| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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She's a free spirit and wants to break up to devote herself to studies
Q. I live with my beautiful 25 year old girlfriend. We moved in together very rapidly, after only a month of dating to make our rent cheaper and because we are both extremely spontaneous. We live with a mutual friend and our living situation is ...
A. 28 July 2010: I'll be honest with you. It won't work. I can't think of anything to help, because with this girl it won't work.
What you have to understand is that some people, both men and women, have this perfect 'ideal' partner in their head. Just the othe... (read in full...)
She's a free spirit and wants to break up to devote herself to studies
Q. I live with my beautiful 25 year old girlfriend. We moved in together very rapidly, after only a month of dating to make our rent cheaper and because we are both extremely spontaneous. We live with a mutual friend and our living situation is ...
A. 26 July 2010: This is her being unhappy that you were the one who ended it, and not her on her own terms. Stop sleeping with her and sleep by yourself again. I guarantee you if you go back to her, she will then dump you. She didn't do the dumping, and she doesn't ... (read in full...)
I cheated on her 3 years ago and now she doesn't believe me or trust me
Q. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 4 years now. During our first year of dating o cheated on her now she doesn't believe anything that I say I'm doing when I'm not with her!...
A. 8 July 2010: The words are as bad as the actions. You still cheated. But like I said before, she decided that she'd stay with you and try to work through it. But at 4 years on, she really should have made some progress. Cheating is wrong, and you were wrong to ... (read in full...)
Is if fair that my sister would invite new roommates without consulting me?
Q. This is a sibling relationship I have a problem about. I live with my sister overseas, she is a single mom with 2 kids from different men, I am single. Well, we agreed to live together with all household expenses cut into half. Even for the house ...
A. 6 July 2010: Maybe moving out would be the better option. It seems like your sister is pretty good at playing the victim, and not so good at getting on with life. You pay 50% of the rent, so you should have been consulted. She seems to throw far too much into ... (read in full...)
Would you (as a guy) turn a girl away over something like this?
Q. Bonjour, I just wanted guys opinions because even though I know it's normal, as in it's not unhealthy, I don't like it. On my left side I have always had one long inner labia. I feel like it will freak guys out and/or get in the way!! Argh I hate ...
A. 6 July 2010: This is the sort of things women panic about. It's also the sort of thing that men don't pay any attention to whatsoever. Every woman is different, and men are actually not bothered by this sort of thing. I bet you'll find no guy will even notice. ... (read in full...)
Is this guy cheating BEFORE we have a relationship?
Q. hey,me and this boy have been on about starting a realtionship, but have found out hes getting really friendly with this girl. the other nite he said "im going bed talk 2 u 2morrow " the next day i found out he went out with this girl. i have asked ...
A. 6 July 2010: Well, you're not in a relationship, so technically he's not cheating. But it's still pretty low to do what he did given that you were talking about going into a relationship, and I think it's worth getting rid of him now before you get even more ... (read in full...)
Can I get in trouble at work for what I post on FB?
Q. Need some advice and have been on internet but can't find any info. I basically need to know if your manager is on maternity leave can she get you in trouble? I have acess to my facebook and usually update my status on breaks etc.. Now I ...
A. 6 July 2010: Go to each of these links.
http://www.3news.co.nz/Fired-for-Facebook-comments/tabid/412/articleID/160223/Default.aspx
http://misstilaomg.com/2010/06/04/woman-fired-after-claiming-sexual-harassment-on-facebook/
http://www.dailymail.... (read in full...)
She's a free spirit and wants to break up to devote herself to studies
Q. I live with my beautiful 25 year old girlfriend. We moved in together very rapidly, after only a month of dating to make our rent cheaper and because we are both extremely spontaneous. We live with a mutual friend and our living situation is ...
A. 6 July 2010: You can't. You're trying to make her change. There is no way you can make her change. Only she can make herself change, and right now she won't. I did once try to to make a girl stay with me by being kind. She still cheated and that was it. If your ... (read in full...)
He said he was clean but why am I having these symptoms?
Q. sorry to be graphic but i want the most accurate answers i can get. ok, so i went to see(we live 5 hours apart) my new bf who i have been with for 2 months, and he has had a bit of a history with girls(im the 8th girl hes slept with) and he has pick...
A. 6 July 2010: Just to be on the safe side, get to a doctor and get tested ASAP. If your boyfriend has been infected TWICE along the way, then it's possible he has something. Get tested to be sure.... (read in full...)
How can I win back my boyfriend and best friend?
Q. i need help i love my ex boyfriend so much he broke up with me because he couldn face me after he went to someone elses party instead of mine we were going out for a very long time im going nuts with you the thoughts of him and it hurts so so much i ...
A. 6 July 2010: I don't see why a guy would break off a relationship just because he went to someone else's party instead of yours. I'm not sure you know all the facts here. I think there's a lot more to this story that you don't know about. Either something ... (read in full...)
Why does my ex partner keep behaving this way?
Q. Why does he keep hurting me? I recently split up with my partner.I suspected he had been cheating on me with his ex,i had reasons for thinking this, he called me paraniod, depressed and jealous. I was hurt that he had not tryed to reassure me. I ...
A. 6 July 2010: If he's been violent towards you, you shouldn't even be working it out with him now. You should be the one ending it. ... (read in full...)
Can I get in trouble at work for what I post on FB?
Q. Need some advice and have been on internet but can't find any info. I basically need to know if your manager is on maternity leave can she get you in trouble? I have acess to my facebook and usually update my status on breaks etc.. Now I ...
A. 6 July 2010: She can see every word written and can get you fired. ... (read in full...)
I want to know how my best friend's husband feels about me. What should I do?
Q. I am currently married, and only have been for six months. My husband is loving and supportive, and we treat each other very well. Although we have a strong emotional relationship, I have never been interested in him sexually [we have sex, it's ...
A. 6 July 2010: And he will then tell his wife, and she will tell your husband. And you'll lose the lot and end up with a bad reputation. That's what will happen. That's why you can't say anything. If you're bored with your marriage, nor not sexually attracted to ... (read in full...)
Would it be crossing the line to request an STD test?
Q. hi people, just a quick question, my partner just revealled he had unprotected sex with a few women before he met me 3 yrs ago. I asked if hes clean but he just said i think so. Everything seems to be ok with him downstairs but i just wondered if...
A. 6 July 2010: You certainly could. Perhaps the best way would be for you to get tested as well, as a show of faith. I don't think it's overstepping the mark, especially since he has had unprotected sex. ... (read in full...)
Will it destroy a relationship if I tell a woman that I once was with a prostitute?
Q. I have a friend who is disgusted that I have been with prostitutes before. She cried when i told her about it. And said that if I ever met a nice lady, and I told her, she would run. Is this true? Are most women disgusted with the idea of a guy ha...
A. 6 July 2010: I'm afraid that it probably would send most woman away. The reasons?
1 - STD's - they'll be worried you've got one and don't know about it.
2 - Prostitutes get used. Women will be wary of men who have used other women. They'll be worried about ho... (read in full...)
Did this married woman feel something for me too or have I been played?
Q. Hi, I am a bi-sexual divorced lady, recently I met a married lady online. Initially this was on the basis of no strings attached sex. We chatted and sent texts to each and over a very short space of time I felt really drawn towards her. This ...
A. 6 July 2010: Bottom line, she is a married woman. That's it. Like married men, she will use and abuse those who decide to take them on, like you. She's a cheat, and a liar. That's it. Chances are you could have been a fantasy, or she suddenly woke up and ... (read in full...)
Why does my ex partner keep behaving this way?
Q. Why does he keep hurting me? I recently split up with my partner.I suspected he had been cheating on me with his ex,i had reasons for thinking this, he called me paraniod, depressed and jealous. I was hurt that he had not tryed to reassure me. I ...
A. 6 July 2010: No disrespect, but you shot yourself in the foot. You told him that it was over. What did you think he was really going to do? Sit there twiddling his thumbs? You said it was over, and he took you at your word and move doubt. Never, EVER tell a man ... (read in full...)
I have broken it off because I cant take the lies any more, but really I want him to change so we can be together again...
Q. Okay so I have been seeing this guy for a year and a half and I do so much for him I give him money and all lately I been asking him to make me his girlfriend, he is talking about he not ready! well everytime I go on his facebook its always ...
A. 6 July 2010: You know how many women have wanted a man to change? Millions. you know how many have changed? None. You know why? Men won't change for anyone else other than themselves. You can't make him change. Period. He will always lie to you, always use you. ... (read in full...)
Super defensive husband!!!
Q. My husband is super defensive. Everything i say he has a defensive retort or a way to bat back at me it could be a comment i have made such as "have you anything planned for dinner tonight" and the reply i get will be "i have not thought about ...
A. 6 July 2010: Read this.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissism
See if this applies to him. ... (read in full...)
Should I continue to keep my nose out?
Q. I am really good friends with an ex boyfriend from long ago. He and his current girlfriend have been together for nearly 2 years and, as much as I like her as a person, I really dislike the way she treats him. He works 12 hour shifts while she ...
A. 6 July 2010: You stand more to lose my saying something. He clearly loves her, no matter what her faults are. By saying something, you could come across as trying to steal him from her, and he might well get rid of you. If she is that bad and gives him nothing, ... (read in full...)
Bashful boyfriend
Q. Hey i am 17 years old and still a virgin, i have been with a few guys and always felt pressured for sex, i have recently gotten a boyfriend and he first had sex when he was 13.. he told me he wouldn't pressure me for sex but he looks all sad when i ...
A. 6 July 2010: Tell him straight that you're not ready yet. Just tell him that. He will either understand, or he won't. ... (read in full...)
He's homeless with children but I'm attracted to him
Q. there is this guy I have known him for two years he permanent custody of his two boys who are 4 and 6 he is a decent man as far as being good to his woman but the only problem his he lives off welfare and has been in a homeless shelter with his ...
A. 6 July 2010: This guy won't even work for the sake of his kids, let alone himself or you. That's shocking. I know men and women who clean toilets to make sure there is food on the table for their kids. This guy is a total deadbeat. He can be as nice as he ... (read in full...)
I'm not experienced at dating and don't understand this guy
Q. I am very inexperienced when it comes to dating. I fell in love with a guy who told me he loved me and was interested in me for several years (we work together and met a few years ago). On the first date he told me I was a woman of his dreams and ...
A. 6 July 2010: You're being used for sex and nothing else. Chances are he's either married or has a girlfriend somewhere, if he never wants to you to call and goes away, it could well be he even has a family you don't know about. I think you're being used, and I ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend never wants children but I do
Q. So my boyfriend and i have been together nearly a year and have been friends for 8. We recently had a chat about children I'm nearly 26 and he is 22. He comes from quite a large family and seems to have a wonderful bond with his nieces and nephew, ...
A. 6 July 2010: If you think you want children, and he doesn't, then you need to end it. He wont' suddenly change his mind. You only have to read some of the posts on here about women who have tried in some way to change men, or have waited for them to change. They ... (read in full...)
My male friend (also ex) is shutting me out!
Q. I feel like my male friend is shutting me out and it's making me upset. He is also my ex-boyfriend, but we have been broken up for almost two years now. Obviously I had to stop talking to him for almost a year to get over him (he broke up with me, ...
A. 6 July 2010: It means the time has come for you to move on from him completely. The first, best reason for all this happening is that he has a new girl in his life and he's putting her first. But it sounds to me like he's completely over you in every way, and ... (read in full...)
I lied to my b/f twice and now he doesn't trust me
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 8 months now. I have lied to him twice out of those eight months. He told me he didnt love me, trust me , or even care about me anymore. He told me i needed to prove to him that i love him, care for him, ...
A. 6 July 2010: Ask him. Only he knows how you can prove it. Though, in all honesty, I'm not sure you should. I get that you've lied (which is bad), but he's come out and suddenly sad he doesn't love you, trust you or care about you. Yet he's wanting you to ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend thinks that I was in love with my ex. which I wasn't how to I prove this to him?!
Q. I really need help. I been a relationship for 2 and a half years lately my current bf has been asking questions about my ex. My ex and I dated for 3 months I broke up with him because he was trying to talk to someone else while being with me and he ...
A. 6 July 2010: Why are you with a guy who isn't trusting? Why would you just lie to shut him up? You don't need to prove anything your new guy. The proof is that you're not with your ex. That's all the proof you need. He doesn't need anymore proof, and if he's not ... (read in full...)
Do you know when someone is right for you?
Q. How do you know if someone's right for you? Personally the idea of spending the rest of my life with any one person seems impossible, but at the same time, I really like the idea of settling down with someone and having kids. My brother, who knows ...
A. 6 July 2010: You know when you're with someone that you want to be with, because that feeling you have of not being able to settle down with one person disappears and is replaced with the feeling that you just want to be with them. If you've not felt it yet, ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is mad at me and I don't know what to do, help??
Q. me and my boyfriend have been fighting for a little while, i'd say a few weeks. he says that i am becoming distant because of my job which is understandable because i work most of the week. but when i don't work i'm always with him. he says i'm also ...
A. 6 July 2010: I'm super-worried that this guy actually has problems in his head that are starting to surface. Seriously. This guy is starting to come across as quite abusive. The signs are there. He wants you to be reliant on him and not independent so the only ... (read in full...)
I cheated on her 3 years ago and now she doesn't believe me or trust me
Q. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 4 years now. During our first year of dating o cheated on her now she doesn't believe anything that I say I'm doing when I'm not with her!...
A. 6 July 2010: If, four years on, she's still not trusting you or believing you, then the time has come to move on. Because nothing you do for the rest of your life will convince her that you're not cheating. It would now be best to just end it and move on. Four ... (read in full...)
I keep going back to him! What do I do?
Q. Me and this guy started dating December of 08. We did everything together, we were practically attatched at the hip. He was my world. We had some problems with communicating and everything became too much and we broke up. I didn’t was heartbroken ...
A. 6 July 2010: You need to ask yourself why you're willing to go back to a guy who really brings out the toxic side of a relationship and treats you so badly. Your friends and family are screaming at your to end it. They can see that this guy is no good. You're ... (read in full...)
Should I just delete him out of my life?
Q. My boyfriend just broke up with me about a week ago. Should I delete him off facebook? Should I take him out of my life? He says one day he wants to be friends, but all I see is him wanting to be around other girls. He doesn't have a lot of friends ...
A. 6 July 2010: Yes, you should cut contact. A lot of people try to be friends with ex's, and it co rarely works out. Why torture yourself, when you can just cut contact and move on. That really is the best thing to do. ... (read in full...)
She's a free spirit and wants to break up to devote herself to studies
Q. I live with my beautiful 25 year old girlfriend. We moved in together very rapidly, after only a month of dating to make our rent cheaper and because we are both extremely spontaneous. We live with a mutual friend and our living situation is ...
A. 6 July 2010: Sorry my friend, but you are yet another person in her destructive cycle. End it now. Don't try to salvage it. Her history has been dark and has clearly affected her ability to be with people. There's nothing wrong with her being independent. I ... (read in full...)
Big crush on my husband's brother!
Q. My situation is really messed up. I am married and I do love my life but I am bored. I have a big crush on my brother in law and I think he feels the same about me. I told him my feelings but he hasn't told me in words whether he feels the same or ...
A. 6 July 2010: Yes give up! You'll destroy your marriage, and destroy two brothers. And what for? Boredom! This screams of madness. Get your marriage together, or leave. Now. But don't become yet another person who cheats or destroys relationships for no other ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend thinks his daughter is better than my son!
Q. I have been dating a man for 1 1/2 years now. We have become best friends and now have fallen in love. We talk about living together for many reasons, first of all because we love each other and we spend so much time together. Secondly, ...
A. 6 July 2010: Why would you want to be with a man who disrespects you and your son so much? What if your son is ill, or loses his job and has to come home? What if he wants to visit? And how shocking to claim that his daughter is better. I know this guy will ... (read in full...)
After we had an affair he's having commitment problems.
Q. I met someone at work 12 years ago. He was co habiting and had children but was not married or in love with the mother anymore (he said), but would not leave out of love/duty etc. for/to the children (does this really happen?). He pursued me ...
A. 6 July 2010: I'll tell you now that you are wasting time with this man. All those problems he had before will be there now. I really wouldn't go further with him at all. You'll end up hurt. ... (read in full...)
I have been waiting 17 months for him to leave his partner and move in with me!
Q. Well I'm in great need of help and advise, I'm 23 I have a good job and my own place, here's where the problem starts.. I have been seein this guy now for 17 month he's 10 years older than me but he acts the same age we get on so well when we're ...
A. 6 July 2010: He's using you. He won't leave her. And even of he did, there is only a 12% chance that it would work out between you. You're wasting your time with a cheat. End it. ... (read in full...)
Is it worth trying and holding on to her?
Q. I'm 20 and i'v been out of school for about a year and 1/2 and i dont really feel like going back yet, but i have a girlfriend that i really care for that is going to collage soon and i dont see her much as is but once she starts school im afrade ...
A. 6 July 2010: To be honest, it sounds like she's checking out of the relationship anyway if you're having to fight for her time and she's there switching her phone off and such. Being alone isn't scary if you throw yourself into your own life. Let her go, and get ... (read in full...)
Why is he ignoring me for so long?
Q. I am in a ldr(long distance relation)for about 5 years. My bf is angry with me for getting him in trouble at work by being I admit annoying and over texting him. I realize I was annoying, and didn't consider his job but I believe I just miss him and ...
A. 5 July 2010: Just dump him already. If he can't deal with this in a sensible way i.e. getting on the phone and talking to you, then he's not worth your time. Things don't 'just work out'. And his excuse might be valid, but what's he done other than moan and ... (read in full...)
My husband has a problem with hygiene!
Q. Hey all, quick question. My husband has a problem with hygiene, such as I have to "tell" him to brush his teeth, or to take a shower...I find it disgusting, and a HUGE turn-off. I don't want to be rude about it, but I want the problem to be fixed. ...
A. 5 July 2010: You've already tried the nice way, and nothing's changed. Why waste any more time. I think you need to be honest with him and just say that you're concerned about his hygiene. Sure, he won't like it. But you've been nice already. Kindness won't fix ... (read in full...)
He proposed over two years ago, but we are no closer to being married!
Q. My fiance and I have been together and lived together for 8.5 years now. He proposed 2.5 years ago. We bought a house together this year. Whenever I bring up getting married he becomes upset and last week he told me he "isn't ready". I am in my ...
A. 5 July 2010: You know now to move on. Come on here. I'm afraid it's time to look at this situation very seriously. You've been together for over 8 years, and engaged for over 2. And he's still not ready? You want kids. He's still nor ready? More importantly, ... (read in full...)
I don't understand why he has lost interest, I haven't done anything wrong...
Q. I was in a long distance relationship for 4 months with a man I slept with twice and saw maybe once every two weeks.... while he was away on a holiday, I cheated on him with another guy who I just met but who was a friend of our friends.... I spent ...
A. 5 July 2010: It's because you cheated. You were used by him. That's what happened. He saw that you weren't happy with your boyfriend, so he managed to convince you to cheat. You did. So he had some fun with you for a few months, then suddenly had enough. This is ... (read in full...)
I had sex with a guy who already has a girlfriend!
Q. what do i do when i had sex with a guy who already has a girlfriend and has been with her for almost 10 months?...
A. 5 July 2010: You stay silent and walk away, promising yourself never to do it again. Because if you do, people will suddenly turn against you, and you'll have no one. Retain your dignity. ... (read in full...)
If a man is using you for sex why would he keep on coming back even if he didnt get it every time?
Q. if a man is using you for sex would he keep coming back even if he didnt always get it and sometimes he did but it wasnt great? how do you tell if someone is genuine or a really good liar, i have to say he has a girlfriend and the rule of thumb is ...
A. 5 July 2010: A man doesn't need it every time if if gets it half the time from you and half the time from his girlfriend. He's most definitely using you, and in a very clever way as well. He keeps you guessing at all times, and preys on you when he wants. With ... (read in full...)
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