| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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What's this boy up to?
Q. im 15 and i got out with a boy in my year. he is so sweet and weve been dating for about 3 weeks now :) he chats to me for hours everytime he is on facebook or msn or anything, and we talk about everything. every time he has to go he says i love you ...
A. 21 June 2010: Because like a lot of young men, he's just worried about what his friends will say. Young teenage man don't make very good boyfriends to be honest.... (read in full...)
He dumped me, but says he doesn't want to lose me!
Q. Well...I just got dumped and was with the guy for almost a year it wouldve been a year next month on the 16 :( but me and him still keep in touch he tells me he loves me..I say the same but he tells me that he feels like i'm getting hurt to much by ...
A. 21 June 2010: Just cut all contact. Why would you want to play hard to get with a guy like this? Let him clear off. ... (read in full...)
Girl trouble! Very bad!
Q. This the first time this has happened to me. So me and this girl have been good friends for about 6 months. Well just out of nowhere about a week ago she says she likes me so we start going out. four days later she says “so what do you think about ...
A. 21 June 2010: At your age, you're going to find out that no one really knows how they feel. Very occasionally, I do believe that teenagers can fall in love and that it can work out. Other than that, teenagers are out to find out who they are, so frequently change ... (read in full...)
Why do women fake being pregnant?
Q. Why do women fake being pregnant. Twice in my life (not now) I've had girl fake that they are pregnant with my child. I've called them out each time. One was normal girl, who I would never expect that behavior from. She was a fling of sorts but a ...
A. 21 June 2010: I'm sorry to the female respondents. I love you all, but there is no way that he can shoulder the blame for them coming to him to claim they're pregnant. They were up for casual sex as much as he was, so it's upon their heads when they start to get ... (read in full...)
She blew up in my face out of nowhere and now I want to end it with her!
Q. I am 26 and my girlfriend is 24. We have been together for 2.5 years and have been living together for 2 years. She had a bad ex-boyfriend who abused her physically and mentally and unfortunately brought a hell of a lot of insecurities to the ...
A. 21 June 2010: I think you just have to explain that you've decided the relationship isn't working out, and that you think it's time to move on. You're right to end it. Too many people put up with this sort of treatment. Yes, she has her problems and she has been ... (read in full...)
Why does weight matter?
Q. Hello, I was wondering about this for quite a while. Why do guys typically avoid girls who are somewhat overweight? I am perfectly average for my height and age, but I was asking on behalf of my friend. She is fifteen pounds overweight, but she ...
A. 21 June 2010: It's the media. Young men see image after image of skinny women such as actresses and models and become deluded into thinking that all women should be like that. As a lot of guys grow older though, many suddenly wake up and realize that there is a ... (read in full...)
It takes him so long to ejaculate!
Q. My partner is unable to ejaculate, we have tried various methods but to no avail, it takes him over 2 hours to make himself ejaculate through masturbation. Could this be medical problem or is this just natural for him? ...
A. 21 June 2010: Two hours!! He needs to see a doctor. ... (read in full...)
Girl trouble! Very bad!
Q. This the first time this has happened to me. So me and this girl have been good friends for about 6 months. Well just out of nowhere about a week ago she says she likes me so we start going out. four days later she says “so what do you think about ...
A. 21 June 2010: Well, you've struck upon the problem. You don't know what she's on about, and because she's said so little, neither do I. So your first best bet is to ask her what she means. Just ask her gently "What did you mean when you asked us about going back ... (read in full...)
He dumped me, but says he doesn't want to lose me!
Q. Well...I just got dumped and was with the guy for almost a year it wouldve been a year next month on the 16 :( but me and him still keep in touch he tells me he loves me..I say the same but he tells me that he feels like i'm getting hurt to much by ...
A. 21 June 2010: Of course you'll find someone better. You'll find many guys who are a lot better than him. ... (read in full...)
Used me as rebound girl for 5 months? Is this good revenge on him?
Q. Does he really want me or is he still hung over his ex gf? When I first met boyfriend, he would rant on and on to me about his ex, how she was psycho and all. I felt it was okay since we were just friends given the distance between us it would be...
A. 21 June 2010: I'm always suspicious of people who go on about their ex's all the time. It usually means they've not over them, or not over the pain of losing them. Both are bad, because without them being over that person, they can't move on. So that's Red Flag ... (read in full...)
Why do women fake being pregnant?
Q. Why do women fake being pregnant. Twice in my life (not now) I've had girl fake that they are pregnant with my child. I've called them out each time. One was normal girl, who I would never expect that behavior from. She was a fling of sorts but a ...
A. 21 June 2010: Desperation. That's what is it. Neither woman wanted to lose you, so they lied hoping you'd come back. But if if I were you, I'd look at the women you're picking. I've never met a woman like this before. I'm pretty sure most women don't do this. You ... (read in full...)
There's always little things in every relationship that don't need to be said.
Q. I love my girlfriend and couldn't ask for anything better, we tell each other everything. When it comes to our past partners I have told her the truth (3 people before) but have lied about who they are. Just about ages, because I was kind of ...
A. 21 June 2010: I reckon you're right. You should read some of the posts on here from people who have become hugely insecure after asking about pasts. I don't even think pasts need to be talked about. All a person ever needs to know is that you're STD free and not ... (read in full...)
He dumped me, but says he doesn't want to lose me!
Q. Well...I just got dumped and was with the guy for almost a year it wouldve been a year next month on the 16 :( but me and him still keep in touch he tells me he loves me..I say the same but he tells me that he feels like i'm getting hurt to much by ...
A. 21 June 2010: Well, doesn't that just say it all? His whole response says everything you need to know about him. What a jackass. He can't just dump you then get huffy when you move on. Make a promise to yourself never to allow a man like this into your life ... (read in full...)
The condom broke
Q. Hello, ok so today my girlfriend and i had sex for the first time. We were both virgins and I had protection during intercourse. Before i came i pulled out and the condom wasnt broken or anything. So she said to put another one on. So i rinsed t...
A. 21 June 2010: It's possible. If you only did it today, then she can take the emergency pill NOW. As for condoms, the rule is use one for each time you have sex. That means if you stop at ANY time, you get another one. ... (read in full...)
What's this boy up to?
Q. im 15 and i got out with a boy in my year. he is so sweet and weve been dating for about 3 weeks now :) he chats to me for hours everytime he is on facebook or msn or anything, and we talk about everything. every time he has to go he says i love you ...
A. 21 June 2010: Okay, first of all, drop the whole 'ignore him and he will come' thing. There's not a man alive who will fall for that. If a guy can't make it, he just can't and you have to accept it. Fact is, he could't make it. So next time, don't make the ... (read in full...)
He dumped me, but says he doesn't want to lose me!
Q. Well...I just got dumped and was with the guy for almost a year it wouldve been a year next month on the 16 :( but me and him still keep in touch he tells me he loves me..I say the same but he tells me that he feels like i'm getting hurt to much by ...
A. 20 June 2010: I really wouldn't waste time if I were you. His bitchiness might not go away at all. ... (read in full...)
Can he have feelings for you even though he makes fun of you with his friends?
Q. Do you think a guy can have feelings for you even though he makes fun of you with his friends? Guys will be guys, they love picking on girls to get a reaction outa them (esp. with his boys) but when this guy is with me alone, he is THE SWEETEST AND ...
A. 20 June 2010: I have a feeling that he fancies you. This is a pretty classic sign of a man fancying a woman. Try talking to him and finding out how he really feels.... (read in full...)
Is trying to make me jealous a "dump-able" offense?
Q. He tries to make me jealous, Is this a dump able offense? The guy I've been seeing for a month or so constantly comments on other women, be it the girl from running club, a co-worker or even the newsreader. He's very complementary of me too and ha...
A. 20 June 2010: I think you've gone and picked a player. Pure and simple. He'll just use you, then lose you when he's done. You're wasting so much time with him. ... (read in full...)
I want to rekindle our romance. Should I ask him to marry me?
Q. hey my boyfriend broke up with me because we are going around in circles and he feels the love gone and he says we never get back together so no point talking about it. but hes the one for me he was always the one for me but i guess i never really ...
A. 20 June 2010: No way. Slow right down. You're not reading the signs here. He broke up with you and has given his reasons. Asking him to marry you is a major mistake, because he will say no. It's not a matter that he might, the fact is he will say no. This has ... (read in full...)
I said that the outset that I only wanted a sexual relationship, but now I'm wanting more
Q. When i broke up with my boyfriend at the end of last year i started meeting up with this boy who had also just got out of a long term relationship.. at first we used to go out for drinks etc then we eventually slept together and i said how i was up ...
A. 20 June 2010: I think the only way for you to find out is to talk to him. And you need to do it soon while your feelings aren't so strong. He could be interested, but this could just be a FWB situation. You need to talk to him. If he is just in it for the sex, ... (read in full...)
Should I give it time or let him go? I'm getting too old for flings.
Q. I have been dating a guy for 4 months now, he is 38 and I am 37. we spend two to three nights a week together, talk and text all day everday, go hiking, play tennis, etc. I will sleep in at his house when he goes to work and he will come home on his ...
A. 20 June 2010: Bottom line is he has said he is not looking to commit, and he's seeing other woman. The longer you wait to see where it goes, the more you are going to fall for him and get very hurt. If you're looking for something more, then it's time to move on ... (read in full...)
Why would my new friend lie about being Italian?
Q. Hi, My post will probably seem odd but here goes... I have been at my current job for about 4 months and there's this 1 girl, Claire who befriended me recently. It all started because she found out I was Italian and said she was too, ...
A. 20 June 2010: Sometimes people do stupid things to fit in. I think she wanted to befriend you and fit in, so made this stupid lie up. I don't think it's anything to worry about. ... (read in full...)
I'm supposed to go on holiday with him and his mum tomorrow, but I don't want to go!
Q. Hi. I have been having problems with my boyfriend lately. I'm supposed to be going on holiday with him and his mum tomorrow, but i dont want to go. he said " you're dead if you dont come " because his mum paid for the rooms. We only have to take ...
A. 20 June 2010: "You're dead if you don't come"
He blamed you for hanging out with this other woman.
He doesn't have a job because of "back problems"
He swears at you when he's angry.
He lies.
The list of things that is wrong here is quite big. He sounds... (read in full...)
Does anyone have a real chance with winning his heart if he isn't over her?
Q. My friend was with his first girlfriend for six months from september 2008 up until march 2009. He kept telling us about how awful the relationship was after the first couple of months and to this day he still talks about it. All of his relations...
A. 20 June 2010: If he's not over her, no woman will convert him. He needs to be over her before anyone does anything with him, or that woman will always be second best. And as the post below says, it's worrying that he claims all his ex's were psychos. It's more ... (read in full...)
Relationship blues
Q. A 4 month relationship, and she is very spiritual, tarot cards, and I am very confused. I think she is trying to get me jealous( lookin 4 attention), but I am not sure. She doesn't talk to me over the phone, but only text me. She has told me its up ...
A. 20 June 2010: I'm not sure where's she's coming from at all. I mean, she wont' talk and seems to be making you jealous? God know what's up to. Seems to me though like maybe you should avoid her and find a woman who's willing to put more effort in. ... (read in full...)
We hooked up and now he says he wishes we hadn't done that
Q. During the last 8 months or so of my unhappy, abusive marriage I met up with someone I "knew of" many years ago. He expressed an interest in me but with me being married nothing could be. We stayed in contact and even flirted with each other. I ...
A. 20 June 2010: I think he has his own problems and thought that being with you would help to solve them. It clearly didn't, so now he's even more confused and still has all his own problems.
I think right now, you need to be focused on your own life. You'be c... (read in full...)
We're both married but while drunk I told colleague how I feel about him!
Q. What should I do? I have a crush on a collegue who I have worked with for over 2 years. We have become good friends and sometimes there is chemistry which we both ignore as we are married. Last year he had a one night with another colleague of whi...
A. 20 June 2010: Well if I were you, I'd be more afraid that this has the potential to ruin your marriage and that you'd end up used.
"I've never been happy with my wife" is male talk for "I'm happy generally, but will also happily use you as a bit on the side... (read in full...)
Is he gay if he likes anal massages?
Q. i was just curious about something. been with my partner 2 years, we are really happy together and have high sex drives (we are at it everyday most of the time) the other night he guided my finger up his bum, while he led there masturbating and he c...
A. 20 June 2010: No. Some guys have this fetish. It doesn't mean he's gay at all. ... (read in full...)
Should I Give Up on Boyfriend?
Q. I've been on and off with my current boyfriend for about five months now. It has been a really rough few months. There were two breakup periods but in the end I gave in and went back to him. He never once contacted or tried to be back with me, it ...
A. 20 June 2010: Yes, end it. At just five months, you should not be breaking up like this, and he's clearly not as interested as you are. Move on now. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend went on a jealousy rampage..how do I convince him it is unfounded?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend now for 6 months. I have fallen madly in love with him. We have been talking about getting married after he is done with basic training for the military, and want to be with each other forever. He was staying the week...
A. 20 June 2010: Leave NOW. This man is displaying all the signs of a seriously jealous and angry man, and that points to someone who is unsafe to be around. How long until he punches you, I wonder? Don't do the classic abused woman thing and stay with him. It's a ... (read in full...)
I can't fall in love?
Q. Hi! I want to have a boyfriend but why I can't fall in love. How to fall in love with a person?...
A. 20 June 2010: You just have to get out there and meet men. There is no manual to falling in love. It just happens when you meet someone and get to know them. If you want a boyfriend, you need to be out there meeting men. ... (read in full...)
Found photos of his ex
Q. Following a female intuition-thing, I snooped through all the thumb drives my b/f has in his briefcase while he was asleep. When he goes on business trips, he always takes photos of the job site, the people he works with, I don't know what I was ...
A. 20 June 2010: There was no trust anyway, so it's not like there's anything left to be destroyed. If he has all those other pictures, then it could be one that he doesn't even know he has. It was 1 picture, and is something that you can throw out now yourself. ... (read in full...)
Is he dumping me and looking for someone else?
Q. I don't know what to think? I met this guy online a few months ago and thought we hit it off. For the first month, we just texted and got to know each other and then met up and had a few dates. We then slept together and then things started t...
A. 20 June 2010: Oh dear. I think you've been used. You contacted each other for about a month, then had sex after a few dates and he's not so bothered anymore. I think you've been used. Especially if he's logged back into that site as well. I know the others say ... (read in full...)
Is he using me? He tries to force me to be in the mood for sex when I am not and we never make love.
Q. Ive been having this feeling for a long time now. i have no idea what it is or where its coming from but its really bothering me. for starters, im in a relationship with a guy that ive been with for a year now... and we are sexually active ...
A. 20 June 2010: It sounds like he's using to you to me. If nothing else, he's not listening to you, not attending to your needs and not really doing anything to show you he loves you. He just takes what he wants whether you're in the mood or not. It doesn't sound ... (read in full...)
How can she end this ordeal?
Q. Ok I have a friend who is 19 and she has a bf who is 22 years old. They have been together for 5 years, but this 5 years of relationship was unhealthy. She broke up and patched backed so many times. They often quarrel and once she told me he have ...
A. 20 June 2010: Bottom line is, unless she does it herself, this is her life. The best thing you can do is get on with your own. Don't waste your life running around after someone who won't help themselves. It's a waste of your time. She won't leave and no one can ... (read in full...)
He dumped me, but says he doesn't want to lose me!
Q. Well...I just got dumped and was with the guy for almost a year it wouldve been a year next month on the 16 :( but me and him still keep in touch he tells me he loves me..I say the same but he tells me that he feels like i'm getting hurt to much by ...
A. 20 June 2010: End it and make it clear you don't want him in your life. You're Plan B. If he doesn't get someone else, he'll just come back to you and use you until he does. You can do better. After all, if he did care about you, he would still be with you. He's ... (read in full...)
Could he be sleeping with someone else?
Q. My BF and I have been seeing each other for a year. We live quite far apart so only get together most weekends. when we started seeing each other, we both went for an STD check up and got the all clear. Recently I had an unrelated problem with my ...
A. 20 June 2010: It sounds like he had to have an STD check to rule anything else out. I would have thought that if he had cheated, he would have said nothing. As it is there just isn't any proof at all that he's cheating. ... (read in full...)
My daughter's biological father is a bad influence, do I have a right to keep him from seeing her?
Q. I'm probably in the the wrong place, i need legal advice really... but i stumbled across this site and everyone seems so helpfull, i guess i just need to know if i'm doing the right thing or not?? I'm 22 and when i was 17 i stupidly got dru...
A. 20 June 2010: He does sound like a bit if a nightmare. The key is actually your own daughter's response. She doesn't seem to happy about seeing him at all. If you do think he is a bad influence, then you need evidence (photos, recordings etc). The courts don't ... (read in full...)
I can't help being possessive!
Q. I'm becoming overly possesive and very, very paranoid. I have been with my boyfriend for just over 2 years, a for the first year it was bliss. we spent a nice amount of time together, but giving each other enough space. now, i hate him not ringing ...
A. 20 June 2010: You need to take a very good look at your own life. Are you happy? Are you going out and having fun? Do you have hobbies that keep you busy? Have you become too dependent? Things like that. The only way you can stop this is to understand why you do ... (read in full...)
Does he find normal sex boring?
Q. my boyfriend and i are having issues with sex. I want sex alot but he says that he hates it to often as it gets borin! Im gettin frustrated as im always the 1 givin oral and bring in toys etc to spice things up but i get hardly any input on his ...
A. 20 June 2010: He seems to take more than he gives. After the effort you've put in, I think you need to look at this relationship as a whole and see how much effort he's really putting in. It sounds to me like he's not all that bothered about this relationship. ... (read in full...)
Does he want a relationship or just sex?
Q. Hi, so i'm in a relationship with this lad about 100 miles away, and i go to where he lives about 7 times a year and love him so much. Ive always liked him for two years but never thought we could have a relationship, as when i have asked in th...
A. 20 June 2010: All he wants is sex. If he wanted anything more than sex, he would have made far more effort. Men are more predictable like that. If we want a woman for more than just sex, there will always be more effort. ... (read in full...)
Why is it an insult to be labeled a feminist?
Q. Why is it an insult to be labeled a feminist now? A true feminist wants equality in every aspect. Why is that so bad? A true feminist never says things like, "the world would be better if women were in charge." A feminist just wants women and men to ...
A. 18 June 2010: Actually OP, statistically men aged between 18 and 24 are the most likely to victims of violence. Not women. And that group is then followed by men between the ages of 40-49. The majority of violence is in fact committed by men against other men. It ... (read in full...)
Why is it an insult to be labeled a feminist?
Q. Why is it an insult to be labeled a feminist now? A true feminist wants equality in every aspect. Why is that so bad? A true feminist never says things like, "the world would be better if women were in charge." A feminist just wants women and men to ...
A. 17 June 2010: Interesting. Thanks OlderSister. You know that's the first time the whole idea of feminism has actually been explained? No one ever before has actually explained what it is that women actually want from all this. All I've ever heard is that the ... (read in full...)
Why is it an insult to be labeled a feminist?
Q. Why is it an insult to be labeled a feminist now? A true feminist wants equality in every aspect. Why is that so bad? A true feminist never says things like, "the world would be better if women were in charge." A feminist just wants women and men to ...
A. 17 June 2010: This is a good topic actually. And perhaps there is an answer. I have an interesting question for the women who are answering this. There is a reason with it, so bear with me. I'm hoping for some good answers, rather than ones suggesting I'm sexist, ... (read in full...)
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