| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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I had sex with my neighbor. Why does he not seem interested anymore?
Q. hi where do i start i split up with my boyfriend of 4 years then a couple of weeks later i started sleaping with my next door neighbour, that went on for about 5 weeks. now he dosent seem bothered anymore we havent spoke for a couple of weeks ive ...
A. 12 April 2010: Definitely move on. He's way too immature and seems to have problems with being controlling too. ... (read in full...)
How do I get my boyfriend to care more?
Q. Hey guys, me and my boyfriend have been going out for 5 years. We are both 22 years old, have part-time jobs and go to University full-time. Recently, I feel like my bf seems to care less and less about me. I know he loves me and cares for me, but ...
A. 12 April 2010: I think you need to be firmer. He's either taking you for granted, or mentally he is not ready for a girlfriend and just has you for the sake of it, rather than actually because he loves you. I think you need to have a serious chat with him and ... (read in full...)
I had sex with my neighbor. Why does he not seem interested anymore?
Q. hi where do i start i split up with my boyfriend of 4 years then a couple of weeks later i started sleaping with my next door neighbour, that went on for about 5 weeks. now he dosent seem bothered anymore we havent spoke for a couple of weeks ive ...
A. 12 April 2010: Basically he wanted sex, and that was it. I'm sorry, but you've been used by him for sex. The best thing you can do now is move on and learn from this. Take your time getting to know a man so you know what he wants. ... (read in full...)
Should I be flirting with my best friend's boyfriend?
Q. My bestfriend recently started dating this guy. Hes like one of our bestfriends too. Me and him use to be really flirty and every thought wed date. And I do like him a lot. But now me and him are flirting again and i dont know what to do cause i ...
A. 12 April 2010: Do nothing at all until he is single and well over her. Until then, this guy is not yours to touch, and you should limit contact. If you don't, it will be your reputation left in a mess. ... (read in full...)
Is an emotional affair more meaningful than a sexual one?
Q. One mainly for the guys but if any of you ladies have comments................... When you have an emotional affair which does not get physical is that more meaningful to a guy than a relationship which is mainly sex orientated??...
A. 12 April 2010: Emotional and physical affairs are as bad as each other in terms of meaning. There isn't really one that's worse or better. From a male point of view, I'd say that both carry a weight of emotion anyway, so to decide which is more meaningful is hard. ... (read in full...)
Did he break up with me because his feelings were too strong?
Q. Is it possible to have a guy have such strong feelings for you, that they dont know what to do with them and they end up just running away from it all? Especially when this person feels like they always need to be the tough guy and it's hard for...
A. 12 April 2010: It means at this time he is nowhere near ready for a relationship, and probably didn't love you as much as he says. ... (read in full...)
Are there love spells you can cast that actually work?
Q. hi there are many webistes online claming to cast spells that would really work.there is this spell casting women named ashra she is the us top most american cast speller of 2009 do u think he can really cast a love spell that will work? Please...
A. 12 April 2010: I'm sure they're all bogus. If you want a guy, you must go and talk to him and see what happens and where it leads. A lot of this stuff is fixed, or the two people happen to like each other anyway. ... (read in full...)
My other children hate their autistic brother! I fear this will effect his social development!
Q. My son (12) says that he hates his autistic brother (11), he says when he is calm so its not like he's saying it in the middle of the an argument. He says that he controls his life due to the need to keep a strict routine and calls him a retard ...
A. 11 April 2010: This is of course very difficult to deal with. The main problem is that they will feel rejected, as naturally your autistic son will need more of your time than they will. I think the post below has a few good ideas in the family therapy. Before ... (read in full...)
I heard my boyfriend having sex in the background during a phone call!
Q. i rang my boyfreind early this morning becouse he was stopping at his mum becouse he had had a drink with his friend and i couldent get him a taxi back. when i rang his phone it answerd and i heard him say turn that off but obviously he answerd ...
A. 11 April 2010: Dump, dump, dump. This isn't even worth bothering about. At all. Get rid of him. ... (read in full...)
He can't make up his mind!
Q. me and this guy have been friends for 8 years, we been sleeping together on and off for about 6 years. i have falling deeply in love with him. he tells me that he doesnt want a relationship, but then he does and say things that make me feel that he ...
A. 11 April 2010: Basically he's using you. You need to stop this now. He doesn't love you. He's just using you for sex, telling you all the things you want to hear so you'll keep coming back for more. One day, he will meet a woman he wants to be with, and you'll end ... (read in full...)
He lied about being a stoner
Q. Back in high school my boyfriend used to smoke pot (we werent together yet). We are now both 19, and been dating for 5 months. He hasnt smoked weed in about a year. At the beginning of our relationship I strictly said that I dont want him smoking ...
A. 11 April 2010: You can't trust him. He is a druggie, and that's it. He never really changed at all. I don't blame you for not wanting drugs in your life. Cannabis can affect mental stability and can cause fertility problems. You're better off without him. Don't ... (read in full...)
Should I take my ex back, even though he is unpredictable and a player?
Q. Okay so I need some serious advice :( My boyfriend "Joe" broke up with me after we got into a little arguement and he started dating this girl "Sally" shortly afterwards. I really liked "Joe" but everybody said he was a player and stuff, so now I ...
A. 11 April 2010: Mike is the good guy! Joe is the one who dumped you, moved on far too quickly and has come crawling back! Joe is the one who will dump you again when he can't be bothered and you'll be right back here! Stick with Mike. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend knows I don't love him but still wants to keep trying!
Q. I told my boyfriend i wasnt inlove with him,i said i think am still inlove with my ex...i even went 2 the extent of trying 2 break up with him because at that time i was feeling guilty about d whole thing.but he pleaded with me and told me to give ...
A. 11 April 2010: I guess it's kind of a case that you thought you would move on and that he wouldn't move on so fast. I think you would be better moving on now, since you also really want to find someone else. I think you should just say that you have made a ... (read in full...)
Suspect husband is cyber-cheating
Q. ok here goes i suspect my husband of 15 years is involved with another woman the best part i know her and she is a cousin of his the better part is she lives very far away so physiacl contact is out of the question unless vacations are arranged with ...
A. 11 April 2010: Him thinking that you had an affair 6 years ago is how he justifies his actions. Which are wrong. Sadly, he's now refusing to work things out. That leaves you with two options. One, you accept he is having the affair. Two, you give him an ultimatum ... (read in full...)
Problem with agressive sex!
Q. I have been dating a guy for over 4 months now, from the 1st time we met we have either seen each other or talked on the phone every night. From the beginning he has told me about his past, which involved sleeping with a lot of girls. He feels a ...
A. 11 April 2010: There is something very wrong here. The other males are right here. He either has major issues with closeness, or he is a closeted gay. This is just a bog cover-up for some reason. If he had slept with all those women, even with guilt it wouldn't ... (read in full...)
Grown man still obeying his parents
Q. He tells me he loves me and wants us to be together even if he has to wait forever since his family won't allow us to be together. He doesn't want to risk loosing them and wants me to wait for them to accept us. He is 23 and still listens to his ...
A. 11 April 2010: It's not going to happen. Unless he stands up to them, you'll be waiting forever. He won't be growing up any time soon, so it's time to move on now before you get hurt and realize you've wasted so much time. He should be able to stand up to them ... (read in full...)
He's using me and I can't help it!
Q. i split up from my ex boyfriend in october and i feel that he takes advantage of me because he knew i would do anything for him. i still have very strong feelings for this person and when ever i see him i fall in love again. however, i feel ...
A. 11 April 2010: Cut all contact, delete his number and always put the phone down when you hear from him. You can get over him any time you really want to. But you're not doing what is necessary. If you're allowing yourself to be used this way, then your own esteem ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend knows I don't love him but still wants to keep trying!
Q. I told my boyfriend i wasnt inlove with him,i said i think am still inlove with my ex...i even went 2 the extent of trying 2 break up with him because at that time i was feeling guilty about d whole thing.but he pleaded with me and told me to give ...
A. 11 April 2010: You told him to keep looking for another girl, and he did. So this is the now the time to end all contact and move on from him. ... (read in full...)
I trust him, so why do I respond like I do when his ex texts?
Q. 10 months into our relationship and my boyfriend receives a simple text from his ex-girlfriend saying 'Hi Do you have my CV?' and I have to leave the cinema that we're in for 5 minutes and then basically ignore him for the duration of the film and ...
A. 11 April 2010: If you can't handle the fact that his ex is in his life in a friendly capacity, then you need to move on. That said, he knows it affects you and could politely cut contact any time he likes. He doesn't need to spend time speaking to her, he can cut ... (read in full...)
How do I go about getting an abortion?
Q. i am 15 ( 16 in 5 days), and my boyfriend is 19. my mum hated it when we first got together but now she is used to it. i really love him and he really loves me we are so happy. but i think i might be pregnant i am really scared but he said whatever ...
A. 11 April 2010: The very first thing you need to do is speak to a doctor. You have anonymity in Britain, so no one else has to know. But you must first find out whether you're pregnant or not. So get tested. Then if you are, speak go the doctor about your options. ... (read in full...)
I'm scared my obsession with getting pregnant will push away my husband.
Q. Hi I am a 25 year old I had a m/c in november I was so gutted and ever since I have every month been having symptoms that seem that I am pregnant I take a least two tests but when I get my period I am heart Brocken I am starting to feel obsessed ...
A. 11 April 2010: You won't push away so long as you remember he is also your husband, and not just a prospective father. You do still need to spend time together, and you do still need to spend time together not talking about getting pregnant. Talk about other ... (read in full...)
I'm ready to lose it but he can't use condoms
Q. well im 15 years old and iv been with my boyfriend a while and we are ready to have sex, but the only thing is he cant use condoms so i am not protected, but i really want to do it with him because im ready and im in love with him, but im scared ...
A. 11 April 2010: 1 - In the UK, to have sex under the age of 16 is illegal. He and you can both be arrested.
2 - Men will say what they can to have unprotected sex. Yes, he can use condoms. He just doesn't want to. Do not be naive about men. Ever.
You're not read... (read in full...)
Having casual sex with my boss..should it go on?
Q. I started working for a well known Supermarket chain about 6 months ago. Since then, I have grown attracted to one of my department bosses. She's blonde, 33 (which without giving my ag, and the other week me and her had hot and raunchy sex together. ...
A. 11 April 2010: I'm seeing an older woman and I have to say, I haven't' had as much fun in my life. As long as you are aware this is very much a casual thing, and may not go any further, then I sya go for it. ... (read in full...)
My guy is mad because I went to see a movie without him
Q. I invited my man to my nephew birthday party in lafayette, la which is about two hours away from where we live. After the party, everyone wanted to get together and go to the movies; everyone except my man. We rode up there together, so I told him I ...
A. 11 April 2010: He doesn't sound all that ready to be in a relationship to be honest. His reaction suggests a high level of immaturity. If he's that upset he can go and see it with his own friends.... (read in full...)
Why does she stay with him when she knows hoe he treated me?
Q. Hello! I am friends with my exboyfriend's new girlfriend and I really care about her! I was verbally and physically abused by him and she knows everything that happened and how he treated me! He even told her himself! But to the extent that it w...
A. 11 April 2010: The same reason that you stayed with him for a while. She can't see it. She can't see the abuse, and needs to find out who he is for herself. You could shows her pictures of him hurting you, and she's just say 'he's changed'. Sometimes people have ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has turned cold. This ain't workin' out for me.
Q. Hey, I'm a 29 year old guy, in a relationship, if we can call it that way, with a 21 year old. We had our ups and downs, when there's a problem I frankly avoid it, coz to be honest, I like the gal, she's golden. But she really bummed me out these la...
A. 11 April 2010: Ask her what's going on. Tell her that she's been acting this way and see what she says. The problem is that her being 21 means she's still young and perhaps a little immature in the way she handles things. You can't avoid this problem. You need to ... (read in full...)
He asked me to move to him and now he's making my life hell! Help!
Q. Ok I met my boyfriend of two years in London.. we moved in together.. He got stomach problems, couldn't digest his food properly, I asked him to go the doctors in London but wouldn't go cause didn't trust them cause they wasn't Italian, it became ...
A. 11 April 2010: Just run. As fast as you can. Don't waste another second of your time. This man has issues that you can't fix, and the worst thing you can do is stay. ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid to call him because it may push him away further. What should I do?
Q. So I posted before about my boyfriend being distant, not sharing his feelings, etc etc. Turns out he was really busy and stressed out this week, and he hasn't called me because he needed to clear his head, and he didn't want to talk to me because ...
A. 11 April 2010: I think it's time you sat down and addressed this. I'm always sceptical when I read about people who have broken up before, because it nearly always means someone is not committed enough. In this case it's your boyfriend. I'm afraid if you stay in a ... (read in full...)
Is this guy that I like...two timing on his gf?
Q. I take a class outside of school, and there's this very good looking guy who is my table partner. I'm almost 18 and he's 21. When I first met him, I asked if he's single, and he didn't say anything. Since then though, he added me on facebook, aim, ...
A. 11 April 2010: Screwing around. Cheating men are quite predictable. They cheat and use everyone. That's what will happen to you. You won't be able to trust him, you'll have hurt his girlfriend and you'll take the blame. Don't think he will. He will look back for ... (read in full...)
If I commit now, do I chain my free spirit?
Q. Ok so I'm very unlucky when it comes to my love life. I have a very free spirit and I like to be free. I've been dating this guy for eight months now and I'm so confused. Everything seemed so perfect until today. I looks back in all the happy times ...
A. 11 April 2010: You're not ready to settle down yet, and you know it. So don't settle. Have fun and be free. There are plenty of guys out there, and at some point in the future you will meet the one you want to be with. But you're not ready yet, and there's no ... (read in full...)
He used to treat me like a queen; now he lies and cheats
Q. Hi tonight i found out my husband is seeing another woman. We have been married for 4 years and got married you I am now 29 and he is 28. We met each other a year before the marriage but fell deeply in love and got married behind our parents back. ...
A. 11 April 2010: This guy was never ready for marriage, and never really in love. I'm sure that hurts you a lot, but it's important you understand the whole situation, because your next step is to walk away from him and never look back. No man who ever loves you ... (read in full...)
He still lives with his parents -- should I wait for him to grow up?
Q. I am 29 and have two kids both boys. I am seeing a guy who is 23 and still lives with his mom and dad. We want to be together but his family doesn't want us to be. He says he has to obey his parents. Which if he was a child I would understand but he ...
A. 11 April 2010: Realisticlaly, this guy just isn't ready. He is an adult and should be making his own decisions. I think you need to move on. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is ready for sex but I am too scared and nervous
Q. Hey okay im 17 and in all honesty i am fairly new in the whole dating and sex game and my boyfriend whom im been with for a year already want to have sex....problem is i don't because Im nervous and scared as all hell.....what do i do??? HELP!!!!...
A. 11 April 2010: If you are not ready, then you need to explain that to him and be honest. There is no rush to have sex. There are plenty of people on here who will tell you that they rushed into it and now regret it. So slow down, explain to your boyfriend that ... (read in full...)
Can guys feel if they have released pre-cum?
Q. Last night i may have done something stupid. I was in the car with my ex-boyfriend who I often hook up with, we were fooling around and he really wanted to have sex. It was quite cramped and he didnt have a condom on so I kept saying no initially. ...
A. 10 April 2010: Generally speaking, no man can feel pre-cum. And quit having sex with your ex! ... (read in full...)
Is it just my hormones, or is he being unreasonable?
Q. i have just turnt 18, my boyfriend is 25. i have recently found out i am pregnant...at the time i was shocked but ok about it. my boyfriend said he aint going to touch drink while im pregnant, but there he is already going round his mates for a ...
A. 10 April 2010: No, you're not overreacting, but remember you're not with him for life. There is no point in being with this guy if he won't make a good boyfriend and father. And tell him just that. ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for wanting more commitment from him?
Q. The man i've been with for three years keeps telling me he,ll marry me and he,s even gotten me a ring but wont make any plans,just excuses like when your son gets out of jail so he can be there,and when you stop saying your leaving,what he dont ...
A. 10 April 2010: Too many excuses and not enough action. He's basically got you pinned. Doesn't need to marry you because you're already doing everything. This carefully about whether you want to be in a marriage with this guy, or even a relationship ... (read in full...)
What do you think of: "I want to get you pregnant because I love you"?
Q. if i man said to you that last time you made love to you... he wanted to get you pregnant.. and he said he wanted to do it because he loves you.. what would you think? and this was many years ago....
A. 10 April 2010: I'd say that you might be walking into a bit of a trap. Maybe he hasn't got kids and is looking for one. There is more to love that just a baby. It's very hard to say what's going through his mind. Id suggest spending a lot more time getting to know ... (read in full...)
Should I stay with my boyfriend who is unaffectionate or get back with my ex? They are best friends.
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for 2 months now and for 2 weeks now he has hardly hugged or talked to me and my ex who is also my boyfriends best mate has started having feelings for me again. My Boyfriend lately has been saying nasty stuff to me an...
A. 10 April 2010: Neither of these two guys is right for you at all. Your current boyfriend isn't treating you well, so he's not worth it. And your ex has already failed you, or he wouldn't be an ex. Look forward to the future, not the past, and leave both these guys ... (read in full...)
Cheating wife problem. The trust is gone so what should I do - short and long term?
Q. I have written before, when my wife and I were going through a difficult time, and some of the answers and advice were really useful. This is my situation now: we have been married for nearly 16 years, we have 2 daughters, aged 10 and 14. Our ...
A. 10 April 2010: Short and long term, it's time to leave. Genuinely, you couldn't have done more than you have. You have forgiven her first time around, and really tried to work at it. But let's face it, she is now in contact again, she is searching up the words ... (read in full...)
I believe he wants to have his cake and eat it too!
Q. [Moderator's note: the poster's suggested title] My boyfriend and i have had a rough six months. We got into a spat that landed him in jail for three months(warrants). i have been by his side through all of this. well, his mother was sick and fell...
A. 10 April 2010: Leave him. Stop wasting your time trying to get him to admit it's over, and just leave. I'm sure the business with his mother is hurting him, but he's now been to jail, and is disappearing. Stop wasting your time and just leave.... (read in full...)
Should I file divorce? Is enough enough?
Q. Do I leave my husband?? I need help please. I have been married for 17 years and have two beautiful children. However I feel that I need to put an end to a failing or failed marriage. I feel that I am in it just for the sake of the children. S...
A. 10 April 2010: You're at the point where you need to leave. It takes a for a child to say what your daughter did. Go to a good lawyer and find out where you stand, and leave him. Do not wait another moment, or you will lose everything you've worked for. ... (read in full...)
Does he like me? Does the way he ends our conversations mean anything?
Q. Hey. I’ve been msning a guy at my college for well over a year. I know him in person, it’s just that we’re both too shy to talk! And I fancy him. Last year, after certain conversations he’d add xx when he left. I never did because I was confused...
A. 10 April 2010: It might do. But like you, he might not have a clue how you feel because neither of you are actually talking about it. One of yoou needs to be brave here. And since you're the one asking for advice, I'll suggest you do it! Talk to him, tell him how ... (read in full...)
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