| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Will she ever trust me and stop punishing me for the actions of her old boyfriends?
Q. Dear Cupid, I’m having problems with my girlfriend. Let me start by saying that I love her very much and can’t imagine living my life without her. However, she has a lack of trust in me that I find very upsetting and hard to tolerate. In ...
A. 15 April 2010: You can think as much as you like, and want as many suggestions as you like. But if her confidence is that low, and she is that untrusting after three years, the situation is that she will not change. No matter what you do, what you say or what ... (read in full...)
Will she ever trust me and stop punishing me for the actions of her old boyfriends?
Q. Dear Cupid, I’m having problems with my girlfriend. Let me start by saying that I love her very much and can’t imagine living my life without her. However, she has a lack of trust in me that I find very upsetting and hard to tolerate. In ...
A. 15 April 2010: I think perhaps the time has come to move on if it's got this bad. 3 years on and she's questioning you for no reason, other than you once said someone else was attractive. There comes a time where you have to ask yourself whether you can live like ... (read in full...)
Why can't my husband understand that I don't want any more children! We have 2!
Q. I have been married for 15 years and have 2 beautiful children with my husband. Unfortunately, my pregnancies were not easy, 4 pregnancies, cyst removal on one of my ovaries, 2 miscarriages between my 2 successful ones, no natural birth only ...
A. 14 April 2010: The problem is your husband doesn't understand the pain you went though. You were the one who was actually pregnant, suffered the miscarriages, is sick, and to top it all off had several affairs. He actually seems to have very little affection or ... (read in full...)
The virtual baby didn't put me off!
Q. i am 15 and im craving a baby really badly i feel ready for one, i have had a virtual baby to try and cut me off this situarion but it made me want a baby even more what shud i do can you help me please ..xx ...
A. 14 April 2010: A virtual baby does not cost £10,000 a year. A real baby does. Also, you're under 16, so it's illegal anyway. And you've not finished education. The point is, having a baby at your age will be very hard. You lose your social life, you'll have to ... (read in full...)
She wants sex but it just feels wrong...
Q. I need some advice. I am 60 and my former girlfriend is 33. We have a son 4 months old. I moved out of her home 2 months ago because she declined to be in a committed relationship with me. She has 4 kids from 4 different dads. Sez now her oldest d...
A. 14 April 2010: No way. You can't be sure her tubes are tied. Seems to me like she's trying to trap you or something. Be very careful. ... (read in full...)
In love with an ex from 20 years ago!
Q. I think I'm going crazy.... I am madly in love with my ex from 20 years ago. Did I mention we are both married with children? This has been going on for over a year now and it's not getting any easier. I can not stop thinking about him. Know one ...
A. 14 April 2010: This affair is based on nothing but excitement. When it ends up in the open (and it will), he will just go back to his wife and you'll end up busted with your husband and kids hating you. So it's crunch time. Make a decision. Either leave your ... (read in full...)
Do I give him the benefit of the doubt?
Q. if you finally start talking with an ex again but he isn't ready to be in a relationship again---is it ALWAYS black and white that they just don't want to be with you? I did ask him very direct questions and made direct comments of how maybe he ...
A. 14 April 2010: Leave the ex well in the past. He's made it clear that he's not really interested, so the best thing you can do is leave him in the past and move on. You could be waiting forever for him to change or make his mind up. And there is no guarantee he ... (read in full...)
He hasn't contacted me in over a week. What is going on?
Q. A week and 2 dayz.. Wth!!!? help!? Okay so ill try to be short and sweet,My bf and i been together for 13 months Im 21 he's 24 we usually see each other twice a week.We usually text each other "ALL'!!! the time(about random stuff) and call each oth...
A. 14 April 2010: Call him and ask him what's going on. For something to change so quickly, there could be something wrong. I think you should call him and just calmly (don't be mad or too forceful, you won't get an answer) ask him how he is and what he's been up to. ... (read in full...)
Will she ever trust me and stop punishing me for the actions of her old boyfriends?
Q. Dear Cupid, I’m having problems with my girlfriend. Let me start by saying that I love her very much and can’t imagine living my life without her. However, she has a lack of trust in me that I find very upsetting and hard to tolerate. In ...
A. 14 April 2010: 3 years of the same argument really is something. It so easily turns to 4, 5, 6 and 7 years. The post below really offers great advice, but I would imagine that in the past 3 years you have tried a lot of that, such has having no secrets, not ... (read in full...)
He has a baby so that's making me gunshy about getting involved
Q. There is this guy whom I have been madly in Love with since I first laid my eyes on him. I just recently found out that he has a baby. I actually had him to bring his baby by one day so that I could use him in a photo shoot. I was trying to see if ...
A. 14 April 2010: No matter how much you love him, now he has a child even if something did happen, you will never be the number one priority. Your head is telling you that the whole child thing could lead to trouble. And your head is right. This will lead to ... (read in full...)
How much does the quality of marriage affect the children?
Q. How much the quality of marriage effects the outcome of children;s life? I think,me and my husband never really loved each other,and instead of divorce,he escaped from family and love,to his work. Now, my grown children are all having serious ...
A. 14 April 2010: I'm afraid to say that it can affect children in a big way. Boys (and girls) need a good, strong male role model as well as a female one, and often if they don't have one, you get what has happened to your boys. He has probably done very serious ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has been cheating on me
Q. Well since the beginning we were cool, at least I thought so. Then in the next month which is Christmas, I am currently in Canada for the year and i went back home to NY for the holidays and to be with her. She seemed fine and she had previous...
A. 14 April 2010: You're the security blanket, that's all. In the same way that some men use women, you're now being used yourself. It's not worth staying with her at all. ... (read in full...)
Dreams about a 27 year old? I'm 14!
Q. I'm 14 years old but I recently have been having dreams about my track coach and in these dreams we kiss alot no sex but just kissing and he is 27! I don't now what to do!...
A. 14 April 2010: Relax. It's perfectly natural. You have a crush on him, that's all. So long as you understand it's just a crush and it won't go further, you'll be fine. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's daughter doesn't respect me!
Q. i feel that my bf daughter is disrespectful to me. when alone with me she will misbehave and as soon as anyone else is around act like an angel e.g. Screaming and running away when i am dressing her, lying down when i am feeding her and tell her to ...
A. 14 April 2010: Bad news. You're not her mother. Even a baby can tell the difference, and I think she knows the difference. It could very well be the mother telling to play up a bit, or it could just be that she's jealous. The problem is she is not yours to ... (read in full...)
He broke up with me and now wants to be friends. Is this a good idea or not?
Q. So I just got into this relationship and have been with the guy a month. He was telling me a week ago how he was so glad he was my boyfriend and making all these fun plans for us in the summer. Then the next week he was telling me he was confused ...
A. 14 April 2010: Not a good idea. When someone can't make their mind up and keeps changing it, then that person has issues that they must deal with. You need to figure out how you feel and get over your break up. What you do not need is him suddenly saying he ... (read in full...)
Should I be there for him or give him space?
Q. My ex-boyfriend and I had been gong out for a year and a half, and then about 5 months ago his 18 year old brother was diagnosed with leukaemia. We broke up about two months ago, when his brother starting to get really sick. Around this time my ex ...
A. 14 April 2010: He is your ex, and under the other circumstances such as him getting arrested, right now it's best if you give him the space and let him make his own decisions in his own time. You don't want to end up being dragged into a mess. You're very kind for ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to want to dance with other boys if I have a boyfriend?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 months now, we've known each other for 2 years though and were bestfriends untill we decided to start dating, he constantly tells me he's in love with and never wants us be apart, I know we won't last forever. ...
A. 14 April 2010: There is nothing wrong with you dancing with other boys, even if you have a boyfriend. ... (read in full...)
I'm 41..Do I go for this young guy while I am waiting for Mr Right?
Q. Hi All, I am a very young looking 41 year ol woman and last week met a stunning guy of just 27 in a bar whilst I was out with some work colleagues. There was an instant attraction. I was tipsy, and before long we were kissing and flirting. He...
A. 14 April 2010: Maybe she's jealous. ... (read in full...)
My ex wants back.
Q. Okay so I need some serious advice :( My ex boyfriend broke up with me after we got into a little arguement and he started dating this girl shortly afterwards. I really liked my ex but everybody said he was a player and stuff, so now I got over ...
A. 14 April 2010: Leave your player ex in the past. The problem with a lot of young women (and some young men) is that they are attracted to the bad boy/girl type. But look at the facts. This is a guy who broke up with you over a little argument, and didn't really ... (read in full...)
Mates will make fun of me if I ask this girl out
Q. theres this girl who likes me. i think she is nice but if i go out with her i will get stick off my mates. what should i do?...
A. 14 April 2010: If you are worried about what your mates think, this is not the girl for you. If you were truly into her, you'd go for it no matter what they'd say to you. ... (read in full...)
His going to stripper bars makes me feel inadequate
Q. Ok so I knew my boyfriend went to strip clubs but until a few days ago I had no idea how much. I was ok with it when I thought it was like 1 or 2 times a month but its more like 3 times a,week!! I was devastated. It makes me feel like im not enough ...
A. 14 April 2010: This is quite bad. A stripper once in a while is something that might happen. But three times a week really is something else. I think he either has to stop, or you need to move on. ... (read in full...)
Should I leave the man I don't think I can ever trust again?
Q. Husband and I are both 36. Been together 13 years, married 4.5 years. November 2008 I planned to take my husband on a long weekend trip. He was having a rough time of things and I felt that he deserved a treat. The morning we were to leave, I went t...
A. 14 April 2010: I think it's time to end it. You gave him that chance, and he has used it and blown it. Worst of all, he won't even try to fix it. He's just ducking his head in the sand and hoping it will all go his way, as he want it. I think it's time you put ... (read in full...)
Relationship with a lawyer?
Q. Can I have a relationship with my lawyer after my case is settled?...
A. 13 April 2010: Just be very careful that your ex doesn't use this against you. He could say that the judge was biased against him because he was with you. So be careful. ... (read in full...)
Is it fair to say that if she won't do it for me, I won't do it for her?
Q. my girlfriend had a lot of sex before she got with me. She was well known for giving blow jobs. We have been together a year and she won't give me one. When I asked her to do it she refused. She said that when she was younger she did it ...
A. 13 April 2010: If she doesn't like it, you have to respect that. If she thinks you're only interested in oral, then she won't do it and will end up leaving you because she'll think she's being used. There is no point in being petty about it, because you'll lose ... (read in full...)
I think I might have an eating disorder.
Q. hi, im 17 and have had a problem with my diet since i was 13. this was when i started to put on weight,nd so at 14 i went on a diet. this diet got very extreme though, and by the end of it i was doing about 6 hours of exersize a day and eating as ...
A. 13 April 2010: It does go on your medical record, but can't legally affect your employment rights as it would count as discrimination. ... (read in full...)
I feel used and cheap
Q. So my boyfriend and I had an argument. And I'm extremely pissed right now. We have been dating for 3 months. Off and on. We have not had sex since wednesday night, well we had sex on sunday (but that doesnt count he says). We got into an argument ...
A. 13 April 2010: I think this relationship is dead. At three months, you're already one/off and he's saying you can't come over unless you have sex with him. He's not worth your time. He's just after sex, and you need a better man than that.... (read in full...)
Did I do the right thing by forcing his ex away?
Q. my boyfriend of ten months is close to his ex who was also his first sex partner. Lately I have seen text messages that were flirty but nothing too much..BUT enough to set me off!! And about a week ago I read a text to her that he sent about a very ...
A. 13 April 2010: Yes, you did. He's with you, and not her. And he should respect that and leave her in the past. You did the right thing.... (read in full...)
Why did he do this ?
Q. We've been dating a year in college long distance and everything has been fine, he loves me, i love him. He's transferring colleges and pledging a fraternity. Since he's decided this, he decided we did not need to be together. i've never been ...
A. 13 April 2010: You didn't do anything. Something in him has made him take this decision. But it's not you. The best thing you can do now is accept that he has made this decisions for whatever reason, stop trying to blame yourself and move on. ... (read in full...)
How can I stop that from happening?
Q. I'm 17 and have had my first proper girlfriend for 2 weeks now. I've got to second base with girls before but have never actually had my penis properly touched, and my girlfriend has jerked me off twice. The first time she had been rubbing my ...
A. 13 April 2010: It'll get better as you become more used to it. Every time you think it might happen, maybe just get her to stop for a few moments. And please make sure you're careful about protection. ... (read in full...)
We're both virgins, should he wear one?
Q. Dear Cupid, I am a 21 years old virgin, have a 22 years old boyfriend who is also a virgin. We have been dating for 2 years now. Right now, both of us are deciding to lose our virgin to each other as we love each other so much. But my problem i...
A. 13 April 2010: Yes, you should. It helps prevents pregnancy, and protects against STD's, virgin or not. He will cum in you, because men have pre-cum which leaks out and has sperm in it. Stick to using a condom. And sex gets better after the first time anyway, ... (read in full...)
I'm 41..Do I go for this young guy while I am waiting for Mr Right?
Q. Hi All, I am a very young looking 41 year ol woman and last week met a stunning guy of just 27 in a bar whilst I was out with some work colleagues. There was an instant attraction. I was tipsy, and before long we were kissing and flirting. He...
A. 13 April 2010: So long as you understand that it will most likely only be fun, then go for it! But the moment you feel you're getting too close and you think you will end up really hurt, end it. ... (read in full...)
He stopped contact, suddenly..did I offend him..did he get bored with me? Any advice?
Q. Hi I started chatting to a man over the internet about 3 months ago, now all of a sudden he has stop communicating with me. We usually have some form of contact at least every day or every second day either by phone,text or email. But its bee...
A. 13 April 2010: I doubt it was anything you did. He probably found someone else. This is a good indication that he was out to use you, so maybe it's for the best. ... (read in full...)
Is 'text only' considered cheating?
Q. is online sex consider as cheating on your husband if its done by only txt chating and no pictures and cam is used, no personal information is shared also ?...
A. 13 April 2010: It's cheating. ... (read in full...)
I think I might have an eating disorder.
Q. hi, im 17 and have had a problem with my diet since i was 13. this was when i started to put on weight,nd so at 14 i went on a diet. this diet got very extreme though, and by the end of it i was doing about 6 hours of exersize a day and eating as ...
A. 13 April 2010: I think you do have an eating disorder. That said, you should be pleased that you've recognized that you have a problem and are willing to seek help. The first stop, and the best stop is your GP, who will be able to test you for any underlying ... (read in full...)
My dad doesn't approve ..
Q. i'm 19 years old and so is my boyfriend, we've been together for 2 years and we're very happy. the thing is, that when i'm at university i always go to stay at my boyfriends and he always comes to stay with me (because i live far away)he...
A. 13 April 2010: Your Dad is accepting it to an extent, but like most parents he really doesn't want to know that you're probably having sex with this guy. I think you have to respect his rules in his house. But clearly there is nothing wrong with you going to your ... (read in full...)
Can absence make things worse instead?
Q. Hi! I've been traveling a lot lately. I feel like I've been everywhere in the past month, plus I'm trying to organize yet another trip before I leave again. Is this going to hurt my relationship? My boyfriend is the best I could imagine. He love...
A. 13 April 2010: If you were away for a year, and came back and spent quality time together and reassured him you love him and really had a good time, then the absence would make the hear grow fonder. If you were away for a year, came back and did nothing, then ... (read in full...)
How can I help to make my sister feel better?
Q. i know that my sister's relationship shouldn't really be anything to do with me, but im worried about her. she has been with her partner over 4 years, they live with eachother and was going to start trying for a baby. thing is her partner loves he...
A. 13 April 2010: You are pregnant, and your priority is yourself. Your sister is paying the price for not talking to him and cheating. Though he may have drove her to it in your eyes, she could have tried to talk to him first, or she could have dumped him. You ... (read in full...)
What if I'm not pregnant?
Q. Hi I missed my period for two weeks so i went and brought 2 pregnancy tests, i took one when i got home, it came up postive really quickly, then i tested the other one the next morning (my first morning urine) and that also came up postive quickly....
A. 13 April 2010: There is always a chance. But look at the facts. You haven't had a period, and two tests have come out positive. Unless you used the worst tests on the market, it is more likely that you're pregnant. If you're not pregnant, then maybe talk to the ... (read in full...)
I am having regrets and I want to get even
Q. there is this guy we used to like each other buy wen nothin happened bt us he called me boring to all hid friends and even to my facr which i find to be disrespectful but we woud argue but he would always end up in my face flirting. i foumd out he ...
A. 13 April 2010: First of all, don't go looking for revenge. If you wanted to say something, then you should have done at the time. If you try to be mean and hurt him now, you'll be the one who looks like a bit of a stalker. Your reputation could be left in tatters ... (read in full...)
Since his sister texted me my head is all over the place
Q. Ive recently split with my boyfriend after two years of being together, we were even engaged. Through our relationship we split twice and this was due to me not feeling that i loved him any more then a week later i realised that i did still love him ...
A. 13 April 2010: Wait. I say that because you've been engaged and you're now not, and it seems like you've split up before. A good, healthy relationship shouldn't be on/off like this one is. I think the best thing you can do is move on from him. ... (read in full...)
Why are we arguing more than ever? I don't understand why this is happening
Q. I am 57 years old divorced after 30 years. I now have a new partner who is 33 years old. We have been together for 3 years She is German I am English. We moved from the UK to jobs together in France. We have a 5 month old baby that we love a g...
A. 13 April 2010: I don't think the age difference is the problem. It could be that you're trying hard, but not in the right area. So ask her what it is she would like you to do or if there is something specific about what you say that she dislikes. ... (read in full...)
I love two men. I don't want to make a bad choice, who should I choose?
Q. I'm in love with two men. I wish I could put both of them in one. I married my husband after a ruff two years. I should have waited. But I loved him. I left him after a month of being married.I just couldn't get over all the stuff he have done to ...
A. 13 April 2010: If your husband has been that bad to you, and you left him after a month, then really it's not going to work. End the marriage. ... (read in full...)
Is he a bad guy for getting mad over this?
Q. My boyfriend can be a bit mean. I went out tonight. one drink and played pool with my cousin. he has been in a massive mood over it. I do not understand why? I love him so much. but why would he be so mean as to say fuck you so much over it? we have ...
A. 13 April 2010: This is the big red flag, and the moment you need to end it. Now. He's controlling, and it's coming out. Within a few years, he may even be hitting you. Leave him now. ... (read in full...)
Why are we arguing more than ever? I don't understand why this is happening
Q. I am 57 years old divorced after 30 years. I now have a new partner who is 33 years old. We have been together for 3 years She is German I am English. We moved from the UK to jobs together in France. We have a 5 month old baby that we love a g...
A. 12 April 2010: Perhaps having a child together has made everything just a little more stressed and hard. Try talking to her about it and ask her if there is anything you can do to help around. She's a new mum, so maybe she's just feeling hassled and tired and ... (read in full...)
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