| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Is this man I really liked a con, sex addict and fraudster?
Q. hi i just got back from turkey i fell in love with a beautiful man working on beach and in bars. he wrote me a note to meet him that night, i was shocked as i had not really spoke to him i went and he told me a story about someone conning him for ...
A. 11 July 2010: Girl, wake up! This man is taking your money! He's a crook. No wonder he's deleted you. You said no. Just forget him. ... (read in full...)
Why did he sleep with her?
Q. *OP's Original Title* Okay well my ex boyfriend and I broke up. Why is because he wanted to do things that i didnt and anyway he crashed my facebook and put all over it that i am goin gay and im a slut and everyting like that. Well know he claims ...
A. 10 July 2010: The connection you feel is probably more like a death row inmate who is sat in an electric chair, not the connection two people who love each other should feel. Look at this list.
1 - He wanted to do things you didn't.
2 - When you did break up... (read in full...)
Should I leave my wife for the love of my life?
Q. I have been married for almost 25 years now, other than sex , we have never had much of a relationship, We could drive across country and speak very little to each other. She is deeply in love with me. We have four children but only one is left at ...
A. 10 July 2010: Realistically, you just need to leave your wife. Yes, it will hurt her, but you can't continue to treat her this way. You need to leave her. ... (read in full...)
Why do some people feel the need to brag and put others down?
Q. I had dinner last night with an old friend from college. After she asked what my other friends and I have been up to her reply was, "Oh I see nothing has changed." She then proceeded to tell me about how she travels to different places for work and ...
A. 10 July 2010: Insecurity id her problem. Arrogance is the face of those that are insecure. Someone once suggested I was arrogant a few years ago and it really hurt, because nothing could have been further from the truth. Those that are insecure will do anyting to ... (read in full...)
Why don't boys like me????
Q. *OP's Original Title* I'm 13 years old and I haven had a boyfriend in a while. I'm my grade, no guys like me and no guys ask me out. I don't know why they don't like me!!!!! It is really making me upset. I'm 5 foot, have breasts and have a pretty f...
A. 10 July 2010: Stop panicking. You're only 13. Do you know how many guys your age will actually be interested in dating, or mature enough to date? Probably none. One or two if you're lucky. Guys mature at a slower rate than girls, and most of the guys your age ... (read in full...)
Does he no longer love me?
Q. my boyfriend for the past year Travis is a very possessive jealouse unconfadent violent angry a bully aswell as does abuse me physicially or has in the past he doesnt work or helpto provide food or pay rent or anything like that. Reciently Travis ...
A. 10 July 2010: Travis is a man who'll wind up killing you. You shouldn't even be with him. Does he love you? I don't think he does. And I don't think he ever did. I think he's a man with some serious problems, and I think he likes the control he has over you. A ... (read in full...)
Are you supposed to feel sad about a breakup you caused?
Q. So, I broke up with my boyfriend of a year amd 3 months today basically because he just wasn't the one. I know, its not like I'm looking for someone to marry at my age but although he was great and nothing was wrong with him, he just wasn't for me ...
A. 10 July 2010: He may not be 'the one', but he was still a guy you no doubt liked and cared for. That's why you're upset. You did make the right decision for yourself, now you just need to spend time on yourself with friends and such, and you'll be just fine. You ... (read in full...)
Are growth enhancers safe?
Q. Well according to my friends im a little on the short side. 15 and about 5'2..they joke about it and all that and tell me i should get those growth enhancers? i was just wondering if they're safe? if they work and are reliable? and what are some of ...
A. 10 July 2010: Don't touch them. They're not safe at all, and are more likely to poison you or something. There's nothing wrong with your height at all. ... (read in full...)
He says I disgust him and he doesn't want to see me anymore. What now?
Q. i've been dating a guy for 4years now and fell hard for him, he to says he loves me. problem is i'm married. my boyfriend just broke up with me because we were at a concert with some friends and i stepped out to have a smoke and get a drink. He felt ...
A. 9 July 2010: The very first thing you need to do is work on your marriage. The marriage has clearly become either unbearable for you that you can't commit, or you've decided that it's no longer for you. That needs to be your focus here.
As for this 'boy... (read in full...)
Is he committed to the relationship or not?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for about 10 months. I just don't feel like he's committed to the relationship. I haven't met his parents, he has never given me a gift (he sent me a text message for my birthday), and he doesn't invite me to meet his ...
A. 9 July 2010: I'm afraid that I do agree with you when you say you're being used. Look at this from the outside like me, and all you'll see is this.
He hasn't introduced you to his parents in ten months,
You have little in common,
You've not met his friends,... (read in full...)
My boyfriend cheated on me 4 times, and I kissed another boy. Can we still work out?
Q. [Moderator note: the age posted is probably incorrect. Aunts and uncles please respond to this as you would someone younger.] hi, me and this boy had a thing going on (we werent out)but this boy from italy came over for an exchange visit. he li...
A. 9 July 2010: If you were alive for the next billion years, this would not work out. Ever. He treats you appallingly. He's cheated FOUR times. He is a total liar, and a cheat. It will not work out. ... (read in full...)
Can social services prevent me from seeing my boyfriend?
Q. my children on child protecton, the socail severs know i have a boyfriend is there any reasons they can stop me seeing him after 3 years. he has no contact with the girls when he comes to see me ...
A. 9 July 2010: If the guy is a danger to your children, then they can be taken into care if you don't stop seeing him. So they can effectively stop you, yes. ... (read in full...)
Am I being selfish when it comes to him?
Q. i love thia guy and i want him to be all mine. we have "talked" numerous times and each have blown eachother off once. now i really want to be with him, but he doesnt want to just blow off the girl hes talking to. the one time i urge to have a ...
A. 9 July 2010: I'd let him go with her. If he really like you that much, he'd never have blown you off before, and he would be with you now. I'm not sure that this guy is ready to be in a relationship, and I think he's getting a kick of out of playing you all. So ... (read in full...)
Is it illegal to throw your child out of the house in the UK when she's just 17?
Q. Is it illegal to throw your child out of the house in the UK when she's just 17? ...
A. 9 July 2010: I would imagine that you could sue for child negligence if she did throw you out. Sounds like your mother has a lot of issues in her life. Have you tried just asking her why she feels this way? There must be a reason. ... (read in full...)
Why do I keep going back?
Q. [OP original title] so i think im falling out of love. the mysterious phone calls from 'his mate' at 2am the stayin out and not coming home the drugs the living at home with your mum at 31 the lack of respect for everyone the lack of conside...
A. 9 July 2010: Rule 1 on Men - Don't try to change them. It's a losing battle from the start. To change, a man must want to change himself, for himself. And that rarely happens I'm afraid.
You seem like a nice lady, who is a little insecure, and perhaps like a lo... (read in full...)
I can't ejaculate with my partner, she thinks it's her fault.
Q. hello there, i have trouble ejaculating with my partner and she is saying that it must be her that she is not turning me on, but she is, she gets very sore because i'm well hung and can't ejaculate can you please help me!...
A. 9 July 2010: Hi,
I think it's best if you go to the doctor and get a check up, and take her with you so the doctor can explain to her that it's not her fault. The problem is her taking it personally won't be helping you. But maybe if a doctor can explain it t... (read in full...)
Is this man I really liked a con, sex addict and fraudster?
Q. hi i just got back from turkey i fell in love with a beautiful man working on beach and in bars. he wrote me a note to meet him that night, i was shocked as i had not really spoke to him i went and he told me a story about someone conning him for ...
A. 9 July 2010: He is a BIG fraudster. Cut all contact. Immediately. ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend taking me for a ride?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 years now. He never discusses our future together and if i do mention it we always end up in an argument. He says i have nothing to worry about and he knows what he is doing.He hardly takes me out anymore he ...
A. 9 July 2010: At five years, as a couple you should be talking about this and communicating. He doesn't seem to want to. So either he is taking you for a ride and is just using you, or he has no real life plan. In both cases, this isn't the sort of guy you should ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure whether I should break up with my boyfriend!
Q. I am having a problem with my boyfriend. He seems unable to be comfortable with my sexual history. I am 22 yrs old. I decided long ago to abstain from sex until i was able to do it under my terms. I had boyfriends and dated guys but i often felt ...
A. 9 July 2010: Definitely dump him. He's not worth a second of your time.... (read in full...)
Ex keeps coming back into my life when I start to date, even though she broke it off
Q. My ex girlfriend broke up with me 5 months ago but everytime I start seeing someone she walks back into my life and gets jealous of them. She has a new girlfriend and set me up with one of her friends but told her that she thought she was using ...
A. 9 July 2010: You need to cut this girl out permanently. She can't keep you there waiting for when it all goes wrong. She has no hold over you anymore. You need to let her go and make it clear you don't belong to her and that things between you are over. Don't ... (read in full...)
Wife wants attention of strangers
Q. We've been married about 25 years and have had our problems like any couple usually does. I adore my wife and have eyes only for her. My wife is still very good-looking, very shapely, but lately, she says, has had doubts about herself and when, out ...
A. 9 July 2010: I think this is a good idea. It will force her to make a choice. I would also set a time limit in your own mind about this. Perhaps a few months. Then, after that, give another ultimatum. She may have screamed at the idea, but she needs to make a ... (read in full...)
What should we do when friends won't like us going out?
Q. Ok so me and my best guy friend just admitted that we like eachother as more than friends. We tell eachother everything! We know just about everything about eachother. We love eachother but we are scared to start goin out. First off he's my bff'...
A. 9 July 2010: There is an unwritten rule that says 'no going out with friends' ex's. For two reasons. One, you'd be choosing him over your friend. Two, if they already broke up, then maybe he's not that great a guy.
More to the point, it's not just her that disl... (read in full...)
He refuses to stop smoking pot. How can I get him to stop?
Q. my boyfriend of 3 years refuses to stop smoking pot. we have argued and argued about it. when we got together he had only smoked it a few times and so had i so it was fine. then about a year ago he started smoking non stop. all day it seemed like, ...
A. 9 July 2010: I think it's pretty cleat that he's not going to stop. He needs professional help to get rid of this addiction, and in no way is he willing to get it. A man must be willing to change for himself. No one else can change him. He won't change for you, ... (read in full...)
I love my boyfriend but HATE his lifestyle choices!!!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for about three years this time. We dated before from our senior year of high school into college for about three to four years then took about two to three years off due to cheating, lying, and needing to grow up. ...
A. 9 July 2010: He hasn't really changed at all. He's the same. And he will always be the same. This is the man he is. You can't change him, and he clearly won't change. So, you can either say and live life like this. Or you can leave and move on. I know which I ... (read in full...)
Am I meant to mention every guy I've had a thing with before I knew my boyfriend?
Q. Hey guys just wondering if i could have some opinions! Myself and my new boyfriend, both 21 have been together for about 2 1/2 months. Last night he found out (in a conversation between us two where i couldnt lie) about a guy he knows who i had ...
A. 9 July 2010: Don't tell him anymore. He won't be able to take it. He's already proved that once. Your past is your past, and is really none of his business. All he needs to know about is that you have no STD's. Anything else is your business. And it's clear he ... (read in full...)
Pregnant, but who is the father?
Q. I had a one night stand with a guy about 2-3 weeks ago (on the mon 21st june )which was a huge mistake, I then started seeing my ex again on the saturday and we slept together (on the 1st July) I am now pregnant and im worried about what to do.. i ...
A. 9 July 2010: Only a DNA test will tell the truth. You need to make sure both men know as well. But the only way to be sure about the father would be to do a DNA test.... (read in full...)
My unsympathetic prat of a boyfriend!
Q. About a year ago I developed a lump in my left breast about the size of a ping pong ball. Eventually that lump has increased significantly to the size of a baseball. It didn't hurt or anything and I don't know how it happened but it did and it's ...
A. 8 July 2010: After reading your response, I'm even more sure you should dump him. ... (read in full...)
How do I react to his comments about relationships???
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and a half now. We've been long distance this whole time, but we talk every day. We've had some issues in our relationship. He's cheated on me before, and has told me that he has thought about ...
A. 8 July 2010: He couldn't give a damn about you. He's even said he might well cheat again. Why are you torturing yourself with a guy who offers you absolutely nothing. He's cheated, he's admitted he might cheat again, he's said he's not bothered about a committed ... (read in full...)
Why do some men prefer "a good friendship" over a loving commited relationship?
Q. I understand some of the usual excuses... loss of freedom,been hurt before, loss of space, one lover for the rest of their lives, etc but I just can't wrap my head around the emotional aspect from a man's point of view. I have been told that the ...
A. 8 July 2010: This type of man is a lost cause. He will always be searching for miss perfection, and will never commit. This is the sort of man who can ruin a woman's life. Hence why if you're interested in a man like this, your best bet is to move on, because ... (read in full...)
Is it illegal to throw your child out of the house in the UK when she's just 17?
Q. Is it illegal to throw your child out of the house in the UK when she's just 17? ...
A. 8 July 2010: I believe it is illegal. It does count as neglect. However, they can apply to have the child removed if the child is being unruly (children do get put into care and such). At 18 though, all bets are off and the child can be thrown out. Are you the ... (read in full...)
How do I have a fun sex life as a newly single woman without looking like a whore?
Q. Hi everyone, I thank you for all your advice in advance and I'd greatly appreciate kind yet honest answers :D I'm single, have been for the past 8 months after a five year relationship so the dating scene is all so new to me. That bf was my f...
A. 8 July 2010: If you're out for just fun, and nothing else, the first thing you have to understand is that those men you sleep with won't really have that much respect for you as they will only be interested in sex and nothing more. If you can live with that, ... (read in full...)
My unsympathetic prat of a boyfriend!
Q. About a year ago I developed a lump in my left breast about the size of a ping pong ball. Eventually that lump has increased significantly to the size of a baseball. It didn't hurt or anything and I don't know how it happened but it did and it's ...
A. 8 July 2010: He should have been there every step of the way, and he wasn't. At all. And to me, that says all you need to know about him. He wasn't there, and he never will be. Do you want to be with this guy? ... (read in full...)
How do I stop looking like a fool and get over this man?
Q. hello all, My boyfriend of 4 months has got back with his ex without even telling me. His sister had to tell me, I hadnt heard from him for a week, and now I find out he is gonna try and make it work for the sake of his children. Im gobs...
A. 8 July 2010: Cut all contact, delete his numbers and ignore him as much as you can. When he speaks to you, just reply hello, then say you're busy and can't stop. Always be polite, but always be sharp and dismissive with him. Just don't believe another word he ... (read in full...)
Help!!! Sexually frustrated!!!
Q. I'm sexually frustrated, honestly he is not giving me some. I have tried all you can think of, now I want to tell him I'm sexually frustrated, hope I won't ofend him... help what to do?...
A. 8 July 2010: Tell him straight that you need more sex. A bit of offence might kick him into gear with any luck. Men aren't great at reading subtle hints. We are great at listening to how it is. Tell him you're in need of more sex. ... (read in full...)
Is he right for thinking I am holding on to the past too much?
Q. I met my ex through a friend a couple of months ago. At the beginning things were perfect, I felt like I could tell him anything and wasn’t afraid of being judged. He said all the right things and would constantly be there to support me. I opened up ...
A. 8 July 2010: Good God girl, you've been through far too much at your age to just be able to forget the past so quickly. The problem here is that you've gone from one abusive man to another abusive man. This often happens, so don't feel bad in terms of your ... (read in full...)
How can I reinforce in her mind that she's the only woman for me???
Q. My girlfriend and I met on eHarmony almost a year, and it has been amazing! I feel like we were made for each other. We've called each other soulmates. I proposed to her on April 24th, 8 months after our first date. I found out today that she i...
A. 8 July 2010: You need to know her specific concerns before we can really give you any specific advice. I think you just need to remind her that all those ex's didn't work out, and it is working out with her. Listen to what she says and then respond to her to ... (read in full...)
Ex will not give me permission to take our child away. Should I just do it anyways?
Q. I want to take my child away for a few months but Ex will not give permission. Should I just go and face the consciences when I get back? We are seperated but not legally. He is on the birth certificate. If anyone has been in this situation...
A. 8 July 2010: I was worried this might happen to you. A judge has the power to say no, if it an be proved that you are taking the child away. I've not heard of it being used all that often. Your ex is clearly being abusive in his manner, so there is an option for ... (read in full...)
Do guys like being called "daddy" during sex?
Q. I was wondering do guys like it when you call them "daddy" when your haveing sex? Or would they think its weird? ALso if they do like being called that during sex would they still like to be called that when there not? Just curious, thanks....
A. 8 July 2010: I'll be honest, I wouldn't be too keen on it. Some guys are, some aren't. Depends on the guy. ... (read in full...)
I'm that boyfriend who is in an abusive relationship!
Q. I find it funny how nomatter where I look, I can't find anything on a boyfriend being abused. I am that boyfriend and I am abused. I'm hit occasionally, insulted very often and nagged to death about every single pimple, stray strand of hair, and my ...
A. 8 July 2010: I'm going to give you exactly the same advice I'd give a woman in this situation. Leave. This isn't your fault in the slightest. You seem like a nice guy who's found a pretty horrific woman. The reason you don't find much about boyfriends being ... (read in full...)
What should I say to my BF to keep us together?
Q. [OP original title] My bf and i have either split, or are splitting, or may split, I'm not entirely sure, he kicked me and said he didn't want to see me again, but that was after england lost and an extremely tough weekend of me nagging and us havi...
A. 8 July 2010: Sorry, I actually misread your post. I thought it said he'd kicked you out (as in thrown you out). I didn't see that he'd actually physically kicked you. In fact, the post that disagreed with me just below is totally right. You need to end it, not ... (read in full...)
Is giving him a marriage ultimatum without communicating with him okay?
Q. [OP's original title] I have a boyfriend of 1 year. We have plans of getting married, but whenever we try to discuss, it becomes a hot topic and he is defensive. I have stopped bringing up the issue or contributing when he beings it up cos it make...
A. 8 July 2010: From a male point of view, this would be pretty outrageous and would prove that in no way are you marriage material. You can't just give a man an ultimatum to marry you or you'll go back to your ex. That's awful and shows how little you're focused ... (read in full...)
My husband won't go to anger management, is it time to divorce?
Q. My husband gave me an ultimatum last week which was I needed to return home by Thursday otherwise he was going to his scheduled appointment with his attorney to end our marriage. I really need him to go to anger management or something since his ...
A. 8 July 2010: 100% divorce him. While I agree with Chigirl that he really doesn't want to get a divorce, I am sure you would be putting yourself in danger. The moment physical violence enters a relationship, it's time to walk away. You can't be sure he went to ... (read in full...)
What should I say to my BF to keep us together?
Q. [OP original title] My bf and i have either split, or are splitting, or may split, I'm not entirely sure, he kicked me and said he didn't want to see me again, but that was after england lost and an extremely tough weekend of me nagging and us havi...
A. 8 July 2010: Actually, you're wrong about the male mind doing something like this all too hastily and not exploring. The male mind usually thinks things out very methodically and filters out options by itself as it sees fit over some time. That means when a man ... (read in full...)
Wife wants attention of strangers
Q. We've been married about 25 years and have had our problems like any couple usually does. I adore my wife and have eyes only for her. My wife is still very good-looking, very shapely, but lately, she says, has had doubts about herself and when, out ...
A. 8 July 2010: She needs to stop this. She can't expect you to sit there allowing her to go out and meet men and maybe even cheat (because that is where this will lead), while you sit there being loyal "trying to understand". Maybe you should ask her if she needs ... (read in full...)
Ex will not give me permission to take our child away. Should I just do it anyways?
Q. I want to take my child away for a few months but Ex will not give permission. Should I just go and face the consciences when I get back? We are seperated but not legally. He is on the birth certificate. If anyone has been in this situation...
A. 30 June 2010: The only way is to go to court and hope the judge allows you to do it. It will depend on why you want to take the child away, so the reason needs to be a very good one. If you just take the child, you'll wind up in prison for kidnap and you'll lose ... (read in full...)
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