| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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My sister's tragic death and my parents' misdirected blame at my bestman for it are causing me strife
Q. My friend was lived with my sister for three years. My parents never liked him and gave my sister a lot of problems over him. My poor sister died of a heart attack. It was tragic. She died in her sleep right next to him. He was asleep and ...
A. 9 June 2010: Well it had to happen. You can't have your fiance making decision for you like that. You need to know you can trust this woman with your life. Tell her that. ... (read in full...)
What's wrong with this guy?
Q. i ask my man to send naughty messages..wont. i ask him to go down on me since im always down on him, wont...whats wrong im 4'11'' and hes 6'3'' and doesnt wanna do it missionary... HELP...
A. 9 June 2010: It's not his height at all. He's either selfish, or he has serious problems. This is a big red flag. ... (read in full...)
He never initiates sex with me...could he be gay?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 months. We have become such great friends and I confided in him that it had been 5 years since I had slept with a man My past relatioships have been with women bu that is over now. We have been intimate only a few ...
A. 9 June 2010: It's more likely he's very shy about it. ... (read in full...)
How do you find out if a guy is a virgin or not?
Q. hii!lemme ask a question.it might be silly...but there is some expectation about it..is there atleast a small clue to find whether a guy is a virgin or not.? ...
A. 9 June 2010: None at all, unless you ask him. And that's if he tells the truth. ... (read in full...)
We were both tipsy and we ended up having sex!
Q. Hi! I'm in love with this beautiful lady and she loves me too but she is scared I might hurt her. I've been pursuing her for the past 4 months but she has been playing hard to get. She invited me to a concert on the weekend with her friends...
A. 9 June 2010: I'm sorry she's so shabby. Best to move on. You're making the right decision here. ... (read in full...)
My sister's tragic death and my parents' misdirected blame at my bestman for it are causing me strife
Q. My friend was lived with my sister for three years. My parents never liked him and gave my sister a lot of problems over him. My poor sister died of a heart attack. It was tragic. She died in her sleep right next to him. He was asleep and ...
A. 9 June 2010: This is a frequent thing. You're the fourth man I know of who didn't invite his parents for a good reason, and then his fiancé decided she'd do it anyway. So you're not the first guy to get stuck in this. Unfortunately, it always ended in an ... (read in full...)
Should I cry my eyes out or just act like I don't care?
Q. I started seeing my ex again about 5 months ago and i found out a week ago that he is still with his girlfriend and she is now 10 weeks pregnant !! Wow i cldnt tell u how sad and devistated I'am... I really loved my ex and thought that maybe he came ...
A. 9 June 2010: Cut contact and ignore him. Don't cry, it won't make a difference. Don't try to act like you don't care, it won't make a difference. Just cut contact and ignore him. Anything else won't work and you'll look desperate. ... (read in full...)
Why does my ex treat me like dirt and should I move on?
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend 2 months ago. And I know it was a good decision, yet I still think about him a lot. He holds grudges and it's so apparent in the way he treated me. I want us to be together. He has his good and bad traits just like me. ...
A. 9 June 2010: God yes, move on. Why live with a jerk when you can do better?... (read in full...)
Why does my ex treat me like dirt and should I move on?
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend 2 months ago. And I know it was a good decision, yet I still think about him a lot. He holds grudges and it's so apparent in the way he treated me. I want us to be together. He has his good and bad traits just like me. ...
A. 9 June 2010: God yes, move on. Why live with a jerk when you can do better?... (read in full...)
Single, pregnant and my ex hates me! Help!
Q. i would like to let everyone know that i'm not 13-15 but im unable to change it on my profile, i am 21. i am 5 months pregnant by exboyfriend (26 y/o). at the moment i live in california and he lives in argentina, he has not been with me during m...
A. 9 June 2010: I'm with the other posts. He's a coward and isn't mature enough to deal with the real world. Make sure sure you get to court and take him for as much as you can. ... (read in full...)
Can anyone interpret these dreams?
Q. I had a dream about the person I like, one was where we were sat down in a public place, he was flirting with me (but this would never happen in reality) and I was touching what I thought was my arm but instead I was stroking his arm and he didnt...
A. 9 June 2010: If you believe in meanings in dreams, then this one just means that you fancy him and you're wanting him to come to you.... (read in full...)
Still in love with my ex and don't know what to do!
Q. I just don't know what to do. When I first met my ex it was love at first sight we starting going on great dates, and I lost my virginity to him but it felt right and he was comfortable with it. From the moment we met we were bf/gf and even though I ...
A. 9 June 2010: He used you. That's a pretty good reason to stop trying right now. Let him move away, then focus on getting over him. He just used you. ... (read in full...)
She's feeling like she doesn't have time to do her own things
Q. So for the first time, I (31) am dating a girl(33) that I am head over heals in love with. It has only been 4 months, but we have known each other for about ten years. Our relationship has been incredible. We get along so well, that I can't ...
A. 9 June 2010: I suspect, given that both have had problematical relationships in the past, that you've got over the past, whereas she hasn't. And I think she either has commitment issues, or she has not spent time by herself doing her own thing. The best thing to ... (read in full...)
I know that no matter how much I love her she'll probably never love me the same way.
Q. Have you ever been in love with someone you know would never love you back. I've been in love with this girl for sometime now. About 2 or 3 years to be exact. I've know her my whole life and we hang out all the time and I can be 100% myself around ...
A. 9 June 2010: I've been there and done that. I even asked the girl out. She turned me down. Sure, it hurt, but I knew the truth and was able to move on. You need to talk to her and find out where you stand. You might find she likes you, you might find she ... (read in full...)
The kids look like the cousin I slept with
Q. I dont know what to do. One night I got really drunk and one thing lead to another and I slept with my first cousin. I became pregnant with twins but i thought for sure that the father was my ex, turns out they look just like my cousin and I just ...
A. 9 June 2010: Get a paternity test. It sounds like they might be your cousin's anyway, but the only way to tell would be with a DNA test. ... (read in full...)
Are the good days worth the bad ones?
Q. My boyfriend is becoming a jerk. Hes getting on facebook a lot changing his password and talking to some of his exes. Im not mad at all about it but hes lieing to me when i ask. I dont know if this is a sign but im scared to find out. I confronted ...
A. 9 June 2010: I think the jerk in him is far bigger than the good man in him. Best to move on now, before you get hurt. ... (read in full...)
My wife left me and I want her back
Q. I want my wife back even though she has had an affair for 5 months. We have a 4 year old daughter, and she says she is in love with the other guy. She told me she loves me, but she is not in love with me. She told me she misses the family aspect ...
A. 9 June 2010: Realistically, if she doesn't love you and has had an affair and left, then this is something that isn't going to work again. The most important thing now is that you get yourself some counselling, and that you focus on being a good father. Your ... (read in full...)
He cheated so I don't trust him especially when he said "one night stands are ok"
Q. Ok well this is kinda really driving me insane lol Im 17 years old and ive been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now.. i love him very much i used to think he felt the same until HE CHEETED ON ME! he addmited it to my face cause i caught h...
A. 9 June 2010: HE WILL DO IT AGAIN. Wake up. I'm a man, and I know how men think. What do you want us to say? That he's a great guy who cares? That he will turn into a knight? You ask for advice, so when we give it to you, you don't like. Well that's just bad ... (read in full...)
He cheated so I don't trust him especially when he said "one night stands are ok"
Q. Ok well this is kinda really driving me insane lol Im 17 years old and ive been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now.. i love him very much i used to think he felt the same until HE CHEETED ON ME! he addmited it to my face cause i caught h...
A. 8 June 2010: Sure you can leave. Do you think he loves you? Do you think he cares for you? No,not at all. He cheated, and will continue to cheat. ... (read in full...)
I'm 15, so that means I'm more likely to be pregnant?
Q. okay so i had sex with my boyfriend the 3rd of june, my last period ended may 19th. anyways my boyfriend didnt pull out during sex, i dont know why he didnt! i'm so worried that i could be pregnant now..isnt it 2 weeks after my period the best time ...
A. 8 June 2010: The pull out method doesn't work at all in any way. You certainly could be pregnant. ... (read in full...)
Be a single mum to 3 boys or lose my daughter?
Q. Hi there. I'm hoping someone here can help me. I am in a relationship for the past 12 years. The early years were turbulent but we stayed together and now have 3 young boys. They are great. However ... I also have a daughter in her 20s from my ...
A. 8 June 2010: I would ditch Joe in a second. He seems like a pretty shocking man to be honest. And you don't need him being the role model for your boys and thinking that this is the way to treat women. Single mum to three boys without a man like Joe in your life ... (read in full...)
Did I cause a problem and could my friend be mad at me?
Q. My friend's boyfriend had put interested in women on his facebook page and I thought that he meant like he wanted to meet other women- he had prior to that interested in men and women and said he was single on there- I misunderstood and told my ...
A. 8 June 2010: Well, it sounds like there are problems in that relationship already. It could just be that you were the final straw, so to speak. If I were you, I'd say well out of it from now. I don;t think your friend is mad you at. I think she's mad at him. ... (read in full...)
Is our custody arrangement damaging my baby?
Q. hi i really need advice for my question. Basically, I have a 2 month old son with a man, my ex, who I am not in a relationship with. However, he is a very good dad to my son. Unfortunately, me and him do not get on and argue when we are together ...
A. 8 June 2010: Oh yes, it's the best thing. Trust me when I say that you're making the right decision in allowing the baby to go away every other weekend. Because if you didn't, you'd either end up in court and wind up potentially losing even more time (rather ... (read in full...)
I want children but he doesn't!
Q. Hello I have had a lot of issues in my womb and fallopian tubes. I suffer from endometriosis, and have had one of my ovaries and fallopian tubes removed due to a large cyst. Also I underwent another operation to remove a cyst on the remaining ovary. ...
A. 8 June 2010: If you want kids and he doesn't, then it's best to move on now. You will really regret it if you do stay and don't take your chance with another man who will want to have kids with you. ... (read in full...)
We had a fight, but he doesn't seem to be making any effort to make up
Q. Over the weekend my boyfriend and I bumped heads pretty hard and things are not so good. My boyfriend is cleary disturbed and bothered by what happened. We have been together for almost 2 years and have plenty of great times together. I feel he ...
A. 8 June 2010: All you need to do is wait for him to come to you. He needs to work out how he feels and sulk for a few days before he can get back to normal. Men take time to get over being hurt or angry. Have patience. ... (read in full...)
How did a back rub turn into him just rubbing my bottom?
Q. Hello, I am a 30 year old woman with a question about men. Okay, I have had this real stressful day and my husband tells me if I will get naked, he will give me a back rub. He spends a little time on my back, neck, and shoulders, but t...
A. 8 June 2010: I'm afraid he let his penis take control of him. As Robin Williams famously said, "A man has two brains, and enough blood only to run one or the other." He forgot that he was supposed to be giving you a back rub. Next time, don't be afraid to say ... (read in full...)
He cheated so I don't trust him especially when he said "one night stands are ok"
Q. Ok well this is kinda really driving me insane lol Im 17 years old and ive been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now.. i love him very much i used to think he felt the same until HE CHEETED ON ME! he addmited it to my face cause i caught h...
A. 8 June 2010: You're being used, and you're not doing what needs to be done. No matter what he says, or what you say, you're just being used. Then best thing you can do is move on. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says if we have a baby he will settle down with me and stop hanging out on the streets, what should I do?
Q. hi i'm 17 and my boyfriend is 18 and wants to have a baby but he is alway out in the streets he say's if we have a baby he will settle down with me. What should i do?...
A. 8 June 2010: Don't do it. If he wanted to spend time with you would ... (read in full...)
She gets mad because I don't agree with her
Q. I don't know what to do. My gf gets mad whenever I don't agree with her. She looks at it in a disloyal way although I'm just trying to say my opinion. I told her, if she wants to be with someone who always agrees on her opinion, she should just get ...
A. 8 June 2010: I would definitely leave her. She sounds like she's got a screw lose somewhere in her head. Let's face it, she has plenty of other ex's who all clearly disagreed since they moved on. Get away from this woman.... (read in full...)
Why do I get crushes?
Q. why does this always happen? I have noticed that whenever I get to the comfy stage in a relationship (i.e. after a few months when I know that they love me) I start getting crushes on other people. Well, not exactly crushes, more like I wil...
A. 8 June 2010: No, you're not mental. But you do seem to suffer from very low self esteem. I think there's a cause somewhere, and I think you need to find it, which probably means seeing a counsellor. You'll find that the answer lies somewhere back in your teens. ... (read in full...)
Why do the nice guys always end up hurt?
Q. quick question to everyone of all ages i want to know why all the mr nice/good guys always get stuffed up by the girl in the relationship? ive been reading a lot on this site theres quite a lot and from my own experience . i know im not perfect ...
A. 8 June 2010: You're doing the classic nice guy thing. You're talking a woman and you're 'guiding and changing' her for the better. A woman doesn't need to be guided. She can do her own thing. But I think you're acting more like a parent than a boyfriend. So fist ... (read in full...)
Shocked he reacted this way! What happened?
Q. I've been seeing this guy for almost 6 months. We've gotten close enough to talk about moving in together. Last Friday, I was at his house, we were sitting outside talking. Having a few drinks. He starting asking questions about my past. ...
A. 8 June 2010: It means like other people who ask that question, he couldn't handle it. I wouldn't bother with him at all. You did nothing wrong, you were totally honest. I suspect that he probably wanted to end it, but like a coward couldn't so used you as an ... (read in full...)
Why don't I have the courage to leave him?
Q. last year my life turned up side down my husband of 15 years started using drugs I thought i can help him but i don't think his worth all the trouble. why don't i have the courage to leave him. when i try to leave it very very hard ...
A. 8 June 2010: It's hard to leave someone you love. He has to want to change for himself. If he won't change, then speak with a friend and get them to help you leave, such as pack your stuff. Sometimes you need someone beside you when you do something like this. ... (read in full...)
Is this an indication he is thinking long-term?
Q. The guy I've been dating for the last 2 months has started asking me about what I'd like to be doing a few years from now... would you take that as an indication that he could be thinking about the idea of us being together long term?...
A. 8 June 2010: Yes it is. Men rarely open about the future unless they really want to talk about it. So just relax and see what he says, and maybe ask him the same thing too. ... (read in full...)
Not Your Typical Obsession With Wife's Past - Any Ideas?
Q. I'm haunted by one night of my wife's life when she had sex with a total stranger. I never did this, and girls that do have never been my type. My wife did not tell me about this until we were just about to get married. Before I was going to ask her ...
A. 8 June 2010: I think you need to stop talking to her her about it unless you're with a therapist or counsellor. Because what's happening is you're just going over the same thing with your wife, which in turn is making her angry because whatever she says won't ... (read in full...)
How do I make him show affection??
Q. My boyfriend never tells me he loves me. Or hugs me or kisses me. I mean he does tell me he loves me but i have to say "I love you" and he says "I love you too" and he hugs me when i walk up to him and hug him. It just feels like im doing everyth...
A. 8 June 2010: You can't 'make him' anything. If he won't do it, he won't do it. But what you can do is just tell him what you told us, and see if he changes of his own accord. Tell him you need more hugs. Hopefully, he'll listen.... (read in full...)
How can I bridge the gap and get closer to my dad?
Q. Right first, background info. My parents got divorced when I was 9 (I'm 15 now), I wasn't eaxactly happy about it (who would be?) but I wasn't completely cut up either, I mean the pair of them argued pratically every single day, so I knew we were ...
A. 8 June 2010: I'd suggest writing him a letter basically telling him how you feel,, just as you have in your post. Men are notoriously rubbish at not reading between the lines and seeing all the hints and such. So just tell him that you feel like you've drifted ... (read in full...)
He went MIA while overseas, and I thought he could be dead! Why does he joke about it?
Q. I'm in a long distance relationship with this guy I've yet to meet but we're both in love with each other. He's in the military and is overseas right now and I havent been able to talk to him as much as i used to before he left. This morning I got a ...
A. 8 June 2010: It does come with being the gf of a military man I'm afraid. I have a friend who is in the army, and his girlfriend is always worried. Your boyfriend joked around because secretly he was terrified and didn't know how to deal with it. So he just made ... (read in full...)
He's a player and I'm the nice girl. How do I make him fall for me?
Q. I meet this guy in december. Fell in love with him at the moment. But my problem is I'm a good girl just started clubbing and drinking and I'm also kinda shy He's a player. He got out of a 4 year relationship and he really liked her. We made o...
A. 8 June 2010: He won't fall for you. He'll use you, but he won't fall for you. You're setting yourself up for a major failure. The bad boy won't change and settle down. ... (read in full...)
Why do woman stay in unhealthy marriages?
Q. I have met a woman and we fell for each other pretty hard I know it was wrong, but it's what happened. She had him move out and we started dating. This was definitely more than a fling. I have never connected with anybody like this before. We ...
A. 8 June 2010: Guilt, low self esteem, she still loves him. Those are just for starters. Basically, she used you to prop her marriage up. Now she's decided that it's better for her to try and make it work. You made the right choice in stopping contact though, ... (read in full...)
Desperate to win him back... but how?
Q. I recently started dating my best friend but we broke up. During the break up he sat holding me and saying how he didn't want to lose me but he wasn't ready for a serious relationship, he also kissed my cheek. He said he still liked me in t...
A. 8 June 2010: You can't win him back, I'm afraid. He's made it clear that he's not ready for a relationship. That either means he's not ready, or that he fancies someone else. No matter how hard, retain your dignity and move on. You don't want to look like a ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to cheat if he isn't satisfying me sexually.
Q. Is it ok to cheat if he isn't satisfying me sexually. I love him but we don't have sparks. but I am settling because we have a baby together and I'm 19 he is 25 and he knows I am settling but he is so in love with me he is ok with it. I want to have ...
A. 8 June 2010: No. End of. If you feel the need to cheat, then end it. Don't hurt him. ... (read in full...)
Not Your Typical Obsession With Wife's Past - Any Ideas?
Q. I'm haunted by one night of my wife's life when she had sex with a total stranger. I never did this, and girls that do have never been my type. My wife did not tell me about this until we were just about to get married. Before I was going to ask her ...
A. 8 June 2010: The point you proved was that you were quick to react with anger when you felt hurt. In the same way that your wife has quick to anger every time you mention her past. So in other words, you now know how your wife feels. Which is a good thing. Also, ... (read in full...)
Not Your Typical Obsession With Wife's Past - Any Ideas?
Q. I'm haunted by one night of my wife's life when she had sex with a total stranger. I never did this, and girls that do have never been my type. My wife did not tell me about this until we were just about to get married. Before I was going to ask her ...
A. 7 June 2010: Thank you for proving my point. You've taken my words, and just from those you've decided that I'm not worthy of a top spot, and that I should change my name to CrassOldGuy. Why that? Why old? You presume I'm old? I'm not. So you've just judged me ... (read in full...)
Not Your Typical Obsession With Wife's Past - Any Ideas?
Q. I'm haunted by one night of my wife's life when she had sex with a total stranger. I never did this, and girls that do have never been my type. My wife did not tell me about this until we were just about to get married. Before I was going to ask her ...
A. 7 June 2010: And this is why she didn't tell you. And this is also why you should never have asked. This woman was dreading you acting this way, so she didn't say anything. And now her fears have come true. There's no difference between her sleeping with a ... (read in full...)
We were both tipsy and we ended up having sex!
Q. Hi! I'm in love with this beautiful lady and she loves me too but she is scared I might hurt her. I've been pursuing her for the past 4 months but she has been playing hard to get. She invited me to a concert on the weekend with her friends...
A. 4 June 2010: I knew it! I knew there was something up with her. I thought about your question again when I'd answered it and realized that she might be feeling guilty about something or other. And I was right you. She was feeling guilty about cheating, and ... (read in full...)
We were both tipsy and we ended up having sex!
Q. Hi! I'm in love with this beautiful lady and she loves me too but she is scared I might hurt her. I've been pursuing her for the past 4 months but she has been playing hard to get. She invited me to a concert on the weekend with her friends...
A. 1 June 2010: You now know all you need to know about her. She and you had sex, you were both tipsy. Now she regrets it, and rather than accept her share, she's blaming you. Nice try on her behalf, but not acceptable. She's as much responsible as you are. And ... (read in full...)
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