| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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She broke up with me saying she's going back to her ex for everyone else, not herself
Q. im 31 and met a girl of 23, she was with someone who she has 2 kids with, i never felt happy about seing her but she was very insistent as i felt guilty for what we was doing, it was a case for the first 2-3 weeks that we would meet every other ...
A. 6 August 2010: Tex this - "What we had is over. I am moving on. Good luck."
Then never take notice of her again. ... (read in full...)
Wife wants attention of strangers
Q. We've been married about 25 years and have had our problems like any couple usually does. I adore my wife and have eyes only for her. My wife is still very good-looking, very shapely, but lately, she says, has had doubts about herself and when, out ...
A. 9 July 2010: I think this is a good idea. It will force her to make a choice. I would also set a time limit in your own mind about this. Perhaps a few months. Then, after that, give another ultimatum. She may have screamed at the idea, but she needs to make a ... (read in full...)
What should I say to my BF to keep us together?
Q. [OP original title] My bf and i have either split, or are splitting, or may split, I'm not entirely sure, he kicked me and said he didn't want to see me again, but that was after england lost and an extremely tough weekend of me nagging and us havi...
A. 8 July 2010: Sorry, I actually misread your post. I thought it said he'd kicked you out (as in thrown you out). I didn't see that he'd actually physically kicked you. In fact, the post that disagreed with me just below is totally right. You need to end it, not ... (read in full...)
My husband won't go to anger management, is it time to divorce?
Q. My husband gave me an ultimatum last week which was I needed to return home by Thursday otherwise he was going to his scheduled appointment with his attorney to end our marriage. I really need him to go to anger management or something since his ...
A. 8 July 2010: 100% divorce him. While I agree with Chigirl that he really doesn't want to get a divorce, I am sure you would be putting yourself in danger. The moment physical violence enters a relationship, it's time to walk away. You can't be sure he went to ... (read in full...)
What should I say to my BF to keep us together?
Q. [OP original title] My bf and i have either split, or are splitting, or may split, I'm not entirely sure, he kicked me and said he didn't want to see me again, but that was after england lost and an extremely tough weekend of me nagging and us havi...
A. 8 July 2010: Actually, you're wrong about the male mind doing something like this all too hastily and not exploring. The male mind usually thinks things out very methodically and filters out options by itself as it sees fit over some time. That means when a man ... (read in full...)
What is so special to women about having a baby?
Q. [OP's original title] You're all not going to like this...But I am a guy and I don't think there is anything special about having kids. I had a vasectomy years ago, and there's some lunatic woman I've met, who I'm having it off with, who wants a baby...
A. 8 July 2010: It's nature. And you can't fight nature. It is built into most women that they want children. Fact is, if she wants a child and you don't, then you need to end it. ... (read in full...)
She broke up with me saying she's going back to her ex for everyone else, not herself
Q. im 31 and met a girl of 23, she was with someone who she has 2 kids with, i never felt happy about seing her but she was very insistent as i felt guilty for what we was doing, it was a case for the first 2-3 weeks that we would meet every other ...
A. 8 July 2010: You need to end this now. She may see you as cruel. No one else will. But she dumped you for her ex, which is worse inn my opinion. You need to end it now, or you'll just be a lap dog to her and other women will pass you by. ... (read in full...)
Is there REALLY an age limit on love???
Q. Hi! My boyfriend of almost six months is 19 turning 20 in August and I`m 15 turning 16 in September, I look older for my age and I`m also more mature than most 15 year old girls. I know a lot of teenagers say that, but, no, I REALLY am. I`m going to ...
A. 8 July 2010: The moment you claimed that you really were 'mature', I knew you weren't. And I was right. Only someone immature would of out with an older guy and have sex with him. You know when you get caught he will be prosecuted and labelled as a paedophile, ... (read in full...)
Help!!! I know I need to walk away but how do I find closure?
Q. Hello there, Im in love with a man and I know he loves me too. Its not good and i wish I didnt love him. He was going through the process of getting a divorce when i met him over a year ago. He has massive issues about the fact he broke ...
A. 8 July 2010: You won't get closure. No one ever does. People on this site are always looking for closure. Several have been given reasons, but have continued to try and find out even more. You will not get closure. For every question he answers, you'll have ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is on/off with me and I'm going insane!
Q. I really do not know what to think. I am British he is American(military) and we met in Korea on internet site. We started going out and we broke up as he was evasive and luying and putting his profile back. He is 40 and I am 41., he was marr...
A. 8 July 2010: On/off never works. And let's face it, he's very deceitful. He's placing his name back on dating sites, which means he's hooking up with others. He says he WAS married. Coupled with the fats you've presented, that could mean that he is STILL ... (read in full...)
I cheated on her 3 years ago and now she doesn't believe me or trust me
Q. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 4 years now. During our first year of dating o cheated on her now she doesn't believe anything that I say I'm doing when I'm not with her!...
A. 8 July 2010: The words are as bad as the actions. You still cheated. But like I said before, she decided that she'd stay with you and try to work through it. But at 4 years on, she really should have made some progress. Cheating is wrong, and you were wrong to ... (read in full...)
At what age do you figure you will want to be married at and why?
Q. Hey Guys: Just for curiosity's sake, at what age do you figure you will want to be married at and why? And for those of you married already, at what age did you tie the not? What made you want to get married and was it more about the person or about ...
A. 8 July 2010: Marriage shouldn't be about age. It should be about whether you're ready. Some get married in their teens, and the truth is they're not ready. At the same time, some get married in their 40's an aren't ready. It shouldn't be about age, it should be ... (read in full...)
My wife is still in touch with her ex husband and I say cut him off
Q. I have a question about your opinions regarding ex's. My wife and I both agree that ex-bf's and ex-gf's should be forgotten after all it didn't work out, so it's not fair to the new person to have to deal with that old baggage. Here's where we d...
A. 8 July 2010: Well, I happen to agree with you about ex's. But like Miamine says, actually our thoughts on this are irrelevant, because your wife already said that she thought ex's weren't supposed to be in the picture at all. Suddenly, after 5 years, you've ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend that I live with wants space. What should I do.
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for 6 months. Things have been going perfect til about 3 months ago. The intimacy stopped. I chucked it up to her getting sick and the move I was going through. We talked about it long and hard and we decided ...
A. 8 July 2010: The time has come for her to be honest here. You need answers. You're right, how can you give her space when you live together. But perhaps that is the problem? You've been together for 6 months, and the intimacy then stopped at 3. Now you live ... (read in full...)
If he's over his ex shouldn't he be able to forgive and move on?
Q. Hi there, I have been wondering lately whether my boyfriend is truly over his ex. She cheated on him several times and they had a bad break up. they were together for five years and we got together less than a year after they split up. she me...
A. 8 July 2010: I think you'll find that he's over her. I think you'll find he's not over being hurt. They are two different things. you can be over a person, but that doesn't mean you're over that person's actions. Your boyfriend is over her, but he's not over the ... (read in full...)
My mom thinks I'm too young to have a boyfriend!
Q. Dear Cupid, My mom is being so protective over me ! I have a boyfriend, we're both fourteen and madly in love with each other. I thought telling her the truth that i have a boyfriend would be so much better but it turned out worse ! Whenever...
A. 8 July 2010: I love it when teenagers claim their parents "don't understand". Oh yes your mother DOES understand. What do you think she did when she was a teenager? Exactly what you did. And what do you think happened? It all went wrong. She knows as well as the ... (read in full...)
If you love someone as much as she says she does me, should she be knowingly hurting me?
Q. I had been dating a girl for about 2 years. A few weeks ago, she told me that she didn't want to be with me anymore because she wanted to go out and learn about her self, not date anyone exclusively right now, and "enjoy the single life". However, ...
A. 8 July 2010: I think you're Plan B. If things with this other guy don't work out, she might well come back to you then dump you again. You're absolutely right. If she did love you, this just wouldn't be an issue. It just wouldn't. As it is, she's been out with ... (read in full...)
Does it bother guys if you havent been kissed yet?
Q. im just wondering but do guys get repulsed when girls havent been kissed before??...
A. 8 July 2010: **they're you're first kiss, even. ... (read in full...)
Does it bother guys if you havent been kissed yet?
Q. im just wondering but do guys get repulsed when girls havent been kissed before??...
A. 8 July 2010: This is the sort of thing that guy's couldn't care about at all. They'll be more interested in that you're their first kiss. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend can't get over my past
Q. I've been with my current boyfriend for 8 months now, it does seem like it's not a long time but it's been the best 8 months of life span. I have been with another guy for 3 years and experienced and learned alot. But i've never felt this way before ...
A. 8 July 2010: Don't even take this any further. You're now trying to change him. It won't work. Why? Because he doesn't want to change himself. He has retroactive jealously, and it's one of the biggest wastes of time that any couple has to endure. So much so, ... (read in full...)
She broke up with me saying she's going back to her ex for everyone else, not herself
Q. im 31 and met a girl of 23, she was with someone who she has 2 kids with, i never felt happy about seing her but she was very insistent as i felt guilty for what we was doing, it was a case for the first 2-3 weeks that we would meet every other ...
A. 8 July 2010: Cut ties. If she went back to this guy once, she'll do it again and again. You don't need someone with so many issues on her life. She clearly has a lot going on, and it's also pretty clear that for all her saying she's doing it for her kid's sake, ... (read in full...)
Scared of flying!
Q. Hi guys, can someone please advise. I'm going on holiday soon and hate when the plane takes off. I get so scared and have to hold someones hand- stupid o know! I can't read or distract myself either. Any advice?? ...
A. 8 July 2010: You need to find out why you're afraid. If you are scared, just hold someone's hand. Don't think it's stupid, because it's not. Some people are scared of spiders, some of heights, some of flying. There's nothing wrong with that. But the best thing ... (read in full...)
Wife wants attention of strangers
Q. We've been married about 25 years and have had our problems like any couple usually does. I adore my wife and have eyes only for her. My wife is still very good-looking, very shapely, but lately, she says, has had doubts about herself and when, out ...
A. 8 July 2010: She needs to stop this. She can't expect you to sit there allowing her to go out and meet men and maybe even cheat (because that is where this will lead), while you sit there being loyal "trying to understand". Maybe you should ask her if she needs ... (read in full...)
I'm trying to pluck up the courage to leave my husband...
Q. I am trying to pluck up the courage to leave my husband. Can someone help me boost my confidence? All we do is argue and it's all the cause of him this is sad to say but my heart no longer feels the love for him because he treats me badly he calls ...
A. 7 July 2010: Well, he should be. But as I'm sure you're aware, he's not really that great a guy. Talk to a friend and tell them how you feel so you have someone there ready to back you up. Maybe you'll have a bit more courage if you know there is someone who ... (read in full...)
I feel my marriage is a sham... help!
Q. My husband is always gone day and night, he doesn't come back home until late or sometimes he won't come at all, when he wants sex i refuse because he is always so secretive and never shares with me what he has done. When i try to communicate with ...
A. 7 July 2010: Yes, it's a sham. He's up to something, whether it's cheating or what I don't know. All I know is that he reeks of guilt. Maybe it's time to decide whether you want to be someone more important to another guy. ... (read in full...)
Dying to find my birth dad... but where do I start???
Q. Hello all, i posted a question just yesterday and please understand that i dont mean to be a pain, only i am so desperate to find my birth father and i have only received one answer.. as im so impatient i wanted to post it again just in case no one ...
A. 7 July 2010: Hi there.
Try this site.
http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/
Find out where your nearest office is using the postcode finder, and make an appointment to see them. They offer totally FREE advice on just about anything, and may be able to help ... (read in full...)
I just need him to show me that I mean something to him...
Q. I'm 16 and recently wrote about my boyfriend. I just want to write and get advice about how I feel cause I dont really have anyone to talk to and it's driving me crazy. I feel empty all the time or really upset and I don't know why. I feel like my ...
A. 7 July 2010: You have no choice but to leave him. It's not use you sitting there saying you won't leave him, and that you just want him to show he cares. Because he doesn't care at all. He blows you off half the time, he doesn't like you speaking to other guys ... (read in full...)
When is it my time to cheat?
Q. I want to know when is it my time to cheat? I've had plenty of oppertunity to sleep with some broad. My girl admitted to sleeping with someone i confided in. I wuz out of town when this happened and i'm still pissed. I feel like sleeping with her ...
A. 7 July 2010: You don't cheat. You either work on your relationship, or you end it. But don't cheat, or you become the same as your girlfriend, a cheat. And then you can't be trusted, and you get a bad reputation. Either end it with her, or work on it. but don't ... (read in full...)
His mother is ruining our marriage! And he beats me up!
Q. hi all. i got married with my husband nearly 4 years ago. i knew him 1 year before. we got married and he left me and went to uk for work purpose. we did the wedding ceremony when he came back after a year and we started living together at his mom's ...
A. 7 July 2010: Leave him. Period. He comes from a seriously deranged family by the sound of it. His mother is abusive, and now he is. If he was treated badly by his mother, he will continue to beat you, and worse still may take to beating your child as well. You ... (read in full...)
Will my husband physically hurt me again?
Q. My husband and I have been married for 7 months. We fight because he's done stuff to make me not trust him. today we got into a fight and I threw his phone into our wall out of frustration (not at him). when it came apart he kicked me and told ...
A. 7 July 2010: After reading your other response, I'm even more certain you need to leave him. He's been texting other women, he's kicked you. And you have kids as well. They won't exactly be thrilled when they see you being hit again. I would urge you to leave ... (read in full...)
Will my husband physically hurt me again?
Q. My husband and I have been married for 7 months. We fight because he's done stuff to make me not trust him. today we got into a fight and I threw his phone into our wall out of frustration (not at him). when it came apart he kicked me and told ...
A. 7 July 2010: Yes, he will do it again, and you should just go back to your family and get away from him. Next time it might well be your head. Throwing a phone against the wall doesn't warrant being kicked, especially when it's clear that you have reasons not to ... (read in full...)
Could I be pregnant? I'm afraid to ask my mother!
Q. Hi. My name is Quinn and i have been experiancing some weird things. I have been to many websites and nothing has helped. Could you please help me? Okay so this is what's happeneing, I have missed my period for 1 month and 1/2... but i have NOT h...
A. 7 July 2010: Sweetie, if you've not had sex, you're not pregnant. Your friend has been misinformed. However, it sounds like you need to see a doctor anyway to get checked over. You don't need to be worried about the doctor being a man. He's paid to be a doctor, ... (read in full...)
Do I keep in touch after the emotions cool down?
Q. So I messed up...I broke up w/ a really great guy over and over again cuz I was not sure he was "the one" and I wanted to go out and date cuz I never had a chance to be single and experience what was out there. I really hurt him and he broke things ...
A. 7 July 2010: Not foolish or weak, but perhaps naive. The fact is that neither of you two work together. On/off relationships don't ever work out, and the best thing that could have happened is that he finally left permanently to just be with someone else. It ... (read in full...)
She won't let me see my son!
Q. right here goes... I have a wee boy called callum who is two and i dont get to see him at all. the story is that i used to go out with a girl called ali she was 16 and i was 21 she fell pregnant and our relationship fell apart soon after we found ...
A. 7 July 2010: Go to this site.
http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/
and find out where your nearest office is. They offer totally FREE advice on pretty much all subjects, and will certainly be able to assist you with this. I'm pretty sure your ex is breaking t... (read in full...)
Would you be upset if your boyfriend's ex texted him?
Q. Would you be upset if your boyfreinds ex gf texted him? It doesnt matter how much, it could be the 1st time she texted him or the 10th would you be upset? Also how do you not get jelous easy? Cause im a very jelous person but i try not to show it to ...
A. 7 July 2010: Depends whether he texts back. Depends what she puts in the text. Whilst it would be nice if she didn't text, there really isn't a thing you can do from stopping it. Your jealously is probably an indication that you're very insecure. So I'd suggest ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend loves his 11yr old daughter more than me!
Q. [Mod note: Two questions by the same poster have been combined into one.] My Boyfriend is 35, i am 23 we have known each other for 7 years and have only got together 7 months ago. We have been in our own apartment for 2 months. He has a 11 yr old d...
A. 7 July 2010: He sees her properly 8 days out of 30/31 per month. Not even half the month. Barely even a quarter of the month. Of course he will let her do pretty much what she wants. Imagine how crap he feels deep down that his daughter is being brought up in ... (read in full...)
Is his behavior about control?
Q. My ex-boyfriend is still a bother - why does he insist on finding out what I am doing and with whom? He is jealous of me going out with a guy we both know. But the ex-boyfriend has been living with another woman for over a year! And he doesnt care ...
A. 7 July 2010: Block contact and ignore him for the rest of his life. You don't need a man like this around you. Yes, it is about control. To stop him controlling you, you need to cut all contact. ... (read in full...)
Found out my ex is still into me -- should I stop talking to her?
Q. I've been going out with my girlfriend for a while now, and recently I've started talking to one of my ex's, we're still like really good friends but i don't really talk to her cause my girlfriend gets jealous but we just started one night, then we ...
A. 7 July 2010: If you love your girlfriend, you'll stop now. It's that simple really. ... (read in full...)
Got something from the chat that I don't get from my b/f
Q. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years I love him dearly and he does to, he doesn’t show me a lot of attention, most of the time its xbox, football or sex, we never just sit and chat or he never makes me feel special or loved or like he wants me ...
A. 7 July 2010: This guy on chat is just telling you what you want to hear. Ironically, there is more honesty in your boyfriend's actions. However, it's clear that your relationship with him is in deep trouble, and I think you now need to make that very clear to ... (read in full...)
Did he just use me to get promoted?
Q. I became friends with a co-worker whom I later developed a crush on. I admitted my crush to him bad thing is we are both married(his wife also works in our offices where we work). So that is bad in it self. After revealing my crush I found out the ...
A. 7 July 2010: Well one way or another, you were used. That's for sure. Either he used you and hoped you'd give in and give him sex, or he used you for a promotion. Or his own wife found out. I'd suggest that you get back to your marriage and work on it, before ... (read in full...)
My Girlfriend wants to break up with me because she can't get over the fact I've slept with other people?
Q. How can I prevent it ending over something I have no control over!? She resents that I had a past life, where admittedly I slept around with many women I could just for kicks and for self esteem. I changed. Meeting her and starting to go o...
A. 7 July 2010: Yep. End it with her. Check out 'retroactive jealousy' on this site and many others. You can't change your past, and she can't handle it. It's a disaster waiting to happen. This shows that she's in no way ready to commit, and is still too immature ... (read in full...)
I left my husband, but now the guy I had feelings for won't see me.
Q. I'm married (now separated). While still with my husband, I met a guy online who I knew years ago. We flirted with each other off and on for months. We didn't meet up because of my marriage. We still flirted and fantasized about being together. I ...
A. 6 July 2010: You were partially used, is what happened. He saw you were unhappy in your marriage, and took advantage of it. Then he decided it wasn't the best thing for him to do, and moved on. The problem is that no matter how unhappy you were in your marriage, ... (read in full...)
Scared I'm no longer a virgin!
Q. well i need help. i am so scared that i am not a virgin, because my boyfriend and i decided to play around and i want to know if am still a virgin if he fingered me...
A. 6 July 2010: To lose your virginity, you need to have sexual intercourse. That means a penis into a vagina, putting it bluntly. If you're not too sure on sex stuff, then maybe you're not ready to take all this forward yet. Do some research into sex before you ... (read in full...)
Is if fair that my sister would invite new roommates without consulting me?
Q. This is a sibling relationship I have a problem about. I live with my sister overseas, she is a single mom with 2 kids from different men, I am single. Well, we agreed to live together with all household expenses cut into half. Even for the house ...
A. 6 July 2010: Maybe moving out would be the better option. It seems like your sister is pretty good at playing the victim, and not so good at getting on with life. You pay 50% of the rent, so you should have been consulted. She seems to throw far too much into ... (read in full...)
I cheated on her 3 years ago and now she doesn't believe me or trust me
Q. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 4 years now. During our first year of dating o cheated on her now she doesn't believe anything that I say I'm doing when I'm not with her!...
A. 6 July 2010: If, four years on, she's still not trusting you or believing you, then the time has come to move on. Because nothing you do for the rest of your life will convince her that you're not cheating. It would now be best to just end it and move on. Four ... (read in full...)
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