| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Why are we arguing more than ever? I don't understand why this is happening
Q. I am 57 years old divorced after 30 years. I now have a new partner who is 33 years old. We have been together for 3 years She is German I am English. We moved from the UK to jobs together in France. We have a 5 month old baby that we love a g...
A. 13 April 2010: I don't think the age difference is the problem. It could be that you're trying hard, but not in the right area. So ask her what it is she would like you to do or if there is something specific about what you say that she dislikes. ... (read in full...)
Is he a bad guy for getting mad over this?
Q. My boyfriend can be a bit mean. I went out tonight. one drink and played pool with my cousin. he has been in a massive mood over it. I do not understand why? I love him so much. but why would he be so mean as to say fuck you so much over it? we have ...
A. 13 April 2010: This is the big red flag, and the moment you need to end it. Now. He's controlling, and it's coming out. Within a few years, he may even be hitting you. Leave him now. ... (read in full...)
Should I end the relationship with a married woman for someone else?
Q. I am in a turmoil mentally. I have been seeing a married woman for just over 2 years now. She still lives with her 9 yr old boy and husband (who does obviously not know about us) but their marriage is now one of convenience after 16 years. She ...
A. 13 April 2010: The married woman is not going to leave, so it's best to move on. ... (read in full...)
Cheated on my bf with his brother! What should I do?
Q. Recently I cheated on my boyfriend. I gave his brother a blow job and have had sex with his brother at least 10 times since. I feel really bad because I like both of them but I don't want to tell my boyfriend what should I do....
A. 13 April 2010: Dump your boyfriend and lave both men in the past. For two reasons. 1 - if this comes out (and it very well might), you will look seriously bad. 2 - If you have cheated this much, then you can't really love your boyfriend. End it
End it and move... (read in full...)
He seemed happy to be done with the relationship
Q. i broke up with my boyfriend today he was not paying that much attention to the relationship and me, he just came home slept, ate and then went to his friends house to play video games and then went to work, i just felt used, i just could not take ...
A. 13 April 2010: You were with a very immature guy who was in no way ready for a relationship. He's not hurt at all, because his small mind doesn't have the capacity to understand what he had and has lost. The good news is there are better men out there. So take ... (read in full...)
They called me "easy"
Q. I feel so betrayed right now. My best friend is a guy {lets call him S} and we have been best friends for a while. So this year we kissed once or twice and that was it. A couple days ago me, S, his cousin J, and a bunch of other girls and guys went ...
A. 13 April 2010: Basically, he couldn't take being hurt a bit, so took it out on you. Just leave him to stew. You've done nothing wrong, so if he wants your attention, he can come back. Don't take it personally. It's just the way some young men handle pain. ... (read in full...)
If college is the best time of your life then why am I miserable?
Q. I can hear my roommate having sex with a girl that I like through the walls... I hate college so much and I hate everyone here. How am I supposed to make it through my degree when I have to put up with sick shit like this? Why are the girls and ...
A. 13 April 2010: I never went to university in the end, because I couldn't stand the idea of it. College for some is the best time of life. For others, it's not. I actually think it's a bit sad that people say it's the best time of their lives. Because it means that ... (read in full...)
He constantly bothers me what to do?
Q. i am at my wits end. this guy and i used to like each other but not any more he constantly touches me like my arm and is always bothering me i am tired of fighting with him i punched him pushed him down made him fall i even threw a remote ...
A. 13 April 2010: You both need to get away from each other. This is turning violent, which means it's time to get away and end all contact. ... (read in full...)
About to get married, but now there's a pregnant girl in the midst
Q. I met my Fiance when i was 13 yrs old and we dated on and off for 7 to 8 yrs but were getting married next july....i looked on his facebook just to tell him i miss him because i live 20 exits away from him. And i see girls asking him how's his new ...
A. 13 April 2010: Call it off. You now know who he really is. He's that young guy you saw as your knight all those years ago. He's a cheat and he's not got another girl pregnant, which means that you will never again be the important one in his life. And on top of ... (read in full...)
My fiancé cheated and lied about it til after we got engaged
Q. My fiancé cheated on me about 8 months ago. I found out though a text message and she initially denied it but after 15 minutes she admitted to kissing this guy. I took a short break to think and I forgave her because she just kissed him. We have ...
A. 13 April 2010: I think because she lied and waiting until you got engaged, you can safely say that this was planned by her. She knew that if she told you before you got engaged you might not do it. So she waited until after. And let's face it, she only came clean ... (read in full...)
Do I call him? Or he call me?
Q. Guy asked me to hang out 3 times, i asked him once....can i ask again or is it still his call to ask me? idk how this dating thing works....
A. 13 April 2010: If you want to call him, call him. It's when you're calling him ten times and he's not calling at all that is a worry. ... (read in full...)
Trouble sharing the bed!
Q. My boyfriend and I have a ton of trouble sharing a bed. Luckily neither of us snores, but he tosses and turns constantly and wakes me up, which means I get angry and wake him up. Whenever I suggest sleeping separately he gets really offended, plus ...
A. 13 April 2010: My girlfriend has two single bed that she pushes together to make one. That way you have more space but also there is a small gap so you can't feel the other person moving as much. And you can still snuggle up :). ... (read in full...)
How can I show him I'm not still cheating?
Q. hi there, i cheated on my partner earlier this year. I feel like a slut for doing it. He is always saying to me that im still cheating. But im not. I made a massive mistake once. Im not gonna do it again. Im scared that he'll leave me. i wanna try ...
A. 12 April 2010: It's very much a case of just being open with him, and reassuring him while he gets over this. You can't have secrets anymore, and you need to be open about everything you do. Other than that, there is little else. You just have to work through this ... (read in full...)
Childhood stalker is claiming I am her daughters father - but I am not!
Q. I think I have an original story. I was 19 and away at college. When I came home for the summer my dad took me over to his friends house. I went to school with his kids. We all took the bus together. I was friends with his son who was one ...
A. 12 April 2010: You have offered the DNA test, it was refused. What more does anyone want? You don't need to be in contact with these people at all, so refuse all contact possible. Reassure your wife again and again that if she was yours, a DNA test would prove it, ... (read in full...)
Is this a big age difference?
Q. there is a man who is 11 yrs older whants to marry me ,,iam 22 and he is 33,,is it a big age diffrence??...
A. 12 April 2010: Ask yourself if you're happy with him, and if you see yourself with him for the rest of your life. If you can truly answer yes to both questions, then you'll be fine. The fact that you're here asking this suggests you're not entirely sure about ... (read in full...)
Why are we arguing more than ever? I don't understand why this is happening
Q. I am 57 years old divorced after 30 years. I now have a new partner who is 33 years old. We have been together for 3 years She is German I am English. We moved from the UK to jobs together in France. We have a 5 month old baby that we love a g...
A. 12 April 2010: Perhaps having a child together has made everything just a little more stressed and hard. Try talking to her about it and ask her if there is anything you can do to help around. She's a new mum, so maybe she's just feeling hassled and tired and ... (read in full...)
My husband stopped wearing his wedding ring after 10 years, should I worry?
Q. My husband always wore his wedding ring for 10+ years. about a month ago he stopped wearing it for a week when i first noticed and looked at his finder he put his hand in his pocket..when I asked about it he said "it bothered his finger" he would...
A. 12 April 2010: Something is wrong. Very wrong. Unless he is a tradesmen, where he might lose the ring, he has no excuse. And if he's suddenly started doing it after ten years, then there is something wrong.... (read in full...)
What does this mean? Is he just not into me?
Q. please help.. I hooked up with this guy a year ago little awkward he was a little tipsy and i was completely sober. then few weeks later i saw his friend had tried adding me. A few months later i contacted him and i apologized for my behavior he ...
A. 12 April 2010: Avoid him. He has a girlfriend, which means that he't not a good bet, especially if he doesn't care about her and is just using her. Just don't bother giving him any time or attention. ... (read in full...)
I am preganant and my husband continues to look for sex!
Q. Ok so this is my problem. I am 25 and I have a five year old daughter. I have been married to her father for 3 years now, been together for 6. Our relationship was great (so I thought) until I started to find out things about him. Such as hidden ...
A. 12 April 2010: Ultimatum time. You're spending far too much time blaming yourself, and not enough kicking his ass. Either he stops, or the next time you dump him. You have young children, and a house, so in terms of security you will fine. But don't sit there ... (read in full...)
Should I trust him?
Q. i am having trouble trusting my man, before i was with him, he was in a relationship,and also seeing somebody else. when i got with him over a year ago he had ended his relationship, and told me he was no longer seeing the other girl. later i found ...
A. 12 April 2010: I think in fairness to him, he has been open since you found that he was in contact with her ages before. He speaks to you when she contacts him, which means he is secretly very worried that if she sends a text that means nothing you could dump him. ... (read in full...)
Should I do something or stay out of it?
Q. Dear Cupid, I went to a birthday party of someone, #30, I know from a theater group my son belongs to. The birthday girl's party started at her house, then went to a local bar. There was a small group of people there including one father, whose so...
A. 12 April 2010: I'm sure having seen your own marriage fail because of cheating this must be very hard for you. But you must stay out of it, because you could be the one who ends up alienated from everyone if you say anything. She's so blatant about it that at some ... (read in full...)
When he links arms with me and squeezes it tight, does that mean he likes me?
Q. This may just be me but ive always found it weird. When you link arms with a guy and he squeezes it tight next to him does it mean he likes you? He doesnt do it with anyone else if they link his arm but he does with me. he always pulls it tighter...
A. 12 April 2010: He probably does like you. Men aren't always touchy feely, and certainly if this guy is shy, he may be trying to hint at you without saying anything. The only way to find out though is to ask him how he feels. ... (read in full...)
My best friend told me she loved me
Q. My best friend told me she loved me. She also knew that I knew she just broke up with her boyfriend. I dont know if she actually likes me or if i am just the rebound guy. I love her too, but it felt weird when we were together. I told her that she ...
A. 12 April 2010: I think you made the right decision, and to be fair you're young, so well done for you. I know you love her, but as you'll learn more as you get older, it's not worth taking on someone who still has a lot of emotional baggage from a past ... (read in full...)
Should people continue to work on the relationship because of a "mistake"???
Q. Hi everyone, I just need an opinion on whether or not to continue a relationship with someone who cheated on you. Express your thoughts and everything... should people continue to work on the relationship because of a "mistake" (and he was COMP...
A. 12 April 2010: Because you're still young and this relationship isn't perhaps overly long, and because he was concious of what he was doing and had no reason to do it, I'd say end it. You don't need to settle for anyone who will treat you badly. Ever. You have the ... (read in full...)
Embarrassed about what I weigh...
Q. Hi all last week i took two home pregnancy tests because my period was 2 weeks late , i took one in the afternoon which came up postive really quickly, then i took another one the next morning just to be sure and that also came up positive right aw...
A. 12 April 2010: The issue is that if you don't involve him with this process, he will find it A LOT harder to adapt as he watches you grow with your baby, and it may also cause him a few problems adapting to being a father. At this stage, he really won't care how ... (read in full...)
We're seeing one another but he tells everyone we're "just friends"!!!
Q. I've known my guy for over a year, we get on real well, do all the "couple things", he has been living with me for the past 4 months, sometimes he introduces me as a friend, other times he introduces me as the girlfriend, if any body asks him to ...
A. 12 April 2010: Usually when a man does something like this, it means he's keeping his options open. Perhaps he is not as committed as you'd like to think. I think you deserve better than a man who isn't bothered after a year. ... (read in full...)
I feel so lonely cause I have no one to crush on.
Q. I just got over the crush i had for the last 8 months. It ended really horribly. Now i feel really depressed and sad. When i usually have a crush on someone i feel so happy. But my school has no great guys other then the one i just got over and all ...
A. 12 April 2010: If you are feeling depressed because you don't have a crush on someone, then you need to address your own insecurities. You're relying on others to bring you happiness rather than attempting to make it yourself. Naturally after a break up, you'll ... (read in full...)
Why do guys cheat on their girlfriends?
Q. Why do guys cheat on their girlfriends! I just found out that a guy I had met a few times and who made it obvious liked me had kissed me when he had a girlfriend of a year or more. To make it worse he had been out with her that night and she had ...
A. 12 April 2010: For the same reason that women cheat on their boyfriends. Certain needs are not being met, and rather than have the nerve to be honest, they play everyone. I should also say that the needs of the person may not be healthy or right, don't think you ... (read in full...)
First time sex-- now it hurts when I pee!
Q. I have just had sex for my first time and now I feel kind of strange and it hurts when I pee. Is there something wrong with me? ...
A. 12 April 2010: If you didn't wear a condom, it's worth going to the doctor to get yourself checked over.... (read in full...)
Could Iget pregnant like that?
Q. did i lose my virginity? his penis went in sort of, like it hurt like hell, but only like a quarter of it went in, does that count? could i get pregnant like that? we used a condom jus wanna know for definate , coz i dont think my hymen broke th...
A. 12 April 2010: There's always a chance, even if it's a small one. I think this time you'll be okay, but watch for any signs. Then go to the doctor and get yourself on the contraceptive pill. And get him using condoms from now as well.... (read in full...)
Should I just keep it to myself until I know for sure?
Q. Hi everyone... I am just looking for some advice with my current situation. I recently started sleeping with my ex boyfriend who I still have strong feelings for and he is not in a place where he can he give me the commitment that i want.....
A. 12 April 2010: Go to the doctor. ... (read in full...)
Am I a normal size?
Q. I'm going to be 15 in August and I am an adult 34A. I've always been really self conscious about my little breasts, I was flat chested until I was 14. I'm not saying I want double D's, a friend the same age as me has them (not fun) she hates them. ...
A. 12 April 2010: There's nothing wrong with you at all. Women come in all different sizes. Don't worry about it.... (read in full...)
I had sex with my neighbor. Why does he not seem interested anymore?
Q. hi where do i start i split up with my boyfriend of 4 years then a couple of weeks later i started sleaping with my next door neighbour, that went on for about 5 weeks. now he dosent seem bothered anymore we havent spoke for a couple of weeks ive ...
A. 12 April 2010: Definitely move on. He's way too immature and seems to have problems with being controlling too. ... (read in full...)
Passing gas
Q. is it awkward to fart in front of your boyfriend? Does it turn them off?...
A. 12 April 2010: Probably not. But if you do it, he will do it back, a lot more. ... (read in full...)
I can't marry someone who doesn't have trust or faith in me
Q. My partner and i have been together for three years we love each other very much and have a beautiful son who is two. Im not happy anymore though and i want to leave, he doesnt have any faith in me and never has. he has always told me how he think...
A. 12 April 2010: I think you have to force this issues a bit more. This guy clearly has major esteem issues, and as you have found, him acting the way he has ironically has driven you to this point. I think you have to say to him that unless he trusts you and gets ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid of being in a relationship again
Q. I am a sophomore in high school and I feel like I'm losing myself. All my relationships have been utter crap. I have had five relationships and through all but one of them I have been cheated on, abused mentally and physically, drugged, and all in ...
A. 12 April 2010: I think your feelings of loneliness have been there a while and have lead you to guys who will hurt you. The problem with young men is that they're not all that great. Though the ones you have met have been truly shocking. Take a break from all ... (read in full...)
Is he trying to show off?
Q. What does it mean when a fairly recent (teenage) boyfriend asks you to come watch his sports game/music performance? Is he trying to show off?...
A. 12 April 2010: Not show off. Perhaps 'flex', as it's called. Much like male animals in the wild who do physical things to get attention, so is this guy. He wants you to see he's the best at something so he can get your attention. He fancies you. ... (read in full...)
We've only dated for 7 weeks and he's asking me to move to his country
Q. Hi my boyfriend from another country asked me if I would go there with him. We have only been dating for 7 weeks and he says he is falling in love with me. I told him that I was flattered but not just to jerk my chain cause he just met me and how ...
A. 12 April 2010: I think you're walking into some sort of trap if you do. Have you met this guy? Do you really know anything about him? Do you know what he is like, what he actually looks like? This seems to be quite unsafe to be honest. If I were you, I would think ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend said I gave her HIV, but my test came out negative
Q. I'm in a relationship that is 2years now,recently my girl friend is behaving strange.In february,she came crying to telling me she has gone for Hiv test and is positive,and that she visited a habalist who told her i infected her and that he can cure ...
A. 12 April 2010: Nothing can cure HIV, so it's likely that this other person pretended she had an infection to get her money. You're negative, and have not got the virus. And that's what matters. You need to leave her, since she doesn't trust you and has pulled ... (read in full...)
I want to leave my boyfriend for the man I'm having an affair with
Q. DearCupid, I am 20years old and have been with my boyfriend 4 years, I am in love with a man that i have been seeing for the past 2 and a half. The other man is 30 and has a girlfriend and a child, our relationship continued (even through ...
A. 12 April 2010: Oh dear. You've been had. The other man has just used you for sex, and you can almost bet that he won't leave her for you, no matter what you do. The best thing you can do, for the sake of your boyfriend, is to at least let him go so he can find a ... (read in full...)
How can he want to reconcile with me, then hook up with another girl?
Q. THIS IS LONG-ISH SO TO THOSE OF YOU THAT TAKE THE TIME TO READ THIS I REALLY APPRECIATE IT, THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!!!!! Grr okay guys this is kind of an angry post, so I'm sorry to send bad vibes your way *insert sad face here* u...
A. 12 April 2010: He got into contact because you had moved on. This is a guy who likes to have control, who likes to toy with your emotions. Men like him stroke their egos and feel good by playing with women around them and getting their attention. By blocking him ... (read in full...)
How do I get my boyfriend to care more?
Q. Hey guys, me and my boyfriend have been going out for 5 years. We are both 22 years old, have part-time jobs and go to University full-time. Recently, I feel like my bf seems to care less and less about me. I know he loves me and cares for me, but ...
A. 12 April 2010: I think you need to be firmer. He's either taking you for granted, or mentally he is not ready for a girlfriend and just has you for the sake of it, rather than actually because he loves you. I think you need to have a serious chat with him and ... (read in full...)
I had sex with my neighbor. Why does he not seem interested anymore?
Q. hi where do i start i split up with my boyfriend of 4 years then a couple of weeks later i started sleaping with my next door neighbour, that went on for about 5 weeks. now he dosent seem bothered anymore we havent spoke for a couple of weeks ive ...
A. 12 April 2010: Basically he wanted sex, and that was it. I'm sorry, but you've been used by him for sex. The best thing you can do now is move on and learn from this. Take your time getting to know a man so you know what he wants. ... (read in full...)
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