| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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I really want revenge on this shameless, unthankful liar...help?
Q. I was unhappily married for 13 years.I still respect my wife but love was just not there anymore.We have together three beautiful kids.I was more and more sad by time and didn't know what to do.Then two years ago I meet new love of my life.I am 35 ...
A. 13 July 2010: You can get arrested for that. I can't remember off hand what the charge is, but you can be sued. Might be something like defamation. Anyway, all I know is that a guy here in Britain did it once before and his ex sued him. Seriously, you would be ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my girl how much this frustrates me? which it does... immensely without sounding like an ass?
Q. Hey, I have been in this relationship with my girl for several months now (long distance) it isn't often that we get to see each other (month or 2 ) I took a week of leave off of where I am to go see her, so we can see each other, have fun...et...
A. 13 July 2010: It's like I said. Seems like a test to me to see whether you're there for the good times as well as the bad. Annoying that it was scheduled at that time, but if you say anything, your girlfriend and her mother will just say that you're not ... (read in full...)
My b/f has gone from being a fun,loving and talkative man to a coldhearted, unpassionate and noncommunicative man what do I do?
Q. I met my boyfriend at Home depot. We both worked there. He is 41 I am 24. There is an age gap but we hit it off I fell for him and he said he loved me. After a couple of months he started treating me badly...I broke up with him and dated other ...
A. 13 July 2010: He's an abuser. He smiled to your face, led you in and then spat you straight back out. Classic behaviour. It's very possible that the medication and illness have their part to play in all this. But, if I'm being honest, this sounds like an abusive ... (read in full...)
Am I her fall back guy?
Q. So I am confused and lost so I'll keep this short and simple. I met this girl over 7 months ago and started having phone and text conversations with her. We had a brief argument which led to 2 months of avoiding each other. We have been on...
A. 13 July 2010: It certainly sounds like it. Something is going in here, that's for sure. Having known each other for seven months, there should be more interaction that just you two meeting when she's working. And her not answering the phone for several days is ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't anyone like me?
Q. all of my friends have been "snogged"/"been with"/"made out with" somebody. i find this kinda frustrating because i'm the only one who hasn't. all of them say that i'm pretty and sexy but i dont understand why nobody likes me. im 13,a little bit ...
A. 13 July 2010: I used to ask the same sort of question. I asked all these girls out when I was at school, and got turned down by every single one. I didn't even get my first kiss until I was nearly 17. I'm 22 now, and guess who has the best girlfriend out of all ... (read in full...)
In a relationship but I don't feel we see each other enough...
Q. hey every1! me and my bf have been going out for more than 3 years and we're both 20(im a month older. He works at least 4 days a week so we only ever end up seeing each other once a week and we text for like 2 hours a day. I feel like this isnt g...
A. 13 July 2010: I'm in an LDR, that has been successful for just over a year now. I only see her at weekends really. But I make a huge amount of effort when I do see her, and I talk to her every day over the phone. The key is that every time you are with your ... (read in full...)
Why the double standard?
Q. Why do guys become 'the man', and girls become 'the slut' after sex too soon? i slept with a guy that chased me like crazy and yeah I know...I shouldnt have. if he stopped contact because he thought I was easy, then how is this not a double ...
A. 13 July 2010: I'm confused here (you'll have to excuse me, this is my first post on this question). This seems to be a big mess. Did this guy even call you a slut? All you say is that he cut contact. That doesn't mean you're a slut. That just means he used you, ... (read in full...)
I really want revenge on this shameless, unthankful liar...help?
Q. I was unhappily married for 13 years.I still respect my wife but love was just not there anymore.We have together three beautiful kids.I was more and more sad by time and didn't know what to do.Then two years ago I meet new love of my life.I am 35 ...
A. 13 July 2010: When seeking revenge, dig two grave. One for yourself.
I forget who's saying that was. Could be a Chinese one. Anyway, the point is that if you try to do something, you could be the one in court, or with a restraining order or something like that... (read in full...)
I feel so.. not normal because I'm pretty sure most girls my age don't masturbate..
Q. This is kind of embarrassing, but I want to feel better about it. So i'm 16 years old and I masturbate about 3-4 times a week. I'm still a virgin, i've never gone further with a guy than a guy putting his hand down there (over my clothes) and maki...
A. 13 July 2010: Oh yes they do. Don't you worry at all. You're perfectly normal. ... (read in full...)
He lies all the time! Should we stay together?
Q. My fiance lies to me on a regular basis, I can tell when he is lying and when I confront him he tries to turn it around on me. We argue about it and then he admits he lied and promises he wont do it again. Then a week later he lies to me again. I ...
A. 13 July 2010: He's lying because he has something to hide. You'll never know what, and it'll just torture you to continue looking for an answer. Accept he is a liar, and move on from him. You'll never be happy with this man, and you'll never know the truth. ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my girl how much this frustrates me? which it does... immensely without sounding like an ass?
Q. Hey, I have been in this relationship with my girl for several months now (long distance) it isn't often that we get to see each other (month or 2 ) I took a week of leave off of where I am to go see her, so we can see each other, have fun...et...
A. 13 July 2010: You don't. You put a smile on and support her. She's having surgery, and this could be a test. Maybe this is a test to prove whether you're worth it, and whether you will be there for the good times as well as the bad. After all, you can't always ... (read in full...)
I don't know if it's worth working this out...he slept with my "best friend" and she is pregnant with "his" child....
Q. Okay. So i've been with my boyfriend for 11 months now, and have recently found out he was sleeping with my ex best friend for a good six months of our relationship, on and off. The whole reason me and the girl fell out was because she was sleeping ...
A. 13 July 2010: DITCH HIM NOW.
1 - Within five months of you being together, he'd started to cheat with your best friend.
2 - Him cheating continued for at least 3 months.
3 - He is not a changed man. It takes years for a person to change, not just a few m... (read in full...)
Holiday romance or real love?
Q. i went to turkey for the first time on holiday with my mum and dad. we went to this family bar, and i knew that one of the staff fancied me. he made me a paper rose, and then asked to slow dance with me. the next night he bought me a rose and on my ...
A. 13 July 2010: DO NOT trust this guy. I think it was a holiday romance, nothing more. But it could be something far darker, and maybe you're safer not knowing what. ... (read in full...)
I don't want to carry on like this so do I tell him how I feel or just ignore any contact that he makes in future.
Q. I met a guy 5 months ago in a bar we got on really well and i ended up taking him back to my place and having sex with him. We then saw each other again 2 days later and had a great time together. But when he went back home he sent me a text saying ...
A. 13 July 2010: Talk to him about how you feel. He may well feel the same way. But there's only one way to be sure and that's to talk to him. The worst is that you find out he's not interested, which will give you the chance to move on. The best is that is is ... (read in full...)
Our trust and love is all down the drain... Help!
Q. For 2 years, my boyfriend and i has been through a lot. From cheating, to numinous of lies and dishonest but some how we manage to overcome those things and still love each other. A few weeks before our 2 year anniversary, he broke up with me. At ...
A. 13 July 2010: This just isn't going to work out. He's cheated twice, lied and now he's gone and walked out. Enough is enough, surely. I know this guy will hurt you again. I just know it. Someone who can be as callous and disrespectful as he has on three separate ... (read in full...)
Are there any decent guys out there who just want a normal girl, someone who is just normal?
Q. I have lost of faith in men, I feel so stupid, I have just found out that this guy who I have just starting seeing has multiple "girlfriends", I had no idea and I poured my heart out to him about my past and why I was so shy and scared to commit and ...
A. 12 July 2010: Yep. I'm one. And I got lucky thankfully. But there are other guys too. I'd suggest two things here.
1 - You need to spend time alone just now, really focusing on yourself. You seem to be suffering from very low esteem, and if there's one thin... (read in full...)
I dislike being the ugly one..
Q. Hey, I'm a 15 year old girl in New York. I'm 5'5 and I wiegh 110lbs! All my life, i never felt pretty and the problem is people give me compliments all the time which is i don't get! They compliement on my long hair or how "skinny" I am..I just got ...
A. 12 July 2010: Good Lord, girl! When people give you compliments, it usually means they're true :). You really are beautiful! The problem is that you're comparing yourself to your sister far too much. In your eyes, she's this beautiful creature that you want to ... (read in full...)
Is it just his teenage hormones and should I tell my partner?
Q. hi all i have a bit of a bizarre problem, i just need some opinions on this. im 25 weeks pregnant and happily living with my partner. since i became pregnant, my partners 16 year old brother has been acting strange towards me. at first i...
A. 12 July 2010: It would appear as if his brother has a fetish for pregnant women, which could very well be a hormone related problem. I think you need to make it clear to him that he is overstepping the mark, and that it is causing you stress. I wouldn't say ... (read in full...)
How can I get inside his head and know how he really feels about me?
Q. there is a guy at school who is like a dream to me--all the things a girl would want-caring, funny, attentive, sensitive and oh-my-goshly-good-looking...... we are allready friends--quite close come to think of it, but i really really do have a ...
A. 12 July 2010: Oh, to get into a man's head. I'm sure that the 3 billion other women on the planet would be interested in knowing how to do that :).
From a male point of view, getting into our heads is next to impossible in a situation like this. Why? Beca... (read in full...)
Our relationship is on the line... how can we get close again?
Q. Hi all :) Over the past 2 weeks me and my boyfriend have been arguing quite a lot. I've been putting it down to not seeing him as often as i want to, but he doesnt agree. We've been arguing over so many things, he thinks i dont love him, he thinks i...
A. 12 July 2010: I think that he's the problem here, and I think that you can do so much better. Any time a guy blames you for everything, you can be sure that you're to blame for very little. To be fair, it sounds like you both got into too much too soon. But he is ... (read in full...)
Help! Am I plan "B"???
Q. Ok so I met this guy and we started texting he was really sweet and we had a lot in common. We talked on the phone for 2 hours one night, and tried to get to know each other more. When we first started talking he said he wanted a relationship and ...
A. 12 July 2010: "When we first started talking he said he wanted a relationship and not just sex, that if he wanted sex he had girls he could call for that."
For me, that says it all about this guy. He doesn't seem to have any real kind of respect for women at... (read in full...)
I found a picture of a girl in her underwear on his phone...
Q. I have recently found in my bf's phone that he has a pic of a girl in her underwear and she is one of his contacts. seeing this really hurt me and i can't seem to get it out of my head. i checked the details and it was received a month ago and by ...
A. 12 July 2010: This demands more than a subtle hint. He has a picture of a naked girl on his phone, and it's a contact, not just porn or something. I do think you need to talk to him about it. It's too late to worry about him not trusting you, as perhaps you can't ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend issues...
Q. hi, I'm 15, and my boyfriend is 17. we started dating on christmas and the first 2 months we had no fights, everything was perfect even though we barely hungout since i had basketball every day and he had to work right when i got out of practice. ...
A. 12 July 2010: I don't think he does make you feel special. I think he makes you think you can't do better. Clearly you can. Look at the facts about this guy. He ignores you, spends little time with you, chooses even weed over you, fights with you, blah, blah, ... (read in full...)
Why this coldness all of a sudden? Is she going off me?
Q. Okay so recently my girlfriend has stopped saying I love you and hardly saying any cute.. like not making an effort you know? I mean I just check some text from 5 days ago and it's filled with: I love you's, forever, can't wait, wanna c u again. ...
A. 12 July 2010: Hmm. I got a bit suspicious the moment I read that she had said 'are you accusing me of something'. Your conversation about her not being so open to you wasn't really leading that way. Yet she concluded it was. You want the bottom line? I think ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's ex still texts him!
Q. My boyfriend's ex girlfriend texts him and calls him. It made me rather uncomfortable. They dated for 6 months before he broke up with her, and then started dating me about a month afterwards. It made me feel uncomfortable, and I made it very clear ...
A. 12 July 2010: I think this guy is playing you. Pure and simple, I think you're being played. He went through your phone, then mysteriously wouldn't let you do the same with his. And to top it off, he won't cut contact even though he knows that it's getting to ... (read in full...)
Why is she reluctant to hang out with me on my own?
Q. Okay so I dated this girl over a year ago for 7 months and now we text all the time and when we are in groups she acts like we are still dating but when I ask her to go hang out just the two of us she says that she will only do group things and is ...
A. 12 July 2010: Hmm. Well, there's something wrong here. I'd say that she's just not ready for a relationship. The truth is, at 7 months of dating, you should be spending time along doing things as a couple. As it is, you seem as if you're more of a pet who she ... (read in full...)
I have to follow my heart and be with my love but I have a husband!
Q. I am married to a fantastic man and 2 beautiful children. My husband has been working alot, we are trying to save money to buy a house so we are in a rental now and it seems this is the hardest time for us. It is like we just co-exist in the same ...
A. 12 July 2010: The reason you feel this way is because you wanted to help him, and couldn't. A bit like mother instinct, I guess. But believe me, you are risking more by remaining in contact. You must stop contact and throw all this energy into your relationship, ... (read in full...)
I got in touch with my old boyfriend, and now I'd rather be with him than my current partner!
Q. please can anyone help me ? i recently got in touch with an old boyfriend (whom i have always loved deeply and he feels the same) i feel now i cannot go on with my relationship with my present partner who i have been with for 15 years - we havent ...
A. 12 July 2010: I STRONGLY urge you to think about this. The feelings you've got may well just be the lust of knowing someone else happens to be there at this time. But they may well go away, in which case you'll have thrown your family away for nothing. I would ... (read in full...)
With a married man, is six months too soon?
Q. Ive just read the question i needed answering by someone else on here. Ive been seeing a married man for 6 months, we've had a fling before, but this time ive fallen hook line and sinker, he says he feels the same. In fact he said those three little ...
A. 12 July 2010: I love you as well. :)
See how easy those words come? He's married, and he will lie to you and use you, then ditch you. This man doesn't care about you at all. He just cares that you're there for the sex. You're just a mistress to him. Nothing more... (read in full...)
I'm ready for sex at 13 but I don't have anybody to share my first time with!
Q. I AM READY for sex, but i don't have anybody to share my first time with. What should i do? I truly am ready, but i want the first time to be with a guy but i really am ready... what do i do?...
A. 12 July 2010: This OP is not ready. No way.
To the OP, you're the sort of girl that paedophiles and abusers of women dream of. You say you're ready? Yet you're not mature enough to accept criticism or advice when it's given? And not just that, it's illegal for ... (read in full...)
I have to follow my heart and be with my love but I have a husband!
Q. I am married to a fantastic man and 2 beautiful children. My husband has been working alot, we are trying to save money to buy a house so we are in a rental now and it seems this is the hardest time for us. It is like we just co-exist in the same ...
A. 12 July 2010: So, you're married to a fantastic guy, yet you'd rather throw all that away, endanger your kids by going out with a man who has been in prison and has been on drugs?
I hope that puts this whole thing in perspective. Your heart is leading you to the ... (read in full...)
Wife has feelings for another man?
Q. My wife of 2 years (together for 7) went on a 16 day trip to Japan with a group of teachers for an award that she won. While there, she became close with another man that lives in the states, but on the opposite side of the country. At first, she ...
A. 12 July 2010: In a case like this, you need to give her the space first. I'd say that you would do best to move out and give her space, or at least stay in another room. Make it clear that you will not be with anyone else, and that you expect her to think things ... (read in full...)
He hits me when he is drunk....how long should I ignore him for this time?
Q. my bf hit me once drunk...because i went out with a "slut" for a party..he was scared i'll turn into her pretty insecure bf there..but the fact that he hit me wasnt good.i stopped talking for a week and he came back begging for me..so i got back ...
A. 12 July 2010: You need to break up. Your boyfriend is just going to continue to beat you, and could kill you. You must break up with him. Don't feel pathetic here. You're not pathetic. He is the one who is pathetic. But I'm sure you'll want to have children in ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is really controlling but I cant dump him because I have been with him for too long!
Q. i have been going out with my boyfriend for more than two years now and at first he was good but now he is controlling me. its that bad i cant go on the computer, msn, have facebook or even look and listen to boys on tv! i cant have boy mates or ...
A. 12 July 2010: You need to dump him. This is abuse. So what if you've been with him for so long? No one will care except him. He'll be beating you up next. You need to get away from this guy NOW. H doesn't love you, care about you or anything like that. He just ... (read in full...)
I really like his friendship but not attracted to him sexually, what should I do?
Q. I've been going out with a guy for over a year, and we get along pretty good, and have a lot of the same interests. However, I have never been sexually attracted to him. I was at first, until I realized the sex was not very good at all. The ...
A. 12 July 2010: You need to end it with this guy and let him find someone who does love him and wants him sexually. You're only keeping him around because he represents the safe bet. You need to let him go so he can find someone else who will enjoy being with him ... (read in full...)
They are divorced, she is re-marrying, so why is he still so involved with his ex wife?
Q. My bloke got divorced after 25 years because he was very unhappy and we got together again having been childhood sweethearts. He didn’t allow himself the time to recover from his marriage but rather jumped straight from one thing to the other. As ...
A. 12 July 2010: He still has children with her, and just because of that she will always be apart of his life. You can't escape that, ever. She will always be there just because of that. If one of his kids was in an accident, they would come together. If they have ... (read in full...)
I've loved him for 3 years but now he is married, what should I do?
Q. hi please help me im in love someone last 3 years he also love me lots but last 2 month he get married another girl but cant stop relation with me. also i am also not stopped this relation with me and him but now i feel very bad because i dont w...
A. 12 July 2010: You need to end it with him. He's using you for sex, that's all. End contact with him and move on. Don't waste your life over a man you can't trust.... (read in full...)
Do I wait for her to choose?
Q. I've been in a on and off relationship for close to 10 years which started in College. Most of the offs were my fault. The last time we got back together 2 years ago I thought things had been really going well. I proposed about a year ago and ...
A. 12 July 2010: My friend, please have nothing more to do with this woman. She is playing you because things with this other man haven't worked out. She will play you, continue to try and find someone else and then dump you again. She loves this other man, not you. ... (read in full...)
I snooped through his phone, how can I get his trust back?
Q. Hello everyone, Today I looked through my boyfriend's phone. I know it was wrong but I was just curious. Now hes terribly mad at me and won't speak to me. We live together and he is the love of my life. He put a lock on his phone and told me not ...
A. 12 July 2010: Why exactly did you search through his phone. Because that's the problem, not the fact that you searched through the phone. Before you can gain his trust back, you need to know why you did it. Understand yourself, then you can understand him and ... (read in full...)
Do men become less sexually attracted to their partners as time passes?
Q. I was reading a question here, about whether men fantasize about other women or not when they're in relationships. I understand they do, and that it's healthy (I mean, yeah, it'd be A BIT weird that a guy could only get it up with one woman). But ...
A. 12 July 2010: If things aren't allowed to become stale, or routine, and a couple continue to spend time together and trying new things and such, neither person will become bored. It's all about making sure the relationship is solid, and that you;re still spending ... (read in full...)
He lies all the time! Should we stay together?
Q. My fiance lies to me on a regular basis, I can tell when he is lying and when I confront him he tries to turn it around on me. We argue about it and then he admits he lied and promises he wont do it again. Then a week later he lies to me again. I ...
A. 12 July 2010: I also agree with C.Grant. This man should have no place in your life.... (read in full...)
She's engaged, but I want to be with her!
Q. I'll try to make this as short as I can. I had a crush on this girl for several years. I told her how I felt a few times and got shot down each time. Eventually I told her that I give up. That was about 5 years ago. We ended up not talking to ...
A. 12 July 2010: She's engaged. That's the end of the road for you two. You need to move on. It could be your fiance cheating on you one day, and you'll regret this.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is looking at videos of him and his ex having sex
Q. If my boyfriend is looking at videos of him and his ex having sex should I confront him or leave? ...
A. 11 July 2010: To be honest, if I thought my girlfriend was doing that, I think it would hurt enough for me to leave. This isn't just porn, this is him watching himself with his ex. That's pretty degrading towards you really. I'm not sure it's worth talking about ... (read in full...)
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