| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Mentally abusive, financially abusive, intimidating, threatening, hitting
Q. I have been married for 24 years, and have 4 children 27 years, 23 years, my 17 year old and my 11 year old daughter's live at home. My husband has become so abusive that I do not know him any longer, nor do I trust him. I found out he has a ma...
A. 11 June 2010: I also agree that you need to get this recorded. That's your first best bet. Then you can have him arrested and everything will be opened up. Also, is there any way that you can call upon your children for help here? He's a shocking man. But he's ... (read in full...)
Married twice by 26...afraid that will scare away my chances of ever dating again.
Q. I got married when i was 20 to a guy I was head over heels for. By the time I was 22 I was divorced after he turned into an abusive drunk. I got married again when I was 24 and had a beautiful little girl and now I am separated and on my way to ...
A. 11 June 2010: You are moving way too fast again with all this. Just stop worrying about men right now. Focus on getting your own life together. Be independent for a while and make sure you've got a decent job and home. You need to just spend time on yourself ... (read in full...)
Demanded my boyfriend gets a paternity test on a potential child..am I in the wrong?
Q. Am I wrong for tell my boyfriend that we won't live together or take any big steps in our relationship until he gets a dna test on a child he doesn't know is his or not? We've been together for almost a year....
A. 11 June 2010: No, you're not. Unless he knows he's the father for sure, this is problem that will present itself again and again. He needs to know. ... (read in full...)
His low self-esteem is ruining our sex life!
Q. I've been with the same boyfriend for over a year. Over the past few months, our sex drive has steeply decline to where we barely kiss or even hug anymore. Tonight in talking about it he admitted that one of the reasons for this is because he do...
A. 11 June 2010: Why don't you both try going to the gym together. ... (read in full...)
I don't think I can handle things when he starts seeing her again
Q. I very recently found out my husband was having an affair at work. It has only been going for a couple of months. He said it began following the death of his dad late last year, things havent been ideal as far as the physical side for us for ...
A. 10 June 2010: I'm with posts below. His excuse is a weak one. He could have come to you. He could have spoken to you. Instead he didn't, and this would have carried on if you hadn't found. And that's if it has stopped. You've been lied to and cheated on. You ... (read in full...)
How do you break up in a nice way?
Q. So, how to dump a guy nicely? What exactly should I say? I know that texting and e-mailing is such a cowardly thing to do, but I won't be able to look him straight in the eyes if I were to tell him person to person. This will break both of our ...
A. 10 June 2010: Forget the friends thing for now. The first, most important thing is that you end it. Friends with ex's is very hard to pull off. There is no easy way to do it, so go out with him to a public place, have yourself a friend ready nearby so you don't ... (read in full...)
The man I fell for so deeply has changed. Should I stay?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for two years. He was always a lovely person to be with and i always thought he was the one but lately hes changed. He will always call me hurtfull names and whenever he responds to be he uses the word slag instead of...
A. 10 June 2010: The old him was probably an act. Some people put on a great act sometimes, and it sounds like your boyfriend has revealed himself. This IS the real him, and though it sounds harsh, it's a good thing that this has happened now before you're married. ... (read in full...)
Shouldn't he be the one making plans?
Q. About a year ago, I started seeing this guy over the summer. Long story short, after about a month of seeing each other (and not being too serious) his ex came back into the picture. He ended things with me to see his ex. After about a week, his ex ...
A. 10 June 2010: You just shouldn't have anything to do with him. Come on here, this is a guy who dumped you for his ex. That's the first red flag and is the biggest. He then decided to draw you back in by writing to you claiming that he was sorry and it was all a ... (read in full...)
How come he pays more attention to the dog than me?
Q. Im dating this guy,i been living with him for about 2 months...im always wanting his attencion and affection. he tells me he doesnt know how to love like that..but also he has a dog who hes had for 13 years.he shows her all the love and in every way ...
A. 10 June 2010: Tell him you want more attention. Just tell him straight that you'd like more attention and to spend time with him. But if nothing changes, you'll need to think about moving on. ... (read in full...)
I've annoyed a good friend and need ideas on what to do next!
Q. What to do next? Here goes, I have annoyed a good friend whom I now realise means more to me than I thought. We had an arguement over repairing my car last weekend, and he called me a know it all, that I didn,t know what i was talking about, an...
A. 10 June 2010: He just needs a few days to cool off. You've tried you to apologize, which is good. Give him a couple of days then try again.... (read in full...)
His friends lied about me, so he broke up with me!
Q. Dear cupid, My boyfriend broke up with me just because his friends said that i was talking to another guys "online" but i told him i wasn't and all he can say is that I'm lying and and why i gotta lie. i really do like this boy so much! He mean ...
A. 10 June 2010: Why do you want a man who deserted you back? That's like walking up to the wolf. He didn't even discuss this with you. He just dumped you. You can do so much better than this. Don't try to get him back. He deserted you for his friends. He's not good ... (read in full...)
My new husband refuses to spend time with me and swears at me when I ask him to!
Q. I asked my husband that he should spend more time with me. We have only been married for 5 months and he doesn't spend time with me. We are intimate like 2 or3 times a month or two max. Whenever, i bring this spending time together question he ...
A. 10 June 2010: Your husband actually doesn't give a damn about you. I know you're hurting, but I'm not sure that this marriage is actually going anywhere. If he wont' change and is just swearing at you when you ask him to spend time with you, then I think it's ... (read in full...)
Why don't I attract the right type of females?
Q. I seem to have run across a few questions. I need some female opinions on these... Not to boast about myself (I am quiet humble actually) but I am always refer d to as a "nice guy". I put the feelings and well being of anyone in front of me an...
A. 10 June 2010: It's a case that you might be attracted to the wrong woman as well. I'm a nice guy (I hope), and just a few years ago I wondered why I couldn't get a girlfriend. So I sat down and looked at myself, and decided that I was attracted to girls that I ... (read in full...)
I made out with another girl drunk should she give me another shot?
Q. Ok I got drunk... black out drunk and ended up making out with another girl. The truth is I dont know why I did it, It didnt mean anything to me, and I have no desiers not even to look at another girl. We have only been together for 5 months but she ...
A. 10 June 2010: She should if you don't give up the drink and do some serious making up. So give up the drink and get to work on making her feel good. ... (read in full...)
Why would my guy friend make out with me while I was trying to hook him up with a another friend?
Q. I recently made friends with this incredibly nice guy who is one of my clients at my work. He explains to me that he's had no luck in the L.A. dating scene and so being the nice girl that I am, I suggested that he should date one of my other ...
A. 10 June 2010: Either he fancies you, or as I suspect he's after having his way with several women. Don't be used. ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend isn't ready for sex!
Q. We've been together for 6 months now, but my girlfriend still isn't ready for sex. I've been patient, and respected her opinion, but my patience is running thin. The problem is that she wants me to pleasure her, I do it, but she never reciprocates ...
A. 10 June 2010: Sounds to me like she just wants her own way. If she won't pleasure you, then don't pleasure her. It's a two way thing. If she's not ready, fair enough. But she can't expect you to perform for her. ... (read in full...)
How do I fight for love?
Q. ok so I was seeing this man for about 9 months. We never planned on having feelings for each other or dating...we were just looking for sex. We had amazing sex, the best i've ever had. I was going through a divorce and he had a girlfriend that he ...
A. 10 June 2010: No, no, no. You were a mistress and that's it. In no way were you important to him, or he would have left her. He just used you, and if you give him the chance he'll do it again. Let him go. Unless you want to be with a cheater who will either use ... (read in full...)
This guy tried to provoke a fight! Should I have let him get away with it?
Q. hi everyone , well i have decided to give up drinking once and for all mainly because i am tired of the hangovers and the shit that seems to happen when im out drinking ie,getting into fights and things like that , its funny though because in ...
A. 10 June 2010: Leave him to it. Start on revenge vendettas and you'll get arrested. ... (read in full...)
Is there anything wrong with my blowjobs?
Q. How to arouse my husband when giving fellatio My husband loves me giving him bj before we actually have intercourse. He likes to have a dim light on and looks at the mirrior while I'm giving. He says he enjoys my bj but he doesn't like to ...
A. 10 June 2010: Nothing wrong at all. He's enjoying it. ... (read in full...)
I want this married woman to fall in love with me!
Q. I want this woman that i have been good friends with for over two years now, I want her to fall in love with me and have sex with me on a regular basis, but the problem is that she is married and has a daughter and has been married to the same guy ...
A. 10 June 2010: You've been used. That's all there is to it. ... (read in full...)
Should we try an "open relationship"?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. We're each other's first everything and we're quite a great couple, if I do say so myself :). We're incredibly honest with each other and discuss EVERYTHING. Like who we find attractive, possible ...
A. 10 June 2010: This won't work. Someone will go too far, the other person will get hurt. People always try to get it out of their system, and it never works. The terms you set will be broken by one of you. And one will always be jealous of the other. You're both ... (read in full...)
I broke up with b/f and now I miss him!
Q. I told my boyfriend i wanted to break up. But now i hardly see him maybe once a month he'll come by i miss him alot things are not the same. i wonder if i shouldnt see him at all? ...
A. 10 June 2010: If you ended it, then you had a good reason to. The best thing you can do to move on now is end contact. Or you'll never get away from him. ... (read in full...)
G/f put GPS tracking on my phone and I found out about it
Q. I have been in a relationship with the the same girl for the past 6 years and living with her for the past 3. Recently I have noticed a significant change in her, she has become very confrontational about things, acting very jealous in regards to ...
A. 10 June 2010: I'm half of the mind to say to you that you should just go see her and totally flip in anger. The other half says handle this maturely and you're more likely to get answers. I'd just say to her calmly that you've noticed a major change in her ... (read in full...)
Affair prior to relationship but should I tell current relationship about it?
Q. I had an affair with a married woman for about two years, but it's since over with and I've since moved on, but the girl I was having an affair with and I are still friends. I'm currently dating a woman - a wonderful, sweet woman with a big heart - ...
A. 9 June 2010: If she is friends with this other woman, the best thing to do is tell her. You don't want her to find out from someone else and then distrust you. ... (read in full...)
Can I carry on with my girlfriend?
Q. I Met my girlfreind where( i was her first boyfreind) i work and we have been with each other nearly seven months since christmas.! the first few months were going well but lately i have seen her true self.! At first when we went out if ever there ...
A. 9 June 2010: This girl ha major league issues with her esteem, and has become totally jealous and possessive of you to a point that is unacceptable. I think she either has to get counselling, or it needs to end. You don't want to end up under lock and key for ... (read in full...)
To dump or not to dump? This is driving me into depression.
Q. Hello Dear Cupid-ers, thanks for taking your time to read this and answer my question-sorry for making this so long. I have a boyfriend, we've been dating for nearly three months (he is my first boyfriend). I have had a crush on him around two y...
A. 9 June 2010: I think you should end it with him. He's not the guy for you, and it's unfair to both of you to continue this when you know you don't want to. Yes, he will be hurt. But that's the way it is. He'll get over it. But you need to end it. ... (read in full...)
Does a child ever forget their sibling after they have been separated?
Q. My children were both taken from me after I had my youngest as I was going through postpartum depression. I was living in California and I was doing everything that was needed in order for me to regain custody of my children but, I kept running ...
A. 9 June 2010: I'm afraid to say that social services have been more than unhelpful towards you and your children here. To your questions, yes your child is having emotional problems because she was taken, yes this is why she has social problems and yes it's why ... (read in full...)
Is it bad to leave my girlfriend for another woman?
Q. Is it that bad to leave my girlfriend for another woman? I've been with my current girlfriend for about 1 year, cohabitating for about 5 months. I had already been unsure as to whether I wanted to commit to her. A couple of months ago I cam...
A. 9 June 2010: No, not a scumbag. You have said that you'll break it off first so she isn't so hurt, and that's so much better than just cheating. If you're not going to commit to her, then the best thing you can do is leave so she can find someone else. Just tell ... (read in full...)
Does my partner still miss his ex?
Q. So I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year, and we just started living together. He was with his last girlfriend for over 3 years and they lived together also. I sometimes feel a little insecure that he was with someone else so long, and I so...
A. 9 June 2010: I think that's a difficult one. Lots of people have photos that are nothing more than memories from a time past. There isn't enough to say that he still fancies her in any way. They're just photos on a computer. But as you say, they're not just ... (read in full...)
Feeling guilt over my relationship! Should I stay in it?
Q. I don't know if I should stay with my boyfriend who has bringing up marriage a lot lately. I was going to leave him and go to another state to be with my ex whom i never second guessed that i wanted to be with him forever. I started dating my ...
A. 9 June 2010: In no way are you ready to have a relationship, as you're just not over your ex. The best thing you can do is let your current boyfriend go and just spend time being single. The right guy is out there, but you're not ready to meet him yet, and ... (read in full...)
Do you lose attraction to significant other the longer the relationship?
Q. Do you find that you lose attraction towards your significant others after being with them for a long time, even if they would be considered gorgous? I don't think I do but I feel as though my boyfriend has towards me. Im not being conceded or ...
A. 9 June 2010: If a relationship is based upon nothing but the attraction, or looks, then it can fall apart. A relationship needs to be built upon much more. If he just fancies you because you're good looking, that's not enough and cracks may start to show. ... (read in full...)
What do you think? I want to know if he likes me.
Q. ok I'm not sure what to do a while back my guy friend told me that his friend liked me and I thought about it and realised it could be true he chose to sit next to me in re despite having a choice: me or a guy, I sit next to him in English twice a ...
A. 9 June 2010: Sounds to me like he fancies you. Try talking to him. That's the best way to find out how he feels.... (read in full...)
My sister's tragic death and my parents' misdirected blame at my bestman for it are causing me strife
Q. My friend was lived with my sister for three years. My parents never liked him and gave my sister a lot of problems over him. My poor sister died of a heart attack. It was tragic. She died in her sleep right next to him. He was asleep and ...
A. 9 June 2010: Well it had to happen. You can't have your fiance making decision for you like that. You need to know you can trust this woman with your life. Tell her that. ... (read in full...)
How can I make him realise I am the one for him?
Q. I've been involved with someone for five years I love him soooooo much. He loves me too but we've never committed to each other. In the beginning we were amzing friends that grew deeper now five years later we barely speak. Ive been fighting for us ...
A. 9 June 2010: You can't make him see it if he doesn't want to. And if he doesn't want to, it means that he just doesn't fancy you enough. To be honest, it sounds to me like he's just using you. He wants you around, but won't commit. You need to walk away, or ... (read in full...)
He said he doesn't want to be with me again, but I was his first real relationship and the longest!
Q. so my boyfriend broke up with me, and it was all because we were in the car with his friend and we were talking, and some stuff i said piss him off, i said:"don't act like you don't hang up on me" and and "i wish you were whooped" so im gue...
A. 9 June 2010: Let him go. There comes a time where you have to retain your own self respect. He was a coward and couldn't break it off properly, so has blamed you. That kind of man doesn't need your time. Move on.... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my ex want to work things out?
Q. hello there . my ex girlfriend of a year broke up with me with no such good reason , she said she doesn't love me anymore one week we were in love then this , .. anywhoo i need some these questions answered 1. why would she say that to me out ...
A. 9 June 2010: Time to move on. The relationship is dead, and you're looking for answers that just don't exist. People sometimes fall out of love, and that's what has happened here. She just fell out of love, and decided to end it. You'll never get the answers you ... (read in full...)
Have you ever been through this and how did you know it was real?
Q. Girls and guys have ever been in a relationship with someone and they loved being around you and a few months into it they broke up with you because they weren't ready for a serious relationship. Its not ony that, but whenever we were apart she ...
A. 9 June 2010: I'm going to forget about the last part of your last sentence, because there is no positive thing to say. I've been there, and the truth is that she won't be coming back. I personally cut contact with the girl in question to stop a mess. You can sit ... (read in full...)
Is something going on with my husband and the woman he works with?
Q. I have had suspicions that my husband has been having a relationship with a woman he works with. They were texting each other frequently and she confided in him about her sex life and personal issues--he was happy to 'help' her with relationship ...
A. 9 June 2010: You've not got enough to confront him with. Keep a discreet eye on things and just watch him. There does seem to be something going on, but unless you have proof, you'll never get the answer. ... (read in full...)
Should I keep ignoring an online casanova?
Q. I just stopped talking to a guy online because I realized he's a total womanizer, talking to lots of other girls as well as me and giving them the same lines. I've still got his email address. I'm tempted to email him one more time to tell him ...
A. 9 June 2010: Just leave it. Whatever you say, it won't make a difference. Worse still he'll probably just laugh. Let him get on with it, and you live your own life.... (read in full...)
What more do I have to do?
Q. Me and this girl have been dating for 11 months now and ive been doing everything i can to make her happy, but sometimes i feel like im doin all the work and she is just going along with the ride. For example im always the one going to see her...
A. 9 June 2010: Relationships are a two way thing, and right now it's not both ways. You're trying hard, while she is busy elsewhere. Seriously, the best thing you can do is move on and find someone who will be as committed as you are.... (read in full...)
What's wrong with this guy?
Q. i ask my man to send naughty messages..wont. i ask him to go down on me since im always down on him, wont...whats wrong im 4'11'' and hes 6'3'' and doesnt wanna do it missionary... HELP...
A. 9 June 2010: It's not his height at all. He's either selfish, or he has serious problems. This is a big red flag. ... (read in full...)
My sister's tragic death and my parents' misdirected blame at my bestman for it are causing me strife
Q. My friend was lived with my sister for three years. My parents never liked him and gave my sister a lot of problems over him. My poor sister died of a heart attack. It was tragic. She died in her sleep right next to him. He was asleep and ...
A. 9 June 2010: This is a frequent thing. You're the fourth man I know of who didn't invite his parents for a good reason, and then his fiancé decided she'd do it anyway. So you're not the first guy to get stuck in this. Unfortunately, it always ended in an ... (read in full...)
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