| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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I was so understanding for the 8 months while he was away, but as soon as I got drunk and had a fight he wont stand by me!
Q. My boyfreind and i have been together for 1 year 2 months. 8 of those months he had been away from me, from October to June. We wrote letters almost daily and called once a week. The letters were so sweet and he made it seem like I was the one for ...
A. 20 July 2010: Well, if nothing else you know the truth about it. Maybe he was looking for an exit and you provided it. Cut him out of your life. ... (read in full...)
I was so understanding for the 8 months while he was away, but as soon as I got drunk and had a fight he wont stand by me!
Q. My boyfreind and i have been together for 1 year 2 months. 8 of those months he had been away from me, from October to June. We wrote letters almost daily and called once a week. The letters were so sweet and he made it seem like I was the one for ...
A. 20 July 2010: Yes. He he loves you and wants to work it out, he should be working it out with you by talking to you, not sleeping around or anything like that.... (read in full...)
I was so understanding for the 8 months while he was away, but as soon as I got drunk and had a fight he wont stand by me!
Q. My boyfreind and i have been together for 1 year 2 months. 8 of those months he had been away from me, from October to June. We wrote letters almost daily and called once a week. The letters were so sweet and he made it seem like I was the one for ...
A. 20 July 2010: Yes, his pride did take a beating. The problem is the difference in communication between men and women.
Women speak in hints, and a lot of your actions and words don't always reflect exactly what you're feeling.
Men pretty much take it all lite... (read in full...)
He cheated and we were going to give it another go, but he wants space to figure out why he did it, now I am wondering if I really should forgive him for this?
Q. This might be long, so thanks for anyone that takes the time. A few months ago my boyfriend of three years and I broke up. He cheated on me, but ended up coming to me and telling me. We talked it out and we decided to try and work on the ...
A. 20 July 2010: Of course you shouldn't go back!
You claim you'd wish you'd waited before blowing up? How many time would you wait? He cheated once, then said he would work it out and then happened to 'be at the same party as her'. And more to the point, he's now ... (read in full...)
I was so understanding for the 8 months while he was away, but as soon as I got drunk and had a fight he wont stand by me!
Q. My boyfreind and i have been together for 1 year 2 months. 8 of those months he had been away from me, from October to June. We wrote letters almost daily and called once a week. The letters were so sweet and he made it seem like I was the one for ...
A. 20 July 2010: I'm going to suggest that while you were drunk you did something pretty bad that you may not remember. A guy doesn't just dump his girlfriend, claim she's a problem drinker. Whatever happened must have been pretty bad for him to do that. And to be ... (read in full...)
Is it normal that my boyfriend does not hug or kiss me?
Q. is it normal that my boyfriend does not hug or kiss me? We have been together for 4 months and he has requested for blow jobs which i did. No actual sex is involved yet though he had asked. But he doesnt kiss me at all. He only kissed me once o...
A. 20 July 2010: He really sounds like a very cold, almost emotionless man. Either than or he is secretly gay or something. Whatever it is though, you can't really stay in a relationship where a man shows you no affection. And don't sit there thinking he will change ... (read in full...)
Where is this going? Does he care?
Q. We have been together for nearly 2 years we are both in our forties, I am going through a huge financial crisis now, and barely making a living, my boyfriend has knowledge of this and makes great money. I have never been known to ask for money and ...
A. 20 July 2010: I don't think he means to do it. Men aren't that good at seeing when they're needed. We want to be needed, but we can't see when we are actually needed. Don't worry about your pride right now. ... (read in full...)
Does he really think I'm not his type? Or is he lying? Or throwing me off?
Q. I'm just really confused right now... Okay my friend told me that there was a boy who was just staring at me at this meeting in school, so I didn't think anything of it. But then he asked my other friend if I had a boyfriend, so I thought, he's ...
A. 20 July 2010: You need to hear him say that you're not the one before you can do anything else. If he says that he's not interested, then you know the truth. But don't take anyone else's word for it. I'm not saying that your friend is not wrong, but be careful ... (read in full...)
We had sex without a condom, and now I am worried I may have a STD or vaginal infection! Could he be sleeping around behind my back?
Q. Dear folks.my problem is kinda embarasing,please hear me out.last wednesday i had sex with my fiance who i see 2 or 3 times a month.ther was no cöndom,i took morning after pill.now for the past 3days i woke up to a VERY BAD smell coming from my ...
A. 20 July 2010: Get to a doctor and get tested before you do anything else. ... (read in full...)
He wants to leave his girlfriend for me but now he has said he wants to wait a bit, what does this mean?
Q. The past 3weeks a guy i really been saying he loves me, iv been saying it back. cause i really like him, he says he likes me more then his gf, and he wants to leave her, tonight he told me he wants to wait a bit n get to know me more before he gets ...
A. 20 July 2010: It means he's cheating, and you're wasting your time. He's a cheat, basically, and you can never trust him. Leave him well alone.... (read in full...)
Why does he masturbate? Dont I satisfy him?
Q. i am there for my husband whenever he needs me but whenever i burge into the shower his masterbating why and he loves me so much. don't i satisfy him or what? i have never asked him why he does that because i feel he will get angry with me...
A. 20 July 2010: Oh yes, you satisfy him. But you can't be there 24 hours a day. His penis can. Don't take it personally. I promise you that you satisfy him. But there will be times when he just has to do it. Nearly all guys do it.... (read in full...)
He invited an ex round to our house when he knew I was away for the weekend, but he says it was only for the company! I don't know what to believe.....
Q. My boyfriend invited someone he had previously had an romantic encounter with around to stay when he knew i was away that weekend. He didn't tell me about it but i found out and presumed it was for more than company on a night in. He said it ...
A. 20 July 2010: He didn't tell you about it.
She's an ex.
And he is saying contradictory things.
You know where you stand with him. You might want to be with him, but there is no way it will work. Reason? He doesn't know how he feels about either of you, and ... (read in full...)
My ex refused to be a sperm donor for me, but then we had one last night together and it turns out I'm pregnant! I don't want him to think I tricked him, so how do I tell him about this?
Q. hey my ex-boyfriend and i were together for years and i ask him for a baby because i knew we were breaking up and that now he was more like a sperm donor i guess and he said no which was fine because at the end of the day we weren't ready or should ...
A. 20 July 2010: Two choices
1 - Say nothing, never reveal who the father is, never tell him or your child. Support the child yourself.
2 - Come clean and just say that you're pregnant. He will think what he wants to. But whether he likes it not, he's going to... (read in full...)
How can I make my mum like him again and see that he's a nice lad?
Q. I live in a bad area of our town and recently my boyfriend of 4 months got a threat off a random person and then a month and half later got attacked on the canal. it was nothing serious but now my mum doesnt want me seeing him as she says he is an ...
A. 20 July 2010: You know, mother's aren't stupid. They're not. And the vast majority don't want their kids to end up hurt and miserable. The problem with being a teenager, is you like to think you know more than you do. You like to think you can make big decisions. ... (read in full...)
Is this guy just stringing me along?
Q. i need help as im really torn up... i met this guy about 2 months ago and he started coming to mine and we text every day.. after about a month i started sleeping with him... when hes here he acts like he likes me its like i can tell and the way he ...
A. 20 July 2010: I'e got bad news for you. This isn't a relationship. This is just him coming for sex, and that's it. He's not asking you out because he's shy. He's not asking you out because he already gets what he wants. And that is sex. That's all he wants. And ... (read in full...)
I just cannot stay away from him, he is the best I ever had and is very well endowed!!
Q. Ok so me and my ex-bf are still having sex!! We broke up in 2002 and we still have sex on the REGULAR I mean 3 or more times a week! Problem is me and him both are in relationship with other people now, but we both still love each other a lot and ...
A. 20 July 2010: You can stay away from him any time you like. Any time. But you're not. At all. Which means that you're now a cheat for no other reason than you like your ex because he's well endowed. Please, at least leave your boyfriend. If you want to be used by ... (read in full...)
How do I approach her now that she is single again???
Q. First of all i would like to tell you i am vey intoxicated! so please dont mind my minimal use of puncuation here is my scenario! i have known this girl for about two months and she has had a BF and her and i were so compadible and spent every day ...
A. 20 July 2010: Too soon. Too soon. Too soon. She broke up three days ago. You don't know what she's feeling at all. She may well still love this other guy, she may well even be working out ways to get back to him. She is most likely upset, hurt, angry. And the ... (read in full...)
He was the one that cheated on me but now he accuses me of wanting other men, says he doesn't love me and wont let me go anywhere! How can I change the way he is?
Q. Ok my husband and i have been together 3 years and have 2 children. About a year after we got together he cheated on me with my best friend. So we got through that now he accuses me of wanting different guys. He tells me all the time he does not ...
A. 20 July 2010: Nope. He is now who he is. This is a man who was willing to cheat with your best friend, and has shown you know care, no love, no nothing. He makes accusations, he controls you, he tells you he doesn't love you and will barely let you leave the ... (read in full...)
Where is this going? Does he care?
Q. We have been together for nearly 2 years we are both in our forties, I am going through a huge financial crisis now, and barely making a living, my boyfriend has knowledge of this and makes great money. I have never been known to ask for money and ...
A. 20 July 2010: There will be some men who would readily give money, even if not asked. There are some men who are utterly ruthless and wouldn't give a penny, even if you were on your knees begging. Then there are the men in the middle, who need to be asked.
H... (read in full...)
Why hasn't he asked me out if he's actually interested?
Q. There's a guy who works at the local gas station I frequent after my job (2nd shift). He's always really nice and chatty. Once, he told me that I am "soooo pretty". Another time, that I am the "prettiest thing", and another time told a customer ...
A. 20 July 2010: He's either shy, or he thinks you're not interested. I think maybe you need to take the initiative on this one and ask him out if you like him. I think he's confused, or too shy. Try speaking to him and see what he says. If there are very few ... (read in full...)
Why is my boyfriend acting like this? And what should I do about it?
Q. well , Me and my boyfriend have been arguing a lot recently right . . And he has been acting smart to me calling me names and all . . . Weve been going for 3 months and the 1st 2 months were alright going smoothly then he has started being a wanker...
A. 20 July 2010: Oh, I'd dump this one.
1 - If he thinks that his ex will make a play, he shouldn't be seeing her.
2 - If he said that if someone kissed him he wouldn't pull away, then he would be a cheat. That basically means he has no respect for you.
3 - He... (read in full...)
Should I be concerned that a lot of my relatives friends are attracted to me?
Q. I dont know what's wrong with me. For some reason, a lot of my relatives friends have fancied me !. There was one person who worked with a relative of mine, who was much older than me, who said that he thought i should be a model. And there were a ...
A. 20 July 2010: I'm thinking that you're a very beautiful woman with a great personality who just attracts a lot of attention. :). Also, a lot of couples do come together through knowing friends of relatives, so maybe they all think they can do the same.
Is ther... (read in full...)
My husband was having an affair with my best friend who also happens to be my co-worker, how can I maintain a professional relationship with her?
Q. I recently discovered that my husband was having an affair. We have been married for 21 years and in the course of the affair being revealed I have found a multitude of other lies. There can never be just one! The other woman just happens to have ...
A. 20 July 2010: If possible, speak to your boss, explain the situation and then try to get posted elsewhere in your company. They might move you, or they might well move her (which she deserves). If your bosses are any good, they'll understand and move you.
O... (read in full...)
If a man is unhappy in a relationship, does this mean he will start to look at other women?
Q. If a married man's body language is lusting after me yet he is being very professional in his approach towards me - does this mean there may be a problem in his relationship? One of my old work colleagues has a sincere attraction towards me. I a...
A. 20 July 2010: A man can lust after other women. It doesn't mean there's a problem in his relationship. However if he acts upon it, there clearly is a problem.
BUT, you talk about chemistry. There is the worse alternative, and that is that he loves his wife and ... (read in full...)
How should you behave when someone offers to buy you a drink?
Q. I have a quick question. When someone offers to buy you a drink, is it rude to say yes please , or would you say it's rude to say no thanks ? or is it better to say are you sure ? i mean if it's a person you know. personally, i wouldnt accept a ...
A. 20 July 2010: If you want to have the drink, smile and say "That would be lovely, thank you".
If you don't, reply "That's a lovely offer, but not thank you".
It's not bad to accept someone's offer. If they want to buy you a drink, then don't feel like ... (read in full...)
Is it because I don't look at him?
Q. I give my fiance head sometimes but he doesnt cum... i dont understand why he wont....also when i am giving him head i feel uncomfortable looking at him while i am doing it...could that be the problem should i be looking at him? what should i do?...
A. 20 July 2010: Nothing. He's enjoying it as it is. Some guys never cum this way, others do. Some take five minutes, others take half an hour. Please don't worry about it or take it personally. I promise he has a great time.... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend tell me he loves me but does not want me back?
Q. Im 20 and so is my (ex)boyfriend. My boyfriend of nearly 3 years broke up with me a month ago. To be honest, I dont know why. We had lots of arguments and fell out but we would always get back together again because we love each other so much. ...
A. 19 July 2010: He's playing you. You act as the safety net for his ego. Every time that he feels low, or something backfires, you're there for him so he can say that he loves you, knowing you'll believe it and listen. That, in turn, makes him feel better. The time ... (read in full...)
I want to go to his country and marry him but I don't know how to do it!
Q. hi i was with a kurdish man 4 near 3 years,he was an reffugee,was given work permit,[had a job] was FORCED DEPORTAION on 16th june 2010,im broken hearted,i want to no how i go about goin to iraq and getting married to him,im from uk, thanking ...
A. 19 July 2010: I don't think this is a good idea. And I'm not sure how much you know about this guy. The Home Office has to have a very good reason to deport someone, especially someone who has a work permit and is working. According to the Human Rights convention ... (read in full...)
Do I text? Or don't I?
Q. This is sort of a weird question but i dont really know what i should do.. A really nice guy I met a while ago ran into my friend on the weekend and gave her his number to give to me. I have a boyfriend though so i am not going to persue this guy ...
A. 19 July 2010: You have a boyfriend. Don't text this other guy. You're asking for trouble.... (read in full...)
Her stories about her "male friends" keep changing!
Q. Been with my mate for nearly a year now. She's a wonderful woman, we are both middle age, I am divorced, she has not been...no kids. She says she's been with 4 partners sexually before me, with a few instances of oral sex through her 20's. She ...
A. 19 July 2010: I don't think you should press any further. Maybe tell her that her past is her own and you'll leave it at that. I don't think there's anything nasty there, as such. But I suspect she's quite sensitive about her past. She has probably made some ... (read in full...)
I used my mascara stick for pleasure and now I'm having pain
Q. i started to use my mascara stick to pleasure me i did it so hard and fast that i bleed and i keep doin it bt i thought it was normal because wen i first had sex i bleed. but now near my appendix (right side) they av started to hurt. wat shud ido? ...
A. 19 July 2010: Get to a doctor and get checked. Now. And be honest with the doctor, as you might have an infection. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has a gambling problem!
Q. Hello, I've been with my bf almost 2 years. He is very expressive and tells me how much he loves me frequently. He always tells me he wants to get married and be with me forever. Here's the dark side he has a gambling problem always swears h...
A. 19 July 2010: You with a loser who is controlling you and gambling away any real future you can possibly have. He has no trust in you at all, knows all your passwords, he's mean, he's accusing you all the time, and he has this gambling problem which will leave ... (read in full...)
What did he mean by saying he wanted to date other people before he could be with me?
Q. Hello Everybody !! I am in need of some advice. I was in a relationship for 4 years and after we broke up we remain friends. But actually it felt has if we were still together. The reason we broke up was because I cheated and after that situa...
A. 19 July 2010: It means that in all truth, he's not coming back. He wants to date other people, have some fun and see what happens. I don't think realistically he will come back. Sorry. ... (read in full...)
I have a crush on my headmaster!
Q. hi I'm 17 and i have a huge crush on my headmaster i want to tell him i like him but I'm afraid of many things happening plus i have panic attacks a lot. i stare at him a lot, can't help it i think he has noticed. every time i see him i smile i ...
A. 19 July 2010: A girl went out with a teacher at my school. He got fired and jailed, and she got expelled. Why? Because under the age of 18, a teacher cannot legally have anything to do with a student. Plenty of students have crushes, you're not the only one. But ... (read in full...)
I'm really worried he'll cheat on me with her... help!
Q. I have only been with my boyfriend for 3 months now and the first month was brilliant with no arguments whatsoever. Going into the second month facebook began to cause arguments with the way he commented on other girls statuses. They weren't extreme ...
A. 19 July 2010: You got me when you said that he'd "text another girl for the rest of the holiday, knowing that it will hurt you". I don't know whether he's cheating or not. There's not enough evidence to tell. But at the very least he's an ass. He doesn't do ... (read in full...)
Friends with benefits... good???
Q. Dear Cupid... whats one good thing about being friends with benefits (without sex) and one bad thing about it ?? To me the good thing is that he can develop feelings for you but the bad thing is he can be using you which i know is not true believe ...
A. 18 July 2010: FWB tend not to work out for women as much as men. Yes, there are some men who get hurt in a FWB relationship, but generally it's the women who get hurt, as many will tell you on this site. Men can separate sex from emotion far more easily than ... (read in full...)
I know he cares about me... so why is he still with his stupid horrible girlfriend???
Q. Dear Cupid, i have a big situation on my hands. There's this guy who i've been hanging out with A LOT and I started developing feelings for him but the thing that sucks is that he has a gf. She shows him no type of respect and over all she's not ...
A. 18 July 2010: A good, honest faithful guy? He must not care about her because he did cheat? You know he wouldn't use you for sex? You know he cares about you? And he's still with that stupid, horrible looking gf?
He cheated. So he's not faithful, or good. A good... (read in full...)
I want my Turkish boyfriend to come to my country before I move over there!
Q. I want my turkish boyfriend to come to england for holiday first before moving here, but i think it is hard for visa as he doesnt have a lot of money in bank... how can this happen the easy way ? ...
A. 18 July 2010: No visa? No money? I hope you're not giving him any, because this is a trap a lot of women fall for. ... (read in full...)
Is there some other meaning to this?
Q. I have just started dating this guy, maybe about 2 months or so. Sometimes, we'll be watching something on tv and then he'll just turn, look at me, and say hi. I find this kind of weird but I go along with it and say hi back since I am not too sure ...
A. 18 July 2010: He wants to make sure he still has your attention! My girlfriend does this to me :). ... (read in full...)
I have small breasts, will guys like me?
Q. I am really tall and have been told i have a nice but and long legs but my breast size is pretty small normal for my age but will guys be into me???...
A. 18 July 2010: Of course they will :). Many guys like many different things. Some like big breasts, some like small, some like tall girls, some like short girls. The list is endless. Guys will like you just as you are.... (read in full...)
I don't feel any attraction towards my husband any more...
Q. I do not feel any physical/sexual attraction to my husband... I cringe when he touches me.... There was never strong passion on my side, but rather a marriage of convenient timing and my biological clock that was ticking. Now after 10 years of ...
A. 18 July 2010: Sorry, my answer was cut off.
What I was saying that to be having with an 18 month affair with a man who is married and you know won't leave his wife, is really the death of your marriage. You need to leave your husband. He does deserve a woma... (read in full...)
Girl question but guys can respond too!
Q. I have a scar that was caused from a bullies incident and I'm wondering if girls find any scar attractive or is it something they don't like?...
A. 18 July 2010: I doubt you'll find a decent girl will care. ... (read in full...)
What is this guy on????
Q. I wanted to know if its disrespectful when you just met a guy gave him your number then 3 hours later the first call he's calling you asking if i wanna go sauna with him and his male friends??? i said no i aint gonna go sauna with you and your ...
A. 18 July 2010: If there was ever a guy who is just desperate to get you into bed, this is the guy. All he's after is getting you into bed, and that's it. There's no romance here at all. Nothing. You can find a better guy. ... (read in full...)
I don't feel any attraction towards my husband any more...
Q. I do not feel any physical/sexual attraction to my husband... I cringe when he touches me.... There was never strong passion on my side, but rather a marriage of convenient timing and my biological clock that was ticking. Now after 10 years of ...
A. 18 July 2010: An 18 month affair? That's the death. End it. ... (read in full...)
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