| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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How can I fix things between us and kick this other girl to the curb?
Q. so ive been with my boyfrined, Scott for over 4 months... im always worried about him cheating, but its never really bugged me, cause i never thought hed do it, well there was this girl Bella, that i askedt o him to stop talking to, he did, and then ...
A. 17 July 2010: He's got you both, that's why. Twice the slave work, all the sex, all the fun. No he doesn't care. You can't tell. No one can tell. He's faking care, that's for sure, but like a lot of women before you, you're not really looking at the facts. This ... (read in full...)
When I ask for affection my husband says "Don't you have something better to do?"!!!
Q. I eloped with my husband a year ago. We were really intimate and spent a lot of time together. But for the last six months he's been having one thing after another, a lawsuit, probation, his sister's lawsuit, his friends multiple bf problems. He ...
A. 16 July 2010: Rubbish. Even if you were stressed, that doesn't mean a guy don't hug you, or kiss you. And it certainly doesn't mean he'll say "Don't you have anything better to do". Sorry, but he is that cold. ... (read in full...)
I love her and my kids more than anything, but my trust has gone out the window
Q. I have been married for almost a year and have been with my wife a total of 5 years. We have 2 kids together 3 and 1. Well since february things havent been the same. She took a random trip with a friend out of town to get away and when she got ...
A. 16 July 2010: She must cut contact with this man. No amount of help will do anything unless she cuts contact with this man and focuses on getting this sorted out. She needs to cut contact with this man if she is serious. ... (read in full...)
When I ask for affection my husband says "Don't you have something better to do?"!!!
Q. I eloped with my husband a year ago. We were really intimate and spent a lot of time together. But for the last six months he's been having one thing after another, a lawsuit, probation, his sister's lawsuit, his friends multiple bf problems. He ...
A. 16 July 2010: I think you know being with this man was a mistake. There's no love here at all. It's just him getting he wants while you get nothing in return at all. This man is so cold that when you even ask outright for affection, you get no response other than ... (read in full...)
My wife has just given up on us
Q. My wife of 9 years (partner of 11 years)said she is emotionally numb after our last fight. We have 2 children boy and girl 7 and 5. We have had our fare share of fights but always seemed very much together. Our sex life was ok. She never had much...
A. 16 July 2010: Because it's true, I guess. She's a lost woman, but she still loves you. It's easy to hurt someone you love, knowing full well that they will still love you. ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for teenagers to lose erections so easily?
Q. I am seventeen years old and I recently got into my first serious relationship. My girlfriend recently decided to give me a handjob. It felt great and I really enjoyed it but I was constantly losing my erection and I had to stimulate myself to get ...
A. 16 July 2010: I'd suggest that you visit the doctor to rule anything out. You could just be suffering from performance anxiety, or maybe stress or something. But it's worth getting checked over to make sure there's nothing wrong.... (read in full...)
Does giving her space spell the end?
Q. A few weeks ago, out the blue my fiance broke up with me saying she "needs space". She has also said a few other reasons like we don't have enough sex. This is a problem I thought we could either solve on our own or possibly go to a relationship ...
A. 16 July 2010: There's no hope really. Even if you did, this is such a huge blow to anything that could come of it. She didn't even wait around to try to fix it. She just cleared off and made it clear to everyone it was over the next day. I'm sorry, but even if ... (read in full...)
My friend said he's just using me for sex!!!
Q. i've been having a fling with a guy for 3 months, I've grown strong feelings for him, i think about him day an night, he says im too emotional and he dont do emotional talk. once he told my friend all he wanted from me is sex and im not getting ...
A. 16 July 2010: You need to end it with him. He's made it clear that you're there for sex and absolutely nothing else, and every time you text him, you lose respect for yourself. Move on. ... (read in full...)
This sounds like borderline prostitution to me!
Q. I recently found out my girlfriend did sexual favors for a mechanic who worked on her car. This incident(s) happened after we met, but when we were friends and before we got romantically involved. When I first met her, this guy was texting her all ...
A. 16 July 2010: I'm with G on this one. It's not the act itself, but the fact that he was married with kids. She could have ruined a family. And to stop it off, he's still in contact. I don't think this is a woman you can trust.... (read in full...)
I love her but I can't stop my drinking and partying ways...
Q. I am 21 years old, dating a woman who is about 7-8 years older than me and let me say I do LOVE HER, but I am not ready for a committed relationship right now. I don't want to lose her because, she is the best woman I have ever had, in fact, she is ...
A. 16 July 2010: Either stop partying, or lose her. That's your choice. You can't expect her to sit there waiting for you, and it would be unfair to when you know you're not ready. That's your choice. One has to go. There is nothing else to understand other than ... (read in full...)
Should I "go there???"
Q. i am 42 and like a person who is married and younger to me by 12 years he calls me sister but i think he has mix feelings for me . he also has come out with me alone for a long distance travel. i hesitate to ask him because he is small and is ...
A. 16 July 2010: He's married. Leave him and his wife and marriage alone. You'll just end up used.... (read in full...)
What are my rights here???
Q. I have been living with a man for 10 years, he was separated from his wife 3 years before me, the family was informed about us, i worked with him in his business, he had kids and i never had kids, he died, he did not leave a will, what are my ...
A. 16 July 2010: You need a lawyer really. But the court will take his kids into account first and foremost. That means that his ex wife can be sure to get a chunk. But you need a lawyer. ... (read in full...)
He's now told me to "stop hassling him". Any suggestions?
Q. Hi, I met this bloke 3 months ago on a training course and we hit it off straight away. He told me he was married, but they are separating and the house is up for sale (I know the house is for sale as my friend lives near him and the sign is ...
A. 16 July 2010: Are you sure he's leaving his wife? Seems to me like he's not. It seems more like they're just moving. Either that, or he's not that great a guy.
One to be avoided, I think.... (read in full...)
How can I interact with him without feeling awkward?
Q. I've been searching this site for any similar situation to read from but can't, so here I go. To put the whole situation quite shortly I live in a small close-knit neighborhood where you see everyone all the time. I have found out recently that a m...
A. 16 July 2010: There's nothing really special you can do. If you don't fancy him, treat him as you would a friend that you don't fancy. Be a friend, but don't give him the wrong impression.... (read in full...)
My wife has just given up on us
Q. My wife of 9 years (partner of 11 years)said she is emotionally numb after our last fight. We have 2 children boy and girl 7 and 5. We have had our fare share of fights but always seemed very much together. Our sex life was ok. She never had much...
A. 16 July 2010: You can't live with a room mate. She may be numb and upset, but if she's not offering love, at some point you'll have to leave. She can't expect you to sit there for the rest of your life not being part of a couple. That would not be fair of her. I ... (read in full...)
Do these signs look to you like she's cheating?
Q. need input on suspicious occurances by my g/f .our relationship has lasted ten+ years we have two children and were engaged but called it off .all along things have been kinda obvious but with no hard evidence she wont aknowledge the signs i see ...
A. 16 July 2010: Commons sense would suggest that she's cheating. It's the empty condom wrappers that tell all really. They're being used somewhere.... (read in full...)
Girlfriend's family says they'll go behind our backs to have our baby circumcized!
Q. Hey there I am 18 and my gf is pregnant. we love each other and are both going to college with the help of our parents. first let me say that our son is due soon. I have always had very strong feelings about circumcision and have been confident ...
A. 16 July 2010: What they are suggesting is illegal, and you can report them the the police if they do. Tell her mother that if she so much as touches your son, you'll report her to the police. They had no right at all to do what they're suggesting, and they will ... (read in full...)
My ex boyfriend passed away and I cant get over him... HELP!
Q. I NEED HELP!! So I don't really know how to start this off but I'm still in love with my ex boyfriend, we were best of friends for over 2 years, and I was there for him whenever he needed me and same with him, then we started dating back in June ...
A. 16 July 2010: I think right now, you need to be alone and working on yourself. This new boyfriend just doesn't understand the situation at all, and in truth you're not ready to be dating given your feelings for your ex. You need to let this new boyfriend go, ... (read in full...)
I think my b/f is losing his mind!
Q. Please help, im a 16 yr old girl with a 19 yr old boyfriend. i am emotionally drained. we have been together 2 months and he i really think he is losing his mind. i want to lay out many different point and jus get clarity here, please tell me im not ...
A. 16 July 2010: He is physically abusing you, and he's destroying you. You need to leave. NOW. Tell your family, tell your friends and get away from him. Get away NOW. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend doesn't want a baby and I do!
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for 2 years but known him for 4 years and i had let him know that i was desperate to have a child im 21 right now and he is 24 he said at first that we would move in together and see where things lead us well i said ok ...
A. 16 July 2010: He's not ready. Period. Not ready. And if you thrust this upon him, you'll cause a lot of damage. You're 21, not 35. So yes, your biological clock is ticking, but not at the rate you think. He never committed to having a child, merely said that he ... (read in full...)
What do you do if husband won't accept responsibility for anything and turns everything around to be your fault?
Q. hi, (question is at the end - this is the background of it) I'm 29, married for 6 yrs with 3 children, 6, 3 and 2. I am a stay at home mom. After countless sleepless nights "googling" my marriage issues, and being directed to this site numerous...
A. 16 July 2010: My girlfriend said her husband was cold and neglectful to her. She left him after 13 years of marriage. She said it was hard at first, but that it really was the best decision.
To be perfectly honest, your husband is coming across as a very cont... (read in full...)
I think my wife just puts up with me so we don't fight!
Q. I love my wife dearly, we have been married for almost 14 years now, but she recently has told me that she "loves" me, but she's not "in love" with me anymore. I am beginning to lose sight of my marriage, I feel that anything that I do now is just ...
A. 16 July 2010: I would sit her down and say that you love you very much, but you're concerned that she appears to be thinking that the marriage is routine. Explain to her that you're worried, and that you'd like to inject some passion and love back into it to make ... (read in full...)
I cheated and hate myself for it
Q. i cheated on my boyfriend who i love so much. three years together and i cheat on him in a bathroom of a restaurant. while he was there. he has done nothing wrong to me and doesnt ever talk to any other women. i am a stupid stupid stupid person. i ...
A. 16 July 2010: He hasn't forgiven you. Ironically, you'd have been better off if he'd walked out in a knee jerk reaction, because he may have then had time to think about it and come back. Sometimes when a man does something quickly, he regrets is later. As it is, ... (read in full...)
Should I confront my mother in law about her destructive behaviour?
Q. where do i start...november 24 of this year i plan on getting married through the church, have been married three years by Justice of the Peace. BUT things have been difficult in our marriage, mostly because of my mother in law. a year ago i had de...
A. 16 July 2010: It's not your job to say anything to her. It's your husband's job. It's not his fault, but he needs to man up and stop this woman screwing up your marriage. If he doesn't, then he'll side with her when you do stand up. A man who cannot look after ... (read in full...)
My husband lies and hides money from me!
Q. My husband is not working right now. He just got a settlement from an accident(property damage). He hid this money and spent it all while I had to get loans and go to food pantries. This is not the first time he has lied or hid money. He has also ...
A. 16 July 2010: Get a lawyer, get a divorce , get the best settlement you can, get a better life that you have with this guy. ... (read in full...)
Why does my daughter hate her family and side with a much older man that mistreats her?
Q. I am at my wit's end trying to understand my 21 year old daughter. We both took a chemistry class (when she was 18) together in college (at my daughter's request), and met a 40 year old professor who had, just 1 month prior to taking the class, ...
A. 16 July 2010: My friend, I feel for you. I know a girl who did this, and it all went wrong for her. Her parents we so hurt by her that when she came back, they actually closed the door on her. I don't even know what happened to her in the end. Girls, especial... (read in full...)
I'm afraid to tell my parents I'm going away with my boyfriend!
Q. Help! I am almost 22 years old and still live at home. Just recently, my boyfriend and I went through a horrible break up and my parents saw me when i was at an all time low. So, they hate him obviously. My boyfriend and I truly love each other ...
A. 16 July 2010: Sometimes, young people can screw up big. If I'd listened to my mother more, I would not be in the mess that I am now. What I am saying, is that this guy and you went through a big break up, and you ended up very hurt. Perhaps this is a man you ... (read in full...)
How can I interact with him without feeling awkward?
Q. I've been searching this site for any similar situation to read from but can't, so here I go. To put the whole situation quite shortly I live in a small close-knit neighborhood where you see everyone all the time. I have found out recently that a m...
A. 16 July 2010: Speak to him as if he was anyone else. I worked as a salesman once, and had to deal with a person who was deaf. And I spoke directly to the deaf person, whilst her sister told her in sign language what I was saying. She really appreciated it because ... (read in full...)
He lied about the strip club and swore on our kids life!
Q. my husband went out with the guy fora night i asked him to promise that he wouldnt get a lap dance but he did hetold me the nexted morning then he sware on our kids life there was noting out but i had this feeling and question him some more then he ...
A. 16 July 2010: To lie about the strip club is one thing. For him to swear on the life of his children is another. I would have him on his knees begging for forgiveness for that one. I'm afraid from now on, this guy has to be totally open. There can be no secrets, ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has trouble getting hard
Q. ok so i have had sex with my boyfriend many times.. but now when we are messing around he and i want to have sex he cant get hard i dont understand why and im really confused.. he also told me that before i moved in with him he was "horny all the ...
A. 16 July 2010: Tiredness, stress, diet, performance anxiety etc. There is a huge list that could account for this. If he's tired, then it won't work properly. If he's stressed at work or something like that, it won't work properly, and if he's eating crap food and ... (read in full...)
How do you cope with being apart?
Q. My boyfriend and I have it really easy. We see each other every day. Sometimes it's all day, sometimes it's all night, sometimes it's just for half an hour. But still every day. I've gotten really used to this. And now tomorrow, we have to spend a ...
A. 16 July 2010: I'm in an LDR, and it works because we both have our own hobbies and friends that we can go to. I think what's happened between you and your boyfriend is you've almost become too dependent on each other. You just need to make sure that you keep in ... (read in full...)
I love her and my kids more than anything, but my trust has gone out the window
Q. I have been married for almost a year and have been with my wife a total of 5 years. We have 2 kids together 3 and 1. Well since february things havent been the same. She took a random trip with a friend out of town to get away and when she got ...
A. 16 July 2010: You know the truth, don't you? I know you do. Because I do to. And I'm sorry for you, because you're being made out to be a bad guy while your wife and her friends are really the ones here who are full of it.
First of all, her friends are eith... (read in full...)
Do these signs look to you like she's cheating?
Q. need input on suspicious occurances by my g/f .our relationship has lasted ten+ years we have two children and were engaged but called it off .all along things have been kinda obvious but with no hard evidence she wont aknowledge the signs i see ...
A. 16 July 2010: There's not enough proof to be sure. But there's enough for me to say that you need to pay more attention to her. If there have been unexplained wrappers or missing condoms, they're going somewhere. She has also lied before. And then she got her ... (read in full...)
How can I fix things between us and kick this other girl to the curb?
Q. so ive been with my boyfrined, Scott for over 4 months... im always worried about him cheating, but its never really bugged me, cause i never thought hed do it, well there was this girl Bella, that i askedt o him to stop talking to, he did, and then ...
A. 16 July 2010: There was Rachel, there was Becky, there was Bella. And now he's left and you're pregnant. I think you're fighting a losing battle on this one. He's not been in this relationship at all. You're not doing anything wrong yourself, other than believing ... (read in full...)
Nervous about dating in high school
Q. im 14 and ill be in high school by the end of august, and im very nervous, not because of grades, not because of bullies, but because of dating. ive had two girlfriends. the first one dumped me after a week for someone else. my next girlfriend was ...
A. 16 July 2010: I don't think the problem is you. I think the problem is that at your age, you'll find that very few relationships will work out. Girls will all still be working out who they are, and will go from one boyfriend to another. So at the moment, don't ... (read in full...)
My wife has just given up on us
Q. My wife of 9 years (partner of 11 years)said she is emotionally numb after our last fight. We have 2 children boy and girl 7 and 5. We have had our fare share of fights but always seemed very much together. Our sex life was ok. She never had much...
A. 16 July 2010: It is sad. But don't give up, because though she's feeling very down, she still loves you, and doesn't want you to leave. That means there is still something there that can be built upon. But it really is a case of explaining to her that you need ... (read in full...)
My wife has just given up on us
Q. My wife of 9 years (partner of 11 years)said she is emotionally numb after our last fight. We have 2 children boy and girl 7 and 5. We have had our fare share of fights but always seemed very much together. Our sex life was ok. She never had much...
A. 16 July 2010: I think this is something that has been building up for some time, probably longer than you realize. You've admitted you've been a bit of a jerk, and then you said 'not all that much'. Well, I hate to ask you this, but what you have been a jerk to ... (read in full...)
Losing control...
Q. Right okay I think my friend needs help! She fancies her teacher (who is about 32) and she is only 15 :S don't get me wrong, he's a really nice guy but she thinks it's turning into love! It's just the way he talks to her and his sence of humour and ...
A. 16 July 2010: Tell her that she's going to get him fired or get expelled. ... (read in full...)
Why the sudden change???
Q. My boyfriend suddenly changed today. Everything was great last night when we were hanging out and I had done nothing that could upset him but this morning he stopped touching me, seeking me out or anything and he seems down or distant with me when I ...
A. 16 July 2010: I don't think you did anything. We all have bad days sometimes, maybe this was one for him. Give him a few days to think, and then if nothing has changed, talk to him. But don't take it personally or anything. It's only been a day, and maybe he was ... (read in full...)
Questions on birth control...
Q. Hi , these questions are probably fairly simple to answer but I just thought I'd get some absolute answers , thanks =) My first question is basically my boyfriend and I use condoms every time we have sex , I'm also on the pill. Is this a really re...
A. 16 July 2010: Short of not having sex, you're using the most reliable method of all, which is to be on the pill and use condoms. Even if you didn't use a condom (and keep on using them by the way!), there would only be about a 98% chance that you'd get pregnant ... (read in full...)
Am I being taken for a ride over his "flirt texting" affair???
Q. My husband has had a flirt texting 'affair' with a work colleague. They got as far as telling each other they 'loved' each other along with saying they would 'wait for sex' but I don't think anything actually happened. He is full of remorse ...
A. 16 July 2010: 'It was just a game'. I have a good game for you. It's the one where you tell him that you're leaving him and you're taking him for all he's worth. You'll win that game too.
Now you're not stupid, so don't say that. But you are being taken for a ri... (read in full...)
How to be myself again?
Q. Today I did something that I didn't want to do. I broke up with my girlfriend. We aren't officially broken up though. We just got into a really bad argument and so she didn't want any major decisions being made while we are emotional. I broke up ...
A. 16 July 2010: You see, at first I thought that this might be your fault a bit when you said you'd done stupid stuff. Then I read part of your post that told a lot of the story.
"I've been watching what I say, eat, do, who I hang out with, etc".
It seems to... (read in full...)
Dr. sent me home to rest I was very ill but b/f went out and left me alone and didn't even check up on me!
Q. I just want some opinions on whether I have the right to be annoyed with my boyfriend or whether I am being a typical girl and overreacting. Ive been with my partner for almost 3 years and we live together and are both in our mid twenties. The ot...
A. 16 July 2010: You went through some intrusive tests, you were fainting so much the doctor sent you home and he said that you should not be left unsupervised at all. You told your boyfriend all this. Knowing all this, he then decided to forget about doctor's ... (read in full...)
Is it right that he leaves me hanging like this?
Q. My long distance boyfriend and I meet over the internet to talk. We had a huge row about a week ago, and we didn't talk for about a week. Then yesterday we got to talk again and things were fine. I had my hopes up that things were going better ...
A. 16 July 2010: LDR's take a huge amount of commitment. A huge amount. I've been in one with one girlfriend, and it didn't work out because she wasn't ready for something that committed. So it ended. I'm now in another, where we both work very hard to see each ... (read in full...)
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