| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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We were both tipsy and we ended up having sex!
Q. Hi! I'm in love with this beautiful lady and she loves me too but she is scared I might hurt her. I've been pursuing her for the past 4 months but she has been playing hard to get. She invited me to a concert on the weekend with her friends...
A. 9 June 2010: I'm sorry she's so shabby. Best to move on. You're making the right decision here. ... (read in full...)
We were both tipsy and we ended up having sex!
Q. Hi! I'm in love with this beautiful lady and she loves me too but she is scared I might hurt her. I've been pursuing her for the past 4 months but she has been playing hard to get. She invited me to a concert on the weekend with her friends...
A. 4 June 2010: I knew it! I knew there was something up with her. I thought about your question again when I'd answered it and realized that she might be feeling guilty about something or other. And I was right you. She was feeling guilty about cheating, and ... (read in full...)
I hacked his Facebook and found out that he's cheating! Do I tell my friend?
Q. Right I'm such a bad person i know but i used to like this guy , recently i found out hes being hacking onto my facebook :/ bad so i thought right im gonna do it to him , i got his password off someone and i know this is bad but i was reading his ...
A. 3 June 2010: Well what's done is done. Print the proof and show your friend. She needs to know. But please don't make a habit of snooping, or you'll end up paranoid. But since you now know the truth, it's best to tell her. ... (read in full...)
Hubbie came on to my friend
Q. the other night my husband was very drunk and made sexual innuendos to my best friend, he states that he remembers none of the conversation but she told me what he said and it sickens me. What do i do?...
A. 3 June 2010: I agree with MarieClaire. The whole 'I forgot because I was drunk' excuse is overused and pretty lousy. ... (read in full...)
One night stand question
Q. Hi. I drunkenly got with this guy and had sex with him about a month ago say? not sure of the timescale. We already made out once before, and both made it clear we wanted each other. When we bumped into each other again we ended up going back to ...
A. 3 June 2010: There is a sign that he wants you as a booty call. Nothing more. I think if you want him you need to get to know him without the sex. When a man calls you at 5am in the morning and at no other time, then doesn't call you, you're nothing but a booty ... (read in full...)
How can I make my parents see that even though I'm pregnant I still deserve the wedding of my dreams?
Q. Hello, DearCupid, and thanks for reading. Well, I am 22 years old and my boyfriend and I recently discovered that we are having a baby. We are excited about this idea and plan to stay together and raise our baby together and frankly the ...
A. 3 June 2010: To be fair, I do think this is more about your parents not wanting an unwed pregnant daughter than it is the money and such. So in that respect, I'm sorry. But if I've learnt one thing about life (and I'm your age), it's that no one deserves ... (read in full...)
I'm scared to have sex with my girlfriend
Q. Hey so I still have my foreskin on my penis, and my penis head the skin on it has been pealing off what is going on? I think it is this Lichen Scleroses. what do I do I'm scared to have sex with my girlfriend....
A. 3 June 2010: You need to go to the doctor. You might have an infection. ... (read in full...)
Was it all innocent or does he have something to hide?
Q. I worry my boyfriend has cheated on me when we first started going out, his ex girlfriend is also his best mate an they spend a lot of time together! If one stays round the others over night they will both stay in the same bed, I found this out afte...
A. 3 June 2010: Well he has mucked it up. I wouldn't trust him at all. Maybe he has cheated, maybe not. But there is no way anyone should have to put up with this. Better get rid of him and find a man who will actually commit. His actions all scream that either ... (read in full...)
Torn between love of a best friend, and concern for her child
Q. Hi, I have a best friend who I have known since we were kids, so about 16 years. I love her to pieces, and would be lost without her friendship. she is 21 and has a 4 year old child. she also has a boyfriend, lets call him Dave. Well her and Dave ...
A. 2 June 2010: The thing is, it is a mental issue to be honest. On the strength of this she could be investigated. ... (read in full...)
He cheated and then almost killed himself! Do I give him another chance?
Q. hello. i need help.... MY boyfriend of 8 months has been cheating on me with his ex.. on day i was hanging out at home when his ex girlfriend came to my house and told meh everything. ill tell u the convorsation " Yeah. hes been h...
A. 2 June 2010: Under no circumstances give this man a chance. No way. And make sure you cut contact too. ... (read in full...)
He would date her if he was single! Should I be worried?
Q. hey everyone! my boyfriend of 5years told my best friend that if he was single he would totally date this girl let's call her X! and he asked my best frend if this X is single! should I be worried?? and my boyfriend and this X text each other.a...
A. 2 June 2010: Very much so worried. For me, that would be a deal breaker. It means that you're not really number one in his life. That's not good enough. ... (read in full...)
Am I over-reacting to his remark?
Q. Me and my lover were apart for a few weeks due to a row,anyway we just made up tonight by email because he was at work and he lives in another town from me,anyway he had finished work and said that all this emails had drained him tonight( we were ...
A. 2 June 2010: A little bit. But here's why. Women look for more meaning in a man's words than there are, because when a woman speaks her words often have a deeper meaning, or a hidden meaning or a hint. Men don't work like that. We pretty much speak literally. ... (read in full...)
Why is my ex using our old relationship to hurt his new girlfriend?
Q. got a serious situation. My ex has been stating to his girlfriend that he's been seeing me and that i've been writting to him. Which is completely false. I found this out because his girlfriend called my home to tell me. The problem is that the ex ...
A. 2 June 2010: This is about a man wanting control over you and his girlfriend, particularly his girlfriend. He could also be out to severely discredit you in some sort of revenge thing. You need to make sure your husband knows, and then cut all contact with your ... (read in full...)
Torn between love of a best friend, and concern for her child
Q. Hi, I have a best friend who I have known since we were kids, so about 16 years. I love her to pieces, and would be lost without her friendship. she is 21 and has a 4 year old child. she also has a boyfriend, lets call him Dave. Well her and Dave ...
A. 2 June 2010: If she is in a state that she can't cope as a mother, then she is a danger to that child. This must be a shoddy decision for you. My mother once made a decision somewhat like this, which was to report a mother she knew very well anonymously. She ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has temper tantrums, and my older lover wants us to continue after he marries, I feel he is using me
Q. Dear Cupid, I am in a relationship with a boy i love however his emotional tantrums over the smallest things are starting to get to my nerves and i do not know if i will be able to stand this for long. However, on the other hand i was seeing an ...
A. 2 June 2010: That's great. Good luck to you. :)... (read in full...)
Can I find a guy who doesn't flake after being so loving? My ex'es can't stand me.
Q. I need some advice to feel better and see hope for the future. I've only had two relationships and both lasted about 6-8 months each. Both of the guys were so nice and caring when we were dating - literally, they would have done anything for me,...
A. 2 June 2010: Well we've established that the problem seems to be the type of male you fancy. You'll find the right guy, it'll just take time. You need to look at what it is that first attracts you to a man, because twice you've found the same type. ... (read in full...)
Do I have to marry my Turkish boyfriend in order to live in Turkey?
Q. Hi I was just wanting some advise. I want to move to Turkey to be with my boyfriend and before you all get on your high horse im 28 live in thr uk and have been dating him for 4 yrs. and hes 27. So my Question is do you now if i can get a work p...
A. 2 June 2010: Best thing to do is talk to the Turkish Embassy in Britain. Here's the address and phone number.
43 Belgrave Square
London SW1X 8PA
020 7393 0202... (read in full...)
My ex is seeing a counsellor and I'm worried he will do something stupid. And it is all because of me!
Q. Hey. So i have a little problem. i recently broke up with my boyfriend we had been on and off for about a year, we have known each other since yr1. we broke up because we are both jealous people, i don like him talking to the chick that he che...
A. 2 June 2010: You hurt him? He's the one who cheated and is treating you badly. Yes, you're doing the right thing not being with him. Don't let anyone treat you this way. ... (read in full...)
Why did I look in his phone!
Q. Last night I looked in my boyfriends cell phone! Big mistake I saw a txt message from a no name number which said "U Up". He did not reply. I asked him who is was from and he told me that it was a female that he was dealing with when we took a break ...
A. 2 June 2010: You thought something was wrong, and you checked. Understandable. But in snooping, you've not found anything because you've jumped the gun so quickly. So you don't know anything, and you'll find it all the much harder to find out what's happening. ... (read in full...)
How can I stop my underarms sweating?
Q. hi. im 18 and have a problem that has been getting on my nerves, my armpits keep sweating, it happens within 10 minutes of getting out the bath. i wash well and everyday, im very hygienic. the sweat doesn't smell, it just ruins me from wearing nic...
A. 2 June 2010: It might be worth speaking to your doctor. You can get treatment for it. ... (read in full...)
I'm almost ready to end my marriage, what should I do?
Q. 3 years ago i cought my wife cheating. i forgave her and took her back. however she continues to lie to me about everyday things. and the biggest thing of all is she wont open up and behonest and share her thoughts and feelings with me. and i feel ...
A. 2 June 2010: I think, to be honest, you need to give her the ultimatum here. You've already caught her cheating, but her behaviour is still very suspicious, and it could be that she still is cheating, or is just not in the marriage anymore. I think you've done ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend possessed?
Q. Hi, I've been in a world of hysterics, and I'd really appreciate your help. Lately my boyfriend has been acting very strange. He and I first started going out a few months ago, and he was really nice to me and was very loving. Things have since ...
A. 2 June 2010: No, he's not possessed. This is the man he is, and you need to end it NOW. He clearly has major league anger issues, so it would be better for you end it. ... (read in full...)
Should I stay or should I go???? He says he loves me but is not in love with me
Q. if a man that you have been with for 3 years tells you he Loves you** but, not in Love with you. should i stay or should i go. a man takes his shower soap to work and then says he is washing up after working in a HOT department in the wareho...
A. 2 June 2010: Yeah, I'm afraid it sounds like he's cheating. Try to find out a bit more about what he gets up to before you confront him. Try phoning work at a certain time, or even follow him and see where he goes. Then confront him with all the evidence you ... (read in full...)
He isn't giving me enough sexual attention!
Q. My boyfriend stays stressed out. We have sex maybe once or twice a week and I am always the one that brings the subject up. He works up to 12 hour days doing outdoor work so I understand that he is tired.He tells me he loves me all the time but he ...
A. 2 June 2010: Not really. But you need to understand that he just doesn't have the energy. I don't blame you for asking for more, but if he can't give it then he just can't. So make sure he's getting enough sleep and eating good, healthy man food and not crappy ... (read in full...)
Why am I so paranoid?
Q. hello cupids how does one stop themselves from being so obsessed and jealous about their new boyfriend. I've only been with him 3 months and I'm jealous of him even hugging a cat! I'm not joking either. I also get really jealous when he looks at...
A. 2 June 2010: How well did you know your father, and how did he treat your mother? Or were you bullied?
Usually, this behaviour is learned. So if there is something in your past that has left your hurt badly, or if your father has mistreated your or your moth... (read in full...)
Two potential relationships but I can't decide!
Q. Long story short. 2 girls, ones the ex, one I just met about a week and a half ago. Me and my ex broke up after 7 mos together a week ago after going downhill for about a month (more took a break, but we’re still single) because I can only...
A. 2 June 2010: I always find that if you can't choose, neither is right. Certainly it's never really wise to go back to an ex either. But I think you'd do better to stay single at the moment. ... (read in full...)
Falling for his best friend!
Q. Ok, here's the thing. I'm 20 years old and the guy I'm dating is 17. I've been dating him for almost 3 years and he has changed since we started dating. He's a more depressed and angry person now and he goes off on me more often. He gets mad easy. ...
A. 2 June 2010: I agree with GrimmRealty here. Sorry, but the emotion line is a load of rubbish. You're cheating with his best friend. Simple as that. You've hurt your boyfriend already. So do the decent thing and let him go, then have nothing to do wit his friend. ... (read in full...)
Is he likely to cheat again based on his history?
Q. I've been married 10 years and 2 young children. A year ago I found my husband had been on internet dating sites and had been chatting to dozebs of other women, having dirty emails and met up for sex with some of the women he met, all behind my ...
A. 2 June 2010: Given that he has cheated so much before, he will do it again. Time to take him to court, take him for as much as you can and move on. ... (read in full...)
He wants kids but I already have them and don't want more...
Q. I love my boyfriend. I want us to be together, but as time goes on I have begun realizing more and more that I do not want any more children ( I have 2 from a previous relationship). He has expressed a desire to have one or two children of his own. ...
A. 2 June 2010: If you don't want any other children and he does, then that's it. This won't go further. You must let him go. ... (read in full...)
Is my bad gut feeling something I should listen to?
Q. so my girlfriend and i had a brake up but we are trying to make things work up she lied to me and said she was going over to a friends how but really she she went to a party a languire party at that and she had a crush on another guy but she wont ...
A. 2 June 2010: I would say that she did something. She was at a lingerie party that she lied about where he crush was. Time to dump her ... (read in full...)
Will I ever get over my first love?
Q. Do you get over your first love? I want to hear people's experiences and stories of their break ups. I'm going through one myself. I was with my boyfriend for 3 years and we broke up a month ago. My biggest concern is my future in dating. I don't ...
A. 2 June 2010: I did. I was cheated on, so as you can imagine I was pretty hurt. but I got over her, and moved on to someone much better. If you allow yourself to compare your bf of the future to your ex, you will be in trouble. Those that compare their partners ... (read in full...)
How do I go from the obsessed girl to the girl that likes him so much he will give me a chance?
Q. Hey everyone!! If a girl likes a guy and she told him how she felt towards him and he didnt feel the same, how can she show him that she really cares enough so he can think "dam she really likes me, i should give her a chance" instead of him ...
A. 2 June 2010: Sorry, but he's not interested. I know that's not what you want to hear, but there is no way you can make him change his mind. He has to do it for himself. If he's not interested, he's just not. And you need to let him go and move on.... (read in full...)
Should I continue to pursue him or let him go accepting that his heart is elsewhere?
Q. I am a 24 year old women who has never had a real relationship. For the most part Ive been ok with that, content with the thought that I was never meant to date around. Of course there has been men in my past that I would have liked to explore a ...
A. 2 June 2010: You don't know anything really. His sister could be trying to get you to respond for all you know. You need to take a chance here and get on and ask him out or something. You haven't lost him yet. You don't know how he feels. It's time to take a ... (read in full...)
Why is my girlfriend behaving so strange ever since we have started getting intimate?
Q. [Moderator's Note: 2 questions from the same poster have been merged into one post] 8 months into the relationship and I am starting to give her oral. She wants me to turn the lights out(even if we are the only ones in the building), and she won'...
A. 2 June 2010: She's just unsure and shy about it all. Give her time and just be gentle and understanding. ... (read in full...)
I sent my ex an email telling him exactly how I felt but he has not replied, what should I do now?
Q. i don't know what to do. i broke up with my boyfriend a week ago and had a pretty hard time of it since. i broke up with him because he can't give me what i want right now, we have been dating for 6 months and needed him to make a commitment to ...
A. 2 June 2010: You have to accept that he is an ex. He doesn't need to reply, and realistically, you're going to find it hard to be friends. You did the right thing telling him how you feel, because he has to understand that you're not someone he can just casually ... (read in full...)
How can I sort my life out and stop feeling ashamed of my situation?
Q. my life is completely upside down i have had a rough start and have only met men who seem to believe i am not good enough to do anything with my life, including my dad who has two wonderful sons from his second marrige who have had everything they ...
A. 2 June 2010: I suspect the main problem here is that because your father wasn't really there for you as such, you've had no strong male role model to look upto. In turn, the type of make that you've been attracted to are men who aren't good enough. It's not you, ... (read in full...)
Which of the two do men remember more - their first love or their first sexual encounter?
Q. Which one of the two do men remember more? Their first love or the person they had sex for the first time? ...
A. 2 June 2010: They'll remember both if they're two different women, because they each served a different purpose. Sex and love are different, so a man will always remember the first of each. ... (read in full...)
PLEASE give me advice and opinions on older successful man!
Q. would a successful older male ever be interested in a not-so-successful younger female?? we get on great, but its in his nature to be so friendly and pleasant. i only know him through work. he's ten yrs older, is divorced and has children. what ...
A. 2 June 2010: He might, he might not. So keep getting to know him and see where it leads. You want him, do a bit of chasing around. ... (read in full...)
My friend is still angry 6 months later that I didn't meet her boyfriend!
Q. Back in January, my friend wanted me to meet her boyfriend. We made plans, but I got sick and couldn't meet with them. My friend got very upset with me and wrote me a long e-mail saying how I "flake out" on plans and so on. I apologized for not ...
A. 2 June 2010: Neither do I. I half wonder if she's lying about this boyfriend or something. Has anyone actually met him? Either than or she really isn't someone you need as a friend. ... (read in full...)
what sort of person would I look like faking a pregnancy and abortion?
Q. A few years ago i done something really stupid. I lied to my ex and told him I was pregnant to stop him splitting up with me for another woman he had met. I was totally in love with him and really didnt want to lose him. However, the plan didnt ...
A. 2 June 2010: From a male point of view, I'd be pretty terrified and hugely angry if I found out it was a lie. You'd look bad. Better not to say anything at all. ... (read in full...)
Will an STD result come up in blood work or do I have to specifically ask for it?
Q. I have had a horrendous few weeks. My boyfriend of 6 years (I am 20) we got together when we were 14 has cheated on me. And at first I thought I could get over this but I found out there was a hell a lot of girls (sexting, kissing, meeting up ...
A. 1 June 2010: Ask specifically. Don't take a chance. ... (read in full...)
How can I get him to overcome his principles and self control and give us a chance or am I wasting my time?
Q. Having been celibate for a long time, I met a guy I really like. The attraction between us is incredible but he will not give in to it as he thinks I have 'issues' (true!) and to see problems develop as a relationship grows is one thing but he feels ...
A. 1 June 2010: He thinks you have 'issues'. What a charming man! Basically, you're asking how to change a man. Sorry, it can't be done. There us no way of getting him to overcome his principles. Either he's interested and is worth your time, or he's not. And he's ... (read in full...)
We were both tipsy and we ended up having sex!
Q. Hi! I'm in love with this beautiful lady and she loves me too but she is scared I might hurt her. I've been pursuing her for the past 4 months but she has been playing hard to get. She invited me to a concert on the weekend with her friends...
A. 1 June 2010: You now know all you need to know about her. She and you had sex, you were both tipsy. Now she regrets it, and rather than accept her share, she's blaming you. Nice try on her behalf, but not acceptable. She's as much responsible as you are. And ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has temper tantrums, and my older lover wants us to continue after he marries, I feel he is using me
Q. Dear Cupid, I am in a relationship with a boy i love however his emotional tantrums over the smallest things are starting to get to my nerves and i do not know if i will be able to stand this for long. However, on the other hand i was seeing an ...
A. 16 January 2010: The man who is engaged is using you for sex, so end it with him. Your boyfriend clearly isn't ready for a relationship, so end it with him as well. You need to spend time by yourself working out what you want from life. You're involved with two guys ... (read in full...)
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