| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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What should I do, continue or break it off?
Q. dear cupid, Recently i have broken up with my partner of 22 years and have been contacting my ex-lover who which we broke up over 25 years ago we have now decided we want to get back together agian because we still love each other a lot. the only...
A. 17 April 2010: Until she does break it off, slow down. Tell her you can't be in a relationship until she breaks it off. It's not fair to her partner or you if she just uses you both. ... (read in full...)
I want to have my cake and eat it too.
Q. *Op's own title* So I have been in a relationship for about a year in a half. We have been living together for almost a year, but I'm only 19 almost 20. We started dating right after i got out of a bad relationship and moved in when we were only toge...
A. 16 April 2010: You're in no way ready for a relationship, and the truth is this is not the guy for you. If he really way, this just wouldn't be a problem. I think you like the idea of a boyfriend because it gives you a feeling of security. But as you said, you ... (read in full...)
I woke up to see my boyfriend feeling up my sister!
Q. One nite me my boyfriend of six months and my step sister drank, I could feel something wrong, later that nite we went back to our house watched a movie n I fell asleep, then I woke up to find my my boyfriend feeling up my sister right over me, I ...
A. 16 April 2010: I'd just dump him. You're young and you don't need to be tied down to a guy who will stand there in front of you and feel your sister up. Dump him. ... (read in full...)
Why does he send his ex vids of us having sex?
Q. Why does my boyfriend do this? He is still in close contact with his ex. They had a long distance relationship for 3 years and they still talk and text pretty regular. I know he sometimes sends her vids and pics of US having sex or...he does thi...
A. 16 April 2010: Why indeed? And why do you allow it? No disrespect, but when a man is sending videos of you having sex together to his ex, and when he's doing it while you're asleep, I have to say there is something seriously wrong. It's all right him being a good ... (read in full...)
Am I asking for disappointment if I ask this "lad" out to the pub?
Q. Recently I hooked up with a guy who I would call a bit of a "lad" he's older than me (20) and is very confident ad doesn't stay with one girl very long if any time at all really! I was considering asking him out to the pub or somewhere as I quite li...
A. 16 April 2010: You know he doesn't stay with one woman for a long time, if at all. That means he uses women. Which means you're heading straight for hurt if you try to have anything else to do with him.... (read in full...)
Should I visit my ex during this tough time or just give him a card?
Q. What should I do?? do I go see him or not? my ex boyfriend and I were together for 2years..he started accusing me of cheating when i wasn't and i later found out that he was the one cheating and chose the girl over me...saying am a nice gir...
A. 16 April 2010: He is your cheating ex. Leave him in the past. No matter how much pain he is in, this is not your problem. No mail either. Leave him in the past. ... (read in full...)
Am I having a nervous breakdown?
Q. I feel like I'm having a nervous breakdown. I can't face doing anything, I haven't been going to uni, and in fact, I find it incredibly difficult to do the most simple tasks, like wash up or even have a shower. I am dissinterested in everythi...
A. 16 April 2010: You need to go to your doctor. This could be a breakdown or serious depression, and the only way you will find out is if you go to the doctor. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has started to sleep on the couch instead of in bed with me!
Q. I have a concern about my relationship with my boyfriend. We been involved for four years now, we do live together. I have a problem with him when he sleeps on the couch instead in the bed with me. He has done this in the past with another ...
A. 16 April 2010: You need to talk to him about it. Easier said that done, I know. But lets face it, last time this happened there were problems. Maybe there are problems now and he's not telling you. You need to talk to him. ... (read in full...)
He wont marry me!
Q. So, I've been with my BF for 4 years now. We lived together for 2 years and now I bought a house and i live there by myself because I only want him to live there with me once we're emarried. Right, married. Whenever I bring the marriage issue up he ...
A. 16 April 2010: I'm afraid it's time to wake up and accept this man is in no way ready to get married. He has made that more than clear with his actions, and every time you say anything, this will be the reaction you can get. If you're looking for marriage, then ... (read in full...)
Is it really messed up that I am in love with him yet he only wants to use me for "sexual fun"?
Q. hi hunnys I am friends with this man and we are both adults I am 25 and he is 27. We have been friends for a very long time and only recently has it become sexual. We haven't had sex but we have discussed it. we haven't even kissed we have a...
A. 16 April 2010: I'm afraid this happens. A lot. It will mess you up more if you continue this way. So maybe you should move on before you get even more hurt.... (read in full...)
I'm not sure how to react now I have found out my boyfriend masturbates over his ex!
Q. I just unintentionally found out my boy of 3 years (rarely) wanks to the memory of having sex with his ex. (She was his first, and he says he's totally over her - they have no contact) He said it's just a different type of sex, where as we 'mak...
A. 16 April 2010: I'd say doing it to a celeb is one thing. To be doing it to his ex suggests maybe he isn't totally over her.... (read in full...)
Did I make a mistake by staying with him?
Q. I was with my bf for a yr. The first summer with him was amazing. Starting off after the summer I found out I was moving. Even though I was moving we decided to stay with each other. After I had left he started to hangout with my cousin. She is a ...
A. 16 April 2010: You did the wrong thing, I think. You're a young woman, and you should be having fun. You should not be dealing with a cheating boyfriend or committing to a man who doesn't care. You can find a better guy elsewhere. ... (read in full...)
Should I just ask him if we are more than just friends? He gives so many mixed messages!
Q. I have a guy friend that seems to only want to be friends however gives mixed messages and can get upset not wanting to "disappoint" me. He constantly calls and wants to hang-out. Should I ask him straight-up if we are more than friends or just ...
A. 16 April 2010: If you fancy him, it would be a shame not to say something and never know how he feels. So talk to him. ... (read in full...)
I think she might be using me and trying to control me!
Q. I am 27 and my girlfriend is 38. She has a salon and has alot of male clients that she flirts with. Should I be concerned or let that be? She also has her act together and owns a house and 2 condos that she rents out. I on the other hand have been a ...
A. 16 April 2010: This is a very independent woman, who is successful and likes things to be 'just so'. If you can't handle that, then you need to move on. She's not trying to control you, but because she is so independent and successful, she will be used to things ... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a girl says you're cute?
Q. What does it honestly mean? Sometimes people tell me that a girl would say a guy is cute when she likes, or is interested in him. Most times though, people tell me that girls say that when she's not interested, doesn't like him at all but does...
A. 16 April 2010: I've been called cute by my girlfriend, so it's not that she's not interested. Perhaps there is just something about you that makes her feel good. Cute works for some women, for others it's a friendly thing. I think it's a matter of getting to know ... (read in full...)
Why do I cry alot about nothing?
Q. Lately I have been realllyyyyy emotional.. I just wanna cry over thee stupidest things! And no I'm not on my period and I'm way to young to be pregnant. I have cried like six times in the past two days over stupid things. I was laying in bed. Just ...
A. 15 April 2010: I think the most likely cause is that your body has gone into overdrive and there are lot of hormones and feelings rushing around. Did you know that the average woman cries 2-3 times a week? And it can be at least once a day for a teenage girl. So ... (read in full...)
Why do guys take so long to call you back?
Q. why do guys take so long to call back? If they don't call after 3 days dose that mean they lost interest?...
A. 15 April 2010: Some guys get busy, or forget, or get too comfortable and need to be reminded. It also depends on how well you know a guy. If you've only been on one date and it takes time, then he's not worth it. If he's actually your boyfriend, then he's a little ... (read in full...)
Am I the bad guy for not wanting these people as guests?
Q. Hello. My girlfriend and I have been together for almost two years and living together for almost one year. Today she asked me if it is OK for her son and her X brother n law to come stay the weekend with us. I was totally shocked she aske...
A. 15 April 2010: Her sons, of course. Her drug addicted, thieving drunk ex brother in law, no chance. ... (read in full...)
The sex I've had in the past upsets her.
Q. My girlfriend makes me feel bad constantly about the number of sexual partners I have had. I have been with seven other women. I don't think that's a high number. I had sex with seven different women but I only had sex, get this seven times. ...
A. 15 April 2010: Maybe she's just very insecure and needs reassurance that she's not just being used or something. I'd ask her why she feels the way she does and see what she says. Maybe the last guy hurt her?... (read in full...)
Why is NOT wearing a bra so important to my husband?
Q. Whenever I am away from work, and I am talking nights, weekends, and vacations, my husband insists that I don't wear a bra. I thought you had to be 18 and/or flat chested to do that. Being 31 and having a full bosom, I have been worried that my ...
A. 15 April 2010: He's a boob man and basically wants to see them. But I do think it's important you do, just for the sake of your daughter. ... (read in full...)
He said he was "out with someone". What do I do?
Q. There's this boy who is my mate but the thing is, is that I fancy him but I have asked him out and he didn't say yes or no he said "I'm out with someone" I have no idea what to do please give me a answer?? ...
A. 15 April 2010: That's a male way of saying 'I'm not into you'. I think he likes you as a friend, but nothing more. ... (read in full...)
I feel like I just ruined my chance to be with this amazing girl!
Q. My ex and I had been hanging out and talking. I guess I kinda freaked and said that I couldn't be friends with her bc I still have feelings for her. Today I got a really long email saying that the reason she had been in contact, trying to hang out ...
A. 15 April 2010: I have the feeling there is more going on with her that she's letting on. Maybe you have been a bit more absorbed, but for her to act that way rather than say anything indicates there could be something else going on. Just give her some time to ... (read in full...)
Did he go back to his ex because its what he had known for so long?
Q. I meat this guy who is not my exactly my type but after the first date we hit up very quick and we been seen each other for 2 months but him ex was constantly calling and texting and on my question what is going on he promised that is nothing till ...
A. 15 April 2010: You mustn't take him back. He dumped you for the ex, which means he has no idea about what he wants at all. If you ever take him back, he'll probably just leave you again. No matter how much you like someone, there is no use in hanging around for ... (read in full...)
Since he hasn't asked the question, should I?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for two years we live together and have a mortgage and everything is lovely but my problem is that I really want to get engaged and get married. I have started to discuss it a few times and he gives the impression t...
A. 15 April 2010: I think you need to have a clearer talk with him, rather than just a small discussion. You need to know EXACTLY where he stands about marriage, and what he expects. The last thing you want to do is pop the question only to find out he's not ... (read in full...)
Why do I keep cheating on my boyfriend?
Q. I keep cheating on my boyfriend. It's as simple as that. I feel like crap, it's happened twice and i've told him twice. The real problem is that I keep flirting and looking for more outside attention. Me and him don't spend very much time together ...
A. 15 April 2010: I think you have to end it with him and have fun. You could be lonely, or perhaps there is something in your past that prevents you from committing totally. The main point is that you don't love him enough because you cheat. If you really loved him ... (read in full...)
Am I the bad guy for not wanting these people as guests?
Q. Hello. My girlfriend and I have been together for almost two years and living together for almost one year. Today she asked me if it is OK for her son and her X brother n law to come stay the weekend with us. I was totally shocked she aske...
A. 15 April 2010: I think you're right. There is no harm in her remaining friends, but he's an ex brother in law who has multiple DUI charges, theft charges and uses drugs. That's just asking for someone to walk in and steal everything while your back is turned. You ... (read in full...)
Am I silly because I want him to wear a condom?
Q. Hello everyone, I am thinking about having sex with my partner for the first time. I am a virgin and he is not- I am in my mid twenties and he is nearly forty years old. I am already on birth control and condoms and lube are at the beds...
A. 15 April 2010: No, you're not silly. The pill is 98% effective, which means that very occasionally, it's not (only VERY occasional). So it's always better to be safe than sorry. If you don't want to do it without a condom, then don't. And if he doesn't respect ... (read in full...)
My bits don't look like the girls in porn.
Q. So any help fr guys would be apreciated, basically. As embarasing as it is my vagina isn't like the ones I've seen in certain porn videos! It's got tight small outer lips everything is good except on my right side one of the inner lips sticks out ...
A. 15 April 2010: There is nothing at all wrong with you. First of all, every woman is different. Secondly, any man judging you on just that isn't worth your time. Thirdly, you'll find the women are either especially picked, or more likely had either had surgery or ... (read in full...)
Will she ever trust me and stop punishing me for the actions of her old boyfriends?
Q. Dear Cupid, I’m having problems with my girlfriend. Let me start by saying that I love her very much and can’t imagine living my life without her. However, she has a lack of trust in me that I find very upsetting and hard to tolerate. In ...
A. 15 April 2010: You can think as much as you like, and want as many suggestions as you like. But if her confidence is that low, and she is that untrusting after three years, the situation is that she will not change. No matter what you do, what you say or what ... (read in full...)
Is there something wrong with me if I think about sex all the time despite being a virgin?
Q. Is there something wrong with me,I think about sex all the time,and when I like guys I generally think about shagging them rather than being in a relationship,as I don't really like the exclusiveness.but the thing is I'm a virgin,I masterbate but ...
A. 15 April 2010: You're perfectly normal. This is nothing to worry about. You will know when you're ready , because you'll be with the right person at the right time and you'll know you're ready. ... (read in full...)
We have not met yet so would it be unreasonable to ask him to remove other girls from his facebook?
Q. a guy i've been talking to thru internet and texting for a month says he loves me and wants to meet me so we r meeting in a few wks. i know he is who he sez he is cos met him thru a friend. on hif facebook. he has 500 friends. i'd say he knew bout ...
A. 15 April 2010: No. Firstly, they could just be friends. You can't pick and choose your partner's friends. Secondly, no disrespect, but if the other 450 are all girls, chances are you are one of many and he's just trying to use you like he is the others. I think ... (read in full...)
Is it possible he has a personality disorder?
Q. I have been in a relationship for 3 years. The man involved and I love each other very much and express it too each other alot. We do have our arguements. I have found when we argue all the things I tell him are thrown in my face and when we argue ...
A. 15 April 2010: He could be a narcissist, but it sounds more like he has had things his own way and is now arrogant and big headed. He's constantly breaking up with you, says he doesn't love you, says you're the biggest mistake. He has some disorder, whereas you ... (read in full...)
Will she ever trust me and stop punishing me for the actions of her old boyfriends?
Q. Dear Cupid, I’m having problems with my girlfriend. Let me start by saying that I love her very much and can’t imagine living my life without her. However, she has a lack of trust in me that I find very upsetting and hard to tolerate. In ...
A. 15 April 2010: I think perhaps the time has come to move on if it's got this bad. 3 years on and she's questioning you for no reason, other than you once said someone else was attractive. There comes a time where you have to ask yourself whether you can live like ... (read in full...)
I need a little advice.
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been going together for 5 months, and he still hasn't kissed me! I really want him to, but don't how to give him the hint, and I'm not even sure if he wants to. Can you help me? Please?...
A. 15 April 2010: So kiss him. For all the talk about men and sex, men can be very shy. He may not know whether you want to be kissed, he may be nervous in case he does it wrong. So kiss him instead. ... (read in full...)
He's ignoring me? help!
Q. Okay, so my ex and i started talking again about a month ago. i was so ecstatic because it had been 5 months since he had talked to me (i messed up really bad with him and he broke up with me. but he's forgiven me for it and says he loves me and ...
A. 15 April 2010: You've forgotten that he's your ex. He can do as he wishes. It could be a case that there is another girl somewhere, or maybe he's not forgiven you as he thought. Give him the space and let him come back to you. Don't forget he's an ex now, he's not ... (read in full...)
Should I call it quits?
Q. I am a 21 year old female and I've been dating this guy who is older than me for 10 months. We have broken up a couple of times and gotten back together. We will be fine for a few weeks and then he disappears, doesn't call or answer phone calls from ...
A. 15 April 2010: Yes. This won't work. On/off relationships with a person who isn't fully committed won't get past the on/off stage. Let him go and find someone who will commit. ... (read in full...)
I'm really into her, but she doesn't want any part of it.
Q. There is this classmate of mine, who is my best friend and is a girl. I sort of like her, she knows this. Everything was fine until i gave a cell phone as her birthday gift. I did not give it because i like her, i just gave it as a friend.she ...
A. 15 April 2010: She's just not interested. I've been there. You like a girl as much you as is possible, only for her not to feel the same and you both end up not even speaking to each other. It's just the way it is. Maybe she is talking to another guy. But really, ... (read in full...)
He's married. Is it too late?
Q. I have told an ex that I am still in love with him. We have not talked or seen eachother in 3 years. He emailed me out of nowhere to send me well wishes. So I took the opportunity to tell him how I have felt for 3 years. He told me he is engage...
A. 15 April 2010: Sorry, but you're too late. He's engaged, and some of the things he has said indicate this. You need to pull away now. And even if something did happen, you'd be in a worse position. First of all you'd be the woman who stole an engaged man. ... (read in full...)
Why would he hide these things?
Q. What is wrong with my husband? Here's my story. We've been together 7yrs, married 3yrs. I don't have my family in the country and he doesn't have his family in the state. So it was just the 2 of us here. He met all of my friends, but I haven't me...
A. 15 April 2010: Frankly it's pretty clear that he's a serial liar and cheat. And it's clear you should leave. Nothing could fix the mess he has created here. He's just a lying cheat. I think you would have understood more about his child if he had told you, rather ... (read in full...)
LDR problems--boyfriend says he was happy until he met me!
Q. Hi all, I need some serious advice on how to deal with my boyfriend. We have been in a long-distance relationship since last July. I love my boyfriend dearly and ended a 6-year relationship with someone who loved me very much and treated me like ...
A. 15 April 2010: You need to dump him. This is not a man you need in your life, and you must go. He's abusive mentally and physically. You can so much better than this. Sex is not the most important thing in a relationship. It's as important as anything else ... (read in full...)
Why can't my husband understand that I don't want any more children! We have 2!
Q. I have been married for 15 years and have 2 beautiful children with my husband. Unfortunately, my pregnancies were not easy, 4 pregnancies, cyst removal on one of my ovaries, 2 miscarriages between my 2 successful ones, no natural birth only ...
A. 14 April 2010: The problem is your husband doesn't understand the pain you went though. You were the one who was actually pregnant, suffered the miscarriages, is sick, and to top it all off had several affairs. He actually seems to have very little affection or ... (read in full...)
Will she ever trust me and stop punishing me for the actions of her old boyfriends?
Q. Dear Cupid, I’m having problems with my girlfriend. Let me start by saying that I love her very much and can’t imagine living my life without her. However, she has a lack of trust in me that I find very upsetting and hard to tolerate. In ...
A. 14 April 2010: 3 years of the same argument really is something. It so easily turns to 4, 5, 6 and 7 years. The post below really offers great advice, but I would imagine that in the past 3 years you have tried a lot of that, such has having no secrets, not ... (read in full...)
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