| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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He waited for a whole month before asking me out on a second date!
Q. 45 yr. old man asked me (42) out on a date "some day next week" (we work at the same location). He never gave me a specific date up front and I was left hanging for days wondering which date he'd choose, if any. Finally he said Thursday. Took me ...
A. 21 July 2010: You'll find that this arrogant man has a few women on the go elsewhere, I think. Why bother with a guy who is so unreliable? He'll only call you when he wants something, not when you want something. I think you might as well move on to a guy who ... (read in full...)
2 guys like me but I'm not sure about either of them!
Q. hi I'm 17 and i have two boys that like me, they are around my age. one i have known forever we grew up together but his intentions i don't like to much. he wants his first time to be with me. every time he asks i say no or make an excuse. the other ...
A. 21 July 2010: If you can't choose, neither guy is right for you. One guy seems to want you just for sex, the other seems kind of annoying. Neither guy is right. Find another one.... (read in full...)
For the men: What makes a woman beautiful?
Q. Not advice i'm after just feedback really. What makes a woman beautiful? Thanks...
A. 21 July 2010: That's a big question. Very big, because men all fancy different things. Some will like slim, some will like curvy, some will like tall, some will like short. Some will like a outgoing girl, some will like a quiet girl. And the list goes on and on ... (read in full...)
Should I finish this? Or give him a chance?
Q. Hello all, I have been seeing a guy for the last two months, and everything has been great up until recently. He was treating me really well, and doing all he could to make me happy, but then we fell out. Now, he is really confusing me. He stopped ...
A. 21 July 2010: He's happy to have sex with you, but not to fix what has gone wrong. That's not good enough at all, and you really do deserve better. I don't mind him taking some time to get to you know you more. That was a good idea. But to be using you, sending ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wont come to my sisters wedding or spend any time with my family at all, what should I do?
Q. Hi, I'll try and keep this as brief as possible. My sister is getting married next week and my girlfriend of 2 and a half years (maybe more) won't come to my sisters wedding because 'she wont know anyone'. This upsets me a lot, as I'm giving my si...
A. 21 July 2010: Believe me when I say this. If she is not there for you now, she will never be there for you. Everyone in the world has to do things that maybe they don't like. But they have to do them, because sometimes we have to do what we have to do. Your ... (read in full...)
Should I stay because he treats me well or leave and follow my dreams?
Q. Can someone pelase tell me what matters in a relationship? Is it how a person treats you or how fulfilled you are? In short- I am with a man who is very respectful, loyal, puts me first, and is always there for me. He always keeps his promises and...
A. 21 July 2010: You have to make a choice now. You can either travel, or you can stay. And it's going to be one or the other. I think eventually you will resent not having been able to travel. Your boyfriend is a good guy, but he won't be any good to if you resent ... (read in full...)
In love with a married man and not sure what to believe!
Q. Hi, I'm in love with a married man and i need to spell it out! At first i didn't know he was married. we dated for 6 months and then i found out he was married. At that time I couldn't even suspect that he was married since he was spending al...
A. 21 July 2010: Cut him out. ... (read in full...)
Is she cheating on me??
Q. Okay, so right before bed my gf and i text and she tells me shes going to bed usually sleep well and goodnight. 98 percent of the time.. well a couple days ago she was being all " ohh hunny bear, i hope you sleep well xoxo muah etc.. just really ...
A. 21 July 2010: Yes, this stinks of guilt. But there's still not enough to confront her, so you need to be quiet while you try to find out what happened.... (read in full...)
I get so jealous of my boyfriends 3 year old daughter
Q. I hope someone can really help me on this one cause I'm lost... I met a wonderful guy 6 months ago. He is everything i have ever wanted and more, and I know I am lucky to have him...problem is he has two children from his last relationship. Gi...
A. 21 July 2010: You're not a parent, and neither am I. So I don't know how it feels. But if you ask any parent secretly who they love more, the child will come first every time. You kind of hit something when you said you love your mother differently to your ... (read in full...)
In a relationship for 8 months, suddenly he thinks I'm cheating!
Q. I have been in a relationship for 8 months now and now all of a sudden my guy thinks i am cheating how do i deal with this?...
A. 21 July 2010: He's the one cheating.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend told me he's more attracted to someone else. Should I be worried?
Q. Recently, my boyfriend told me that he found a girl at his summer job to be more "attractive" than me. I'm thin for my height, and in his words, look more "fragile" than "fit" and "fragile" is not attractive. He also said that she is prettier, but ...
A. 21 July 2010: When a guy says something like this, he's not good enough. What an ass. I think you should dump him and move on... (read in full...)
How can I deal with his crazy ex-girlfriend and her friends?
Q. [OP original title] Hi..ok so I have a problem that I really don't know what to do about. I have been with my boyfriend for about 9 months and we are very happy. There is a problem with his ex girlfriend however. They were together for about 5...
A. 21 July 2010: Your boyfriend needs to take control of this, and if he needs to get a restraining order against her, that what he needs to do. Restraining order time.... (read in full...)
Am I doing something to keep men away?
Q. I am a 24 year old woman, and I have no luck with guys. They rarely approach me, and I am kinda shy and afraid of rejection so I dont want to approach them. I have had one real boyfriend, but that relationship did not last long and was disastrous. ...
A. 21 July 2010: Where are you meeting guys? You might not be meeting them in the right places.... (read in full...)
Should I make contact with a friend of a friend I saw on Facebook? Or is it weird?
Q. [OP original title] Hi, this sounds very stupid but... My friend lives 200 miles away, and i just went to visit him. Jokingly, i said "Know any hot guys?" he jokingly showed me some of his facebook friends. One was totally gorgeous! Just my ty...
A. 21 July 2010: I think you've got a bit starry eyed over this guy. No one knows anything about him, not enough for you to make any safe approach. And to top it off, he might find it unnerving if you suddenly make contact. I would leave this one well alone.... (read in full...)
He is overly protective and it bothers me, any suggestions?
Q. Hey guys just wanted some opinions! I have been with my new bf for only a few months and most things are going great i feel we have a really good relationship. Only recently tho i have started noticing how protective and jelous he can be....
A. 21 July 2010: The other female post suggest that you should talk to him. I respect that, but I'm going to give you a male point of view.
He will not change. Period. This is who he is, and this will get a lot worse. Soon, he will be telling you not see male frie... (read in full...)
He treats me better than my boyfriend, should I switch?
Q. In summary, I'm a girl, who can't make her own decisions, so I could really use your advice... I've been dating this guy for the past nine months. I really care about him, but our relationship hasn't really been the best. He's been spending al...
A. 21 July 2010: I'm not sure you're ready for a relationship. At all. When you're in a relationship, you can just switch boyfriends when he's not there or isn't ready to kiss or something. You have to work through those problems. But I don't think you're ready for ... (read in full...)
Is it an affair if it's an LDR with a married man?
Q. Is it called an illicit affair if you are involved in a long distance relationship with a married man? I never met him but our relationship of 3 yrs are through online chats only. ...
A. 21 July 2010: Yes, it's an affair. And it's something you should stop now.... (read in full...)
Were we not compatible?
Q. After recently dating this guy, when we broke up one of the reasons he stated was that he felt "I was too comfortable with him" This kindof threw me through a loop b/c I thought it was a breath of fresh air that I was comfortable with him to be ...
A. 21 July 2010: I think he's a very closed minded guy who is too focused on appearance, looks and anything else that is shallow. If you're a girl who wears jeans, then you carry on wearing jeans. So what if someone else doesn't like it, especially a man who has a ... (read in full...)
Should I come clean about my real age?
Q. hi met my boyfriend in class i'm 32 he's 21 we hit off right away studing for test and hangin out at school over spring break i noticed he liked me and he said he did and we started dating. i have already met his family including grandmom and have ...
A. 21 July 2010: You do need to tell him. I'm dating an older woman (13 years older), and she originally said she was ten years older than me. She did come clean, to be fair, and it didn't affect me to be honest. Hopefully, it won't affect him. But logically, at ... (read in full...)
I don't want him talking to her because she still likes him
Q. Okay So my boyfriend We have be going out for a year, he says he loves me and He used to do all kinds of things that I didn't like so I told him to stop and he did, and Now There is this girl she is like his best friend she used to like him and ...
A. 21 July 2010: Well, you can't really make a man choose like that. You say she liked him, but you don't say whether he liked her. To be honest, this guy has done quite a bit of changing for you. you're coming across as quite insecure and controlling. You say there ... (read in full...)
She was intent on holding onto her virginity, now she's trying to lose it
Q. My best friend isn't acting like herself. As long as I've known her she's thought sex is something you should wait a long time before partaking in with your partner, which was a view I completely supported. We talk about these kind of things all the ...
A. 21 July 2010: Well, you're a really good friend. And you've obviously been through a lot as well.
I half wonder if your friend is hell bent on losing your virginity because of what happened to you. People can do a lot of crazy things when something happens to t... (read in full...)
Is she cheating on me??
Q. Okay, so right before bed my gf and i text and she tells me shes going to bed usually sleep well and goodnight. 98 percent of the time.. well a couple days ago she was being all " ohh hunny bear, i hope you sleep well xoxo muah etc.. just really ...
A. 21 July 2010: Actually, the most suspicious thing is that she is suddenly acting almost overbearingly nice towards you (all lovey dovey),as you put it). When someone's behaviour changes that much, something is wrong one way or another. Often when someone suddenly ... (read in full...)
Why does he do this to me?? am soo depressed.
Q. so my ex came to my house he told me to make him some tea i did. he asked if am dating anyone i said yeah.. he said he regrets getting with me cos i couldn't even kiss and then he showed me a text message from some girl who is in love with...
A. 21 July 2010: Tell your brother what he has done. Tell him you want him to never see this guy again. And if he forced you to have sex after you said no, that's rape. So report him as well. And stop making tea for him, or even speaking to him. ... (read in full...)
Should I or shouldn't I go out on a date with an old friend? My boyfriend and I are having big problems.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 years now. We lived together for 2 of these years, and moved out a couple of months ago, because I wanted to further my education and I couldn't afford living on my own and school. Since then, th...
A. 21 July 2010: You know those big problems? They need your attention. Not your friend who you'll end up cheating with (and you will). Because if you do that, your boyfriend and everyone else will blame you, and that will be your reputation left in the gutter ... (read in full...)
My mom hates the age gap...
Q. Okay, so I'm in love with a nineteen year old.. I'm 15.. he is the best thing that has ever happened to me and my mother completely disapproves.. I can't go on with her prodding me to break up with him. He is very nice, and smart, and absolutley ...
A. 21 July 2010: You know why your mum says all this? Because she's right. Sure, you're a teenager and you can make mature decisions? Or so you think. As teenagers we all like to think that. Then our parents say something and we don't listen to it. And then we get ... (read in full...)
I thought I was his girlfriend? Why did he do this?
Q. I have been talking to this guy for 5 months now. We used to text every day, he used to be really nice and romantic with me. we started having sex, and he is the best i ever had. he started calling me his gf for a while but as a joke. after a ...
A. 21 July 2010: Sex. That's it. This is a guy who just wants to put himself about. That's why you should cut him out of your life... (read in full...)
Cheated and now confused
Q. "OP Own Title"I cheated on my boyfriend of 5 years with my best friend who I've known for more than 9 years. It only happened once and alcohol was involved, but I still feel awful about it. Before this incident we had never slept together and while ...
A. 21 July 2010: Well, you have a choice now. The price of cheating with this best friend, is now one of these men has to be cut out of your life. Your boyfriend, or your best friend. Someone's heart will be broken. Personally, I think you should end it with both ... (read in full...)
I get so jealous of my boyfriends 3 year old daughter
Q. I hope someone can really help me on this one cause I'm lost... I met a wonderful guy 6 months ago. He is everything i have ever wanted and more, and I know I am lucky to have him...problem is he has two children from his last relationship. Gi...
A. 20 July 2010: The problem is that in your head, you appear to be mixing up the role of girlfriend and daughter. Kids obviously come first, and you know that. And he will always love her, idolize her and spoil her rotten. But he will do it for totally different ... (read in full...)
The condom!
Q. My boyfriend and I are going on two years together. We've been arguing a lot lately so the past weekend I didnt hear from him nor did I see him. He keeps a condom in his wallet, its been there for months, thats our emergency condom because we have ...
A. 20 July 2010: The suspicious part here is not that the condom wasn't there. It could have been out of date, it could have been lost. Lots of things could have happened. Not even the 'weekend' excuse is the suspicious part.
The suspicious part is that his frie... (read in full...)
I moved a long distance to be with my fiance and now he's addicted to porn
Q. HI, I have a problem with my Fiance. I moved to the other side of the country to be with him as he was a passionate loving man. When i moved down her suddenly went off sex with me, and to cust the story short, i dicovered he has a porn addiction, ...
A. 20 July 2010: Tell him to get help, or pack your bags and leave. That is the only way this will end. Don't waste time and live with a man who prefers cybersex to you. There will be a guy out there who will love you far more, and pay far more attention to you. ... (read in full...)
I cheated, now I'm heartbroken and filled with guilt. What should I do?
Q. I'm not sure what I should do....I cheated on my fiance with a co-worker. We are supposed to get married in 6 months. While he's the one who has cheated in past relationships (not ours that I know of), I am the one who screwed up now. I am confused ...
A. 20 July 2010: Okay. This is a mess. However, thankfully you have a VERY sensible best friend who is all there. So I hope you're grateful for her. She said pretty much what needs to be done here. You need to stop the marriage before it happens. Your friend is ... (read in full...)
I was so understanding for the 8 months while he was away, but as soon as I got drunk and had a fight he wont stand by me!
Q. My boyfreind and i have been together for 1 year 2 months. 8 of those months he had been away from me, from October to June. We wrote letters almost daily and called once a week. The letters were so sweet and he made it seem like I was the one for ...
A. 20 July 2010: Well, if nothing else you know the truth about it. Maybe he was looking for an exit and you provided it. Cut him out of your life. ... (read in full...)
12 years together with 2 kids and he STILL won't marry me!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 12 years. We have two children together (9 and 4 years old). I feel that getting married is very important but my boyfriend always has an excuse as to why it is not feasible. I am getting tired of waiting ...
A. 20 July 2010: 12 years together and 2 children? That's pretty damned committed to be fair. If you really believe that marriage means that much to you, then you need to tell him that. But don't try to force it. It's clear that this man feels marriage isn't for ... (read in full...)
Engaged for 8 years, how do I tell him I want out?
Q. I have been with my partner for 14 years. We have been engaged for 8 years and lived together for 7 years. Over the last 6-8 months my feelings for him have changed - I no longer love him! I don't have any conversation with him and I don't want him ...
A. 20 July 2010: I don't blame you for wanting out. 8 years is a long time for nothing to happen, so you're making the right decision, I'm sure of that. No more time wasting.
How to tell him? Sit him down, and explain that things have changed and that it's over... (read in full...)
Are married women basically all disloyal, cheaters at heart, ready to do whatever it takes for male attention?
Q. Why do so many married women cheat? I don't know if this is just a function of where I live (Southern California), but it seems like the majority of women I know well have cheated at some point on their husbands. These range from a few women who ...
A. 20 July 2010: Don't have those ones. I only put the others on there because there was so much contradictory evidence going around. Though it has been suggested that women are more open to emotional affairs, I don't have any numbers.
To the OP's reply thou... (read in full...)
My wife is haveing affair with another men I forgive her once and she started it again plz tell me what to do?
Q. "OP Own Title" my wife is having affair! we had relationship throught phone and net for 3 years after that we agree to go for marriage life she was living in canada and i was in afghanistan sometimes when i was talking to her on the phone she was ...
A. 20 July 2010: Get rid of this woman, my friend. She's treating you like total dirt, and it's clear that she won't change. ... (read in full...)
"I don't understand"
Q. "OP Own Title" I was talking with a man online and getting to know him for about a year. I then found out that he never told anyone about me but claimed to do so with me. What does this mean? [Mod note- changed a word for clarity]...
A. 20 July 2010: That means he probably has a wife at home. A man to avoid, methinks. ... (read in full...)
I want this friend of mine to make the first move what should I do?
Q. [Mod Note Poster the title you suggested was already taken] Hey I need some help, you see I have this friend who is a boy and I have known him since I was 4/5 and I want to move a bit further on with him, but I want him to make the first move. I am ...
A. 20 July 2010: Well, he won't be making the first move. Most likely because he doesn't have a clue how you feel. If you want him, then go get him. Don't wait for him to make a move, because he will either end up confused, or he won't read any hints that you give. ... (read in full...)
I was so understanding for the 8 months while he was away, but as soon as I got drunk and had a fight he wont stand by me!
Q. My boyfreind and i have been together for 1 year 2 months. 8 of those months he had been away from me, from October to June. We wrote letters almost daily and called once a week. The letters were so sweet and he made it seem like I was the one for ...
A. 20 July 2010: Yes. He he loves you and wants to work it out, he should be working it out with you by talking to you, not sleeping around or anything like that.... (read in full...)
Are married women basically all disloyal, cheaters at heart, ready to do whatever it takes for male attention?
Q. Why do so many married women cheat? I don't know if this is just a function of where I live (Southern California), but it seems like the majority of women I know well have cheated at some point on their husbands. These range from a few women who ...
A. 20 July 2010: I believe the numbers go like this. Appox 49% of men cheat, compared to 33%-40% of women.
More men cheat, but more it's always more noticeable in women. I also think that you are surrounded by cheats and bad people. It happens. It might also expl... (read in full...)
I was so understanding for the 8 months while he was away, but as soon as I got drunk and had a fight he wont stand by me!
Q. My boyfreind and i have been together for 1 year 2 months. 8 of those months he had been away from me, from October to June. We wrote letters almost daily and called once a week. The letters were so sweet and he made it seem like I was the one for ...
A. 20 July 2010: Yes, his pride did take a beating. The problem is the difference in communication between men and women.
Women speak in hints, and a lot of your actions and words don't always reflect exactly what you're feeling.
Men pretty much take it all lite... (read in full...)
I was so understanding for the 8 months while he was away, but as soon as I got drunk and had a fight he wont stand by me!
Q. My boyfreind and i have been together for 1 year 2 months. 8 of those months he had been away from me, from October to June. We wrote letters almost daily and called once a week. The letters were so sweet and he made it seem like I was the one for ...
A. 20 July 2010: I'm going to suggest that while you were drunk you did something pretty bad that you may not remember. A guy doesn't just dump his girlfriend, claim she's a problem drinker. Whatever happened must have been pretty bad for him to do that. And to be ... (read in full...)
In love with a married man and not sure what to believe!
Q. Hi, I'm in love with a married man and i need to spell it out! At first i didn't know he was married. we dated for 6 months and then i found out he was married. At that time I couldn't even suspect that he was married since he was spending al...
A. 13 July 2010: - Are you sure he's separated? Or has he just been thrown out and is he using you until he can win her back?
- There is a huge chance that he will cheat on you. Remember, this is a man who claimed he never loved his wife, and has cheated on her ... (read in full...)
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