you'd never have dumped him in the first place. Even if you were stressed, you wouldn't have dumped him. You'd be better off focusing on your own life for now. There is a guy out there for you, but it's not this one.... (read in full...)
Isn't it up to the man to ask the woman out to dinner?
Q. I met a man online and had a date last night. I almost cancelled, because I thought I would not like him. Anyway, we met up and laughed all night. We talked and talked, held hands amd it was a blast. He walked me to my car and kissed me goodnight.. ...
A. 29 March 2010: Back in the old days it was. Nowadays women are equals. That means that you're allowed to do some running around too. You want to date this guy? Then ask him. ... (read in full...)
Should I get back together with the ex I love but don't trust?
Q. Hi All, I've been dealing with this decision for some time now.. sometimes I feel I've made up my mind, then I come undone and feel confused again. I was with my ex for 3 years, we had a break as I felt he needed time to sort out his issues. Dur...
A. 29 March 2010: The are two big rules, both of which you have either never learned, or forgotten. If you can remember these, and always stick to them, you'll be fine.
1 - NEVER think someone can change. Changing is something that takes years and a HUGE amount of e... (read in full...)
I don't want kids at our wedding, my fiance does... how can we resolve this?
Q. Hi, I'm getting married next year and me and my fiancé keep disagreeing over 1 particular issue - having children at our wedding. Now I'm sure i'm going to get a lot of "hate" responses but I'm not trying to be nasty. I don't want children...
A. 29 March 2010: Children can have a habit of speaking out at the wrong moment. I'm sure there are plenty of moments when children have managed to wreck things. God knows I did when I was one.
That said, there is a problem with what you're asking. There are gues... (read in full...)
Appreciation of my girlfriend/relationship.... does it sound like a good idea??
Q. Hey people, So me and my girlfriend just got back together after a month and week of being split up and I have to say times are definitely great. We are back to ourselves and most importantly, back together. But I've started thinking and I am thi...
A. 29 March 2010: I'd suggest that you start it from now. Forget the break up. She won't want to keep turning to it. It will just bring back bad memories. ... (read in full...)
Do you think I just took things the wrong way???
Q. hi hope you can help theres this man that i have liked for a while and out of nowhere he asked to be my friend on facebook he then sent me a message asking how i was n where i work , we were sending each other messages for a few days running the...
A. 29 March 2010: Don't bother with him. He's either seriously insecure, or is a player. Either way, don't bother with him. ... (read in full...)
I love my boyfriend but I miss being single
Q. Before I started to date my boyfriend in December I use to have a drinking problem. I was drunk almost every weekend. I didn't let it go as far as drinking during the week, though it did take a big part on my grades at school. During my drinkin...
A. 29 March 2010: But those girls all led you to drink ultimately. They didn't stop you. Don't forget that. You can have a party life, but you need to be safe about it. That said, I'm not particularly sure you're ready for a relationship if you feel this way. A ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says I'm a waste of time!
Q. My and my boyfriend have been together for about 19 months now, i love him to bits, we have been through so much together. We have broken up and made up so many times but we always laugh them off and we have a special connection. Were like best ...
A. 29 March 2010: There is no special connection between you two. All there is between you two is the abuse he gives and the abuse you take. Do you really believe he will change? No, he won't. There is nothing here that is happy or safe. All you're doing is wasting ... (read in full...)
Do you think my ex will get the message to leave me alone?
Q. hello all, if you send a msg to a guy that goes this way: "sorry i am very busy to pick up your calls. I am just around anyway, but it doesn't mean we must keep in touch. hope its fine with you, take care." what would you think he will understa...
A. 29 March 2010: It won't work because you're still saying that you can keep in touch. He will still contact you, and will say you said he could. All you're saying is that you're busy. He might stop for a week, but then he might start again. If you want him to stop, ... (read in full...)
My married best friend is in love with me
Q. My best friend and I have been inseperable for the last 13 years. He has just recently gotten married. since then I have distanced myself, do to the fact that all women are not as comfortable with their other half having a female for a best friend. ...
A. 29 March 2010: Pull right away from him. First of all, he's married. Secondly, if he's willing to leave his wife so soon, he's a terrible bet as a man anyway. thirdly, you don't love him. I don't think there's any way of saving this without it going wrong. Pull ... (read in full...)
He's going to tell me to take down the facebook picture!
Q. my boyfriend starts fights over my face book dp! there is absolutely NOTHING slutty or anything about the picture i put up, it was actually a picture where i was in the background and i thought i looked good so i put it up as my dp.. now he is angry ...
A. 29 March 2010: Dump him. If he's controlling a photo, what will he control in the future? Your friends, your life, your food, your clothes. Finish this one now before you get dragged into his little closed minded controlling world. ... (read in full...)
He promised it would never happen again... and now the emails have started again!
Q. I have been married for a couple of years and have a beautiful son. Over the last 6 mths or so, I found my husbands email account open and he was asking his ex for nude photos etc and emails about their past relationship. My husband is away ...
A. 29 March 2010: You have to leave. He has broken his promise, and you threatened to leave. You have to follow through, because if you don't he'll just use you for the rest of your life.... (read in full...)
Love confusion......
Q. I met this really nice guy at school a while back I really like him but i was concerned about our age difference which is only a year, (im older) the other problem is he's a smoker, and he seems to flirt with a lot of girls. He says he likes me...
A. 29 March 2010: There are too many red flags with this guy. He's a smoker, something you don't care for. He's younger, which worries you. He flirts with other girls. He's not really over his ex.
All these signs, and the way you're thinking about him, suggest this... (read in full...)
Will he take me back after it has been a few years?
Q. A few years ago I was with this guy. We were so in love and attached to each other. We were both each other's first and we were together almost 2 years. He went away for a bit and the distance tore us apart, when he got back he decided that we ...
A. 29 March 2010: I can assure you that first love does die. God knows mine did. However, you won't know unless you try to talk to him. The truth is he has probably moved on. But if you like him that much, it's worth getting closure if nothing else. Try once, see ... (read in full...)
Should I get back together with the ex I love but don't trust?
Q. Hi All, I've been dealing with this decision for some time now.. sometimes I feel I've made up my mind, then I come undone and feel confused again. I was with my ex for 3 years, we had a break as I felt he needed time to sort out his issues. Dur...
A. 29 March 2010: No way. Not only has he hurt you, but he's deserted his child. What happens if you get pregnant? This guy just wants to eat all the cake. Let him go, or forever be hurt. ... (read in full...)
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