| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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My husband isn't circumcized and it really turns me off!
Q. *OP's Original Title* My husband isn't circumcized, and sometimes it turns me off. When I first met him, it wasn't really an issue, because of all the nice things that he used to do for me. But lately we have been trying to get pregnant, and Maki...
A. 24 June 2010: Well, to be honest I think you're going to find it difficult. You're basically asking him to go under the knife for you, after you've married him and already accepted him for who he is. It would be like him telling you to suddenly get surgery ... (read in full...)
I lied about previous job but my new boss is my old boss's wife. How do I handle this?
Q. I am not sure what to do. i got a job yesterday and i lied to the woman who hired me that i have not been employed anywhere else. i was afraid she would not hire me to see i quit my last job. the problem is i found out the lady who hired me is ...
A. 23 June 2010: You need to be honest. Or at some point it will come out and they may be able to sack you and not pay you since you liked. Bite the bullet and be honest. And hey, you never know, but they might like your attitude and your willingness to go further ... (read in full...)
Going to a party and need ideas on how to get a guy to notice me!
Q. I am going to a party this weekend and i need ideas on how to make a guy notice you. I like a boy in my grade and he says he will ask me out but he hasn't yet! I need to make him ask soon... Any ideas?...
A. 23 June 2010: Go up to him and talk to him. Smile, flirt a little. Look into his eyes. And if he hasn't asked after that, he never will,. ... (read in full...)
Disappearing men dilemma! Can someone explain this to me?
Q. My question is about dissapearing men. In my experience they dissapear without absolutely no logic in it. There are moments in my life when i stop liking a guy who i am seeing. I tell him that, despite the fact that it's very much not my favorite ...
A. 23 June 2010: You need to look very carefully at the type of man you're choosing. When the same thing happens to you over and over again, it means there's something you're not learning. Maybe you're choosing unstable guys who just want sex and nothing else, so ... (read in full...)
He loved the handjob so does that mean he's interested in me?
Q. Last night i was having a sleepover with 3 of my best friends, two of which are guys. were all 16. we decided to watch some movies and hangout but before all the movies were done two of my friends were out, leaving only me and my guy friend the only ...
A. 23 June 2010: I don't think so. In the heat of the moment he decided to get a quick thrill. That's as far is this went really. And he even went on to say that you were best friends. You need to be careful that he doesn't end up using you. ... (read in full...)
Will it give me closure to meet up with my ex?
Q. About two months ago i broke up with my long distance boyfriend of two years, i have been fine up until the last few weeks ive just been in so much emotional pain, i cant stop crying and i feel sick all the time. I cant remember why i ended it and ...
A. 23 June 2010: You'll never get any closure. No one ever does, really. There is always another question that you'll have. This isn't a good idea, and though I respect Big Ron's point of view, the truth is he doesn't need to give you closure. He doesn't need to ... (read in full...)
Staying-out-of-trouble advice when meeting teens
Q. There seems to be a lot of information around about how to avoid predators and stuff on the Internet, but not much on how to avoided being called one. There's this teen I've been chatting on-line with for a while, who is talking about coming to see ...
A. 23 June 2010: Seems to me that you're walking into a mess here. I'm not sure this is too good an idea. One slip up and you'll be on the register. ID's can be faked, and her mother can be lied to. This doesn't seem too good an idea to me.... (read in full...)
Is it the right time to propose to him? Last time he said it was too early.
Q. I've been with him just over a year and one month. So far the main problem has been that his first ex (whom he loved like mad) wants him back. But he says he never go back to her and loves me alot. I want to propose to him but not sure how? Cause ...
A. 23 June 2010: Propose after he already turned you down? I think you're moving a little too quickly here. I would really slow down here. You're in an LDR, you're not really in a financially perfect situation, he's already turned you down and there is this ex ... (read in full...)
If he loves me then why aren't we together?
Q. My exboyfriend and i had a break up but we never really got closure. We still hang out and hook up every once in a while. He is "talking" to another girl and one day when we were arguing he said his feelings are stronger for her than they are for ...
A. 23 June 2010: You're being kept around as a Plan B to boost his ego. It's clear he doesn't' want you until he knows where he stands with other girls. Stop wasting your time with this guy and move on. ... (read in full...)
Radical Right-Wing Romeo Drives Juliet Crazy! Help!
Q. My boyfriend is a Christian. We've been together 1 and 1/2 years. I consider myself a lapsed-catholic. He feels very strongly about his beliefs, namely he's totally against abortion and homosexuality. My sister is transgendered and in the process of ...
A. 23 June 2010: Your final sentence says it all. You've even tried to talk to him and it hasn't worked. That just says it all. You would be the mad one if you didn't leave him now. He makes you depressed, claims that the work you're trying to do with school is ... (read in full...)
My sister in law insulted me and accused me of things I never did! What do I do?
Q. My husband's sister Rudee called me last night. She unceasingly insulted me in every possible way and blaming me for saying something, which in fact I had never thought of. I was dumbfounded by her cruel and rude words. When I asked her to let me ...
A. 23 June 2010: Just don't speak to her. Everyone knows you've done nothing wrong. Your husband completely supports you, and you know you're in the right. Just let her cool down and get on with your own life. ... (read in full...)
My nagging pushed him away and now he wants me back!
Q. Me and the long distance boyfriend have been up and down for the past few months. His ex gf has been contacting him trying to get back together with him. Each time he stated no but did not tell her about me, reasons unknown. I felt maybe there wa...
A. 23 June 2010: You're coming across as a woman with very low self esteem here. His ex got into contact with him, and then he claims you'd been pushing him away, and you even believe that your 'nagging' is responsible. To top it off, he spoke to this other woman ... (read in full...)
We're going on a double date, but she wants to bring along a guy she thinks is hot!
Q. I have been seeing this girl for a while recently . and we have been on and off dating. right now we are in one of those off parts of the relationship. But we are so close to eachother that we still go out like we are still dating . its hard to ...
A. 23 June 2010: My friend, I think it's time to take of those rose tinted love glasses and see what you're dealing with here. Your relationship with this girl is on/off all the time, which means that it's not working at all. And, it has to be said that she does ... (read in full...)
My cousin and I are both separately married but are thinking of running away together!
Q. Okay well my cousin [20yrs] and i[23yrs] have been having sex for 5 yrs. it started off as a fling sorta thing and at one point we didn't see or date anyone else but each other. now he is settle with a an older woman with kids and i am married ...
A. 23 June 2010: You can't just run away. Your husband will have rights to see his son, and if your son finds out you're seeing your cousin, that could cause him problems. I'm not sure you're thinking this through properly. Running away seems great until you look at ... (read in full...)
I don't want his partner and her son to move in because I want him for myself!
Q. Ok, I was having an affair with a man. I'm married. He was married for twenty something years (almost divorced) and has a non live in partner, they have been together for a few years. We were caught out by my husband. My husband and I have ag...
A. 23 June 2010: Can you not read between the lines on this one? You believe you're not having a fling. He IS having a fling. You think he is your soulmate? To him, you are the mistress. Not only did he get a divorce from his wife, but he now has another partner. So ... (read in full...)
Is it unfair of me to be upset?
Q. Me and my boyfriend just moved in with each other a couple of months ago. Its mostly going great, just one small problem. About 1 - 2 nights during the week my boyfriend goes out alone and drinks with his friends. And this really upsets me for some ...
A. 23 June 2010: From a male point of view, this is the sort of thing that scares us. You are being unreasonable, because he's only going out twice a week, sometimes not even that. What you need to do is look at why you're so insecure about him going out. Why is it ... (read in full...)
Am I being used as a doormat? Is something going on?
Q. I am 35 i have been in a rocky relatonship for almost 7 yrs,my partner has a 24 yr old son from previos relatioship and we have 2 little ones together. i recently suppected there maybe a interest in him with his ex as he had arranged to meet her one ...
A. 23 June 2010: You need to do some real digging. ... (read in full...)
He had his ex girlfriends picture as his profile on facebook ...
Q. im a 14 yr old girl and my boyfriend of like a month had his profile picture on facebook as his ex girlfriend who just happens to be one of my friends.when he saw that i was online he changed it to my picture.is he cheating?????...
A. 23 June 2010: When was he last on facebook?... (read in full...)
He threw out his ring so I threw out mine! What does it mean?
Q. My b/f and I were having an argument the other day on the highway coming home, at one point during the fight, he pulled off his ring and put it on the dash of the car. A few minutes later he pulled over, rolled down the window and threw the ring ...
A. 23 June 2010: Actually, there was so much emotion here that you probably love each other very much. The more emotion we show, the more we're hurt, which means we care more. You've both behaved like hot headed toddlers who have thrown your toys out the pram. The ... (read in full...)
I wonder if she is really busy or just doesn't want to go out with me
Q. MODERATOR"S NOTE: Two questions combined from same asker. first off all this girl is pretty and beautiful but when i ask her out on dates she is always busy. I understand that she is in sports and a lot of more things but im starting to get the feel...
A. 23 June 2010: I think she's being kind to you. I don't think she's interested to be honest with you. I think she's just being kind. You've done a lot of running around after her, and all she's done is say she's busy. So step back, don't bother asking anymore and ... (read in full...)
Will he change once the baby is here?
Q. me and my boyfriend have been together for 8 months and in the first few months of being together i got pregnant we love each other and are really happy most of the time, but he does like a drink alot and he says he is drinking now before the babys ...
A. 23 June 2010: A man will change for himself. He will never change for anyone else. Will your boyfriend change? Only if HE wants to. He will not do it for your sake. He will not do it for your baby's sake. I think you need to carefully discuss this with him. Never ... (read in full...)
Am I a bad girlfriend for not wanting him to have long hair?
Q. I really, really don't want my boyfriend to grow his hair long. I don't think I can explain how awful it looks. lol Even his old facebook photos have comments by his friends that his hair looked terrible. I didn't say much when he told me he had p...
A. 23 June 2010: Nope, you're not. Sometimes men need to be kicked a bit (gently, mind you). My girlfriend suggest I change mu hair some time back. I actually took her word for it and changed it and loads of people have said I look better for it. Sometimes men get ... (read in full...)
Why do guys not show feelings?
Q. I was wondering why is it that guys do not show feelings. They act cold and like they could care less. Me and my boyfriend recently broke up 2 months ago. We spent a lot of time together and got close. We had a lot of good times together. I know I ...
A. 23 June 2010: Men haven't ever really been allowed to show feelings. For all the talk that men can show emotion, we really can't. Even when we want to, we always end up looking bad. A friend of mine once cried in front of his girlfriend, and she dumped him ... (read in full...)
How do I get through to him?
Q. I'm having big issues with my boyfriend. We've been rocky for about a month now. We've been dating for over two years and a half. We've never had problems before and now everything is just falling apart. The problem is that he has changed a lot. I ...
A. 23 June 2010: I'll tell you now, leave him or put up with this for the rest of the time you're together. You've tried to get through to him, but he's not there. He is not the person he was before. He is not going to change. A man will not change for anyone else ... (read in full...)
How do I prove my innocence?
Q. How can i prove that i am 100% innocent and am telling the truth to my boyfriend? I stupidly lied to my boyfriend of almost 3 years in a panic because i thought that he would think there was something going on between someone else when there wasn't. ...
A. 23 June 2010: You've already told him the truth. You no longer are required to prove anything. So tell him once more very clearly one more time that you've done nothing. After that, if he continues to act this way, dump him. He sounds very unstable to me, and I'm ... (read in full...)
Help! I'm not attracted to my boyfriend at all!
Q. please help. i am not attracted to my partner at all. i love him and care for him but dont think im in love. i dont get excited about him . but he is the nicest boyfriend and would do anything to make me happy. we have a 7 month old son and i do...
A. 23 June 2010: I'm interested in the fact that you've had a son who's only 7 months old. Have you been feeling this way since you've been pregnant, or since you've given birth? Because this seems like you could be either exhausted or you could be suffering from a ... (read in full...)
Is this just friendship or can it be more?
Q. There is this guy i think he is kinda cute but, im not sure if he likes me like that. I mean when we are together I get butterflies. When we are in class and we get to choose our seats we always sit next to each other and a couple of times we have ...
A. 23 June 2010: I think he likes you a lot more. So just keep talking to each other, keep getting to know him and see where it leads. ... (read in full...)
Cant understand why my bf broke up with me
Q. Ive been broken up with my boyfriend for 2 months but im still so confused and not understanding it. We dated for 8 months. I wasn't just some random girl, we had a relationship. Spent quality time with each other, met some of his friends and ...
A. 23 June 2010: I know it. but it's those questions that will cause you more pain. And that's why you need to move forward. No one will ever be able to answer those questions, including him. You will always have another one. Get through this pain, get back out ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend expresses sudden disinterest with me.
Q. I'm a 24 yr old male with a beautiful 25 year old girlfriend. I have been living with my girlfriend for 2 months now and we've been dating a total of 5 months. When we were dating and didnt have the title of girlfriend yet, she told me several times ...
A. 23 June 2010: If there was ever a commitment phobe, this woman is it. She's had may relationships and they've all broken down. She's just 25. She made it clear she wasn't looking for something that wasn't serious, then moved in with you and now has changed her ... (read in full...)
Ex and I are fighting over his family home. What should I do?
Q. My exhusband and I have been seperated for 3 years now. I filed for divorce because he is an alcholic. We are still not divorced, and it all has to do with a house we own. This house was his grandparents and then we purchased it for 50k. It is now ...
A. 23 June 2010: Well, guess what, you have the lawyer telling you to force the sale and whether your ex likes it or not you're entitled to your share, especially if you helped paid for it. So take it to court and force the sale. Forget your ex. He's angered yes, ... (read in full...)
Cant understand why my bf broke up with me
Q. Ive been broken up with my boyfriend for 2 months but im still so confused and not understanding it. We dated for 8 months. I wasn't just some random girl, we had a relationship. Spent quality time with each other, met some of his friends and ...
A. 23 June 2010: I think if you continue to look for answers, you're going to dog yourself further into the hole you're in. Sometimes, thing just don't work out. Maybe there was another girl. Maybe he wasn't feeling it. Maybe he's not the right guy for you. You will ... (read in full...)
How do I get him to come back without coming right out and just asking him?
Q. I have been seperated from my husband for 19 months now. he lives with his parents and i live with our 3 children. i really really want him back and i dont know what to do. i dont want to come right out and ask him. how can i let him know i want him ...
A. 23 June 2010: A million women have all asked how they can get a man interested without asking. You know how may have done it? None. You know why? Men don't do hints. They do blunt words. If you're serious about wanting him back, don't waste time trying to send ... (read in full...)
Why do guys only pretend to like me until we have sex?
Q. why do guys pretend to like me, but they only want sex from me. then they start being rude and disrespectful....
A. 23 June 2010: I've got this feeling you're picking the wrong guys. Look carefully at the type you're attracted to. ... (read in full...)
How can I begin a friendship with my ex?
Q. I started dating a guy Id literally liked for years but I messed up big time. I was just so nervous and had just come out of a bad relationship so really didnt show him my best side. I was so scared of it going wrong that I couldnt relax and be ...
A. 23 June 2010: Like it or lump it, you are now an ex. And it's very hard to be friends with ex. Even harder is to be friends with an ex who is moving on. Which he is, very clearly. If you were a woman going into a relationship with a guy, would you really be happy ... (read in full...)
Help.... no call!!!
Q. I met a guy online. He initiated contact ;seemed very interested ;asked if we had things in common and all.He asked for my number after 3-4 emails saying he would love to talk and maybe go to lunch.I replied the next day ;gave him my number and told ...
A. 23 June 2010: 3 weeks? No call? He's either not bothered, or not serious. Could be that he's married or something, or that he's just not as interested as you'd hoped. Let him go, find another guy ... (read in full...)
My ex doesn't return my calls. Should I just let go?
Q. I had been dating a guy. we broke up almost four months ago and will he drinks a lot and parties to much. His 10 years my senior and he gets really crazy when he drinks. I have been there through everything and when he was in jail and he has a ...
A. 23 June 2010: No answer? He's over you. Let him go.... (read in full...)
Why can't my boyfriend see sex is not important?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8-9 months and we have sex occasionaly but my boyfriend is always horny but I have trouble getting wet. He thinks that I don't want to have sex with him but I really do. I just can't. When we do have sex it ...
A. 23 June 2010: Whoa. Sex is an important part of a relationship. It's not the single most important part, but there is no way you can expect a man to just switch off. It's not just guys who are horny. Girls are too. If you don't like it, then it could either be ... (read in full...)
I see her as the woman he had an affair with and not the mother of his children
Q. My boyfriend and I split up (He left me) after he had an affair w/his x-wife, it lasted approx 2months when realized a big mistake. We reconciled and now engaged for about 1 yr. I really love him and we are building a life together. They have ...
A. 23 June 2010: The fact is you are the second wife. You always were, and you always will be. He has no right to have her around his place of work, but she has every right to visit her children. She will always be the mother of his children, and that is something ... (read in full...)
Am I being used as a doormat? Is something going on?
Q. I am 35 i have been in a rocky relatonship for almost 7 yrs,my partner has a 24 yr old son from previos relatioship and we have 2 little ones together. i recently suppected there maybe a interest in him with his ex as he had arranged to meet her one ...
A. 23 June 2010: Something's going on. The dirty texts, the secret meetings and a text at 1:15am. And to top it off, he suggested you have to stick this out for the sake of your kids? No, you don't. You do not have to stay with a man who is cheating. At all. But ... (read in full...)
Not sure about what we have, are we friends with benefits?
Q. So I'm hanging out with my ex boyfriend again. I don't know if where dating or not..I haven't asked that..At this point where just having fun...Does that mean where friends with benefits? He hasn't said anything either. He's not the best ...
A. 23 June 2010: Just seems like you're a booty call to me. It's not like he's making much effort really. I think you need to talk to him and find out where you stand. If you don't, one day he might decide you're not the one and dump you and that will be it. You ... (read in full...)
Is she just using me for childcare, or is she going to have me back?
Q. i have been with my partner for 12 years and have 3 kids she started seeing somone behind my back when i found out she kicked me out and moved him in. i want her back and she said she thinks she wants me back and asks me to come round every day when ...
A. 23 June 2010: You're being used if I ever saw it. Sorry, but you need to stop being this woman's doormat. Screw her and take her to court and just get her out of your life. ... (read in full...)
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