| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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No longer find husband attractive, and ended affair, I'm really hurting
Q. (MOD NOTE: 2 posts combined) I no longer find my husband physically attractive anymore. I married him aged 24 I am now 40 years old. The last time we had sex I hated every second of it. I have two children, and honestly feel I am now only with ...
A. 3 April 2010: You didn't say anything about those affairs your husband had, but it was pretty clear that there was more to this. T be honest, now I don't think that this can be fixed. I think it's gone too far. Walk. ... (read in full...)
Went out with my ex and its the same old rollercoaster ride
Q. Hello everyone, Yesterday I had a date with my ex-girlfriend, we date like a year ago, then she broke up and we did not speak for several months. Now she innitiated contact and I aggreed to go out with her. Everything went really wel, she ...
A. 3 April 2010: You have to tell her it's time to move on, then cut all contact. ... (read in full...)
How do I get from lover to just a friend smoothly?
Q. How does one transition from being lovers to only friends? It started out as this guy and I meeting each other at work. We began talking everyday, calling each other, and eventually we developed feelings for one another. Although neither of us wa...
A. 3 April 2010: Listen to the post written by Lindy87. He specifically is not over you, and won't be able to cope with just being friends. It's will hurt him a lot. It's time to move on.... (read in full...)
I am always suspicious of him, how do I trust him?
Q. I heard a rumor about my boyfriend cheating on me, I immediatley freaked out, smacked him in the chest and screamed at him without giving him a chance to explain, left our house and stayed at my friends for the next 3 days. After I left, he didn'...
A. 3 April 2010: You need to seriously look at yourself, before you go back or do anything with him whatsoever. You're seriously distrusting if you actually hit him over a rumour of which there is no proof. And this isn't the first time either. You've been accusing ... (read in full...)
How do I find the balance between overeager, and interested?
Q. So just wanted to know the dating rules. Guy went out with me twice, texts late. I dont wana seem too interested but still kinda mysterious, get him into me....he responds to texts late....shud i reply tonite or tomorrow? shud i not reply at all? ...
A. 3 April 2010: Careful, you're playing too much of a game. Men like a certain amount, but will start to think you're not interested if you come up with excuses like you're tired. When a man says 'let me knows what's up', that is your moment to text him. Don't play ... (read in full...)
Was it right to break up with my boyfriend? What do I do?
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a few months two nights ago... At the time it seemed like the right thing to do. We were at the point in our relationship were we should either move forward or split and neither of us were ready to move ...
A. 3 April 2010: You said you were at the point where you either had to split or move forward, and neither of you were ready to move forward. You made the right decision. And now you're going out to date him again? Not a good idea, because nothing will suddenly ... (read in full...)
Why are all the guys I'm meeting wanting to drag my name through the mud?
Q. *OP's own title* y am i meeting guys that only wanna drag my good name through the mud. ok so my very first bf lied about sleeping wit me like he was braggimg about it and that ended everything we had. we did not sleep together. then while on the ...
A. 3 April 2010: The first one was immature, the second was a player, and the third was a player. Take a look at the type you fancy, because maybe you're a little bit too interested in the bad boy type. Spend more time getting to know men as well, so you understand ... (read in full...)
Ex colleague wants to meet up. Should I?
Q. I have worked with a man for over a year, he recently quit and contacted me stating that he always wanted to know what it would be like to be with me. I'm flattered (he is very attractive) but he recently had a child with his on again off again ...
A. 3 April 2010: What a charming man. He was using his on/off girlfriend for sex, she became pregnant and the best thing he can say about his child is that it was a mistake. Do you want to be in the same position, because this is exactly where it is leading. He ... (read in full...)
B/f caught talking to ex about her nude photos!
Q. I caught my boyfriend of almost a year and a half talking to his ex about supposed "nuddy" pics he still had on his computer and how nice her body was. I was pretty upset at the situation, but how upset should I be??...
A. 3 April 2010: I think you should be very upset. He has nude pictures of his ex on his computer, which really is a no-no. Then he actually spoke to her about them. Porn is one thing. To have pictures of an ex naked is another. To have a girlfriend, and be caught ... (read in full...)
Is my past causing me to be attracted to older men?
Q. Growing up, I have had a lot of difficulties with my father. Before my mother filed for seperation and left him, he was verbally and emotionally abusive.. and the threat of physical violence was never far off. I lived in a lot of fear of men, ...
A. 3 April 2010: There is nothing wring with fancying older men, and you'll find that most women your age do because older man can offer a certain stability that younger men can't. However, it could be that you are looking for a father figure, though I would have ... (read in full...)
How do I find out if this married lady loves me?
Q. My earlier question posted on 20th March has not been replied. Now, myself being more specific on my problem would like to state that what should i do to know that the very married lady loves me? I have told her several times that she is special for ...
A. 3 April 2010: She is married, and by staying silent is saying that she is not interested at all. You need to move on from her.... (read in full...)
I feel like I want to run away! Do I have a disorder?
Q. Someone please save me :( Deep down I know something is wrong with me. Mentally. I just can't take it anymore! For so long i've gone bottling EVERYTHING up because I don't want to bore people with my life story or for them to think i'm some c...
A. 3 April 2010: You're heading straight towards a nervous breakdown because you're expecting too much at a young age. I know, because I'm the same and I feel the same. Not much seems to be really going my way at the moment, and it's hard to see any light at the end ... (read in full...)
My woman is confused if I'm her friend or her lover!
Q. I'm 30yo male. I have been in a relationship with a 29yo female for nearly 3 months now. Things started off great. Then one day, she suddenly txt me and said she doesn't want to be with me anymore. I was assured there's no 3rd party involved. Few ...
A. 3 April 2010: Don't change. It's not you who was hurt, it wasn't you who walked out. And you were in no way treating her badly. It's up to her to get over her previous pain and adjust to that. Do not change. Just continue to reassure her that you are very much ... (read in full...)
Went out with my ex and its the same old rollercoaster ride
Q. Hello everyone, Yesterday I had a date with my ex-girlfriend, we date like a year ago, then she broke up and we did not speak for several months. Now she innitiated contact and I aggreed to go out with her. Everything went really wel, she ...
A. 3 April 2010: No, it's time to move on from this girl. SHE is the one who has not changed and has problems. SHE was the one who came back. SHE has pulled this sort of thing before.
It's not you, it's her.
Just get rid of her and cut all contact. Don't waste yo... (read in full...)
My guy doesn't make enough time for me/us!
Q. I am a single divorced woman over the age of 50. I am happy to have found a wonderful man who is also divorced. We have being seeing each other for almost a year now. I love him, and he has told me that he loves me also. My problem is that he does ...
A. 3 April 2010: I think you need to tell him how you feel before you give the ultimatum, to see if he can change. Explain you are feeling neglected and that he doesn't spend enough time with you. See how he responds. If nothing changes after that, give the ... (read in full...)
Do you believe my wife's girlfriend claim that her Date sleeps in her bed - but no Sex ?
Q. My wife's girlfriend is in her thirties, and recently divorced. She's found a boyfriend online who has no car and lives with his sister. Yeah, he's poor. Lousy job, no education, no future. So she drives to his sister's house, picks him up, an...
A. 3 April 2010: Who really knows. It could be that your wife's friend regretted having done something, or was worried about how you would react. All you need to do is be there for her in case it goes wrong. You can't stop whatever is happening.... (read in full...)
I don't know how to tell my old fashioned parents that I'm pregnant!
Q. hi im 21 and just found out im pregnant, im ok with it but im so nervous about telling my mum and dad, theyr very strict and a bit old fasioned and i feel that they might not approve as iv not been in a proper long term relationship, how can i break ...
A. 3 April 2010: There isn't really any easy way to tell them, so have a friend beside you when you do. Pick the one parent who may be a bit easier, and tell them first. If you're worried, speak to your doctor who might be able to suggest a few ideas. ... (read in full...)
Our lack of quality time and intimacy is frustrating me!
Q. I am a 26 year old male, and have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 7 years. I really don't see her anymore. She works 14 hours or more a day and has a second job on weekends. If I'm lucky I get to maybe spend time with her when we both ...
A. 3 April 2010: I think you have to tell her exactly how you feel. To be honest, it sounds like this may have come to an end. You need to tell her straight that things need to change, or you'll have to leave for your own sake. ... (read in full...)
Should I let him go out with his single male friends?
Q. I am happily married. I'm 17 years old and my husband is 20. We're very in love and supported by both of our families. Things have been great. I love it. We do everything together including cooking meals, and just sitting back watching TV. The ...
A. 2 April 2010: You need to let him go out. If you don't, he will resent being controlled, and that's where the real problems will begin. He loves you, and you have no reason to distrust him, so let him go. ... (read in full...)
Is it okay to frequent chat rooms at my age?
Q. I'm 15, and i use chat rooms to release my sexual tension.... Is this normal? i find it a real turn on... Im confused. ...
A. 2 April 2010: I'd say that it's unsafe. You live in the UK, so you will be aware that lately there have been cases where young women have been put in danger by men in these sites. I would steer clear for your own safety. ... (read in full...)
Controlling/abusive boyfriend!
Q. hey there i don't know what to do i have been with my boyfriend a while now and i lost everything because of him my friends don't want to know me and my family don't want anything to do with me anymore. my boyfriend tells me what to do and what to ...
A. 2 April 2010: I would go back to your family and say that you've screwed up and need help. You must get away from this guy, whatever it takes. If you have to, sneak out a window and just get away. If that fails, then go to the nearest police station and just ask ... (read in full...)
I defended myself against a high school bully and now my girlfriend has broken up with me
Q. [Moderator ote: Obviously the age posted above is incorrect] I am in the 10th grade. My girlfriend broke up with me and I don't understand why. My family moved and at the new highschool, this 11th grader started to hassle me. He wanted to ini...
A. 2 April 2010: Well good for you for standing up. I was bullied for seven years and no one gave a damn until the day I did what you did. Unfortunately, people judged me as much as they did you, and were a bit stand-offish because instead of seeing me as the nice ... (read in full...)
Help! I don't know if I should dump him or not.
Q. Ok so, this may get a little complcated (and long, sorry!) I met my boyfriend 6 years ago and, at the time, I didn't think that he was my type. However, I was intrigued to get to know him and decided to give the relationship a go. I was also cur...
A. 2 April 2010: The problem with the 'opposites attract' rule is that for a while it does work, until it comes to making certain decisions at a later date. The truth is you were engaged and you called if off because you weren't ready and you're unsure that this is ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with this ex who won't let go?
Q. My ex girlfriend has called once or twice a week for the past 2 months (I caught her cheating, again, with the same guy), but I never returned her calls. She Emailed me a few times, even invited me on a week-long trip to LA (2 weeks ago), and I ...
A. 2 April 2010: Just cut all contact. Never ever get back to her again. You have nothing left of hers that she can have a hold over you with, so block her entirely from your life. Cut her email, phone calls, everything you can. Just cut her out and never speak to ... (read in full...)
How do I explain to my bf that I'm done being upset about what he did without coming off as a pushover?
Q. My bf did something about a week ago that made me very, very, very suspicious. Since then, however, I've used my own techniques to keep a very watchful eye on whether or not my suspicions were right, and at least so far, they aren't, so I'm ready ...
A. 2 April 2010: Sit down with him, and just tell him that you're ready to forgive, but that you won't ever stand for it again. That way, he knows you're forgiving, but also knows that if it happens again, you'll walk. And mean it. ... (read in full...)
No longer find husband attractive, and ended affair, I'm really hurting
Q. (MOD NOTE: 2 posts combined) I no longer find my husband physically attractive anymore. I married him aged 24 I am now 40 years old. The last time we had sex I hated every second of it. I have two children, and honestly feel I am now only with ...
A. 2 April 2010: You need to stop grieving for this other married man. Married men seldom leave their wives, and basically he has had his fill and now wants to get back to his family life.
I'm guessing there's actually a lot more to this change in your marr... (read in full...)
How do you know when someone will change their player ways?
Q. I have seen womanizers become good husbands and I have seen players become faithful. My question is how do you know when someone is ready to change there ways? How can you tell if a women/man really loves you? I have asked many different people and ...
A. 2 April 2010: If and when a womaniser wants to change, they will change themselves. There is no time limit. Some will change quickly, other will never change. They will change when they want to. The important thing for a woman to do is to avoid the womaniser and ... (read in full...)
A rough diamond? Compliment? or Insult?
Q. what If your boyfriend says (your' a rough diomand )rough aound the edges.is that insult .or cheeky towards me.?...
A. 2 April 2010: His heart was in the right place, but like all men he perhaps didn't make himself clear enough. He loves you, believe that he does. ... (read in full...)
How can we be friends when he doesn't treat me like one?
Q. I told my best friend who I like a lot today that I'm done. I'm sick of him not talking to me or caring about me. Me and Bob are close we have known each other for 2 years now. He smiles at me and I gave him a hug. If I smile at him he laughs and ...
A. 2 April 2010: This guy is not a friend. A friend doesn't treat people this way. ... (read in full...)
Does this text mean he is brushing me off?
Q. Hi, So I get this txt from a potential love interest to say....Could'nt get your call, in a meeting, thanks for your email, all the best for Easter, Will talk next week, Take Care, -----. What does take care mean? This is the first I have ever had. ...
A. 2 April 2010: I don't think it's a brush off. I think he's just taking it slow and is being careful. Spend more time getting to know him when you can, and see where it leads.... (read in full...)
I told him I want to sleep with him, but then he tells me he is a virgin! What should I do?
Q. So there's this guy who goes to my school and we've fancied each other for years, and we dirty text quite a bit, and last night I slipped out that I really wanna f**k him, and that I'm not the type of girl to sleep with just anyone but I'd make a ...
A. 2 April 2010: So wait for him to decide. If he says yes, give him the time of his life. You have nothing to worry about at all. ... (read in full...)
Is this guy a jerk or not?
Q. i know a guy. we met online 3 yrs ago. he gave me his no. and asked me to call him up. i did and we would talk regularly. but then we had an argument and we stopped talking. i liked him but he had said something rude. he was 18 then i guess. w...
A. 2 April 2010: I wouldn't get involved with him. your instinct is telling you something is wrong, and I agree that there is something wrong.... (read in full...)
Are all men just about sex?
Q. Ok so he's a teacher while I was his student before and we're in love. And we have already agreed to wait until the right time comes. I just want to know if this guy also looks for sex like most of the other men do? I can't say because he acts ...
A. 2 April 2010: Sex is a large part of it, certainly. But it's not all about sex. There are other reasons too.... (read in full...)
How to respond to a rumour
Q. Hello i am huffygirl88 many of you might have read my problems some probley havent. My problem now is that i think that some people are obbsested with me i mean someone started a romar that i did something that would make me fell violated! Very ...
A. 2 April 2010: Don't do a thing. To respond is to play the same game that they are. All you need to do is deny it. In fairness, it sound like your friends know it's not you anyway. Don't do anything. Don't lower yourself to that level. ... (read in full...)
Why do some (most) men want soo much to have sex with many different women when they already have one beautiful, loving, sexually adventuress woman who loves them?
Q. Why do some (most) men want soo much to have sex with many different women when they already have one beautiful, loving, sexually adventuress woman who loves them? My (now ex) boyfriend of 2 years cheated on me with several women. All just ...
A. 2 April 2010: You just picked the wrong guy. Most men don't cheat. ... (read in full...)
He never wants children, I definitely do, and I don't approve of his job!
Q. My boyfriend never wants to have children, and I absolutley do, and lives a lifestyle I know I would not be happy with living in the future. (he is a porn director!) I know he won't change and I know I can't change him. For now I have a fantastic ...
A. 2 April 2010: This is over. You're trying to change him. It won't work. He doesn't want kids, and you don't like his job. You either accept someone for who they are, or you move on. ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with someone but I'm in a relationship! What should I do?
Q. Ok well i'm in love with another guy. but i'm in a relationship. my now boyfriend is an alcoholic and tends to treat me lik crap when he's buzz. but the sex is great. the other guy is romantic and sweet don't drink an very very sexy. what should i ...
A. 2 April 2010: Dump the guy who treats you like crap and go with the guy who treats you well.... (read in full...)
I love her but the sex and attraction aren't there!
Q. I have an ace of a woman but I don't really lust for her and the attraction and sex is lacking. Everywhere I look, I see women who drive me wild inside and all I want to do is have sex with all of them. What should I do? I'm already with the kind ...
A. 2 April 2010: Then go home to your girlfriend and work on it. Better sex wont' just come along. You have to work at it. ... (read in full...)
He keeps me on the side! Should I walk away?
Q. Me and my x dated for 2 1/2 years we were friends years before and were 21 and 22 not really partiers, during that time i use to get in alot of trouble with friends and lost my job he also lost about 80lbs. He said we were going downhill when i lost ...
A. 2 April 2010: Yes walk away. You're right, he is just keeping you on the side for when he wants you. Walk away and find a guy who will treat you better than this.... (read in full...)
Am I crazy? Or is he a cheater in denial?
Q. For a while now, I have had suspicions that my boyfriend is cheating on me. No concrete evidence, just overly flirty texts, rumors etc. So I have asked him multiple times and we end up fighting every time and hE always denies it. I recently con...
A. 2 April 2010: And he will keep denying it, until the moment you have concrete evidence. He's adamant he hasn't cheated. And you have no evidence that he has, other than a few flirty texts and a rumour. If he is cheating, you need to find more evidence that is ... (read in full...)
Separated pregnant and not thrilled about it!
Q. I started dating this new guy and im recently separated and pregnant. The baby is certainly the new guys. I cant stand pregnancy because I get so fat. plus its summer too. The guy that father my child has four other children and four different ...
A. 2 April 2010: Sit down by yourself, or with a counsellor, and go through exactly what you want from your life. You need to think very carefully about where you are right now. You're pregnant, and that needs to be your first priority. Do you want to keep it or ... (read in full...)
G/f says I called her a bad mother and now she's cold to me
Q. have benn with my girlfriend for two years and we have had a few fights over the last few years notthing to serious that wasnt fixed within a few hours but in those fights she has takin that i have called her a bad mother out of contexr and now she ...
A. 2 April 2010: Ask her what it was you said. Then try to explain it and say sorry. Sometimes men say things that women take the wrong way. I did it the other day myself. Talk to her and see what she says. ... (read in full...)
We've been talking on the internet for 2 years, should I meet him?
Q. Should I meet up with a guy I met on the internet when I travel to his country later this year? I met this guy on a facebook application about 2 years ago and we've chatted very regulary on msn ever since. We have lots of common interests and I ...
A. 2 April 2010: There's no reason not to, so long as you're very safe about it. Make sure it's in a public place. You have known each other for two years and really spent time talking, so chances are he's a good guy. But be safe.... (read in full...)
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