| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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She's a free spirit and wants to break up to devote herself to studies
Q. I live with my beautiful 25 year old girlfriend. We moved in together very rapidly, after only a month of dating to make our rent cheaper and because we are both extremely spontaneous. We live with a mutual friend and our living situation is ...
A. 28 July 2010: I'll be honest with you. It won't work. I can't think of anything to help, because with this girl it won't work.
What you have to understand is that some people, both men and women, have this perfect 'ideal' partner in their head. Just the othe... (read in full...)
Still in love with her despite my broken heart.....
Q. My girl had been talk to a guy for the pass 2years and said its just her friend. i dont mind it at all but he texts her and calls her a lot i ask iher if is something going on between them she said no. Until today she told me she has stong feelings ...
A. 27 July 2010: 6 years is a lot of time to be together. But we're not talking about time. We're talking about a woman who you love, and who was supposed to love you, cheating and still loving another man. She knew what she was doing, and she will do it again. ... (read in full...)
I love my boyfriend and our life together, but why should I pay for his friend's mistake?
Q. My boyfriend is planning on proposing to me next month. We live together in his house, with his two kids who I love dearly. Here's the problem - his best friend is 31 years old, and just got a DUI and will be losing his license and will have to pay ...
A. 26 July 2010: It was when you said he was thinking about putting off buying the engagement ring that I knew you'd picked a lemon. It's one thing to be there in terms of offering a spare room, but totally another to suggest that you can wait for your ring, you can ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend's behaviour getting weird?
Q. Would like to get some opinions on whether my boyfriend's are normal We have been together for 2 months. He only kissed me lightly on the lips ONCE and most of the time he wanted me to neck him and to stroke his penis. There were also times when ...
A. 26 July 2010: He does sound like he's only interested in sex and little else. ... (read in full...)
Does he really love me?
Q. i'm in love with this boy and he claims he loves me back but he is the player type and i think he says this to any girl he trying to get with at the moment . ( he's liked me for 3 years ) but still i don't know whether to believe him or not . any ...
A. 26 July 2010: You're right not to believe him. As you said, he's the player type and he will had said all this before to other girls that he hurt. Avoid him. ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend's behaviour getting weird?
Q. Would like to get some opinions on whether my boyfriend's are normal We have been together for 2 months. He only kissed me lightly on the lips ONCE and most of the time he wanted me to neck him and to stroke his penis. There were also times when ...
A. 26 July 2010: He's just interested in the sex side of your relationship and very little else. Realistically, no man is going to be able to wait forever. Sure, maybe until you're married. But not forever. At some point, a boyfriend of yours will want sex, and ... (read in full...)
Wife wants to leave because of no attraction.
Q. My wife of 2 years (together for 7) has lost her attraction to me over the course of 2 weeks. I have always done everything for her, been very attentive, the sex is great and i've never done anything to hurt her. She went on an education trip to ...
A. 26 July 2010: I don't think there is any chance of saving this. And, in fairness, I don't think this if your fault. She sounds like a woman who should not have married at such an early age. I think what happened was she married young, having had no real life ... (read in full...)
My marriage and my husband are boring me to pieces, what can I do, give up??
Q. My God. The boredom I am feeling these days is unrelenting. Well - I have been married to my husband for 2.5 years and we dated for 10 months before that. We were BEST OF FRIENDS and we got along famously. I've had better bedbuddies - but I ...
A. 26 July 2010: I'm thinking you two never really got away from being 'best friends'. Realistically, if you're not happy, then you need to end it. You don't sound like you love him as a husband in the slightest. He still just sounds like the best friend. Maybe ... (read in full...)
When men say “do what makes you happy” do they really mean it?
Q. When men say “do what makes you happy” do they really mean it? For a example - I asked my boyfriends opinion about dying my hair… ‘cos he said he loves my hair, and I wanted to be sure he’d be okay with it. I wasn’t asking his permission, just...
A. 26 July 2010: Errm. To be honest, sometimes we do it to be nice. I love my girlfriend very much, but sometimes she does a thing here and there that I don't quite agree with. She once got a haircut that just didn't work. I just put on my best smile.
Your boyf... (read in full...)
My friends, family and kids don't like the man I love and they refuse to get to know him!
Q. i am a divorced 50 year old mother of 3....am in love with a man that no one, my kids, my ex or my friends like, even thought they refuse to get to know him. what do i do?...
A. 26 July 2010: I understand your ex not liking him. You're an ex, and there might be something there, or it might be to do with his kids. I can understand your kids not liking him. Maybe they feel you should be with their Dad.
But I am concerned that your frie... (read in full...)
I need hope for my date on Tuesday
Q. Listening to my sister and mom go on about relationships makes any prospect of a fufiling relationship sounds hopeless. I'm feeling down. I hear this soundtrack all the time and it seems everyone is in a bad relationship and it would be foolish to ...
A. 26 July 2010: It is a bit crappy to have parents who are useless together. But, there are plenty of relationships that do work out. What you have to remember is that they take effort. And you also have to remember that if one goes wrong, it won't mean another ... (read in full...)
The situation has escalated with my ex so much that it has ended up in court! I never wanted it to be like this.....
Q. Ok so my ex boyfriend and I of 12 months broke up in march because some girl answered his phone acting like she was having sex with him when I was states away. We stopped talking and I was upset so I ignored him when he tried getting back with me. I ...
A. 26 July 2010: More to the point, why are you trying to make things better? This guy threatened your life. His girlfriend that he cheated with threatened you. And instead of doing what needs to be done, which is to make the statement, prove you weren't the one ... (read in full...)
Why would he go on 2 dates with me and have sex with me if he wasnt at least somewhat interested in me?
Q. I have had a huge crush on this guy for the past 2 years. I am unsure if he likes me at all...we went on 2 dates (I asked him) but nothing seemed to come of it. I was at a 4th of July picnic at his house. He was flirting with me and asked me to ...
A. 26 July 2010: There's no easy way to say this, but you have been used for sex. The two dates led to sex, and that's all he wanted. In other words, he got what he wanted from it and wants no more.
What do you do? Cut him out of your life.
Stop calling him, sto... (read in full...)
How I can get my boyfriend to respect me more?
Q. Hey guys I've been struggling with this for a while.. My boyfriend doesnt respect me. Its hard because I moved in with him a while ago and due to some circumstances I have nowhere else to live. The other day he posted about 9 posters of girls...
A. 26 July 2010: You've been had, my girl, well and truly had. This guy has sneaked into your life and has wrecked it. He's taken your friends, he's treating you like crap, and like so many women before you, you continue to go back for more.
STOP THIS NOW.
I say... (read in full...)
I've let things go too far with my married former teacher, how can I change things?
Q. Hi, I am currently in a relationship with my teacher from high school, though I am no longer in high school. I am almost 20 years old, and I think I have fallen deeply for this man. I can tell him anything, and we talk for hours about nothing and ...
A. 26 July 2010: I'm very glad you've come to your senses, even if you already have made a big mistake.
Call him, tell him it's over and that you will tell his wife if he contacts you again, put the phone down, delete his number and all contacts, and promise your... (read in full...)
She waits for Marriage...And me?
Q. Ok. Here's the deal. What I like to think is, "I don't wait for marriage to lose my virginity, I wait for love" I've been dating this girl for a year now. And I brought up sex. She says she wants to wait til marriage and insists on that. It's a goo...
A. 26 July 2010: If she doesn't want it, and you do, then it's a no brainer. At 16-17 years old, chances are you're not really ready to commit, even if you think you are. At your age, and given that you want sex, you should be able to have your fun. So, be kind to ... (read in full...)
How can I show him my good side?
Q. How can you convince someone you're not as they think ? Well i have a problem the father of my baby thinks im dull, boring, that im a bitch that always asks stupid questions and that i never know what to say. Yes im not perfect but im sure im not ...
A. 26 July 2010: I would suggest to you that you're not the problem, and that he is. I think the problem is that he wasn't ready to be a father or in a committed relationship, and still isn't. He actually needs a reality check. Instead of sitting there wondering ... (read in full...)
Still in love with her despite my broken heart.....
Q. My girl had been talk to a guy for the pass 2years and said its just her friend. i dont mind it at all but he texts her and calls her a lot i ask iher if is something going on between them she said no. Until today she told me she has stong feelings ...
A. 26 July 2010: End it with her. She's cheated several times, claims she loves both him and you and all that. I've heard it too many times before. This girl has cheated, lied and then claimed she loved two men. The reality is she doesn't love either of you enough ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend deleted his Facebook profile! Was this because or me or because he doesn't use it?
Q. This is gonna sound silly but I recently changed my profile status on FB to "in a relationship".. i didnt say who i was in a relationship w/ even though my bf is in my friends list. So today i changed it to him..and it said it was gonna send a ...
A. 26 July 2010: I too, would bring it up casually next time you see him. Some people just don't like facebook, and it could be that he is one of them (I personally hate facebook). Or maybe he's just got a lot going on and can't be bothered with it. I don't think ... (read in full...)
I'm still married to the man that molested my daughter!
Q. I am married now for 33 years. I thought i was the luckiest woman alive! Happy family 3 sons and a daughter and a wonderful husband. A year ago i found out that my husband molested my daughter since she was 3 years old. She is now 25. S...
A. 26 July 2010: You need to leave him. Period. And then prevent him from seeing the granddaughter as much as possible. You didn't fail your child. He did. Abuse like this is very, very difficult to see unless you know what you're looking for. And no one other than ... (read in full...)
Wife confessed to sex with my best friend before we were married, big deal or not??
Q. 2 years ago my wife confessed to sleeping with my former bestfriend before we where married. Since then she has being a good wife and mother.am still not over the pain and i constantly ignore her. She said she regrets her actions.she was my first ...
A. 26 July 2010: I would suggest that if there is any chance of you forgiving her, try to. Your children would benefit more if you could both work through this. Clearly though, if you can't forgive her, you need to end it. But I think though she cheated wit your ... (read in full...)
My Boyfriend cheated on me twice,should I forgive him?
Q. So here's the story.. My bf cheated me before once,when were new in our relationship, where been togther on april 2009, and then I found out that he has a contact with his ex gf and told her that he still loves her and wants to be with her and is ...
A. 26 July 2010: He's cheating again if he's changed his name and such. Dump him. ... (read in full...)
She's a free spirit and wants to break up to devote herself to studies
Q. I live with my beautiful 25 year old girlfriend. We moved in together very rapidly, after only a month of dating to make our rent cheaper and because we are both extremely spontaneous. We live with a mutual friend and our living situation is ...
A. 26 July 2010: This is her being unhappy that you were the one who ended it, and not her on her own terms. Stop sleeping with her and sleep by yourself again. I guarantee you if you go back to her, she will then dump you. She didn't do the dumping, and she doesn't ... (read in full...)
I don't want to hurt my boyfriend but there is someone else
Q. so I am in love with 2 guys :( my boyfriend has so much to learn n we have way too many differences.. but he loves me way more then I love him and I will destroy him if I leave him :( the other guy that I am deeply and truely in to.. makes me laugh ...
A. 26 July 2010: Thank God you dumped him. He clearly has a lot of issues. Samantha pretty much summed it up. ... (read in full...)
Why won't my daughter's father visit her?
Q. im having an ongoing problem with my daughers father for the past 2 weeks he hasnt tried anything to come visit her it makes me sad. I left him a message telling him that im willing to have him come visit anytime he wants to see her, so f...
A. 23 July 2010: I fear that your poor daughter has a lemon for a father. Stop calling to make her come see her, and make sure you give her as much love as you can. ... (read in full...)
Is it a coincidence I fall for girls whose names start with A?
Q. Ok, so I`m just curisous, for the longest time I have fallen for girls that names begin with A. The fisrt girl I liked name was Ashly. This was when I was really young she was alot older than me. Then when I got to the 6th grade I fell for this girl ...
A. 23 July 2010: I fancied four girls named Becky. It's just a coincidence.... (read in full...)
Checking out other women has nearly destroyed our relationship
Q. Hi everyone, Okay, here's my problem: In the early stages of our relationship, my girlfriend and I were crazy about each other and our sex-life was amazing. Unfortunately, according to her, I also checked out women when we were out, looked at b...
A. 23 July 2010: I'm not being funny, and some might agree with me and some might disagree with me. But I think your girlfriend has some severe problems. Lets understand this, if you were looking at women in the street all the time, then she'd had a right to feel ... (read in full...)
Wife confessed to sex with my best friend before we were married, big deal or not??
Q. 2 years ago my wife confessed to sleeping with my former bestfriend before we where married. Since then she has being a good wife and mother.am still not over the pain and i constantly ignore her. She said she regrets her actions.she was my first ...
A. 23 July 2010: With your original post, and with your correction, I'd say this is a very big deal. But it requires logic thought and I need the answer to one more question. Did she actually cheat? Or was it before you were dating.
And to make this point clea... (read in full...)
Do you guys think I did the right thing?
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for only four months but it has been a fast four months. We have talked so much, gone on trips etc. And I am truly in love with her. She has always been pretty insecure about her looks, and she would ask me randomly ...
A. 23 July 2010: Absolutely. I know a guy, much like you, who had a girlfriend with huge insecurity problems. Like you, he tried to help her. However, she did find her confidence. Know what she did? Dumped him, because she decided that after all that she could do ... (read in full...)
I don't want her to think I'm over her so how do I let her know?
Q. well, let me tell you a story. it will be short. so, basically, she broke up with me, she said she still loved me, i made countless mistakes, now she hates me. she didn't want to talk to me until today, accusing me of something i didn't do. i went ...
A. 23 July 2010: My man, you've made too many mistakes, and this will not work out. Ever. Even if she did know, this is something that won't be fixed. You need to let this one go, focus on being a decent guy and then in the future, not make the same mistakes. ... (read in full...)
Is this forgivable and would you forgive?
Q. I just got out of counselling over an issue that I am having a very hard time forgiving myself for. I want to see if what I did would be forgiven, generally, particularly with an explaination and proper apology. In breif, I made an akward move on ...
A. 23 July 2010: 1 - You feel guilty.
2 - She didn't get you arrested.
You're not a monster. Move on.... (read in full...)
Has anyone been in a similar relationship to mine? He cheats and puts me down.
Q. I am so lost. My boyfriend that I have lived with for the past 4 years is cheating on me, puts me down constantly and always calls me names and tells me he hopes i have a terrible life. I want to break up with him soo bad but I live with him an...
A. 23 July 2010: I'm sure there are plenty of people who have been in your situation. There are plenty of this site alone.
You do need to get away. Take your $500 and go to a women's hostel, or even a cheap motel. Move in with a friend, or even go back to fami... (read in full...)
Has anyone ever felt excited, depressed, exhilarated lustful and guilty all at the same time?
Q. Ok I'm in a bit of a twisted wicked little game here, and I'm completely to blame so I will accept any abuse. I just need to get this off my chest because it's driving me insane! i'm 20 by the way, you do the maths! Ok here it goes... I have a ...
A. 23 July 2010: This is far simpler than you're making it. It really is. But it requires you to do the right thing. You're not ready for marriage. You're still 18-21, in the fun zone and it's clear you're not committed. You've also cheated, again proving you're ... (read in full...)
My ex is trying to take my daughter!
Q. So I have an ex that was emotionally abusive and still is to this day. It's been since July of 2008 that we have broken up and have a 3 yr old daughter. After we broke up he turned into a rage freak, threatened me, harassed me, etc. I had to get dcf ...
A. 23 July 2010: I have the feeling that with his record the court will side with you anyway. You won't lose her to him. But, there is no harm in you making provisions. So, do the following things.
1 - Get a Dictaphone or something, and record every phone call... (read in full...)
I have to leave the love of my life so that he doesn't turn out to be the person I resent the most for holding me back
Q. an addition to the thing I posted before, I'm having second thoughts about my realtionship. My partners nanna dies about a month ago, and my nanna passed 4 days afterwards. We both went to one anothers nannas funerals, both in the same week and both ...
A. 23 July 2010: I think you should go be a pilot, I think you should go ride that motorcycle around the world, and I think you should be free.
Young people (and I'm one of them, just 22), often believe they've found the love of their life at a young age. But the ... (read in full...)
Married with a child but what if my ex still loves me? I need to know!
Q. I was with my ex ex boyfriend for 6 years. I was 15 and he was 18 when we started dating. He was a jealous guy. I broke up with him because i wanted to explore. I hurt him so bad. His brother is married to my cousin and our families our very close. ...
A. 23 July 2010: You're looking for an escape from your marriage, aren't you? I can see it. You've been hurt, and you want to go back to a time when you weren't so hurt.
The answer is, he doesn't love you. He's engaged, he loves this other woman and they will be m... (read in full...)
Theoretical question: Which of the 2 scenarios is worse?
Q. This is more of a theoretical question! Which of the following is worse: 1. Being in a relationship with a man who makes you happy and you know you would have a happy life together BUT always wondering about what could have been with someone els...
A. 23 July 2010: He still isn't the ideal guy though. I do blame Disney for this :). You know, there was even an experiment done recently that proves that romantic films actually ruin expectations of relationships. This ideal man has come into your life, and seems ... (read in full...)
My Boyfriend cheated on me twice,should I forgive him?
Q. So here's the story.. My bf cheated me before once,when were new in our relationship, where been togther on april 2009, and then I found out that he has a contact with his ex gf and told her that he still loves her and wants to be with her and is ...
A. 23 July 2010: If he comes back, close the door. If he phones, put the phone down. If he texts, delete it. Cut this man out. If you don't, I promise that you'll spend the rest of your life being used. ... (read in full...)
Why do men leave pregnant women?
Q. (disregard my age please, i am 21 and the guy is 26) this happened to me with a guy i dated for 2 and a half years and when i got pregnant he said he didnt love me anymore. i'm 7 months pregnant now. he changed his phone number, won't answer ema...
A. 23 July 2010: The same man that lied about loving you for 2 and a half years is the same man who walked away when you were pregnant. Now you're doing the classic thing and blaming yourself. You're wondering why he hates you and what you did. Stop that. You didn't ... (read in full...)
Moving out of mom's house
Q. I am 24 and looking to move out from Mum's home. We have been having regular arguments and I think it's time for me to move on and be happy. Trouble is, I am working full time as a sales assistant for a small company and therefore have little money. ...
A. 23 July 2010: Is there any way you could move in with a flatmate?... (read in full...)
How do I get my friend to kiss me?
Q. how do i get my close friend to kiss me (he i a boy by the way) i have liked him for a while and my friends have told him but he still doesnt seem to like me in the way i want him to:|...
A. 23 July 2010: You could beg on your knees for him to like you and he still wouldn't. I'm afraid no matter how hard it is, this guy may just not like you that way. You need to talk to him yourself and find out how he feels about you. ... (read in full...)
I'm 17 and my mom's 42 year old friend has the hots for me!
Q. I'm 17 and my mothers best friend is a teacher she tough me as a privet tutor for some of my studies I took at school. She is always popping round to our house to see my mum however she confessed to me the other day that since I was 13 and she ...
A. 22 July 2010: Since you were 13? That's a bit creepy. Methinks this woman is someone you need to back away from. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend re-evaluating our relationship because he seen me stressed and didn't like my behavior
Q. I previously posted a story about this but there have been further developments. I truly need a lot of feedback on this one because this is ongoing and currently changing on a day-to-day basis. My boyfriend that I met in college lives 1,000 miles ...
A. 22 July 2010: I'll tell you, breaking up so he can 'figure things out' still won't work. You didn't suddenly find out who you were in 7 days. That's rubbish. People have off days. People get bad. I went to visit my girlfriend in May and we had a bust up. But I ... (read in full...)
Theoretical question: Which of the 2 scenarios is worse?
Q. This is more of a theoretical question! Which of the following is worse: 1. Being in a relationship with a man who makes you happy and you know you would have a happy life together BUT always wondering about what could have been with someone els...
A. 22 July 2010: If it won't work with your so called 'ideal' man, then he's not the ideal man. I'm hoping you're not looking at ditching a good guy for the bad boy, or Mr 'Exciting'. Because you should read the endless posts on here about women and their bad boys. ... (read in full...)
I don't want to hurt my boyfriend but there is someone else
Q. so I am in love with 2 guys :( my boyfriend has so much to learn n we have way too many differences.. but he loves me way more then I love him and I will destroy him if I leave him :( the other guy that I am deeply and truely in to.. makes me laugh ...
A. 22 July 2010: Realistically, if you've been together for just 3 months and there is already another guy, then there is no chance for you. I'm not sure you love either of these two guys. You seem to be a little too confused to be dating right about now. Please end ... (read in full...)
My Boyfriend cheated on me twice,should I forgive him?
Q. So here's the story.. My bf cheated me before once,when were new in our relationship, where been togther on april 2009, and then I found out that he has a contact with his ex gf and told her that he still loves her and wants to be with her and is ...
A. 22 July 2010: No. Don't trust him anymore. He's cheated and lied, and that was after you forgave him. Then he got angry at you. Just get rid of him. He'll do it again.... (read in full...)
Why do men leave pregnant women?
Q. (disregard my age please, i am 21 and the guy is 26) this happened to me with a guy i dated for 2 and a half years and when i got pregnant he said he didnt love me anymore. i'm 7 months pregnant now. he changed his phone number, won't answer ema...
A. 22 July 2010: Most men don't do that. I'd hang before I did that to a girlfriend and child.
The reason? There are 2
1 - He's too immature and can't handle it or be a father
2 - He feels as if he has been tricked.
In your case, I think when he found out tha... (read in full...)
Boyfriend re-evaluating our relationship because he seen me stressed and didn't like my behavior
Q. I previously posted a story about this but there have been further developments. I truly need a lot of feedback on this one because this is ongoing and currently changing on a day-to-day basis. My boyfriend that I met in college lives 1,000 miles ...
A. 22 July 2010: I'm sorry, but if he can't accept the bad times with the good, then he's not worth your time.
Couples have arguments, couples have problems, couples go through a lot of things together that aren't always good. But what makes a relationship last is w... (read in full...)
She's a free spirit and wants to break up to devote herself to studies
Q. I live with my beautiful 25 year old girlfriend. We moved in together very rapidly, after only a month of dating to make our rent cheaper and because we are both extremely spontaneous. We live with a mutual friend and our living situation is ...
A. 6 July 2010: You can't. You're trying to make her change. There is no way you can make her change. Only she can make herself change, and right now she won't. I did once try to to make a girl stay with me by being kind. She still cheated and that was it. If your ... (read in full...)
She's a free spirit and wants to break up to devote herself to studies
Q. I live with my beautiful 25 year old girlfriend. We moved in together very rapidly, after only a month of dating to make our rent cheaper and because we are both extremely spontaneous. We live with a mutual friend and our living situation is ...
A. 6 July 2010: Sorry my friend, but you are yet another person in her destructive cycle. End it now. Don't try to salvage it. Her history has been dark and has clearly affected her ability to be with people. There's nothing wrong with her being independent. I ... (read in full...)
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