| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Help! Why does he keep coming back???
Q. i have been with my boyfriend 2 years and within that 2 years we have been on and off, he keeps dumping me and then running back telling me hes made a mistake.. an that hes goin crazy without me.. why does he keep running back? and its not for sex....
A. 13 June 2010: Because you're letting him. He's treating you like a doormat. It may not be for sex, but it sounds to me like he's using you as the safe bet. You can be sure of one thing, and that is that if you don't end it permanently, this will be how your love ... (read in full...)
"All women do on computers is chat with other guys", and so I am not allowed to buy a laptop!
Q. Hi all, The other day, I mentioned to my partner that I want to buy a laptop, but he is not happy with this idea, as he says I will only use it to chat to other guys because that is all women do on computers! I have tried to convince him wit...
A. 13 June 2010: Just buy one and tell him not to control you. ... (read in full...)
I'm dating other men while in a serious relationship! Can I ever be faithful?
Q. Im 19 years old, Ive suffered from depression all my life. Last year i decided to seek help as it got out of control. I was put on anti-depressants, and went to therapy weekly. I stopped going a couple of months ago. The thing troubling me, I ...
A. 13 June 2010: Your therapist has helped in some respects in identifying that you are lacking a father figure and that you are searching for male company because of that. What she hasn't said is that right now, the best thing you can do is be single. You really ... (read in full...)
I think my girlfriend needs to change her medication
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 3-4 months, At the start of the relationship she told me she was going through depression but was on medication for it. Having know people who have it I know its a difficult time but I was impressed she was ...
A. 13 June 2010: The problem isn't the medication. The problem is the depression. Changing the medication won't really deal with the problem. I think you might do better to try and open her up about the depression and talk to her a bit more before you start on ... (read in full...)
I want to get out of an abusive relationship
Q. I have been in a relationship and living with my boyfriend for the last 7 years,he is 30 I am 24. the past 3 years have been a living hell, he makes my life well miserable. he is rude, mean, selfish and arrogant towards me and other people, inc...
A. 13 June 2010: Who cares what he does to himself!! He's treated you like crap. What he does to himself is his own thing. You can't keep living your life worrying about others who don't care about you. For once, care about yourself, and have respect for yourself. ... (read in full...)
I'm falling out of love with husband and into love with someone else
Q. My husband and I have been together for 12 years, but only been married for 9. We have 2 children together. When we met each other, he was dating someone else. He started cheating on her with me, then I became pregnant. He told me that he wanted to ...
A. 13 June 2010: What a mess. I don't think you should be dating at all. I think you need to stop with all this cheating and lying that been going on. When you met him, he was with someone else, so it I can't say it's a surprise that he cheated on you. And then you ... (read in full...)
Why is my ex girlfriend so cold hearted?
Q. hey there ... once again im back here for advice ... if you have read my past posts you would know my background story to just refresh it .. my ex gf of 11 months broke up with me cause she said she didn't love me any more and said she w...
A. 13 June 2010: Just cut contact. She is being a bitch, but if you sit there and allow it, you'll never be able to get on with your life. Just get away from her. Cut contact entirely, and don't bother with her. ... (read in full...)
Should my boyfriend take his ex wife to court?
Q. I am asking this question on behalf of my boyfriend. My bf and his ex wife have a custody agreement over there 3 year old daughter. Now she has been withholding information from him. She has physical custody and a joint legal custody. She is ...
A. 13 June 2010: Tell him to get a lawyer, and listen to what the lawyer has to say. The sex offender is breaking the law, and it's more than clear that his ex wife has something wrong with her if she's letting her child near a sex offender. Get a lawyer, get to ... (read in full...)
Should I feel ashamed that my girlfriend earns more than me?
Q. My Girlfriend is a system analyst and makes more money then me. Should I feel ashamed? I feel almost like I've been de-masculine-ed...
A. 13 June 2010: Nope, not at all. My girlfriend earns a lot more than me, and I don't care at all. We still treat each other, and we still split bills when we come together. ... (read in full...)
How do I let go of my married man when we work together every day?
Q. I've been having an affair with a married man for 8 years. At first it was very innocent, lots of flirting, kissing and up until a month ago everything but sex, we've recently engaged in it. My feelings for him are so strong, and I know he doesn't ...
A. 13 June 2010: The reason no one compares to him is because you're not seeing him for what he is. A cheating liar who has used you for the past 8 years as an emotional rock. Compared to him, a lot of men are better. More importantly right now, you need to stop ... (read in full...)
I'm not sexually attracted to my boyfriend!
Q. Hi, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years now. We never had sex until a year after started dating. I didn't want to at first because I wanted to wait until we get married, but he couldn't. Somehow I could understand that and so we started ...
A. 13 June 2010: Time to move on. There's some great advice below. ... (read in full...)
My husband is becoming increasingly abusive
Q. I am worried about my relationship with my husband. About a year after we got married I got a call in the middle of the night saying my husband had been arrested at work. It turned out he had a warrant out for his arrest. I had just given birth to ...
A. 13 June 2010: I'm completely with RCN, the post below. You need to get away from this man right now, before your children become disturbed. I understand that it's hard, but believe me when I say that it will be harder if this continues and your kids either become ... (read in full...)
He said he cares but disappears all the time!
Q. *op's own title* Dear friends, your advice is much needed! i met a guy around 4 months back, we started seeing each other , he used to travel for 2 to 3 weeks at least once a month so i total i saw him around 12 times. We were patient concerni...
A. 12 June 2010: Break it off. He could be using and maybe he has other women elsewhere. But the fact is that he is totally unreliable, and you don't need to put up with that. ... (read in full...)
Unsure how to deal with all his new found female friends?
Q. Dear Cupid, I met this amazing guy almost a year ago, we both were struggling with good friends that had moved away for college. We started dating almost immediately after we met and everything was fine until he got demoted at his job. I w...
A. 12 June 2010: If they're just friends, then why is he lying? I'm not sure this is as clear cut as it seems. I'd like to think he's not cheating. But if they're just friends, then I don't understand why he's lying. Maybe there is more going on here. He should not ... (read in full...)
Keep going back to the ex. Should I end it?
Q. I'm in a bit of a dilema and I really feel I can't turn to my family or friends as I'm scared they'll judge me. This site looks a great way to get it off my chest. I have known my ex since I was fifteen, I'm now nineteen. We dated back then for a ...
A. 12 June 2010: Stop all contact with this guy NOW. Read what you've written. This guy has dumped you THREE TIMES, and even burnt your clothes. That's shocking. If there was ever a man using a woman, he's that man. You are truly being used by him. He's a liar, he's ... (read in full...)
He says he won't change for me
Q. I told my boyfriend if he would ever change for me and he said he'd change when he wanted to; I got upset and I told him I didn't wanna be with him if he wouldnt do that for me. his reply was how do you expect me to change when you act the way you ...
A. 12 June 2010: I'll tell you straight that if he won't change, he won't change. There is no way you can force him. So unless he does it by himself, you're better off moving on from him. ... (read in full...)
Is there any chance I can get him back?
Q. my boyfriend of 6 years ask for a break of three week and got it he came back sayiong we are over and that he knows it will be hard on me for the next three months but he said he text me then and we be friend. is this the end or is there any way i ...
A. 12 June 2010: I think it's the end. He went on a break to see how it was, and when he came back his decision was definitive and clear. There was no messing around. I think the best thing you can do is move on. End contact as well. ... (read in full...)
She's having a baby with her husband, should I continue the affair?
Q. I have a very confusing situation at the moment. Long story so here goes. I had an affair with someone for just over a year. We were both married and had young children. We both fell desperately in love. I couldn't carry on with my wife so I lef...
A. 12 June 2010: You have been used to prop up her relationship, and now that she is having a baby with her husband, the truth is there is no way this will work out. End it. ... (read in full...)
Will he get mad if I try to give him head whilst he is playing video games?
Q. I want to give my boyfriend a bj while he's playing video games.. Will he like this or will he just get mad for distracting him? How do I initiate this, slowly or just take off his pants?...
A. 12 June 2010: Ask Oldersister has it right. Just walk in naked. If he doesn't respond, then you're in trouble. ... (read in full...)
He's using dating sites 'for fun' and claims I'm insecure..is he looking to replace me?
Q. I have been dating a man for five years. He asked me to move two hours away and come live with him after one year. I have two children that were in high school at the time who I left with my ex to finish school.(I also had a stalker problem that ...
A. 12 June 2010: Dump him. Don't even bother to stay with him, just dump him. He's on dating sites and won't come off, and you've not got a sex life. So either he's so closed in his head that he doesn't care, or he's meeting these women and getting sex elsewhere. ... (read in full...)
I'm scared to have sex, what should I do?
Q. my boyfriend wants to have sex with me but im still a virgin and scared. wht should I do?...
A. 12 June 2010: I don't think you're ready yet, so I would suggest that you wait and tell him that you're not ready. Don't be pushed into doing something that you don't want to do. ... (read in full...)
I think I'm pregnant...
Q. well i think im pregnant as the last time i got my period was 4weeks ago, i have been feeling very emotional and tiered. i have just left school and i really dont no what to do please help me ...
A. 12 June 2010: You need to get a pregnancy test as NOW and get tested. You need to be sure before you do anything else.... (read in full...)
Why do boyfriends, get jealous of guyfriends?
Q. My boyfriend is jealous of one my best guy friends and I. I mean, I can understand to an extent but he just kinda mad me angry/sad/idefk. We were all in a group talking and I was giving him shit for not texting me the past few days, only jokingly of ...
A. 12 June 2010: Not all of us do. Your boyfriend is just insecure. Give him the reassurance he needs, but don't be treated this way. Not all men are like this at all. ... (read in full...)
Please help - am confused my ex bf rang after 4 months!!
Q. *OP's Original Title* Hello all, I need to some help with understanding whether my ex-bf has any feelings left for me. I dearly still love him. He dumped me 4 months back when he decided suddenly that we aren't compatible since I have 'a deg...
A. 12 June 2010: I have this feeling in the back of my mind that he's playing with you. It seems like he enjoys the chase, and enjoys the drama of knowing that when he says he's done something wrong, you'll be the kind shoulder. You'll find that he's been charged ... (read in full...)
I want time apart, but don't want him to abandon our daughter
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for six yrs. and now have a 9 month old daughter. After a few months into our relationship i ended it because i didn't like the fact that he smoked. He promised to quit and he did for about a year. I then began to ...
A. 12 June 2010: Of course she will recognize him. She may not seem to notice he's not there, but babies don't just suddenly forget about someone. So long as he sees her when it's his weekend and spends time with her, there won't be a problem.
As for breaking up, ... (read in full...)
Any advice for my first date?
Q. First date - what do most pplz do on first date - did you makeout or kiss at the end of it?...
A. 12 June 2010: It depends how well the date goes and whether you like him or not. If you like him that much and he's a nice guy, then kiss him. If you don't like him, or he's not nice or you feel that you're not ready, then don't kiss him. And don't give too much ... (read in full...)
I think my attitude frightened her off
Q. a few weeks ago a woman i like was going out and i just wanted to talk to her and ask her out. She was going out with friends and some guy i don't know, she seemed in a hurry. i felt jealous and angry. i think she definetely noticed, the next time i ...
A. 11 June 2010: Talk to her. Tell her that you've noticed you're drifting apart and would like to try and fix it. See what she says. Maybe she's waiting for you to approach her to make it up. So approach her and see what she says about it. ... (read in full...)
Does age matter in a fwb relationship?
Q. Last Summer, I pulled a 25 year old chick at a music festival. It was my first sex for about a year and apparently, she enjoyed it too. I'm only 19 and I think the age difference made it even hotter. Since then, I've been a sorta 'booty call' for...
A. 11 June 2010: If you're happy with this, and you know that this suits you, then there is no problem. You may not have the experience, but she continues to call you so you must be doing it right. I'm in a relationship with an older woman that is more casual that ... (read in full...)
Ex girlfriend treats me like an atm, but wont let me see my daughter!
Q. I got together with my last girlfriend when she was in need of help and in dire straits. I helped her out of several bad problems she had created for herself it was her that came to me and told me she loved me. I fed and clothed her children for ...
A. 11 June 2010: Start by not sending another penny. Not one penny. I would urge you to get a DNA test as well, because there is no way you can be sure the baby is yours given how badly she is treating you. Then go to this site.
http:... (read in full...)
I love him but cannot deal with his heroin addiction anymore
Q. Hi i am new to this site and i need help. I have been with my partner for 5 years now and we have 2 children together, aged 3 and a half and 9 months. shortly after having my second child i found out that he was smoking heroin!! He said he hac only ...
A. 11 June 2010: You have to put your children first. What happens if he brings something home and they get at it? What happens if he gets AIDS from needles and leave them lying around or something? What happens if he dies and they find him? No matter how much you ... (read in full...)
I love him too much to leave but I am worried I will resent him for not wanting kids!
Q. I have been with my partner now for two years. he has 2 kids from a previous marraige, i have 2 but they are grown up and at uni.i had them young and my marriage didnt work out, i brought them up on my own. I have moved in with him into his hou...
A. 11 June 2010: It's time to end this now. You're already resenting his kids, if you're feeling that way already, you can be sure you will really resent him even more in the future. He doesn't want anymore kids, and you do. So it's a disaster waiting to happen. ... (read in full...)
He has a foot fetish but I cannot stand anyone touching my feet! How can I get him to stop?
Q. my boyfriend has a foot fetish and i hate feet or people touching my feet, it makes me feel sick and he keeps trying to tickle my feet and i have tried to tell him that i dont like it but i dont just want to say it really direct but it aint getting ...
A. 11 June 2010: You'll just have to tell him straight that you don't like it. There is no other way. ... (read in full...)
Who to choose? Complacent boyfriend or understanding co-worker?
Q. I'm very confused. I have an amazing boyfriend of 4+ years that treats me like a princess, loves me and whom I love dearly. However, I have been working for a fellow for about 2 years and have become very close friends with. Over the past year or so ...
A. 11 June 2010: Of course this other guy is understanding. And of course your boyfriend is a little complacent. That's how it always is. That's why affairs happen. But you can be sure of one thing. in a few years time, if you dumped your boyfriend, this other guy ... (read in full...)
My husband sees nothing wrong with staying touch with his exs but its making me sick!
Q. My husband is very outgoing and caring of others - a fact that attracted me to him in the first place. However, we have a major difference of opinion on what is considered as acceptable behaviour. My husband has had lots of girlfriends and partners ...
A. 11 June 2010: The problem is that you have broached the subject and it's not happening. I don't think that anything is happening between him and these other women. I do think he's just friends with them. The problem is that I'm not sure he's as caring as you ... (read in full...)
The man who's too perfect, or the man who's not perfect enough?
Q. I have a huge problem. I have to choose between my boyfriend, and my ex. I love both of them and i dont know who to go with. I broke up with my ex because i thought it wasn't working, but am now realizing that im missing him terribly. But, i dont ...
A. 11 June 2010: If you can't choose, it means that nether man is right for you and you need to be alone for a while. ... (read in full...)
I can't find the words to tell him not to come visit me!
Q. When I was a uni, I was in a relationship with this guy for 2 years. He was my first serious boyfriend and I loved him very much. We split up when I graduated and I left to go travelling for 2 years. Over the past 4 months, I finally started dating ...
A. 11 June 2010: Stop trying not to hurt him. There is no stopping that, and though you're trying to be nice, it's just not working. Be honest and tell him that you've moved on and that you don't want to go back. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend won't chat to me!
Q. my fiance's friends bf lives in belgium and everyweek travels to the uk to meet his gf. last night in bed, my fiance said to me "would you do that for me", to which i replied "nah, its not worth it", and now shes not chatting to me. i apologised a...
A. 11 June 2010: Ooops. You rather walked into that one. Remember from now that the answer to that question is always "Yes, of course I would."
As for now, it's case of gently telling her that you screwed up big time and you're really sorry and will do whatever it t... (read in full...)
Help! I hurt the guys I date!
Q. Well i have a problem i usually hurt guys when i date them.But i have to admit some guys in my past have hurt me to and i have never fully recover from some heartbreaks.At times i look for the guy`s flaws and not good things about them.I think ...
A. 11 June 2010: Stop dating. You're not ready to date at all, and it seems like you have some self esteem issues that need to be dealt with first. ... (read in full...)
Shattered Heart in Texas
Q. First, please do not bash me. I am a 38 yo male, I have a huge loving heart, I am giving, compassionate, loving, romantic, etc. After my 11 year relationship ended, I met a 27 yo italian international student and fell head over heals. Within the ...
A. 11 June 2010: To be honest, I think you're better off without him. Your first sentence about us not bashing you says a lot about your character. You come across as a person who has pretty low esteem to be honest. He has no defence for letting others kiss him. He ... (read in full...)
Is there a chance we will get back??
Q. Ok, so I spilt with my boyf of 6 years about 3 months ago due to the fact that he was not willing to make an effort with finding a job or do anything constructive with his time. In the time we were together I got a BSc degree while he did nothing. ...
A. 11 June 2010: Too late, you have lost him. I know you didn't want to lose the money and the holiday, but really you should have taken the hit if you wanted this guy. No matter what you say, or how you try to explain it, from any interested guy's point of view ... (read in full...)
Mentally abusive, financially abusive, intimidating, threatening, hitting
Q. I have been married for 24 years, and have 4 children 27 years, 23 years, my 17 year old and my 11 year old daughter's live at home. My husband has become so abusive that I do not know him any longer, nor do I trust him. I found out he has a ma...
A. 11 June 2010: I also agree that you need to get this recorded. That's your first best bet. Then you can have him arrested and everything will be opened up. Also, is there any way that you can call upon your children for help here? He's a shocking man. But he's ... (read in full...)
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