| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Why did he do this when he knew I wanted to wait?
Q. me and my boyfriend have been together for a while and we're teens he's 17 i'm 16, and well we was messing around the other day, and we was grinding on each other naked (i'm waiting on sex till' i'm ready) and well we do that just to make us both ...
A. 1 June 2010: No, I'm not. I didn't at any point say accept it. Not once. Check my posts for the word 'accept'. It's not there, and nor is anything that says she should or shouldn't report it. But this is one of those very dangerous areas because it could ... (read in full...)
Why did he do this when he knew I wanted to wait?
Q. me and my boyfriend have been together for a while and we're teens he's 17 i'm 16, and well we was messing around the other day, and we was grinding on each other naked (i'm waiting on sex till' i'm ready) and well we do that just to make us both ...
A. 1 June 2010: MarieClaire, if you know the law, you will know for sure that no way in hell will a court convict on this. You'll know it. Surely? This is why rape is so hard to prove. Yes, he is scum, we all know it. That's the point here. But what are the lawyers ... (read in full...)
Seems he's far away enough from me to cheat on me...
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for about 7 years now.. we have been in a long distance relationship.. he is in med school and i am back here in the US.. i feel now that he is far away he may cheat on me.. is it possible or am i just being paranoid..?...
A. 1 June 2010: Sure he is. But then you're far away enough to cheat as well. See my point? At this time, you have no reason to suspect anything, so you're being paranoid. Keep your trust in him, or you'll lose him.... (read in full...)
Does this married man, 26 years my senior, like me for more than revenge on his cheating wife?
Q. Does this married man, 26 years my senior, like me for more than sex? I'm 19 and have started an affair with a 45 year old man. His wife had been cheating on him for 2 years with his best friend before we even met and he stayed faithful to her ...
A. 1 June 2010: Yes, you are being used. He has a bruised ego, and rather than either end his marriage and move on, or try to fix his marriage, he's going out with the 19 year old and having sex with her. Worse still, his wife never had an affair and he lied to you ... (read in full...)
Why did he do this when he knew I wanted to wait?
Q. me and my boyfriend have been together for a while and we're teens he's 17 i'm 16, and well we was messing around the other day, and we was grinding on each other naked (i'm waiting on sex till' i'm ready) and well we do that just to make us both ...
A. 1 June 2010: You won't like me saying this, and I will understand women getting at me for this if they think he should have waited. Yes he should have. But no disrespect, you are asking for trouble if you are lying there naked allowing him to grind against you. ... (read in full...)
Is it possible I could have an STD? Help!
Q. I really need to know, ASAP... can you get symtoms of an STD the day after you have sex? It was unprotected and my first time with him... such a huge mistake! I don't know what I was thinking!!!!...
A. 1 June 2010: It's highly unlikely you'll get symptoms the day after. But if you're worried at all, go to the doctor. ... (read in full...)
Why can guys not learn to communicate properly???
Q. I have this guy who is a friend we mail/text back and forth almost on a daily basis, then today outta nowhere he is like an anti christ . . He is hung over but surely thats not going to change him into a nasty piece of work is it???? Why is it...
A. 1 June 2010: Interesting. Any man would ask the same thing of a woman. I'd ask why do women persist in nagging men into talking when it's clear we don't want to.
The answer,in my opinion, is this:
When women talk, there is a lot of hidden meaning, and a lot of... (read in full...)
Wife treated exes better than her husband!
Q. I was reading someone else's question and it encouraged me to post a similar question of my own. My wife and I have been married for about 7 years. When we met, she had a lot of sexy lingerie - about 20 pieces. She also told me she had thrown ...
A. 1 June 2010: I suspect you'll find all those other guys used her for sex and made her do things she wasn't really that happy with. I think it's likely she wants you to believe that she's changed and isn't this women she was before that she wasn't happy with, but ... (read in full...)
Deprived of sex!
Q. I've been with my fiance for three years, we moved in together about 4 months ago he recently lost his job. sex before was not an issue since he has no job sex has gone down the drain. i almost have to beg for sex or masturbate, i am older than him ...
A. 1 June 2010: Depression, I suspect. One of the worst things that can happen to a man is for him to lose his job, because it leads to all sorts of other problems. Truth is, he could be depressed. Maybe he needs to see a doctor. ... (read in full...)
The boys I've known have only been after one thing
Q. i know im only 19, ever since i have been 15 i have always had boys attention,iv always had a boy to text and cheer me up when im down. but latley iv realised that they only wanted mefor 1 thing and kept we sweet to get it. since i have realised ...
A. 31 May 2010: I'm afraid a lot of young men are like that. But don't give up. We're not all after one thing. Your female friends are wrong. You just have to keep getting to know different guys, learn to understand them a bit more and not worry about settling ... (read in full...)
Which books will improve my vocabuary?
Q. Hey there, I am 25 and since leaving school and university, I have hardly had the time to read books nor really had an interest for them, but as time goes by I find that my English is not as profound and great as it could be and I am starting to f...
A. 31 May 2010: William Shakespeare's plays, Raymond Chandler, Brett Easton Ellis, Cormac McCarthy. They're all quality writers. ... (read in full...)
So how much contact is appropriate?
Q. I'm going overseas for a holiday for a month! I'm 16 with an 18 year old boyfriend. How often should I contact him while away? Skype is a viable communication method as is email. I don't want to ruin my relationship but I also don't want to spe...
A. 31 May 2010: No harm in saying hello every day pr every two days just for ten minutes or so. I do speak to my girlfriend every day or nearly every day and she lives elsewhere. You could leave it even three days without speaking. But not much longer than that. ... (read in full...)
If someone masturbates can it cause erection problems?
Q. If a person masturbates can it cause you to not have an erection over a period time?...
A. 31 May 2010: No. But if he does it too much, he could be tired. ... (read in full...)
Would getting a guy a teddy bear for his birthday be stupid?
Q. He always tells me he's lonely and so I always tell him teddy bears help. So finally his 16 bday is coming up (we're just friends) and I was just wondering if getting him a teddy bear would be too embarrassing for him? He's a nice guy, I think he ...
A. 31 May 2010: Very sweet, but he doesn't' want a teddy. He wants you. If you get him a teddy, it might make him think that he stands a chance with you. If he doesn't stand a chance because you're not interested, then don't give him a bear. If you do like him, ... (read in full...)
I take a beating from him because I love him, but I cant cope anymore with his accusations
Q. I've been with my bf for a year and half..I saw him working one day and decided to talk to him and we exchanged numbers..in the beginning this were great.. 2 months into it he heard stuff from people that was not true..and started calling me a hoe ...
A. 31 May 2010: Leave. Unless you want to end up dead or in a wheelchair. You don't love him. You just stick with him because your own esteem is so low that you think he is the best you can do. There is no love here at all. There is a woman who has esteem issues, ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to fool around with a guy when you are not using any contraception?
Q. Is i ok to fool around with a guy when you are currently not an form of contraception. I know sex is a definite no no....
A. 31 May 2010: It's never a good idea to take a chance. ... (read in full...)
Why has my partner suddenly changed his tune and wants to break up?
Q. i have been with my b/f for over 3and a half years and he told me yesterday he didn't want a long term relationship with me anymore. i have recently moved house and live with my son, who has mental health problems. a year ago i asked my b/f if h...
A. 31 May 2010: Given that he has his own problems, I'd suggest that he's avoiding having to confront his problems and rather than deal with them, he's just running away. I think since he has drinking problems, this may be the better thing. I don't think he ever ... (read in full...)
I'm completely ready to give up my whole life for my online crush of 5years. Is this normal?
Q. I'm 16 years old and I'm convinced that I'm completely in love with someone I've never met. We've spoken to each other online for 5 years, the first time we spoke then and got to know each other we'd said we liked each other but then disregarded ...
A. 31 May 2010: It is normal for girls your age to feel this way. Girls mature at a fast rate than boys do, and many do fall for older guys. Also, there are some who have left home for these men. Many have made a huge mistake. Now you can believe me or not, and you ... (read in full...)
Sexless husband at his limit..
Q. My wife and I do not have a sex life. In the past 3 years we have made love once. We don't flirt, no passionate kissing or anything. Pretty much she is like my sister. She is a decent mother and a good friend but the spark is gone. She has g...
A. 31 May 2010: Well, I think given that you've tried everything, you now need to tell her that this is really affecting you to the point where you need answers, or your marriage is going to fall apart. She does need to be open with you, if nothing else. So I think ... (read in full...)
I broke up with him, but now I'm not sure.
Q. Hi, I have just ask my 2 years boyfriend a breakup. It has not even reached 24hours yet and I already wish he will be knocking on my door. He admitted that we both have flaws. He said I cannot see his openness to and see it as not caring. As ...
A. 31 May 2010: All I can say is carry on as you are and make sure you're keeping busy with friends and work. You are doing the right thing. You know he's not into you as much as you are into him. That's what you have to keep remembering here. If you try to go back ... (read in full...)
I did everything he wanted and he still broke up with me
Q. Okay I started dating this guys five years ago, in the beggining he didnt want a relationship but after we became intimate,and i threatened to walk away if i dint get a title, he said lets be official. In the beggining my weight bothered him. I was ...
A. 31 May 2010: Stop talking to him already. That's what you have to do. ... (read in full...)
His ex's facebook page says they had sex, he denies it!
Q. My boyfriends cell phone is always going off with phone calls and text messages (mostly work related), on a few occasions he has left the room and it was late at night and it was his ex texting him. I asked him about it and expressed my concerns. He ...
A. 28 May 2010: Stay silent and do more digging. There does seem to be something going on, but he won't own up so you need to do more checking around. His response that she's crazy is a a pretty weak one to be honest.... (read in full...)
B/f chooses to go in with his sister rather than me to buy his parents a gift
Q. Should I be offended if my bf chooses to go in on a b.day gift with his sister instead of with me for one of his parents? I asked him first and he said he wanted to ask his sister first. We've been dating over a year and are in a serious ...
A. 28 May 2010: I think he probably went with his sister because he and his sister will know more about what their parents will like. I don't think it's anything to worry about. ... (read in full...)
I'd like his parents to know about their soon to be born grandchildren
Q. Im 6 months pregnant me and my boyfriend have been in a relationship for almost 2 years now when i first got pregnant he didnt want the baby at all but he said that he wouldnt leave us.but as the months gone by hes very distance i call he doesnt ...
A. 27 May 2010: I think you need to prepare yourself for the fact that you are going to be a single mum. He's not ready to be a father, and is not coping with the idea. He is legally responsible though, so at some point you'll need to talk to him or get a lawyer. ... (read in full...)
My mother is dying and I'm having thoughts of cheating on my husband..what is going on??
Q. Hi. I need a lot of opinions on this, may be from your own experience, but i really need to understand what's going w/me before i go and spend 200/hour on a therapist. I am in my early forties, been married for over 20 years, and my marriage is v...
A. 27 May 2010: A few weeks ago, my girlfriend and I had an argument where she claimed I wasn't supporting her and was like her ex husband. As you can imagine, this came as a surprise since I've done everything possible to ensure I'm not like him. So we ended up ... (read in full...)
Can you give a BJ to a guy with a condom?
Q. Is it possible to give a BJ to a guy who has a condom? Like what if the girl does not want to swallow or spit out? Also, you can get STDs from oral sex, can you prevent it with a condom?...
A. 27 May 2010: Yes, you can get STD's from oral sex and you can prevent them with a condom. And yes you can give oral sex with a condom. ... (read in full...)
He cheated and thinks I'm blowing it out of proportion
Q. Need some advice!!! My fiance have been together for almost 10 yrs now,he cheated on me with a lady from a local bar right b4 we were to get married 3yrs ago! I have tried to work past that but he still talks with the woman and just recently I found ...
A. 27 May 2010: I don't think you're even going to get to the wedding, and the more you stay with this man the more you're going to get hurt and waste time. It's all to clear to me that he doesn't care about you or your feelings at all. You can do so much better. ... (read in full...)
My husband has been cheating with his sister-in-law, and won't give her up
Q. My husband has been cheating on me for years with his brothers wife. I never could understand why she was phoning him constanly. I even tried to talk to her about it. She later started spreading rumours about me. Telling people, my husband included ...
A. 27 May 2010: End it. ... (read in full...)
He has an online business and strange behaviour -- is he keeping something from me?
Q. Im 16 and my boyfriend is 19. we have been together officially about 3 weeks but casually dated for a month before that. he has a job and gets paid fairly good money, $9.55 an hour, but he sells a lot of things online. he always has money to blow ...
A. 27 May 2010: He's into something illegal, that's for sure. Get away from him. ... (read in full...)
I'm not happy with my partner, should I leave him?
Q. I need help I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years. I've got a 3 year old son with him, and I've just found out I'm pregnant again. I should be happy but I'm not, I don't think i love him anymore. i'm miserable all the time he hasn't done anyt...
A. 27 May 2010: You're not wrong or selfish or cruel or anything like that if you finish it. But be sure you've done everything you can before you do. If he's done nothing wrong, and you've only felt like this for 6 months, then maybe this is something that can be ... (read in full...)
Trying to have a baby, and nothing has happened. What should I do?
Q. i'm trying to get pregnant from march we don't use condoms, don't worry we do go for tests. i haven't fallen pregnant still, i want my own baby as much as my boyfriend, her family and my mother want grandchildren. i just want to know what to do. h...
A. 27 May 2010: Go to a doctor and get both yourself and your boyfriend checked. That will rule out medical problems. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seems keen on having a baby, but says it's not 'good timing'. What should I do?
Q. Hi. I want to have kids, I want it so bad, but my boyfriend (lived together for 1 year, dated for 2) doesn't seem completely sure. He seems very keen on having kids but also says its not "good timing". I've just finished studying and I don't have a ...
A. 27 May 2010: Listen to him and wait. I'm sure you can't wait to be a mum, but that's the best thing to do. You both need to be in a good position before you can have kids. You don't want to have a child only to realize you can't afford it. No harm in waiting ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants us to live with his parents. What should I do?
Q. Hello. I have a problem. My bf wants us to live in the same house as his parents. And even if I like them, I'm not sure I want to live quite so close to them. What should I do: tell him no and maybe lose him or agree to it?...
A. 27 May 2010: I also agree with Daniel. You let them in, and they will control your every move. So I would say that it's not the best idea. And if he does dump you, then you know that his parents mean more to him than you. Don;t do it.... (read in full...)
My sister is dating someone that doesn't seem right for her. What should I do?
Q. Help! My sister is dating this guy and he doesn't seem right for her at all. What should I do? Should I tell her or shut up and pretend to be happy for her? The absolutely biggest reason that I can point out is that she really wants kids and pretty ...
A. 27 May 2010: Just be there with the box of tissues. This is going to go wrong. He wont' change his mind about children, and you can be sure that she will probably lose her money in this mess. But she has to make her own mistake. There is no way she will listen, ... (read in full...)
Is he just trying to have sex with me? Or do we really connect?
Q. I met a man one night through a mutual friend. He lives a couple states away but asked for my number so that we could "keep in touch." I assumed it was just a friendly thing as I'm a very social person with friends all over the world. But when we ...
A. 27 May 2010: We men are simple souls really. We're predictable. If a man wants sex, he will push for it and if he doesn't get it, he will soon move on. That's pretty much it.
This man has been speaking to you for 3 months, and if he was out to use you, he woul... (read in full...)
Should we know each other's password?
Q. my 5 yrs bf and me were really cool abt facebook. he gave me his facebook password and i gave him mine. i never had any prob with that. but he used to surf my profile and got angry with some guy leaving msg.bhe yelled at me. i initialy used to visit ...
A. 27 May 2010: You should never really give each others' passwords away to be honest. One person always becomes jealous, or worried or takes something the wrong way. As a couple, you are allowed to have some privacy. Facebook is your page where you can chat to ... (read in full...)
Caught cheating twice. Should I keep away till they divorce?
Q. Hi this married man and i have been having affair for nearly four years and we got caught once two years ago and now we got caught again by us calling each other. He told me today his wife wants a divorce, their house is for sale and he says he ...
A. 27 May 2010: You have walked into the classic trap. You've been having an affair with a married man, and now you've realized the mess you've been left with. Even if he does leave her, he will probably end up cheating on you and leaving you. Men and mistresses ... (read in full...)
He's still married, but I'm in love with him, should I be his girlfriend?
Q. please no criticism, I'm asking for advice.... this guy and i are coworkers hes 27 I'm 20. my schedule changed to one that is similar to his so i drove him home from work and stuff for a while. last summer, he just randomly started kissing me. we k...
A. 27 May 2010: He's a cheating married man who will never commit to you. Ever. He won't leave her, no matter what. He just won't. What he will do is continue to use you. You won't have kids with this man, you won't live with him and you will always come second. ... (read in full...)
My husband won't give affection, so I'm seeking it from elsewhere
Q. why do I do what I do? My husband is my world. He is kind, funny, hard working and attractive. But has hard time giving affection. I have been married for nine years and feel "we" will always be. He's been working on affection, but now my mind has ...
A. 27 May 2010: You won't always 'be' at this rate. At some point, he will find out and that will be the end of it. Men aren't stupid, and we are far less forgiving than women. You think that he will look past you cheating? He will not. He will walk out in a ... (read in full...)
Feel like we are in a relationship without the 'title' yet hes so against it
Q. I've been dating a guy for around 5 months now and have always been on the understanding that he doesn't want a girlfriend or a relationship. However of late his behaviour has changed somewhat, he calls 2-3 times a day and texts constantly, makes an ...
A. 27 May 2010: But he's said you're not, and has made it clear that he doesn't want to have a girlfriend. I think he's happy for you to be more of a casual friend. But if you're looking for more, at this time you won't get it from this man. I think you want more, ... (read in full...)
She's rejected others. What chance do I have?
Q. I'm a senior, this girl i am just smitten with has some history with me, we never dated but i was close. In the end i fell short, because i couldn't overcome fear of rejection. I've regained confidence and a year later i feel like i can do this. I ...
A. 27 May 2010: Yes, but maybe she doesn't want the sports player with the big ego who she can't stand. Maybe she doesn't want her ex. Maybe she just wants a normal guy who knows how to treat her right and not cheat on her and actually just love her. I used to be ... (read in full...)
Is it a good idea to ask her why?
Q. Me and my ex have been broken up for 2 1/2 months now going on 3. The reason's behind the break up are to this day not entirely clear, it was a quick break up, meaning she never really allowed me to have a say or express my side of the story. For ...
A. 27 May 2010: I don't think it is. Here's why. If she said 'it's not you, it's me', you'd ask her why. If she then said 'I was just unhappy', you'd ask why. And it would continue. Every answer you get, you'd need to ask another question and you'll never get an ... (read in full...)
She says she has issues
Q. I was dating this girl for four months and we were having the best sex ever. Hears the problem she has been married twice both of them the guys have cheated on her and she has four children between the two marriages and her last husband molested one ...
A. 27 May 2010: Really, though it's hard, you're better off without her. She's a woman who has a huge amount going on in her life, and she just needs to focus on that right now. ... (read in full...)
I broke up with him, but now I'm not sure.
Q. Hi, I have just ask my 2 years boyfriend a breakup. It has not even reached 24hours yet and I already wish he will be knocking on my door. He admitted that we both have flaws. He said I cannot see his openness to and see it as not caring. As ...
A. 24 May 2010: No drugs for a start. I'm afraid this is very much a case of you getting out there with other friends and keeping buys with work and such. It's only been 24 hours, and you're already feeling this way. You need to let him go. There are too many ... (read in full...)
I did everything he wanted and he still broke up with me
Q. Okay I started dating this guys five years ago, in the beggining he didnt want a relationship but after we became intimate,and i threatened to walk away if i dint get a title, he said lets be official. In the beggining my weight bothered him. I was ...
A. 17 May 2010: Well let him go. He'll only destroy you. Forget about him. ... (read in full...)
I did everything he wanted and he still broke up with me
Q. Okay I started dating this guys five years ago, in the beggining he didnt want a relationship but after we became intimate,and i threatened to walk away if i dint get a title, he said lets be official. In the beggining my weight bothered him. I was ...
A. 11 May 2010: The problem was that you weren't sticking up for yourself. He was a really controlling and manipulative man, and you needed to get away from him. It doesn't matter what you do for someone. If they're bad, then you are going down a dark road. You ... (read in full...)
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