| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Why is he locking himself in the bathroom with his laptop?
Q. This guy and i have been together for over a year now. i thought everything was going fine. now he locks himself in the bathroom with his laptop. is he cheating or am i just paranoid?...
A. 14 July 2010: Well, whatever the porn is, if it's that bad, then you must leave him. ... (read in full...)
Ideas for an atypical date?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a bit, we're both in college and I want to do something that isn't a typical date. I want us to sneak out of our houses at night (trust me not to do anything bad and whatnot) but to watch the stars or ...
A. 26 June 2010: So why don't you go out and just watch the stars? Worked for my girlfriend and I. You could try a midnight picnic. ... (read in full...)
Could I be pregnant when the cum ran down my body?
Q. So I was with my boyfriend and he "cummed" on my stomach and after a minute i went into the shower and washed it off.. but then i became paranoid because when i washed it off it ran down my body...it's not possible to become preagnant that way is ...
A. 26 June 2010: It's very, very unlikely. Not impossibly. But hugely unlikely. ... (read in full...)
He loves us both and does not want to choose! He says he is confuse yet she gets more respect & attention.
Q. Mod note: OP's own title He cheated on me for the past two years out our 4yrs and fallen in love with her. We both believe we were his only one and we found out about each other the same week. He begs me not to leave him and beg her the same thin...
A. 26 June 2010: You're being used here, and you need to get away from him. He has cheated on you, and there is no sign at all that he will marry you, or commit to you. He's using you, and you need to get away from him. ... (read in full...)
Why is sex sometimes magical and other times just no good?
Q. why iz our sex sometimes magical and other times just no good - when he wants it, its amazing but he never wants it when i do. sometimes i feel like he's not attracted to me but other times i can see in his eyes how bad he wants me????????? its ...
A. 26 June 2010: Men aren't turned on 24 hours a day. Sometimes we're in the mood, sometimes we're not. Why don't you try talking to him about it. It's pretty clear he wants you, but men are affected by tiredness and stress and such. He can't be turned on all the ... (read in full...)
My sister always embarrasses me in front of my family!
Q. My sister always has to tell embarrassing stories about me when we have family events. One time I had my friends over and forgot to open the flue on the fireplace. (My parents came home and managed to open it up, so everything was fine.) But then on ...
A. 25 June 2010: I think you'll find that she's very insecure. Perhaps as children she always thought that you were treated better, or were a favourite, or that she was pushed aside a bit too much. Insecure people, or those that feel like they're second best will ... (read in full...)
I sacrifice everything for her, but she constantly lies and hurts me
Q. here is the problem. I am in a relationship with a younger woman who has a problem telling the truth, has done stuff behind my back while I was at work, constantly flirts with other men, has pill and alcohol issues and comes from abusive previous ...
A. 25 June 2010: I think you're being totally taken for a ride. You need to get rid of this girl before you wind up broke and even more hurt. She's so much trouble that she's just not worth it. ... (read in full...)
Why didn't he answer my letter or phone calls?
Q. When I was 17 I began an epistolary relationship with a man (he was 24 at the time). We met under strange circumstances and we instantly liked each other. We wrote to each other constantly. He traveled around a lot and was never in one place for ...
A. 25 June 2010: Because he had moved on. It's not worth contacting him again. He has moved on, and his lack or replies prove that. You now need to move on from him. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wants permission to have sex with another woman
Q. My fiance of 6 yrs now told me recently that he wants to have sex with another woman. he'd prefer it with me and 'her' but he'd take 'her' solo also. he explained that its not because i'm lousy in bed but because he's just bored. I know I'm not ...
A. 25 June 2010: If he's bored, then he's not committed enough to you to make things better. He just wants to go out and sleep with another girl. Tell him no. Sounds to me like he just wants to be allowed to cheat. ... (read in full...)
My husband wants an open marriage, I don't
Q. my husband after 7 years of marriage wants and open marriage meening he wants to ahve sex with other women and i CAN HAVE SEX WITH OTHER MEN IM NOT OK WITH THAT WHAT DO i DO?...
A. 25 June 2010: Tell him no. Also ask him why. Sounds like he's looking for your approval to cheat. ... (read in full...)
He doesn't trust my male best friend
Q. I've been in this relationship for this guy for around 2 weeks now. he is the kind of guy that every girl wants to be with, the absolute macho man.teh bad boy, the kind of guy every girl wants. so he has a alot of girl "friends" which seems like a ...
A. 25 June 2010: You can't take on the bad boy then moan when he's let off the leash. The price of the bad boy is that you get hurt. this will be your relationship with him. He will always be threatened by other guys, he will always act this way. That's the price of ... (read in full...)
Does he like me? If so, how do I get him to admit it?
Q. How do I know if my bestfriend likes me?! All of my other friends says he does but I'm not sure. What are some signs that he does? How can I get him to admit it if he does?...
A. 25 June 2010: There's only one way and that's to ask him. If you wait around looking for signs, you'll never get anywhere. If you want to know, then ask him. ... (read in full...)
I broke up with her again, what should I do?
Q. My ex.. well, since I did the break-up, At the moment she is my ex. I didn't want it to end. Everything that just goes wrong in a day I blame everything around me and I tend to 'let go'.. I did that often with her and last time she told me she was ...
A. 25 June 2010: You need to let this girl go. You can't continually break up with her when the going gets tough. That's a bad sign, and shows that perhaps you're not ready to be in a relationship. At this time, you need to be focused on yourself. You're not ready, ... (read in full...)
He doesn't want to commit this year, but wants to be with me
Q. a guy says he likes me but does not want a relationship. He still wants to be single, but he said he wants me and he wants me to wait about a year or two for him.... ...
A. 25 June 2010: Uh-huh. So he wants to go out and have plenty of sex and fun with other women then come to you when he's had all the cake he can? He's not worth it. Move on from him. ... (read in full...)
Had sex with another woman while on break. Should I tell her?
Q. Okay, So me and my gf broke up about 3 months ago because of things that she was doing in our relationship that were setting us apart (talking to guys in the middle of the night, etc.). So we broke up. During the break I fell into this depressi...
A. 25 June 2010: I don't think she needs to know. You broke up, so what you did then is none of her business. You've got nothing to be worried about. Let's face it, before you broke up she was hardly a saint. Don't sit there feeling guilty. Just get to work on ... (read in full...)
Meeting with husband after separation, not sure how to handle it!
Q. I have been separated from y husband for 5 weeks now, due to his excess drinking. He has been working away and not been prepared to communicate. He has just called to say he has landed and we are meeting up tomorrow so i can pass on his mail etc....
A. 25 June 2010: I wish you could speak to my girlfriend who has been through a divorce. When she first met her husband, there were arguments. As time moved on, and she got counselling to help her, she realized the best way to deal with her ex was to just be totally ... (read in full...)
I am friends with this family, but I am attracted to the husband!
Q. I have known this man for most of my life and we have always been close as friends, but lately I have started to feel as though it is more than friends. It feels very natural and normal when I am alone with him and my feelings for him are starting ...
A. 25 June 2010: It's time to back away. You don't really know how he feels. He, like all the other married men who attempt affair, could be lying just to use you. You need to pull away. To take it further would be to degrade yourself, ruin a marriage, ruin your ... (read in full...)
We broke up but still wanted to be friends, but his sister is getting in the way!
Q. okay i broke up with my boyfriend a bout a week ago and we were fine and going to keep tlking to each other but his sister kept txting me saying he didnt want me so get over it and that he wanted nothing to do with me and to stop stalking him and ...
A. 25 June 2010: I would just step back. His sister has probably seen how hurt he is because your broke up with him, so has become protective of him. And unfortunately you called her a fat cow, which made her resolve even stronger. You wont' win. You now need to ... (read in full...)
Why is he locking himself in the bathroom with his laptop?
Q. This guy and i have been together for over a year now. i thought everything was going fine. now he locks himself in the bathroom with his laptop. is he cheating or am i just paranoid?...
A. 25 June 2010: Porn. That's the most obvious answer. I doubt he's cheating. That would be too obvious. Unless he's an idiot.... (read in full...)
Should I stop drinking altogether?
Q. so i started drinking when i was about fifteen years old and drink pretty much ever weekend since... lately i has been seeming that i drink until i BLACK OUT and this is scary to me cause i cant remember anything...i can never just have a couple ...
A. 25 June 2010: In a word. Yes.
You are placing yourself in a huge amount of danger. ... (read in full...)
How can I tell him that I supported him by working as a prostitute?
Q. Our parents were physically,emotionally and verbally abusive to me and my younger brother, so when I was 18 I moved out and took him with me. In order to support me and him I worked as a prostitute but I told him I worked the night shift in a food ...
A. 25 June 2010: First of all, is there anyone that can ever tell him? I yes, then gently explain to him what has happened and why. If no, then don't. I say don't, because humans are great at blaming themselves rather than the true cause. People will say that lying ... (read in full...)
Why is she so obsessed with my new relationship?
Q. Hi all, I have recently got into a really nice relationship with a lovely man. He is kind and gentle, and I am slowly starting to feel relaxed and happy. :o) My problem , however, is this. I have a very close female freind, and we have develope...
A. 25 June 2010: Your friend is just terribly lonely. She's seeing her best friend moving on, and she's desperate to remain in your life because she has no one else. I'm not sure what else to suggest other than to just be gentle and understanding with her. You just ... (read in full...)
I had a dream my boyfriend cheated and my emotions are driving him away!
Q. I had a serious dream that my boyfriend was cheating on me with some chick. i've been suspisious but now its driving me crazy. what should i do he says i'm too emotional for him...
A. 25 June 2010: It was just a dream. That proves nothing. If you're suspicious and you're basing your suspicions on the dream, then drop them. If you're suspicious because there are other problems in your relationship, then it's time to look rationally at your ... (read in full...)
Am I in a dangerous relationship or am I over-reacting?
Q. Im starting to worry about my boyfriends behavior and it he has the potential to become abusive in the future with our relationship. we have been dating for about 3 months. he is almost twenty and im sixteen. he always wants to be with me. we hang ...
A. 25 June 2010: And that's why you need to never speak to him again. Next time it could be you and not the poor fish. ... (read in full...)
Is he only staying for the sake of the kids?
Q. Should i stay in this relationship? My partner and i have 2 children together and id say its always been a rough relatioship,although there has been some happy times. It started off as more of a fling than a relatioship, he would turn up now and ...
A. 25 June 2010: He still hit you. And it still seems that he doesn't love you. And he's still cheated you. And that's why you need to leave.... (read in full...)
Should I wait 5 years to be with this older man?
Q. There is this guy and he is 5 years older than me. my parents have forbedin me to talk toi him. I like him a SUPER LOT. and im not shure id i should wait like 2 years to be with him. i really want to but most people thinks it a bad idea. idk what to ...
A. 25 June 2010: Why is it that your parents have forbidden you to see him. If your parents and other people are saying it's a bad idea, then maybe they can see something you can't about him. When the majority of people say that you shouldn't go out with a guy, ... (read in full...)
Is he only staying for the sake of the kids?
Q. Should i stay in this relationship? My partner and i have 2 children together and id say its always been a rough relatioship,although there has been some happy times. It started off as more of a fling than a relatioship, he would turn up now and ...
A. 25 June 2010: No, you shouldn't stay with him. He's hit you, he's cheated, he runs away from his responsibilities. You've got no sex like, you've found other texts. This guy just isn't there. At all. By staying with him, you're putting yourself and your kids in ... (read in full...)
He won't talk about his feelings...and I don't know what to do!
Q. I met a guy and we really got close really fast.. He would always tell me how much he loves me and how he wanted to be with me always and said stuff like that. the only thing is that if something is bothering him or any kind of feeling he's feeling ...
A. 25 June 2010: Well, most men won't talk about feelings anyway. But this boyfriend of yours sounds very unstable to be honest. He's making you come off the pill because he doesn't trust you? You made plans and he blew you off? I think he's quite an unstable man, ... (read in full...)
Shd I wait for him for three months...or will his feelings change whilst he is away?
Q. hi. My boyfriend and i broke up after 11 months together. He is going away for almost 3 months and said he didnt think things would work, that he hates himself for not making me happy and he thinks breaking up is the best option. He wont tell me he ...
A. 25 June 2010: Yes, you need to get over him. He has been realistic here. He's a young man and he's going away. Chances are his feelings will change. I think the time has come to say goodbye and move on. Waiting around will do nothing but hurt you. ... (read in full...)
I want my ex back but I don't know how to go about it!
Q. I would have been with my boyfriend for four years, this June, except we broke up at the end of March. We were great together and were close with each other's families. He is someone I can say I truly love and am not sure I will ever get over. ...
A. 25 June 2010: It's over. You may see a future, but he has made it more than clear that this is over. You're not facing the reality here. He ended it because of problems, then you got back together, and then he ended it again. He's stopped all contact with you, ... (read in full...)
Making decisions about the future..
Q. Have you ever felt deeply regretful of a decision you made in the past? For example, you get rid of A, thinking that B is better and you can gain it. However, after you leave A, you fail to get B too. And now you miss your good times in A and wish ...
A. 25 June 2010: I screwed up. I really wanted to do one thing and ended up doing something else. Now that 'something else' has landed me in trouble, as my company is going broke because of the recession. But I'm drawing up plans to go back to what I originally ... (read in full...)
Should I trust the boy who's been hiding his very dark history from me?
Q. Hello, I hooked up with a boy two years younger than me...(I am fifteen.) He was really sweet and passionate, but I just found out about his more-than-unusual past. My mum approached me about it, and let me know that he'd spent quite a bit of time ...
A. 25 June 2010: Whatever happens, just end it. ... (read in full...)
What are his motives for behaving this way? I feel so hurt!
Q. Me and my boyfriend are on a break right now, because he was questioning the relationship, due to his own self issues. I am sure the relationship will end after our break, as he has hurt and lied to me a lot since we started having troubles. We ...
A. 25 June 2010: I think he's checking out of this relationship. Whether he has no respect, has his own problems or it just trying to get attention, you're making a mistake staying with this guy. You should allow yourself to be treated this way. The idea of a break ... (read in full...)
Am I in a dangerous relationship or am I over-reacting?
Q. Im starting to worry about my boyfriends behavior and it he has the potential to become abusive in the future with our relationship. we have been dating for about 3 months. he is almost twenty and im sixteen. he always wants to be with me. we hang ...
A. 25 June 2010: No, you should leave and let him get help himself. You're not his mother, and you're not some martyr. Don't join the other women who all thought their abusive boyfriends needed their help. They ended up beaten or dead. Stop with the 'giving up' ... (read in full...)
What happens in Las Vegas... Really... What's happening in Las Vegas?
Q. We have only been living together for 3 months, and I even moved across country to be with him, as we were long distance for a year and a half. So, one morning before he left (for a boy's weekend in Las Vegas), I walked the bedroom and heard him at ...
A. 25 June 2010: A bunch of men together in Vegas and receipts at a strip club? He went. And his reacting screams that he cheated. ... (read in full...)
He sitll has her number. What does it mean?
Q. what does it mean when your boyfriend of 1year and 4 momths still has his ex girlfriends number in his phoe,but say he dont call them...
A. 25 June 2010: But there's a good point. Maybe it's best you deleted it. That way nothing else could have come of it. I'm sure you've read all the posts on here about girlfriends and boyfriends who have numbers and suddenly make contact and all hell breaks loose. ... (read in full...)
Should I show my exboyfriend my support through his difficult times even though he broke up with me?
Q. I need your advice. I am in my forties and have been dating this wonderful man for 10 mths. He recently broke up with me because he is financially broke and he says he feels less of a "man" since I have been paying for everything. He says he's need ...
A. 25 June 2010: Pull back. When in trouble, men often don't need sympathy. They need time. As long as he's out of money and pride, not a thing you do will make a difference to him. Your best bet is to pull away from him and start to move on. You'll waste a huge ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to become wet when aroused?
Q. I'm 16 and I'm a virgin. I've been with my boyfriend just over 8 months. Whenever I'm with my boyfriend and we are making out or whatever you like to call it I feel myself getting really wet. So when he starts to touch me (outside of clothes) I feel ...
A. 25 June 2010: Yes, you're a perfectly normal girl. This is natural and is actually needed for you to be able to have sex. It's not a problem having sex, and it's in no way a turn off (unless the man doesn't understand how women work). I'm not sure where you were ... (read in full...)
My girl likes them more than she likes me!
Q. I believe a topic like this was opened except my girlfriend has been "best" friends with these 2 guys her "whole" life...We've been dating for several months now, but I really feel like a second-class person whenever they talk on facebook about good ...
A. 25 June 2010: Stop trying to prove you're above them, and start proving that you're different. They are her best friends. You're her boyfriend. There really is a huge difference. I think the lack of time that you have to spend together is starting to get to you ... (read in full...)
Does he love me or not
Q. *OP's Original Title* Its just coming up on 3 months of us kicking it. The last month has been totally different. First let me say he got laid off about a month ago and his aunt just before he found out about his job. Now we do not talk tha...
A. 25 June 2010: I have the feeling that you're the 'just in case girl' and he's keeping you around. The fact he says he loves you doesn't cover up the fact that he just treats you shabbily. He's done nothing to prove his love for you at all. Not a thing. Stop all ... (read in full...)
He sitll has her number. What does it mean?
Q. what does it mean when your boyfriend of 1year and 4 momths still has his ex girlfriends number in his phoe,but say he dont call them...
A. 25 June 2010: Love you chigirl (the post below), but you're a bit wrong on this one. A man is measured by his actions, not his words. We do things bluntly and definitively. There aren't hidden messages. If he has his ex's number, there is a reason. If he won't ... (read in full...)
What's gotten into him?
Q. *OP's Original Title* I met this guy last year, who I got really close to and in a way, fell head over heals over. He isn't the nicest guy you could meet, he's the cocky, douche, player, immature guy who happens to be really hot! (haha) So during s...
A. 25 June 2010: You've answered your own question. No matter how hot he is, he's still cocky, a douche, a player and an immature guy. You didn't do anything. You were used, like all those other girls before you, and all those others after you. The point is, if you ... (read in full...)
Am I in a dangerous relationship or am I over-reacting?
Q. Im starting to worry about my boyfriends behavior and it he has the potential to become abusive in the future with our relationship. we have been dating for about 3 months. he is almost twenty and im sixteen. he always wants to be with me. we hang ...
A. 24 June 2010: HELL YES HE IS AN ABUSER.
1 - You're afraid to use a condom because he won't? So what do you think he will do if you get pregnant?
2 - He uses emotional blackmail.
3 - He flashed to anger very quickly.
4 - He wants to 'rape' you.
Yes, he ... (read in full...)
Should I trust the boy who's been hiding his very dark history from me?
Q. Hello, I hooked up with a boy two years younger than me...(I am fifteen.) He was really sweet and passionate, but I just found out about his more-than-unusual past. My mum approached me about it, and let me know that he'd spent quite a bit of time ...
A. 24 June 2010: There is a glaring Red flag here amongst the others. HIS OWN mother has come clean about what he has been up to. And it's obviously disturbing. He's killed someone, has been in juvi. Now, you're a teenager, and like all teenagers you may have a ... (read in full...)
What happens in Las Vegas... Really... What's happening in Las Vegas?
Q. We have only been living together for 3 months, and I even moved across country to be with him, as we were long distance for a year and a half. So, one morning before he left (for a boy's weekend in Las Vegas), I walked the bedroom and heard him at ...
A. 24 June 2010: I think you need to look at this carefully. He took condoms, which means he had an idea that he'd pull women. More to the point, one day he just took off and you found out he was there via facebook. I think there's a very high chance you're being ... (read in full...)
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