| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Am I in a dangerous relationship or am I over-reacting?
Q. Im starting to worry about my boyfriends behavior and it he has the potential to become abusive in the future with our relationship. we have been dating for about 3 months. he is almost twenty and im sixteen. he always wants to be with me. we hang ...
A. 25 June 2010: And that's why you need to never speak to him again. Next time it could be you and not the poor fish. ... (read in full...)
Should I trust the boy who's been hiding his very dark history from me?
Q. Hello, I hooked up with a boy two years younger than me...(I am fifteen.) He was really sweet and passionate, but I just found out about his more-than-unusual past. My mum approached me about it, and let me know that he'd spent quite a bit of time ...
A. 25 June 2010: Whatever happens, just end it. ... (read in full...)
Am I in a dangerous relationship or am I over-reacting?
Q. Im starting to worry about my boyfriends behavior and it he has the potential to become abusive in the future with our relationship. we have been dating for about 3 months. he is almost twenty and im sixteen. he always wants to be with me. we hang ...
A. 25 June 2010: No, you should leave and let him get help himself. You're not his mother, and you're not some martyr. Don't join the other women who all thought their abusive boyfriends needed their help. They ended up beaten or dead. Stop with the 'giving up' ... (read in full...)
What happens in Las Vegas... Really... What's happening in Las Vegas?
Q. We have only been living together for 3 months, and I even moved across country to be with him, as we were long distance for a year and a half. So, one morning before he left (for a boy's weekend in Las Vegas), I walked the bedroom and heard him at ...
A. 25 June 2010: A bunch of men together in Vegas and receipts at a strip club? He went. And his reacting screams that he cheated. ... (read in full...)
What's gotten into him?
Q. *OP's Original Title* I met this guy last year, who I got really close to and in a way, fell head over heals over. He isn't the nicest guy you could meet, he's the cocky, douche, player, immature guy who happens to be really hot! (haha) So during s...
A. 25 June 2010: You've answered your own question. No matter how hot he is, he's still cocky, a douche, a player and an immature guy. You didn't do anything. You were used, like all those other girls before you, and all those others after you. The point is, if you ... (read in full...)
Help! I feel uneasy when I'm out!
Q. I am 21 years old and have an 18 month old son with my boyfriend. I had changed my whole life for him. when i was going to college i invited him to visit me but never did he come so we descided that i was going to transfer my credits to a college in ...
A. 25 June 2010: The big question is why are you so uneasy when you got out? That's the problem, and we need to know why you feel that way. ... (read in full...)
If he likes me, why's he so quiet?
Q. Hello my question is pretty simple. I have a friend and all my friends from the way hes behaved are sure he likes me. The thing is he doesnt speak to me much, sometimes he will and others he wont so they cant tell whether hes generally shy or...
A. 25 June 2010: Don't underestimate how shy men can be. He sounds very shy. The fact he can act normally with everyone else but is a bit quiet around you proves it. If you like him, you need to open him up a bite more here and there. Have patience and just continue ... (read in full...)
My ex is blackmailing me with threats to my family.
Q. Hi , Iam from India and recently got married it was an arranged marraige , but before marraige i had a boy friend but later part i felt that he is getting things done out of blackmiling me , (he had some photos where we were togather ) and i...
A. 24 June 2010: Give him nothing more and go to the police. Immediately. Don't ever accept blackmail, whatever happens. You've already had sex with him, and he's not going away. You need to go to the police. Do not accept blackmail. ... (read in full...)
Is my ex a sociopath?
Q. to begin with, please ignore my age, i messed it up when i signup online. i am really 21. i dated a guy for 2 years and im 6 months pregnant by him. he left me when i told him. 1. he never regrets anything or feels guilty about the bad stuff...
A. 24 June 2010: Yes, he is. When I read your post the word 'psychopath' screamed at me. He's obviously in a little world of his own, and if he's willing to throw you to the ground while you're pregnant, then it might be worth talking to a lawyer and blocking access ... (read in full...)
Am I in a dangerous relationship or am I over-reacting?
Q. Im starting to worry about my boyfriends behavior and it he has the potential to become abusive in the future with our relationship. we have been dating for about 3 months. he is almost twenty and im sixteen. he always wants to be with me. we hang ...
A. 24 June 2010: HELL YES HE IS AN ABUSER.
1 - You're afraid to use a condom because he won't? So what do you think he will do if you get pregnant?
2 - He uses emotional blackmail.
3 - He flashed to anger very quickly.
4 - He wants to 'rape' you.
Yes, he ... (read in full...)
Is he being fair?
Q. Hi there, I have a problem with my bf whom I met online last year. I'm 31 and he is 43. When we met he knew I had 2 kids, 1 who is 14 and the 18mths baby. The problem I have with my bf is he does not want my daughters father to be anywhere near his ...
A. 24 June 2010: I think we know that. Of course you wouldn't :). What we're saying is that you should be with a guy who suggests it. A good, decent guy wouldn't put you in that position. ... (read in full...)
Should I trust the boy who's been hiding his very dark history from me?
Q. Hello, I hooked up with a boy two years younger than me...(I am fifteen.) He was really sweet and passionate, but I just found out about his more-than-unusual past. My mum approached me about it, and let me know that he'd spent quite a bit of time ...
A. 24 June 2010: There is a glaring Red flag here amongst the others. HIS OWN mother has come clean about what he has been up to. And it's obviously disturbing. He's killed someone, has been in juvi. Now, you're a teenager, and like all teenagers you may have a ... (read in full...)
I do not want to play second fiddle!
Q. Hello - i am new here, i am going through a very complicated situation and i need advice. I know this seems so wrong but i really need constructive comments. We met four years ago and we always get along very well but as we do not live in the same...
A. 24 June 2010: You, I'm afraid, are simply the mistress. And that's all you will be. A few facts. When a woman leaves a man for another man, there is about a 60% chance that it will work out. When a man leaves his wife/partner for a woman he is having an affair ... (read in full...)
No french-kissing and no foreplay makes this woman unfulfilled.
Q. My boyfriend and I, have been dating for 6 months. We have known each other for over 10 years but never dated. We are intimate and spend almost every night together. However, he doesn't really likes "french kissing". I have suggested and discussed ...
A. 24 June 2010: He sounds like he's either really repressed, had had some terrible experiences in the past or is a bit too into himself. the fact is, you're not happy with the level of intimacy. You've tried to discuss this with him, and he's still not changed. You ... (read in full...)
Is it scarier to be a Grieving Widow, or to know one?
Q. I am so confused by the behavior of certain men. My husband killed himself about 4 months ago and I have been trying to deal with this loss and helping to heal myself and my two young boys. What I do not understand is the way that certain men have...
A. 24 June 2010: I am very sorry for your loss. You have my sympathies.
A woman once told me that some men are great at being there for the good times, but rubbish at being there for the bad. She was right in some respects. There are some men who are supp... (read in full...)
Pictures of my girlfriend's chest are on another man's phone!
Q. What should I do. I have found out on a recent night out my long term girl friend allowed one of her friends boy friends to take pictures of her breasts? I only found this out when I read some messages he has been sending her on facebook about h...
A. 24 June 2010: I would be asking what else has she been allowing. To me, this is a dumpable offence. When you commit, you commit to one person. What you don't do is flash to your friend's boyfriend. If this is an long term relationship and she's doing that, what ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is never in 'the mood' for sex!
Q. My boyfriend of 2 years doesn't want to have sex with me! When I say sex I mean intercourse and giving me oral. I go down on him regularly and we both enjoy that, but that's where our sex life seems to linger. When I try to initiate sex one...
A. 24 June 2010: If a young man's not interested in sex, something is up. Is he under a lot of stress at the moment? ... (read in full...)
He doesn't ejaculate often. Is it me or him?
Q. Hi everyone ive been sleeping with this guy on and off for a couple of months now and only once has cum and that was from a blow job, Anyway sorry to sound disgusting but last nite when having sex, he kept saying he wanted to cum inside me,...
A. 24 June 2010: No, you'll find that it's him. If he had something on his mind, or wasn't comfortable, then it may just not have happened for him. It's not you at all. It's him. But I'm sure he knows this and he's trying to deal with it. Plus, he said he liked ... (read in full...)
What happens in Las Vegas... Really... What's happening in Las Vegas?
Q. We have only been living together for 3 months, and I even moved across country to be with him, as we were long distance for a year and a half. So, one morning before he left (for a boy's weekend in Las Vegas), I walked the bedroom and heard him at ...
A. 24 June 2010: I think you need to look at this carefully. He took condoms, which means he had an idea that he'd pull women. More to the point, one day he just took off and you found out he was there via facebook. I think there's a very high chance you're being ... (read in full...)
Should I be reading between the lines?
Q. I have been dating a girl for over a month now. She has no parents(hasn't since she was 16). She is very closed off and also very cautious which I understand. I am leaving for a month and we decided to try to stay in contact and we will see how it g...
A. 24 June 2010: I think she's being realistic and tell you that at this time there are things in her life that she needs to address before she can totally commit. But she does want to continue to talk and date, and she does want you to meet her sister apparently. ... (read in full...)
She says she is not looking for love right now, I don't want to scare her away, but I'm interested!
Q. I like a girl, she's 23 and I'm 31. I really want to be more than friends, but she says she is not looking for love at the moment. (I think I read on here that women always say the opposite to what they really mean!) Has anyone got any tips on ...
A. 24 June 2010: If she's not looking for love, then there's no speeding it up. I know, because I've tried it. Women don't always say the opposite of what they mean. This is one of those cases. ... (read in full...)
I'm out of control and sleeping around because I can't handle being rejected by my bestfriend and boyfriend..
Q. Ok, me and my boyfriend of 14 months are very shakey at the moment. We're constantly arguing and hardly talking! Secondly my best friend is no longer talking to me because she got involved with a drug dealer and i told her dad for her own safety! ...
A. 24 June 2010: With your esteem as low as it is, you've opened yourself up to ever guy who wants to use a woman. And you've been played. Every one of those guys knew that you were open to being used, and you went for it. You can control yourself if you want to. ... (read in full...)
He left me and says he doesnt' miss me, but his actions say other things? Which should I go by?
Q. My boyfriend of six months broke up with me. He told me not to worry because we'd always be friends. He was working in the next town over at the time and had planned on moving back but the break up just came back, got his stuff from his place and ...
A. 24 June 2010: Nope, I don't. I do think he likes the attention and I think he likes to have his ego stroked. He treated you coldly, and that's what matters here. Nothing else. Let him go. ... (read in full...)
Don't know what to do, our relationship spark has gone and I'm developing feelings for someone else..
Q. Hi, I'm in a very confusing situation at the moment. I have been seeing my boyfriend for nearly two years but the spark has gone and it has got to the point where neither of us will break up with the other one, but lately I have been wanting to ...
A. 24 June 2010: First of all, end it with your boyfriend. You're already texting another guy, and it's grossly unfair on your boyfriend to be setting yourself up with someone else while he sits there twiddling his thumbs thinking it's all okay. You now know for ... (read in full...)
How much should you forgive before giving up?
Q. My boyfriend kissed another woman, a co-worker. I never even got mad, I never yelled. I just asked him if he wanted to be with me anymore and he just said he didn't know. I cried for a week solid. He changed his story and said of course he wanted ...
A. 24 June 2010: Yep, I agree with your girlfriends. He's done a brilliant job of turning all this back on you. He cheated, didn't do a thing to fix it, left you to be alone and unhappy on your birthday, claimed you were making drama, went out with co workers. The ... (read in full...)
Are these signs that my partner is cheating?
Q. do you think my partner could cheat on me already caught him texting other girls, suppose to be getting married soon but think something is going on he wont come near me if you no wat i mean and looking at condoms in a shop even though we dont need ...
A. 24 June 2010: Texting other girls, won't come near you sexually and is looking at condoms. There is the possibility that he's cheating. But everything is circumstantial. I would say that there could be something going on, and that it's worth perusing. But do it ... (read in full...)
How do I ask him if he has sexual difficulties without offending..? or should I let it slide?
Q. Hi Maybe someone can tell me if there is a problem here. My boyfriend doesn"t cum when we have intercourse but he comes when i give him a hand job.he always loves me to cum while we are having sex and i do' but i don't understand why he doesn't....
A. 24 June 2010: At is age, let's just say that 'things' won't be as sensitive as they once were. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak, as has been said. You'll find that he's having a great time, and in all truth is very healthy. But a man's penis does tend ... (read in full...)
What am I not understanding here? She says I'm not supporting her but that my support is "just words"..
Q. Hi guys. Thanks for reading my post. Hope you guys can help me. Well, straight to the point. I had sex with my girlfriend. The last time when we did that was last week. I know by doing that, I have a risk impregnating my girlfriend since...
A. 24 June 2010: A few months ago, I had an argument with my girlfriend. Or, rather she had an argument with me. It was pretty much the same as you. One minute, it was all okay and she was talking about houses. The next she was having a go at me because apparently I ... (read in full...)
Is he being fair?
Q. Hi there, I have a problem with my bf whom I met online last year. I'm 31 and he is 43. When we met he knew I had 2 kids, 1 who is 14 and the 18mths baby. The problem I have with my bf is he does not want my daughters father to be anywhere near his ...
A. 24 June 2010: Let me get this straight. Your boyfriend is saying to you to choose between him and your child. Well that says all you need to know about him. Dump him. No question, no talking, no nothing. Your child is what matters, not him. Get away from this man ... (read in full...)
Why do some people play mind games and act immature with others?
Q. Why do some people play mind games and act immature with others? I recently had a "fling" with a guy who was married and had a baby on the way. From the beginning, this guy almost knew exactly how to my feelings and emotions. He gave me attention ...
A. 24 June 2010: You had an affair. He had an affair. You were both playing games with each other, and both cheating. The difference? He wanted sex, and that's it and he told you everything you wanted to hear to use you. The price of having an affair with a married ... (read in full...)
Will she value me more if we take time apart?
Q. Okay. So heres what i'm going through. My gf and i both have minor trust issues. In the past it has happened where we both have gone through eachothers stuff such as email, texts messages etc.. many ppl do this i guess to make sure.. Perso...
A. 24 June 2010: You realize that neither of you trust each other at all. This is why being open and showing each other texts, emails and such never works. If a person is insecure and doesn't have trust, then it won't matter if you take a lie detector test. They'll ... (read in full...)
I married a much older man. How do I deal with his impotence and still get what I need from a marriage?
Q. I married a man 18 yrs older than myself. 2 decades later and a child I'm regreting my choices but feel obligated to stay in the marriage due to religious beliefs. My husband has been impoent for years and I have never cheated on him. I was 38 ...
A. 24 June 2010: Make your choice. Either live with him as you are, or divorce. This is always the price of marrying an older person. But you can be sure of one thing. Cheat, and you'll lose the lot. Your son will not appreciate knowing you cheated, your husband ... (read in full...)
Should a blow the whistle on an affair?
Q. I've known for a couple of months now that on of my friends is cheating on her husband, and that he is none the wiser about her adultery. Both of them are great people, and I know that neither one is truly satisfied with their marriage the way they ...
A. 24 June 2010: Best to stay out of it. You may not know all the facts in in their marriage. I have to agree with Oldersister. The people you seem to be hanging around aren't all that great and are depressing you. You need new friends who are more trustworthy. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriends behaviour is very confusing...not sure what to do...
Q. My boyfriend and I have a great relationship, usually. We have a 2 year old little boy, a fab house and we're currently planning our wedding for next year. When he's had a drink, he gets loud (which I can deal with) but if I don't want to continue...
A. 24 June 2010: You're with a bit of a loser. He can't handle his drink and really does bring out the nasty side in him. I think you need to tell him that he needs to get his act in together. He has a son, and needs to sort himself out. But this is a man who goes ... (read in full...)
Do I have to tell the new guy about the other guy?
Q. I guess you could say that I'm talking to this new guy I met a couple weeks ago. He's really sweet and fun but he also lives 6 hours away (driving). He's really into me but we've talked about taking it slow and deciding if we actually do want to be ...
A. 24 June 2010: You said it in your last sentence. Either way it will come as a shock. But it's better you tell him now than later. Tell him later and he may think he deceived you. ... (read in full...)
At 18 his father took them to a prostitute, I can't seem to get over that??
Q. Im not looking so much for an answer as advice from people who have maybe been in a similar situation. My bf and i have been together almost a year now, in that time i found out he had slept with a prostitute, before he was with me. I find this ...
A. 24 June 2010: Everyone has a skeleton in the closet somewhere. That's why there are questions that are better left unasked, and things you're better off not knowing. This is not his problem, and he owe's you no explanation at all. This was before your time, and ... (read in full...)
Both like the same guy, she's my friend, he likes her better? Should I move on?
Q. Me and my friend likes the same guy and he likes her (as far as I know). My friend feels sorry for me(I feel sorry for myself) and I just feel sad. I know we are only in middle school but I feel like I never can get a guy to like me... I realize ...
A. 24 June 2010: If he likes her more, then graciously bow out with dignity. There's nothing worse than when two friends fight over one person. We had the same thing once at my school. Two friends of mine were fighting each other over the same guy. The best part was ... (read in full...)
My husband has to have his friend around all the time, is this normal?
Q. What do you do when your husband is with his friends every day even when we go out as a family their with us? how do i handle this? should i get upset because it's normal or should i just let them go every where and just take my daugther and go? I ...
A. 24 June 2010: I think it's time you talked to him again and let out your resentment in a clearer way. He's basically treating you like a second class citizen here. And if nothing changes, then maybe it's time you looked carefully at your marriage, He needs to get ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend cheated, had a child, I don't want to be a part of the child's life, am I wrong??
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years and last year cheated on me with another girl and got her pregnant.I decided to stay with him and told him that i understand that he has to be in the childs life, but I told him that he can count me ...
A. 24 June 2010: The bottom line here is that you getting involved is next to unavoidable. You are absolutely right in that you don't need to have to do anything with the child. In a dream world, none of this wouldn't have happened. But this has implications that ... (read in full...)
I'm a bit hurt that he's hooking up with others too
Q. I'm a college student, and I've been hooking up with this guy for the past few months whenever we are near each other (he goes to school across the country but lives near my school) and he's made it seem as though he likes me as more than just a ...
A. 24 June 2010: All you've been doing is hooking up when you're both around. That's all. There was never anything definitive. I'm afraid to say that all you really are is a hook up. If you had wanted to take it further, you really needed to have said that. Because ... (read in full...)
He added the girl he cheated with as a friend
Q. Okay well my bf nd I have been together for 3yrs...Within one of the yrs he cheated on me with this girl from where he lives..But I cheated on him within that time too...Well he had jus added her as a friend on myspace...When I seen it I flip out..I ...
A. 24 June 2010: You're not being unreasonable. Unless he deletes her, you'll have to get rid of him because it would be clear that he's not interested in working this mess out. But to be honest, if you've both cheated and he's added her, you need to ask yourself ... (read in full...)
Should I just give up???
Q. *OP's Original Title* i really like this guy. he has tons of friends and at least half of them are girls. he has a great personality and everyone likes him. i dont know if he has a girlfriend right now. i at least want to be his friend but he doesn...
A. 24 June 2010: Give up? You've not even tried yet. Don't give up until you've tried.
1 - He at least knows your name, so that's better than nothing. Get talking to him.
2 - Right now he doesn't have a girlfriend, so maybe he's waiting for the right girl.
... (read in full...)
Was my teacher "attracted" to me?
Q. *OP's Original Title* I'm just curious because I always took it as being nice, but now that I've graduated my friends keep telling me that he always had a bit more of a "soft spot" for me than any other student... oh, and I've been really close wi...
A. 24 June 2010: He may have done. There are signs that he did. But he realized it was going nowhere and didn't say anything. So no one will ever be able to tell you for sure. He could have just been very friendly, but he could have liked you. ... (read in full...)
I'm having an affair with a man 3 times older than me. I am 23 and he is 53.
Q. *OP's Original Title* I am having an affair with a man that's 3 times my age. I am 23 years old and have been married for 2 years, and he is 53 and has been married for 13 years. He actually went to school with my parents. I had sex with him the ...
A. 24 June 2010: What a total lie and a waste of time. This man is married and is using you for sex. Meanwhile you've lied to your husband and you've started your affair again? Why? For what? Why are you married? Why are you having an affair? Why are you destroying ... (read in full...)
My husband isn't circumcized and it really turns me off!
Q. *OP's Original Title* My husband isn't circumcized, and sometimes it turns me off. When I first met him, it wasn't really an issue, because of all the nice things that he used to do for me. But lately we have been trying to get pregnant, and Maki...
A. 24 June 2010: Well, to be honest I think you're going to find it difficult. You're basically asking him to go under the knife for you, after you've married him and already accepted him for who he is. It would be like him telling you to suddenly get surgery ... (read in full...)
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