| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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In love with a married man and not sure what to believe!
Q. Hi, I'm in love with a married man and i need to spell it out! At first i didn't know he was married. we dated for 6 months and then i found out he was married. At that time I couldn't even suspect that he was married since he was spending al...
A. 21 July 2010: Cut him out. ... (read in full...)
Who do I choose, the guy I cant trust or the guy from my childhood who flirts a lot with me?
Q. Ok there is two problems, the 1st one is Well im with this guy Max now but i am having a hard time trusting him. Not that he lies a lot its just that i just cant buy his story. Anyways, i like him and he says he likes me too much.but i told him that ...
A. 14 July 2010: If you don't love a guy, don't be with him. Period. Also, if a guy lives on the other side of the world, chances are it won't work out. And to top it off, if you can't trust him you shouldn't be with him either.
So that eliminates Guy 1.
AS fo... (read in full...)
Breach baby and a home birth.....
Q. I am 32 weeks pregnant with my first baby and i went to the midwife's today ... my plan is to have a home birth however the midwife said baby is currently in a breach position and looked at me nerviously, which of course made me feel nervous. I am ...
A. 14 July 2010: 100% ask your doctor. Unless there is a doctor on this site (which I don't think there is), no one here will be able to tell you for sure what's best to do. It would be lovely for you to have a home birth if that's what you want. But you must talk ... (read in full...)
Why do people get married?
Q. why do people get married? just a thought.should a man marry a woman and then do what he feels? is that a valid reason for divorce....
A. 14 July 2010: The idea of marriage is the you essentially enter a commitment to each other, and each other alone. No one else can get in the way, no one else can come between you, and you are both working together to take your lives forward. Clearly, it doesn't ... (read in full...)
Can this be real?
Q. I have been in contact with a friend from face book. We hadn't been in touch for nearly 20 years but I looked him up and we got chatting. It has been nearly 2 months since we've gotten in contact and we have moved onto text messages and phone calls ...
A. 14 July 2010: I'd say that it's a bit too soon to know whether you're in love. But this could certainly lead up to it. :). So good luck and just take your time... (read in full...)
I feel like I am spending my life trying to make her happy when I am unhappy myself!
Q. Ok so I've been staying with my girlfriend for about 4 months just us two, but at times I feel unwanted , and wanna pack my stuff and just go else were but I never do, I try my hardest to make her happy, but it seems like I'm not doing enough, I ...
A. 14 July 2010: Well, you can't spend the rest of your life trying to make someone happy for nothing at all in return, You'll just end up angry and bitter about it all.
However, sometimes if you try too hard, the other person can get lazy, So, I think the firs... (read in full...)
Why is he locking himself in the bathroom with his laptop?
Q. This guy and i have been together for over a year now. i thought everything was going fine. now he locks himself in the bathroom with his laptop. is he cheating or am i just paranoid?...
A. 14 July 2010: Well, whatever the porn is, if it's that bad, then you must leave him. ... (read in full...)
I know that he loves me, but he doesn't spend time with my girls
Q. I am a 35 year old single mom with 2 girls. I have been dating a man that is 11 years younger than me for about 2 years now. I know that he loves me, but he doesn't spend time with my girls or come to any of my family gatherings. I get along great ...
A. 13 July 2010: It can be very hard for a man to come into a home and suddenly play 'Dad' to children that aren't his own. It can take time to bond. But, realistically, there should have been some effort on his part by now. Perhaps he's not sure about what he's ... (read in full...)
I really want revenge on this shameless, unthankful liar...help?
Q. I was unhappily married for 13 years.I still respect my wife but love was just not there anymore.We have together three beautiful kids.I was more and more sad by time and didn't know what to do.Then two years ago I meet new love of my life.I am 35 ...
A. 13 July 2010: You can get arrested for that. I can't remember off hand what the charge is, but you can be sued. Might be something like defamation. Anyway, all I know is that a guy here in Britain did it once before and his ex sued him. Seriously, you would be ... (read in full...)
Is she "double" cheating now?
Q. So I have met this girl. I actually knew her before but we ran into each other and we were instantly attracted to one another. When i was checking my phone she grabbed it from me and put her number in it. So we started talking. I found that she h...
A. 13 July 2010: She cheated on one boyfriend who she claimed was treating her like crap. Yet there she was drunk, dancing with another guy and giving him her number. If she cheated on one, she'll cheat on another. ... (read in full...)
Do girlfriends discuss their lovers in detail?
Q. Another post had me wondering... when you girls talk about your BF's to fairly close or very close friends, what is the limit on discussion? Do you just say things like "he's great in bed" "he's very tender", or do most women go into more detail ...
A. 13 July 2010: My girlfriend has said to me that she's discussed me with her friends. So I guess they do. ... (read in full...)
In love with a married man and not sure what to believe!
Q. Hi, I'm in love with a married man and i need to spell it out! At first i didn't know he was married. we dated for 6 months and then i found out he was married. At that time I couldn't even suspect that he was married since he was spending al...
A. 13 July 2010: - Are you sure he's separated? Or has he just been thrown out and is he using you until he can win her back?
- There is a huge chance that he will cheat on you. Remember, this is a man who claimed he never loved his wife, and has cheated on her ... (read in full...)
Should I stay with him? I feel like he's going nowhere fast.
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years, he is 30 and still lives at home with his mum he doesn't pay rent, clean up after himself and to be quite honest I'm sick and tired of it. I love him, but I feel like love is not enough anymore. All my ...
A. 13 July 2010: I think you're totally wasting your time as well. A man needs a dream, as does everyone. But you can't continue to ignore reality in favour of that dream. This man is going nowhere fast, and as you say, your friends are going somewhere. He complains ... (read in full...)
Do I fight my corner and stay with him? Or do you think he will eventually get back together with his ex wife?
Q. I am in a relationship with a man whos wife left him for another man and they set up home together, with a very large sum of money given by my b/f and this was half of the proceeds of their house so she could by herself and the b/f something. She ...
A. 13 July 2010: Hmmmm. I honestly couldn't say at this time for sure whether he will go back or not. I would say that the chances are he won't. It's been three years since she left, and her boyfriend died only 9 months later. So that means that in two years they ... (read in full...)
Should I get back with son's mom as my heart wants to do?
Q. i am 18 n have a 4 yr old child, who i only get to see him once a week, i feel as tho i am in love with my sons mum, but my friends tell me it is because i want the best for my son. should a fallow my heart n ask to get back with her, or should i ...
A. 13 July 2010: If you are mature enough to commit to this woman, and work through all the problems you've had, then it would be great if you could get back with her. You know you love her, so if you are sure you're mature enough to be committed to her and you're ... (read in full...)
19 and My life is destroyed
Q. Dear agony aunts i'm a 19 years old guy and i'm confused weather am i hiv+ or not,i've lost a lot of weight recently and my skin colour is getting dark.I did hiv testing 5 times since october 2009 and my last test was on the 23rd of june 2010 and ...
A. 13 July 2010: You've had five tests and all have proved negative. That means that you may have another illness. I think you need to go back to your doctor and get checked for other illnesses. ... (read in full...)
Wife messing around, was it planned?
Q. my wife has been going to her best friends house every weekend for a few months, her best friends boyfriend also invites his own best friend and they stay up late getting drunk and chatting,about a month ago my wife said we should split, and i now ...
A. 13 July 2010: I'm afraid so. I fear that every time she went out there, she wasn't just getting drunk. I'm really sorry, but your wife has played a cruel game here. I can only say to you that this woman is not worthy of you, and I hope that you make a clean break ... (read in full...)
14 years of abuse and I want out!
Q. I've been in a relationship for 14 years. He's very abusive both mentally and physically. I want to leave, what do I do?...
A. 13 July 2010: The very first thing you need to do is ensure that a trusted friend or family member knows what you are planning. Then get a lawyer. Make as many plans and decisions as you can before you leave, so that when the date comes that you can leave, ... (read in full...)
Why cant a make a guy cum from a bj?
Q. My last boyfriend of 6 years never came during a blowjob. now my new boyfriend hasnt either Am i doing it wrong?? im really hurt hes stuck with a rubbish girlfriend!! are some men unable to come during a blowjob....why!!!!!...
A. 13 July 2010: Wow. You're taking a lot of blame. It's actually not as easy as it seems for a man to come in a woman's mouth. Some women have complained that their boyfriends take half an hour or even more to come from a BJ. You're right. Some men don't come ... (read in full...)
How can I make this girl see the guy she is dating is a jerk?
Q. Hi. I am 16. There is a girl that I love. We have gone on dates and spent a ton of time together. The problem is, I had assumed we were already going out. She recently started to date this other dude. He is not nice to her. She still wont dump him. ...
A. 13 July 2010: You can't. Some girls love going out with their bad boys and jerks. Just step away. Seriously, you're fighting a losing battle. She wants a bad boy, and that's what she's got. nothing you can do will convince her otherwise. ... (read in full...)
I made a mistake talking to this older boy about sex and now I am worried everyone at my school will find out....
Q. Hi, I am 13 and all of a sudden I have become like obbsesssed with sex? I know it sounds weird comming from a girl and all ... But yer I am... And i was going out with this and we really really loved each other a lot ! I spent 8 hours talking to him ...
A. 13 July 2010: If it comes out, just lie. Say he's a liar. It's his word against yours.... (read in full...)
Should I allow him to continue to see me when he has "chosen" another girl over me?
Q. I had been dating my ex for about 15 months or so. We met online, but we were virtually inseparable. Every moment of our spare time was spent with one another. Alright sex life for what you are capable of on camera/phone. We had planned to meet ...
A. 13 July 2010: Have nothing more to do with him. He's a liar, a cheat and an abuser of women. And to bother with him, or have anything more to do with him would be an unhappy judgement on your part. As for her, say nothing because you'll just seem jealous or ... (read in full...)
Is loving two people ok?
Q. My Ex fiance admits shes in love with a co worker and me. But she wants me to try and work to see if we can get back together after she ended our engagement, canceled our wedding and moved out because of this guy. She said now that she loves me ...
A. 13 July 2010: The only thing here that is unrealistic is her view of love. I've never believed that you can truly love two people. I believe that if you think you love two people, neither to those people are right. There really is only room in the heart for one, ... (read in full...)
Should I let my girlfriend decide what to do with a guy hitting on her?
Q. I've been helped many times here before and i'm grateful! I got a question..Me and my girlfriend love each other. Our relationship is long distance. She mentioned helping someone and likening him to me. After she helped him carry something, he as...
A. 13 July 2010: Realistically, you can't be her keeper, and you can't stop her from seeing people. She did ask your permission, which shows a certain level of respect. She is being honest. However, he has made it clear that he's interested in her, so whilst you ... (read in full...)
He doesn't think a long distance relationship will work and I will cheat, but I just want us to try!
Q. Ok so I'm leaving for college in 25 days, and I currently am in a relationship with a guy that I truely care about. I believe that we can make a long distance relationship work. I have no doubt in him being faithful to me and I believe I can stay ...
A. 13 July 2010: What he's really saying to you is that he won't be able to do it. It's not you. You've been faithful, and you've given him no reason to distrust you from what you've written here. But I think he's the one who won't be able to do it, and I think he's ... (read in full...)
Why hasn't he contacted me in three days and what should I do about it?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been "seeing" each other for six months, most of that time he has been deployed. For the entire six months we talk almost every day - if he got really busy for a day or two he would send brief notes and say he was busy and ...
A. 13 July 2010: It's only been three days, so don't panic yet. It could just be that he's up to something else and is a little too engrossed in it. Give him time. Even if it is over, at some point he will have to pick up his stuff. So the truth will come out. But ... (read in full...)
Cheating with sexual texts, visting female friends etc
Q. The guy I'm seeing for the last year and half has texted someone sexual text message asking if she was still coming over and then if she would"---" on his face"..There has been some other questionable actions, Ie "visiting A friend from high school ...
A. 13 July 2010: Oh dear. Drugs and cheating, and an LDR. Basically, this is the perfect storm. The bottom line is this guy is utterly worthless as a boyfriend. Utterly worthless. He's clearly cheating via texts, and realistically he's probably done it with these ... (read in full...)
Should I stay or should I go?
Q. I was in a long distance relationship and i decided to leave without any notice. I went to my college and met this guy there. Me and him hit it off great then my parents started getting annoyed with us so they kicked me out of the house and i ...
A. 13 July 2010: Run a mile, my girl, or next time he may well kill your baby, or kill both you and your baby. ... (read in full...)
I want him back but I don't want to hurt my friend who he is now dating, and I don't want to ruin what we already have
Q. I loved my boyfriend so much, and I still do however he is my ex now. He claims to have dumped me because we never get to see each other, but two days after the harsh break up he was already in a relationship with my best friend! Now it has been ...
A. 13 July 2010: He's such a good guy, that he dumped you and cleared off with your best friend. Girl! Take off the rose tinted glasses. He dumped you for your best friend, and used her like he used you. He doesn't love you at all. He doesn't even know what love ... (read in full...)
Help! Did I cause it? Should I avoid him? Or should I act like it never happened?
Q. Well I was with my sister and my two cousins at the movies. I was sitting next to my boy cousin. I was drinking soda through a straw and my cousin pulled down his shirt. Then I took another drinking and he put his hand down there like covered it. ...
A. 13 July 2010: I know it was awkward, but I promise that this wasn't anything to do with you at all. Teenage boys get an average of 11 erections a day, often for no reason. Basically, teenage boys are walking hormones. He was clearly very embarrassed about it, so ... (read in full...)
I don't want my son to have a bad role model in the form of his dad, but then again I don't want to keep my son from having a father! What should I do?
Q. Hi, So I have a problem with my son's father(20).A few days after he left me he was dating my little sister(14). They were dating for about 5 months, during this time he was smoking dope and had nothing to do with our son.He change into a completely ...
A. 13 July 2010: I I'm being honest, in a dream world this guy wouldn't have come back at all. He went off with your sister, which is one stab in the back, then off with a cousin, which is another stab in the back, and had little to do with your son whilst taking ... (read in full...)
Is he just not into me?
Q. So I have met this guy, real cute seems very well mannered and just nice! lol I took his number as I am a bit of a control freak and said I would call him. I text him the morning after as he came down to where I live and had to drive home so i ask...
A. 13 July 2010: Easy there. You're perhaps moving a little too fast. Slow down! :). I tend to give a limit of three days. On the third day that there is no contact, then you call him and try to speak to him. If, after another three days nothing has happened, then ... (read in full...)
Is he trustworthy or not?
Q. I really like this dude but I been reading my zodiac stuff and I don't think I can trust this girl I been hangin with, how do I figure out if he is secretly likeing her instead of me PLEASE HELP!! I'm so confused...
A. 13 July 2010: Stop reading the stars, and start speaking to him. That's the only way. You won't get any answers unless you talk to him about how you feel. If you like him, go speak to him. ... (read in full...)
We generally have a wonderful relationship but there are a few things eating away at me....
Q. Help! I have been seeing this terrific guy for 1 1/2 years. We are the best of friends and we have so much in common. The thing is friendship grew into love and we have been inseparable pretty much since we met.He is good to me and I am good to ...
A. 13 July 2010: The honest blunt truth. I admire you for saying that, because there are some Red Flags here that will make you think twice.
1 - He doesn't want your son there, and wants him out the house. Yet you can be sure he will insist his own family can stay... (read in full...)
Having doubts we can make it work.
Q. me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year and half, he broke up with me back in september because of fight in december he wanted me back and we got back together. now we have been fight lately and he says that my insecurities are pushing him ...
A. 13 July 2010: On/off relationships never work, and if we're being honest, this guy twice now has been quick to blame you and just run away rather than actually talk about it and sort it out. This guy is not ready for a relationship. At all. He doesn't ... (read in full...)
Is my penis normal?
Q. Hi i would like you people to help me when am aroused my penis tend to bend towards my left side as in it is not straight am even afraid of making out with girls am i realy normal....
A. 13 July 2010: Yes, you're normal. There is no penis on earth that is dead straight. Most have a curve to them, sometimes because of the way the testicles hand (one is lower that the other, and the lower one pulls the penis to one side a little). I'm sure there ... (read in full...)
Intelect and the uneducated.....
Q. I recently met a woman who I'm not sure I should be dating. Here are some facts about us. She is beyond a masters degree, I have a HS diploma. She is highly intelectual, very smart. I am not the brightest bulb in the box. She is Jewish, I am ...
A. 13 July 2010: You think that's something? I'm next to broke while my girlfriend is a Director of a firm who I cannot name. Her earnings a year last year plus bonus were nearly twenty times my father's wage last year. Yet not once has she ever brought it up, and ... (read in full...)
He said if I cried during sex because of the pain it is all on me because he is not stopping!
Q. This is a conversation between me and my ex. hes 19 and im 16. we were talking about visiting each other, we live in different states now, and he is coming here at the end of the month. please read! him: "how many guys have you had sex with since me...
A. 13 July 2010: Oh dear. You've picked a lemon. This is a very good reason for him remaining an ex boyfriend. Joking or, the level of immaturity and the lack of care he had for you shows him up. So I'm hoping unlike some other teenage posters on here of late who ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my girl how much this frustrates me? which it does... immensely without sounding like an ass?
Q. Hey, I have been in this relationship with my girl for several months now (long distance) it isn't often that we get to see each other (month or 2 ) I took a week of leave off of where I am to go see her, so we can see each other, have fun...et...
A. 13 July 2010: It's like I said. Seems like a test to me to see whether you're there for the good times as well as the bad. Annoying that it was scheduled at that time, but if you say anything, your girlfriend and her mother will just say that you're not ... (read in full...)
FWB sometimes he's sweet, sometimes he's not
Q. first of all I'm 16 NOT 13. Okay. So I've been friends with benifits with this guy for like 2 years..and yes I like him alot..I never told him though cuz I didn't wanna make anything weird..this guy is a major player but when he likes someone he's ...
A. 13 July 2010: He's really reeled you in, hasn't he? He's a player, and you're a FWB. That's as far as this will go. I think every time he gets a bit nervous that you'll leave or something, he tells you suddenly he might want to be with you. Don't fall for it. You ... (read in full...)
I want to work in porn but am worried about my boyfriend, its not fair!
Q. I need help!?! With all the pressure from everyone asking what am I going to do with my life after I graduate high school I had no idea and I talked to my bf about working in porn because it seemed like something I would enjoy and get paid well for. ...
A. 13 July 2010: I think if you want to work in this area, you probably need to let him go. For all him saying that he will be cool with it, I don't think he'll be happy at all. I think maybe you need to let him go and focus on your career area. ... (read in full...)
My b/f has gone from being a fun,loving and talkative man to a coldhearted, unpassionate and noncommunicative man what do I do?
Q. I met my boyfriend at Home depot. We both worked there. He is 41 I am 24. There is an age gap but we hit it off I fell for him and he said he loved me. After a couple of months he started treating me badly...I broke up with him and dated other ...
A. 13 July 2010: He's an abuser. He smiled to your face, led you in and then spat you straight back out. Classic behaviour. It's very possible that the medication and illness have their part to play in all this. But, if I'm being honest, this sounds like an abusive ... (read in full...)
I really want revenge on this shameless, unthankful liar...help?
Q. I was unhappily married for 13 years.I still respect my wife but love was just not there anymore.We have together three beautiful kids.I was more and more sad by time and didn't know what to do.Then two years ago I meet new love of my life.I am 35 ...
A. 13 July 2010: When seeking revenge, dig two grave. One for yourself.
I forget who's saying that was. Could be a Chinese one. Anyway, the point is that if you try to do something, you could be the one in court, or with a restraining order or something like that... (read in full...)
How do I tell my girl how much this frustrates me? which it does... immensely without sounding like an ass?
Q. Hey, I have been in this relationship with my girl for several months now (long distance) it isn't often that we get to see each other (month or 2 ) I took a week of leave off of where I am to go see her, so we can see each other, have fun...et...
A. 13 July 2010: You don't. You put a smile on and support her. She's having surgery, and this could be a test. Maybe this is a test to prove whether you're worth it, and whether you will be there for the good times as well as the bad. After all, you can't always ... (read in full...)
Why is he locking himself in the bathroom with his laptop?
Q. This guy and i have been together for over a year now. i thought everything was going fine. now he locks himself in the bathroom with his laptop. is he cheating or am i just paranoid?...
A. 25 June 2010: Porn. That's the most obvious answer. I doubt he's cheating. That would be too obvious. Unless he's an idiot.... (read in full...)
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