| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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I want to stop being his victim and start living without fear!
Q. I'm just so stressed out, my husband was a serial cheater who I refused to call quits with as he always lied he's way out of every dodgy situation. I left him when I was pregnant and things went from bad to worse, with him getting violent ...
A. 29 June 2010: To have confidence, you have to have something to back it up. No one just 'has confidence'. Right now, the only reason that he can do what he does is that no one knows who he really is. So the best thing you can do is show them, literally. He won't ... (read in full...)
My wife is suddenly associating with her ex. I can't stand him.
Q. All marriages have their troubles. All of a sudden, my wife has started talking to her ex again. She knows I can't stand him. She has gone out with him and his friends on several occasions lately. She claims it's always a group and she's never ...
A. 29 June 2010: You need to do P.I yourself. This is beyond suspicious. I don't think you'll like what you'll find, but it's worth it.... (read in full...)
My girlfriend hates my best friend!
Q. I have a friend who's 26 years old and likes to hang out with girls who are nearly 10 years his junior (i.e., girls who are still in high school). Aside from this oddity, he's a great guy. My girlfriend, however, is starting to have problems with ...
A. 29 June 2010: Do you really want to know what your girlfriend sees? A paedophile. That's what she sees. Under-age teenage girls? What if you two had a daughter? Would you really be happy for him to be around her, given that he is a drunk, hangs around with ... (read in full...)
I want to stop being his victim and start living without fear!
Q. I'm just so stressed out, my husband was a serial cheater who I refused to call quits with as he always lied he's way out of every dodgy situation. I left him when I was pregnant and things went from bad to worse, with him getting violent ...
A. 29 June 2010: The best thing I ever heard was a woman who had the same problem as you. You know what she did? She recorded every conversation, every phone call, and even hid a camera in her living room and in her hallway to record what happened. She got all her ... (read in full...)
Lack of a bf is affecting my self esteem.
Q. I have this issue..... im 18 and single i havent had a boyfriend 10 months(still a virgin) and i feel really lonely and unatractive.I know i shouldnt be relying on a man 4 my self esteem but i have to wonder is the problem me?.....I dont know if ...
A. 29 June 2010: You know what the most unattractive thing in a woman is? Lack of esteem. The problem is not your height, your weight, your looks or anything like that. Your problem is that you're coming across as lacking in self esteem and confidence. Good men will ... (read in full...)
I know that men look at porn so why does he claim not to? I'm not the jealous type.
Q. Why do guys lie about watching porn? My boyfriend and I have been together for several years and at the beginning of our relationship would look at it together quite a lot, usually just for fun (i.e. trying to find the weirdest stuff we could) but ...
A. 29 June 2010: You have no proof at all that he's lying. Not a bit of proof. You sound like you're just trying to destroy this relationship. In fact, I'd say that you're totally mistrusting. You say how you can you trust a man who lies. Where has he lied? I see ... (read in full...)
I discovered he's been keeping his social networking from me
Q. ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years, weve gone thru so many things. thru out the 2 years i found out he had a secret twitter , myspace ect.. and i confronted him and hes admitted to flirting 3 times andi just keep findin things . but he says that ...
A. 29 June 2010: Yep, time to leave. If he's not keeping things from you, he's emotionally blackmailing you. You two going through big things together means nothing, him telling you he loves you but you're crazy is a bit suspicious, and he threatens to kill himself ... (read in full...)
Friend beoming anorexic?
Q. I have a problem with my best friend. I think she is developing a serious weight problem and i dont no what to do to help her. She never eats and is constanly making remarks about her weight. I already had a friend who became anorexic and went to ...
A. 29 June 2010: You're a very caring friend, which I admire. But I fear you are already on a losing battle here. A person can only get therapy and help if they understand they have a problem. Some never come to terms with the fact that they have a problem. Most do, ... (read in full...)
Should I try to stay with my boyfriend who is lovely but just kicked me???
Q. Dear cupid, my partner and I have been together for over a year, and me moved in together after only a few months, partly due to money. Were now relocating, together, accross the country, but I am settled in the new place and he has to work out his ...
A. 29 June 2010: How long until he kicks you in the face, I wonder. He sounds like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode, to be honest. And you'll be right next to him. You don't sound happy at all with him. You've both hit each other. He's not listening, giving ... (read in full...)
Help!!! We broke up but now I want him back...
Q. Hello I'm Anne well me and my bf just broke up because I like his brother and he doesn't know that but now I want my boyfriend back! What should I do? I love him to bits he's the love of my life how can I get him back?...
A. 29 June 2010: No, no, no. Come on here. You fancy his brother, and dumped him for his brother. You can't go back after that. You risk looking bad in front of others. You have made a mistake, and you now need to accept it. You've no right to play with a guy's ... (read in full...)
Should I tell a woman that I don't really know that her husband cheated with me?
Q. Should I tell a woman that I dont really know that her husband cheated with me? I dated a guy for more than a year, I was close friends with his sister. We both had our own issues, I lived with a man, and he lived with a woman. My relation...
A. 29 June 2010: No. Don't do a thing. You tell her, and guess who she will blame. You. No one else. Not her husband. Just you. Say nothing, cut him out of your life and move on.... (read in full...)
My wife is suddenly associating with her ex. I can't stand him.
Q. All marriages have their troubles. All of a sudden, my wife has started talking to her ex again. She knows I can't stand him. She has gone out with him and his friends on several occasions lately. She claims it's always a group and she's never ...
A. 29 June 2010: 2 weeks and she's been out with an ex four times. Her excuse is that she hasn't been feeling herself. She stays out all hours! I think you need to silently and quietly find out exactly what she is up to here, because this is as suspicious as it ... (read in full...)
Will breaking up force the issue?
Q. If I break up with my FWB will I stand a better chance of getting him to committ? ...
A. 28 June 2010: Not a chance. FWB relationships nearly never go further. If he wasn't interested in anything other than sex before, chances are he won't be now. I think it's probably best to let him go now. ... (read in full...)
How do I decide which guy is better for me?
Q. Hey everyone, im about to be 16 yrs of age in about 2 weeks. Im talking to these two guys and the horrible thing is that im falling for both of them and i hate that because i dont want to fall for ANYONE right now. One is like 8 months younger ...
A. 28 June 2010: If you can't pick either guy, then don't. It means neither man is right for you. Choose neither and continue to to be single just for now. ... (read in full...)
Do I take in only one of my siblings, or leave them both together?
Q. My sister (12) and brother(10) are both in a care home as my mum lost custody of them as she is a heroin addict. I don't have enough money/big enough house to take custody of both of them but my solicitor says that I could certainly take one of ...
A. 28 June 2010: Personally, I think if you can't take both, don't take them at this time. You're obviously a great sister. But take one, and one will feel very hurt and abandoned, while the other will feel guilty. And you'll have an awful decision to make. ... (read in full...)
Is She unhappy with me? Or her life? Or is she just afraid??
Q. I've been going out with my, as of last week, ex girlfriend for about 3 years now. She broke it off. I've been in bad relationships and understand most problems. I'm a very nice guy...and everyone says too nice...bringing her flowers just casue its ...
A. 28 June 2010: My ex girlfriend cheated on me on my birthday, so I know how that feels. And it is lousy. The way I looked at is was this. I was a nice guy, I brought the flowers, was kind, said all the right things and tried to be understanding and all that. I ... (read in full...)
B/f is so jaded and I don't know if I can take it anymore!
Q. My boyfriend had a very difficult childhood and it has effected his relationship with me. We have been together for 4 years but he is so jaded that he is scared of people getting close to him. Ive always known and sensed this but he recently just ...
A. 28 June 2010: There is only one way for him to overcome all this, and that is through counselling. He wants to change? Then he needs to be proactive and he needs to get himself some counselling to deal with this. If he can't understand himself and what he's been ... (read in full...)
Could this be love or just a crush?
Q. ok I'm only 14 but i feel really strongly about this guy,we have been together on and off for 3 years now. I have never felt this strong. could it be love or is it just a big crush?...
A. 28 June 2010: If you've been going out together and it's been on/off rather than constant, then it's more like lust than it is love. Couples who are on/off never work out. I think it's a cross between a crush and lust. I don't think it's love. Think carefully ... (read in full...)
He cheated to be with me, now is he cheating on me?
Q. Hi Cupid, I have a relationship problem. My boyfriend and I have been together for around 1year. At the time when we first met, I was in a rocky long distance relationship and he had a girlfriend of 4months. I began liking him but didn't act upon it ...
A. 28 June 2010: If he cheated to be with you, then he will cheat to be with someone else. You know how many relationships survive when a guy cheats on a woman and leaves her for his mistress. About 12%. The rest all fail. Did deeper and see what he's up to. And ... (read in full...)
Even though I've been tormented I want him back
Q. My partner and i have been together a year and a half. things have been far from easy, i've let him control and manipulate me for as long as i can remember but he's got a way of making me think that everything's my fault. i've cut off a lot of ...
A. 28 June 2010: You will ruin your life if you go back to him. You really will. He has destroyed you. You've been hurt, controlled, manipulated, arrested, you've lost friends, he shouts at you. The list is endless. Going back to him would be like knocking on the ... (read in full...)
We're getting along great, next thing I know he's dropped me and dating a younger, less attractive woman!
Q. I was dating a guy, we we're getting on great, he even said to me on our first date that it felt like he'd known me for years. Then he kept cancelling other dates and next thing I know hes in a relationship with a girl much less attractive than me, ...
A. 28 June 2010: I'm with G on this one. I suspect that all he was really looking for was sex and this younger 18 year old was willing to put out. Don't let him get to you. It's not a reflection on you that he went with her. It's a reflection on him.... (read in full...)
Violent end to an argument this morning, what do I do?
Q. i have to ask this question, even though i know what people will reply. really early this morning my partner of 7 years and i had an argument, i was getting ready for work, and we argued, which basically led to him hitting me on the head with a m...
A. 28 June 2010: Loving him won't make this better. Next time it might be a knife to your throat, or he won't stop hitting you with the pan. All the love in the world will count for nothing if you're dead. You know you need to leave him. ... (read in full...)
Why does he keep saying "you can do better"?
Q. Hi Everyone Please help if you can!!! I have no close guy friends to ask. What does a guy mean when he keeps saying "you can do better"?? Other than the obvious what is he really saying? We have been in a relationship for almost 5 years ...
A. 28 June 2010: It means what he says. You can do better. ... (read in full...)
She's getting stressed out waiting for me to say "I love you"
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for 4 months now and I feel im finding her much less physically attractive then when i first met her. She has the best personality, careing, funny, passionate and smart, and we get on well. Yet i feel hollow inside when ...
A. 28 June 2010: Well, you don't find her totally attractive, which is a bad sign. In return, she's pushing you to say something that you're not ready to say. That's also a bad sign. What I'm saying here is that there are two very good reasons you shouldn't be ... (read in full...)
Was it reasonable to expect at least a text?
Q. Last week I was over at my boyfriend's house and he got sick. The next day I messaged him to check up on how he was. I've been sick this past weekend with a cold but we still spent the majority of the weekend together...so he knows I am sick....
A. 28 June 2010: Have you ever heard a man asking another man how he is when he's ill. Or how he feels? The answer is no. Why? Because men don't do that. It's not that he doesn't know the etiquette. It's that he doesn't know the FEMALE etiquette. When a man is ... (read in full...)
I think the time has come to break up with him
Q. So I've come to accept after a month that I need to break up with my boyfriend. He's lied to me, he's hanging out with tons of girls all the time, we're long distance, and we're on a break right now which has only seemed to make him hang out with ...
A. 28 June 2010: If possible, ask to meet and say it to his face that it's not working out, if not possible to meet, then phone him and tell him it's over. No letter, no texts. This requires a personal touch. I think he's playing everyone left, right and centre, and ... (read in full...)
Is he telling the truth or should I leave him?
Q. i been with my boyfriend for a year now, and everything has been fine but the last couple months have really started going down hill. like im afraid im going to get hurt and i think he was cheating on me but i dont know if i believe him even when he ...
A. 28 June 2010: You need to really work on your trust issues here. Seriously. I know you've been treated badly by other guys, but he has given you absolutely no reason to think that he's cheating. Not one. There is no evidence there of any kind. There's not even ... (read in full...)
I have been putting up with my wife's nonsense for far too long!
Q. I met this beautiful girl i thought i loved, adored and cherish, would do absolutely anything for her... worst decision of my life. even during our 1st years we had fights and arguments. But always thought it resulted due to her past experiences in ...
A. 28 June 2010: I'd say that you need counselling with this woman. But from your response, I think we both know she'd just sweep it aside. This woman comes across as a bit of a sociopath to be honest. She flashes to anger, ruins friendships and treats you like ... (read in full...)
How long does it take for a man to get over their midlife crisis?
Q. can anyone tell me how long it takes for a man to get over a midlife crises and why do they walk out on theyre wives for a much younger uglier female than their actual wife...
A. 28 June 2010: They don't come back. That's the sad thing. He's gone and hurt you, and will hurt this other girl and no doubt go on to hurt another. Your first, best bet is to start moving on. You deserve better than a guy who has treated you this way. Start to ... (read in full...)
What does he mean when he says it is not the right time for us to officially be a couple?
Q. okay, lets start from the start. I am 16 going on 17 and female. i recently have been seeing a older person, male 24. we started off just as friends, but gradually we ended up kissing and cuddling. i made it clear i wasnt going to get sexual with ...
A. 28 June 2010: It means you've been had, well and truly had. A 24 year old guy with a teenage girl, they have sex a few times and he says it's not time to be a couple? He's used you. He will continue to use you. You've been well and truly conned I'm afraid. Your ... (read in full...)
Does my ex want me back or should I give it a shot with the new guy?
Q. My ex boyfriend broke up with me because he had feelings for another girl about three months ago but we stayed as friends. I recently started talking to this guy that i really like a lot. I told me ex about this guy and he got really mad and ...
A. 28 June 2010: Your ex is a man who you need to cut out of your life. I know what will happen. You'll go back to him, and then end up dumped. You're being played by your ex. He left you for another girl. Why accept that treatment? He won't change. He just wants to ... (read in full...)
What makes a man so scared of his little sister?
Q. hi I just ended a 22 yr relationship with my husband because of his his very selfish and coniving sister . she has hurt our son and our relationship but no matter what she does big or small he NEVER EVER confronts her. he just says im making too ...
A. 28 June 2010: She has some hold over him and has done for a long time. Or, as I suspect, your husband is just pathetic. That really sums it up. Pathetic. He let his sister rule his marriage, and now he's blaming. Well don't you accept a word of it. Not one word. ... (read in full...)
What is a better turn on for men?
Q. is it a better turn on for guys when you moan or run your fingernails down their back during oral sex or just sex?...
A. 28 June 2010: What DoubleM says.... (read in full...)
Is there something wrong with me if I fantasise about sex all the time?
Q. hi im a 14 yr old girl im about to turn 15 in a few weeks.i've been feeling really horny these days and i dont know why.everything reminds me of sex.im really embarassed by it.i fantasise about sex and me having sex with my boyfriend and what it ...
A. 28 June 2010: You're a perfectly normal teenage girl. Just relax, and don't act on those urges for a few more years. You're perfectly normal.... (read in full...)
Is there anything I can do to get him back in my arms?
Q. People always say not to put your personal life in your work life...well I did the exact opposite. So there are these two guys at work and they are brothers lets call the older one Anthony and the younger one Michael. I guess you can say I cheated ...
A. 28 June 2010: Oh dear. You did make a bit of a mistake here. Two brothers and one at work. To be fair, you were't officially with either guy. But I'm afraid to say that to fool around with two brothers was a bad move to make. At some point, this was bound to ... (read in full...)
My wife has cheated and claims to be trying to change but I'm not sure how to handle this!
Q. my wife and i have been married for 6 years, about a year ago she found out i had been lying to her about a drug add. we moved into my dad's free home to get away from area. i lost my work do to economy (contractor). she went back to work at ...
A. 28 June 2010: I may sound paranoid here, but I'm 50/50 as to whether she has stopped cheating or not. There's a thing called 'disinformation', where someone tells you something, but never the whole story. However, let's look at the facts.
The facts are she has ... (read in full...)
Why am I getting upset with my boyfriend all the time?
Q. why do i keep getting really upset with anything my boyfriend does lately?...
A. 28 June 2010: There must be something that has happened to change your feelings towards him. As the post below says, there will be something specific that is getting to you right now. Has he done something? Did he made you angry? Did he fail to do something? Has ... (read in full...)
Does cheating count when your a kid still?
Q. So, I'm 16 and I've had a boyfriend for quite a while now. Things are good we care about each other and everything but here's the thing, I recently got a job about 3 months ago and since then I've made good friends with a boy who works there. We ...
A. 28 June 2010: If you think you're right to have a boyfriend and cheat on him, then tell him what you've been up to. I think you'll find that will cause him to leave. Seriously, if you want fun, let your boyfriend go. Your reputation as a cheat will stick with ... (read in full...)
Regretting an awkward text!
Q. Hello, right, I recently came out of a rather abusive long term relationship. Just as the end (a few months ago) I met a man who I have now met up with a few times. He has textedit me every at since we met and has always seemed keen, sometime...
A. 27 June 2010: Text him again in three days to ask him out. No response after that, and all he wanted was the sex. If that happens, cut all contact permanently, delete his number and such and start moving on.... (read in full...)
I don't want to share my husband
Q. I have been married for 24 years I love my husband and he loves me. He has become unhappy in the last three years stating he no longer wants to be in a relationship. But he still loves me as much as when we married. Recently he has developed ...
A. 27 June 2010: Either he stops all contact and puts effort into your relationship. Or you walk. That's the only choice you and he have here. Do not be second best. Make him choose. ... (read in full...)
Is this a sign that I should add him on facebook?
Q. Hello I had a crush on this boy for about a year and a half but as he went to a school by mine i did not see him that much.Anyway he left school and i continued on to the 6 form. So as time went by i started to forget about him and look at othe...
A. 27 June 2010: I think you're looking for signs that don't exist. He had a girlfriend, he's still with her and shows no sign of stopping with her. The best thing you can do now is to move on. If he had been interested, he would have made a move some time ago. And ... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 27 June 2010: Sometimes you have to step out into the unknown to make more progress, or get away. No harm in stepping out into the unknown. You're too nice to be stuck entrenched in abuse for the rest of your life. The unknown will do you good if you want it to. ... (read in full...)
Where are all of the men?
Q. I am 34 years old, and despairing of ever finding my Mr Right. I thought I had found him, but just before Christmas we split up. It really sucks being single in your thirties. Everyone of my local friends has settled down now, meaning tha...
A. 27 June 2010: My words of wisdom are these. I wanted a girlfriend, and tried hard to find one. I didn't get anywhere, so for a while I decided to just focus on my own life and do my own thing. Then one day, whilst minding my own business, a woman walked into me ... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 27 June 2010: We are caring. :). But you do need to care for yourself as well. You have had a very hard start to life, but in no way does that mean you need to accept it. No one has to accept anything. I have a friend who was raped, and I know three siblings who ... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 27 June 2010: You didn't do anything. I'm actually quite concerned about you, as much as your father in law, because it seems as if you can't see your husband has done something that is really wicked. Being sexually abused is a big thing. That's why there are ... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 27 June 2010: You were sexually abused. Yes it's a big deal. The worst thing I've seen on this site since being here is the lack of respect that women have for themselves. So many women on this site accept appalling treatment. He abused you, it is a big deal. You ... (read in full...)
Does cheating count when your a kid still?
Q. So, I'm 16 and I've had a boyfriend for quite a while now. Things are good we care about each other and everything but here's the thing, I recently got a job about 3 months ago and since then I've made good friends with a boy who works there. We ...
A. 27 June 2010: You're cheating. Have the respect for your boyfriend and let him go. Then go and have fun. If you don't, and you continue to cheat, then your reputation will be tainted and he good guys will run a mile away from you, even in 10/20 years. ... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 27 June 2010: His father is protecting you. And rightfully so. You're being abused here, and it needs to be sorted out. ... (read in full...)
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