| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Not Your Typical Obsession With Wife's Past - Any Ideas?
Q. I'm haunted by one night of my wife's life when she had sex with a total stranger. I never did this, and girls that do have never been my type. My wife did not tell me about this until we were just about to get married. Before I was going to ask her ...
A. 8 June 2010: I think you need to stop talking to her her about it unless you're with a therapist or counsellor. Because what's happening is you're just going over the same thing with your wife, which in turn is making her angry because whatever she says won't ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to cheat if he isn't satisfying me sexually.
Q. Is it ok to cheat if he isn't satisfying me sexually. I love him but we don't have sparks. but I am settling because we have a baby together and I'm 19 he is 25 and he knows I am settling but he is so in love with me he is ok with it. I want to have ...
A. 8 June 2010: No. End of. If you feel the need to cheat, then end it. Don't hurt him. ... (read in full...)
Is my husband looking to cheat?
Q. My boyfriend says that I am the love of his life and I love him too but he has "in a relationship" on his facebook profile and also states that he is interested in women. Can somebody help me with this? Does this mean that he wants to cheat on me?...
A. 8 June 2010: He is in a relationship, with you. And he is interested in woman. Specifically, you. You're overreacting to his facebook page, which proves nothing at all. ... (read in full...)
Confused over marriage, please help?
Q. I have been in a relationship for 8 years. We are 27. Both of our parents have been divorced. Regardless, I feel the need to get married someday! He doesn't. He thinks marriage is a piece of paper, a legal document only and doesn't mean anything. He ...
A. 8 June 2010: You won't be getting married. That's the first thing. Even if you have a kid, you can be sure he will put it off. He said that because he knows that children aren't coming along too soon. So if you're looking for actual marriage, you're with the ... (read in full...)
What can I do to be there for him after the death of his best friend?
Q. My boyfriend of three months has just lost his best friend to cervical cancer. It's been very sudden and he's devastated. I'd do anything to make him feel better, but don't know what would be better, to spend time with him or give him space? Talk ...
A. 8 June 2010: All you need to do is tell him that you are there for him if and when he needs you. Then just give him a little space, don't hassle him too much and just continue. He'll open up when the time is right. ... (read in full...)
Am I being unrealistic with regards to his offer?
Q. My partner has let me down on quite a few occasions and has always promised that he would make it up to me in one way or another but that never really happens as he hopes that I will just forgive and forget. He works abroad and I only see him ...
A. 8 June 2010: This is going nowhere. I'd love to be able to tell you that it is. And I know what I'm going to say will hurt, but you are effectively providing a bed for the night when he decides to come around. You can do so much better than this. ... (read in full...)
My man wants me to be okay with him cheating on me.
Q. My boyfriend and i have been in a long distnce relationship for almost 2 years now. We hardly get to see each other. And we both get up set at each other for that. Recently he told me he has another girlfriend just to occupy until we move in ...
A. 8 June 2010: He's not yours in the slightest. There is no way that a man who loved you would do this. He's a cheat, and you can do better. Dump him.... (read in full...)
My daughter and her female friend are much closer than I think!!!
Q. My 18 year old daughter just moved home for the summer, she has been away at school for the last year. She asked if she could invite a friend home for the week and we said yes. She seemed like a nice girl , friendly and they seemed to get along ...
A. 8 June 2010: The very first thing you need to ask yourself is can you handle if if she is a lesbian. That's the first thing you have to ask yourself.... (read in full...)
Help!!! Do I still have a chance with him or should I just give up and move on?
Q. Okay, so I recently asked a guy out and he rejected me. I started crying and felt so depressed. Before I asked him out my friend told me he likes this girl since the 6th grade, but she has a boyfriend and goes to a different school. My friend ...
A. 8 June 2010: No. He doesn't know what he wants, and you'll get hurt. Best to move on. Don't stay hung up on someone who doesn't fancy you.... (read in full...)
Why would a married man make it very obvious he is attracted to you, create sexual tension, but never say anything?
Q. All married guys out there, I need some help please! I have become very attracted to a man I have known for some time. He is married (I am divorced) and I gather his marriage is not too good lately. I know he has had an infatuation, or massive c...
A. 8 June 2010: Of course a man can be that cruel. If he cheated, he would be cruel, because he'd be hurting his wife. And ultimately you'd get hurt as well. Married men make it obvious when they want you, but they don't make their motives so obvious. For example, ... (read in full...)
Is my ex boyfriend gay???
Q. My ex boyfriend now has his naval pierced, nipples pierced, wears toe rings, wears capris and has gotten a new tatoo on his lower back "tramp stamp". Is he gay?...
A. 8 June 2010: Who knows. He could have had a crisis of identity. It doesn't mean he's gay at all. ... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend bi, or bicurious? She wants to have sex with a girl
Q. I am a 20 year old man, my girlfriend and I are very much in love. She told me at the beginning of our relationship that she had sex with her best friend "a girl", I was fine with that. It's not uncommon for girls to experiment under the age of 20. ...
A. 8 June 2010: Won't work. It's not cheating if everything is consensual. But you can be sure that it will put a strain on it all. And she may not come back. Worse, even of you do end up marrying, it won't stop her cheating. I seriously think that if she wants to ... (read in full...)
Not Your Typical Obsession With Wife's Past - Any Ideas?
Q. I'm haunted by one night of my wife's life when she had sex with a total stranger. I never did this, and girls that do have never been my type. My wife did not tell me about this until we were just about to get married. Before I was going to ask her ...
A. 8 June 2010: The point you proved was that you were quick to react with anger when you felt hurt. In the same way that your wife has quick to anger every time you mention her past. So in other words, you now know how your wife feels. Which is a good thing. Also, ... (read in full...)
Should I write to my ex to find closure?
Q. I'm so confused and hurt... A long time ago, about 4 years ago, I met an amazing man. I was 16 and he was 18. He was my first and really true love. I would have died for him a thousand times over. He went into the military, and we began havin...
A. 8 June 2010: You won't ever get the closure you want anyway. No one ever does. Because even if he did get back in contact, for every answer he gives, you'd have another question. And it would continue like that. I think the major problem here is that you were ... (read in full...)
I feel like I've missed out on so much life and all the experiences in college I could've had!
Q. My husband and I met when we were two years old; became inseparable best friends after that. We started dating when we were 14. We got married under our parents' permissions at 17. We had our first child that same year and both doing college an...
A. 7 June 2010: I suspect you're feelig this way because huge change is upon you. Your kids are almost grown up and are fleeing the nest, so to speak. And for some time, your children and your husband have probably had your full attention. So it's natural that you ... (read in full...)
I'm beginning to doubt this older guy's intentions. Does he like me or is he just using me?
Q. I've been talking to an older guy online. He is someone I've met in person before, so not a total stranger, but I never knew him very well in the past. Anyways, after chatting with him online I started to like him a lot. It seems he may be returning ...
A. 7 June 2010: Also, seeing as I've just seen your followup, I'd suggest that this man is in no way all he seems. I'm 100% certain he's out to use you and nothing more. I'm not sure how well you know him, but he strikes me as a man who could be married, and is ... (read in full...)
Not Your Typical Obsession With Wife's Past - Any Ideas?
Q. I'm haunted by one night of my wife's life when she had sex with a total stranger. I never did this, and girls that do have never been my type. My wife did not tell me about this until we were just about to get married. Before I was going to ask her ...
A. 7 June 2010: Thank you for proving my point. You've taken my words, and just from those you've decided that I'm not worthy of a top spot, and that I should change my name to CrassOldGuy. Why that? Why old? You presume I'm old? I'm not. So you've just judged me ... (read in full...)
She wants to be in the UK, I want to stay here and we are both having to compromise! What can we do?
Q. my girlfriend and i have been together for nearly 2 years. To but a long story short she moved here from the uk, a year after i moved here from the uk. We got together when i was not in the uk and did long distance for a year. Horrible! She has n...
A. 7 June 2010: Realistically, this is going to fall apart. You either give up your dream of living in Australia, or give her up. You have to decide which you want more. Her, or Australia. This won't work otherwise. At some point, she may get her PHD and decide she ... (read in full...)
Is there any chance for me and my teacher to be together?
Q. I'm 15, and I think I have a crush on one of my teachers. (he's around late-30s/early-40s). I wouldn't be interested in having a sexual relationship, but how reasonable do you think it would be? I know it's not very normal, and I'm not crazy enough ...
A. 7 June 2010: No chance. Apart from anything else, it would be illegal. Enjoy your crush, but accept that it can't go further.... (read in full...)
I'm beginning to doubt this older guy's intentions. Does he like me or is he just using me?
Q. I've been talking to an older guy online. He is someone I've met in person before, so not a total stranger, but I never knew him very well in the past. Anyways, after chatting with him online I started to like him a lot. It seems he may be returning ...
A. 7 June 2010: He's after the sex, and that's it. ... (read in full...)
Why did my male friend ask my best friend who I fancy?
Q. One of the guys I hang around with sometimes asked my best friend who I fancied. She asked him why he had asked this and he said no reason. Do you think he was just curious or could he like me? I've been thinking about it a little and come to the ...
A. 7 June 2010: Usually, that's a sign that a guy likes you, but is pretty confused. So if you like him, you'e going to have to make it a bit clearer. ... (read in full...)
Are there any men in their early 20's who know for a fact they would not cheat on their partners?
Q. Are there any men in their early 20's here that know for a fact you would never cheat on your signifiacant other? How do you know you would never? Do you try to stay out of situations where you may be tempted? (Like going to bars stc without your ...
A. 7 June 2010: I'm sure I wouldn't cheat. But of course, that's only a hopeful opinion. Plus, I'm very happy with my girlfriend and don't feel the need to stray. but if I was unhappy, or feeling different, who knows? No one could say for sure. But it doesn't just ... (read in full...)
I left my ex for his best friend, but now we want to get back together I'm worried what everyone will think of me....
Q. I was with this guy for 3 years from the age of 14 until I turned 18 we were happy and he did everything for me he was amazing, I then realised I needed to get out there and experience new things, I then left him for one of his best friends. ...
A. 7 June 2010: I would strongly suggest not dating anymore guys. Just have your fun. You know what will happen. You'll get back, and then another guy will come along and you'll be off again. Have your fun with new men. Forget the old ones.... (read in full...)
My ex contacted me. What could it mean?
Q. My ex broke up with me. After one month of NC she contacts me saying she's been missing me to death, has been thinking about me a lot and even asked if I am. No indication that she wants back though. What could this mean?...
A. 7 June 2010: It means things haven't worked out for her elsewhere, and she's trying to creep back into your life. She broke up with your for a reason, and whatever the reason was, it hasn't worked out. That means there was either a guy somewhere who isn't ... (read in full...)
Can't pull back foreskin
Q. hello ,, i have searched and searched and searched for people with my problem ,, i think im thu only one with what ive searched ,, im a 14 year old male and cannot pull my forskin back even when soft ,, someone please help ,, im soo... worried i ...
A. 7 June 2010: You should visit a doctor. He'll check you out to see if there's anything wrong.... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend bi, or bicurious? She wants to have sex with a girl
Q. I am a 20 year old man, my girlfriend and I are very much in love. She told me at the beginning of our relationship that she had sex with her best friend "a girl", I was fine with that. It's not uncommon for girls to experiment under the age of 20. ...
A. 7 June 2010: Sounds to me like she's bi, but she's taking you for a ride. She can't be your girlfriend while she wants to have fun. Don't be second best and don't be taken for a ride. If she wants to have fun, dump her. ... (read in full...)
Not Your Typical Obsession With Wife's Past - Any Ideas?
Q. I'm haunted by one night of my wife's life when she had sex with a total stranger. I never did this, and girls that do have never been my type. My wife did not tell me about this until we were just about to get married. Before I was going to ask her ...
A. 7 June 2010: And this is why she didn't tell you. And this is also why you should never have asked. This woman was dreading you acting this way, so she didn't say anything. And now her fears have come true. There's no difference between her sleeping with a ... (read in full...)
How can I give my girlfriend more pleasure, through playing with her breasts..?
Q. Two questions, I thought they were close on subject so made one post. My girlfriend used to be rilly ticklish almoast everywhere when we started dating and now she is only ticklish on her feet, back of the legs, sometimes her back, and her ar...
A. 7 June 2010: She says it's good. That means it's good. Quit worrying.... (read in full...)
She's telling other guys she loves them
Q. My question is sort of a long one, but I will try and get straight to the point. For 9 months me and this girl have been very close. We do things boyfreind and girlfreind do but she's always dating another guy. And whenever she's about to dump the ...
A. 7 June 2010: You're like the comfortable sofa no one ever wants to get rid of. You're there, but only as a safety blanket and nothing else. So first up, she's not perfect because she's been lying to you and using you as as the comfortable sofa. Secondly she's ... (read in full...)
Ever since the baby sex is terrible!!
Q. My girlfreind had our baby 2 years ago and since then sex has been terrible , she use's all sort of excuses and when we do have sex she wants it over quick as possible. She says its because she feels her body is not nice looking anymore . What can ...
A. 7 June 2010: You've got to go right back to square one, as if you're dating her. Don't worry about the sex for now, and just focus on making her feel like she's special as a woman and not just a mother. Go out on dates, get her little but meaningful presents and ... (read in full...)
How do I stop my Dad from making trouble over this?
Q. the other day i had a argument with my sister so i went to my mates and we ended up staying at this guys house who i like we both slept in his bed but we didnt have sex with him. my dad and mum found out and my dad is really angry he thinks that i ...
A. 7 June 2010: If you're over 16, then your father is behaving like an idiot. What does he think will happen? Sounds to me like your father is having a hard time accepting that his daughter is growing up. So that's something you'll need to be aware of in the ... (read in full...)
Can sex be SO great for guys that it is worth being treated poorly by a girlfriend?
Q. Can sex be SO great for guys that it is worth being treated poorly by a girlfriend? One of my guy friends has a GF who treats him like garbage -- she's always hinting for gifts and spends a ton of his money, she complains that friends of his have ...
A. 7 June 2010: I bet you he has low self esteem and stays with her because he really believes that she's the best he will do. I'm sure she is terrible. Be a good friend though, and just be there. Hopefully he will see the light at some point.... (read in full...)
Why do men find fake women such a turn on?
Q. A question for men about lads mags...I'm just curious as to why so many men find the kind of women in mens magazines so sexy? I mean, typically, the women you see in these magazines, have fake tan, lots of make up, and fake breasts. What exactly is ...
A. 7 June 2010: Basically it's just a cheap thrill. That's it. We don't look at them and want the woman we love to be like that. Well, some guys do, and they're usual the ones who have problems. But a good, normal guy will just accept you and love you for you who ... (read in full...)
She's not that interested in me..so should I just cut her out of my life?
Q. This is a simple yes or no answer. The thing is, for a couple years ive been mad about this girl and ive talked to her on a couple occasions about it, but she is never really that interested, not only about me, but the whole my liking her thing, she ...
A. 7 June 2010: Yes, you are. It's hard, but you'll be able to move on. ... (read in full...)
It means he's not too sure about me..what now?
Q. My boyfriend of almost a year often talks about our future together. The other night we were talking about 2020 and he was describing where he sees himself and then saying what we'll be doing etc The only thing is that he's told me that he doesn...
A. 7 June 2010: I think your female brain is right. I can understand him wanting to make sure. But to say that he doesn't see it in the next 5 years isn't good. 2 years is a good amount of time to think about it. But if he's suggesting 5 AT LEAST, which would take ... (read in full...)
I hooked up with my new friend's recent ex, do I tell her or not??
Q. I hooked up with a new friend's ex-boyfriend the other night. They dated for about 6 months, have been broken up for a few (3-6) months and she does still have feelings for him (he broke it off). I have been friend's with this girl for a few ...
A. 7 June 2010: If you don't, and she finds out (which she will), she'll appreciate that even less. Best to get it out in the open.... (read in full...)
What do men find sexy in a woman?
Q. I am newly divorced, 35 years old and have no idea what men think sexy is anymore. The last couple of guy I was involved with was kind of REI, so I got used to wearing outdoor hiking clothes, and basically dressing down. Now I'm working in an office ...
A. 7 June 2010: It's all about the confidence. Wear what you feel confident in, whether it's s suit or a skirt or a dress. If you feel confident, then others will notice.... (read in full...)
How can someone be in love with a deeply selfish person?
Q. My friend is smitten with someone who cares only for herself. It's pretty clear to me that her girlfriend is a narcissistic con-artist but somehow she doesn't see it. My friend does have low-self esteem, but her girl is rude to her, rude to her ...
A. 7 June 2010: Low self esteem is all it takes. 99% of women and men who go out with second rate partners all suffer from low self esteem. They either think that the other person is the best they can do. Or they suffer from the delusion that 'things will change ... (read in full...)
What do you do, when you're in Junior High and your boyfriend wants to do more than you feel comfortable with?
Q. My bf keeps wanting to go far butvi just laugh it off what should I do? I mean he's a great kisser and super sweet and lots of fun but I don't want him to go that far with me we r still in jr high :/...
A. 7 June 2010: You stop him. You make it clear that you're not ready. And if he doesn't listen and respect that, then he's not that great a guy. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend got drunk and took her top off with a group of other people. Should I be worried??
Q. My girlfriend and I recently attended my best friends wedding. After the reception, everyone was pretty drunk. And myself along with several other people (two who were good friends of mine) continued drinking and partying in the hotel (we had the ...
A. 7 June 2010: She was drunk. Her friends were drunk. As once was said, 'a person can be smart, but people can be stupid'. Together, her and her friends were just drunk and did a stupid thing. I don't think it's anything to worry about. Forgive her.... (read in full...)
Suddenly , 4months into our relationship, he now lets me know that he has a child!!
Q. Okay Im in a four month relationship. I am 20 years old. I found old yesterday my boyfriend has a five year old child. I am blown away by this and devastated. I feel too young to be with someone who has baggage but I also feel tricked that he waited ...
A. 7 June 2010: I can understand him being reluctant to admit he has a child so quickly. But there are other lies as well, and to be taking a break 4 months into it really is a bad thing. End it now and move on.... (read in full...)
My dad was such a jerk! How do I deal with this and stop my annoyance from consuming me?
Q. Grrr.. In so frustrated at what happened last night after going for a meal with my family! It was my boyfriends birthday and we decided to take him out to eat, I said it'd be my treat because my bf always pays for everything when we go out. ...
A. 7 June 2010: He sounds like my father. As soon as he knows he can take advantage, he will. Clearly never give him any freedom again. I think it would be wise to speak to your mother and see if she will cover part of the bill. As for the anger, use it ... (read in full...)
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