| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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I had an affair and I feel I can't escape it
Q. i really need some advice...i was involved in a an affair a couple of months ago with someone close to my husband...i ended it because i knew i was doing wrong..my husband really loves me and honestly i dont know why i did it...well maybe because i ...
A. 3 August 2010: Just take your time. And be ready for him getting mad again. I hate to ruin your mood a bit, but men tend to take a while to process what has happened to them, so it might in a few weeks that he gets mad about it again. Just be prepared if he does, ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my boyfriend going into the military?
Q. I'm currently in a relationship with my 23year old 2nd cousin and he is going into the military and I don't know how to react to that. we have had sex many times and that makes it even worse because I won't get to see him yet I want him more and ...
A. 30 July 2010: I think the best thing you can do is to search for support groups for army wives and girlfriends. We have a few in Britain, and they allow wives and girlfriends of army personnel to mix with each other. Maybe they have a few in the US, where you ... (read in full...)
Do I tell him that I love him? Or do I hide it seen as he has a girlfriend and is going to a different college?
Q. I recently connected with a guy. We talk everyday and all night. I knew he had a girl friend and i respected that. I even kept my distance. The other day he insisted that we meet up before we both leave for college so i did. It was amazing. We went ...
A. 30 July 2010: He's so respectful, such a gentleman and so amazing that there he was cheating with you on his girlfriend. Are you a bad person? If you continue, you are. You're also very naive if you continue. Because if he cheats on her, he will cheat on you and ... (read in full...)
Caught wife in internet affair, now what?
Q. A year ago my wife started acting strange, up all hours on the internet, distant, etc. She started getting angry all the time and twice left me and the kids and went and spent the night in a hotel due to "being mad". One afternoon I was at the hou...
A. 30 July 2010: Get all the proof, get full custody of your kids, get away from her.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend cheated now I don't know what to do ? Please help..
Q. My boyfriend and i have been together for almost 10 months and im super in love with him , lately since its summer we barly see each other and weve been fightin so this weekend on fri he went to go eat with this friends and my bestfriend called me ...
A. 30 July 2010: You've been going out for 10 months, and the first time you're apart a bit and have an argument and he cheats with his best friend who was also your friend. That's a terrible sign of things to come. I think you can do better, rather than sitting ... (read in full...)
When are you supposed to know if the relationship is just physical or there is potential for more?
Q. so I started casually dating this turkish guy 9 months ago after initially meeting in a nightclub. the first 2-3 months were great, we would speak daily and see each other either every week or every 2 weeks. and i must admit i was extremely happy ...
A. 30 July 2010: This is just sex and nothing more. That's it. If there was anything else, he would have made more of an effort. He hasn't. This is sex, and if you're looking for more, it's best you move on. ... (read in full...)
Can someone explain this cheater to me?
Q. Why would a guy cheat before getting engaged, not tell their partner they cheated on them, proceed to get married....and then say that if HE were to find out that his fiance cheated on him before marriage, that he would definitely leave her, and not ...
A. 30 July 2010: Pure hypocrisy and control freak behaviour. These people shouldn't be forgiven or entertained by anyone. ... (read in full...)
How can I show my boyfriend that my male friends are ONLY friends?
Q. How can I convince my boyfriend that my boy friends are just that, my boy FRIENDS? I offer to have him hang out with me when i'm with them but he always bails and I can't get them all to meet... ...
A. 30 July 2010: Your problem is your boyfriend. You can't do anything with a guy who is insecure and won't do anything to change it. If he's insecure, it is up to both of you to make some effort to find the problem. You made all the effort. He doesn't make a bit of ... (read in full...)
My past is haunting me to the point where I can't sleep
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for the past 9 months. I love him to much and he loves me too. Lately I've been having anxiety and I have not been able to sleep because I feel so guilty about my past. I have never had sex before but I have kissed other ...
A. 30 July 2010: You haven't done anything wrong. In fact, I'm suspicious that you're with a really controlling guy who is making you feel like crap. All right, you've kissed a few guys, all right, you've danced with some. Your past is actually nothing to worry ... (read in full...)
This random girl claims my boyfriend got her pregnant, and there is lots of evidence to prove she is lying, so why do I still think about it?
Q. Recently a girl tried adding my boyfriend on facebook but as he didnt know her he ignored it, she also added my friend and started messaging her saying that my boyfriend got her pregnant and she really needed to talk to him. He thought it was a joke ...
A. 30 July 2010: Some will, yes. She may well be totally obsessed with him or something. There is only one way to be sure though, and that's a DNA test. After all, if she has nothing to hide, she'll allow it. ... (read in full...)
Dont want to be his fwb, I want all or nothing, but how?
Q. I don't get him at all! I've been talking to this guys for over a year now. Sometimes we'd be on and off because I wanted to get rid of him but it looks that won't happen anytime soon. So I text'd him last night actually, just to see what was up. ...
A. 30 July 2010: This will never go any further than it is now. He's not interested in a relationship I'm afraid. I'd let him go. ... (read in full...)
Why does my ex hate me so?
Q. I ended a relaionship with an ex. And he hated me right after. Im not really sure why, there was never a reason. i was good to him. We never fought until the last day we broke up. he hates my guys now and is constantly talking bad about me. Idk why ...
A. 30 July 2010: When you ended it, you hurt him. You were right to end it if you felt it was going nowhere, but clearly he didn't see it coming and he was hurt. To be fair, he is still immature about this, and his reactions do show that. To be contacting you just ... (read in full...)
I'm terrified of what might happen next after the police caught us talking to 2 underage girls, but all we did was talk!
Q. This is probably the worse place to ask for advice on this topic (No offense I appreciate all the help I've received over the years) but I don't know where else to turn. My best friend and I have two female friends (ONLY friends) that are 13 and 14. ...
A. 30 July 2010: I don't think anything else will happen. But you're taking your life in your hands when you're hanging around with younger girls and being topless with them. Young women have a thing for older guys, and it gets them into trouble. Young men can be ... (read in full...)
Should I give up on love? Everytime I like someone it seems they don't like me back!
Q. Ok so I have a brother and he is on a team for baseball. My brother is also on a travel team. There is a guy that is on his normal team and travel team. Ever since about four months ago I have liked him. He is a year younger than me. Before I liked ...
A. 30 July 2010: You're so young (13-15)!! You've far too much life to live before you give up. I didn't get my first girlfriend until I was 17. And that was after 10 other girls had turned me down and I had almost given up. You're trying so hard to get a guy ion ... (read in full...)
Do I tell my friend he is not as popular as he thinks, or let him learn a lesson?
Q. First of all, please don't think I'm like a terrible person for writing this(: Ok, my best friend (who is a guy) I mean we're like inseperable, is playing basketball this year. He tried out last year, but didn't make it. A few guys on the team gave ...
A. 30 July 2010: You're not a terrible person at all. You're actually very caring. It can be painful and embarrassing to see a good friend act like an idiot. The thing about being a friend, is sometimes you have to just smile. This is one of those times. He will ... (read in full...)
My bestfriend likes my boyfriend , what should I do?
Q. what do you do if you so called bestfriend likes your boyfriend ...
A. 30 July 2010: Trust your boyfriend. If he is that good, there will be no problem... (read in full...)
I had an affair and I feel I can't escape it
Q. i really need some advice...i was involved in a an affair a couple of months ago with someone close to my husband...i ended it because i knew i was doing wrong..my husband really loves me and honestly i dont know why i did it...well maybe because i ...
A. 30 July 2010: I think there is a high chance that this could come out. I also think your husband deserves to know the truth about what happened. He may well leave you, but that's the price. If your marriage has been going stale, or maybe you've been feeling ... (read in full...)
Why do I always get stung by those I'm nice to
Q. ok so i'm a really nice person, probly the nicest person in my whole skool, i'd do anything and everything in my power for the people i care about and i'm pretty much friends with everyone worth talking to. My problem is is that i get so close to ...
A. 30 July 2010: Every nice person in the world would like to know that! You're not the only one who gets hurt. The words 'nice person' are all too linked to the words 'got hurt again'.
You have to understand that it's not you. The problem with nice people is that... (read in full...)
He didn't call to give me closure on our relationship...
Q. Today is a month from the day my bf stopped talking to me. He hung up promising to call after a trivial dispute that happens between any two. from that day till today he did not call. I tried to call him, he never answered and when I sent him an SMS ...
A. 29 July 2010: Leave him to it. He treated you badly, and may well just use you before hurting you again. Move on from this man. ... (read in full...)
What did my bf's response mean when he found out another guy was hitting on me?
Q. Here is a question for the guys... well my boyfriend stays at his bestfriends all the time. i understand that, the kid is my bestfriend to. its just his friend keeps (hitting) on me. And he told my boyfriend he does. All my boyfriend had to say was ...
A. 28 July 2010: It means that your boyfriend completely trusts you, and is totally proud of you and adores you. All good signs. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's mum hates me and she hasn't even met me yet!
Q. my boyfriends mum hates me! i'm 16 and my boyfriend is 18. his mum just hates me and i havent even met her yet! i have been going out with him for 2 months and he lives 2 hours away from me. i havent met his mum or dad yet and when he is talkin or ...
A. 28 July 2010: Nothing. Just put on your best smile and rise above it. She sees that you're 'stealing' her little boy and hasn't come to terms with him being grown up yet. Put on a smile and rise above it. ... (read in full...)
Why has he asked me out when I always thought he hated me?
Q. ( Sorry if my English is bad ) Well there is a guy I know since I was a child I don't remember every thing but I remember that he used to tease me . He sometime say to my best friend that she is pretty in front of me . I got jealous and beca...
A. 28 July 2010: He never hated you. He fancied you. Always. From start to finish, this guy has fancied you. But like so many immature guys, he teased you to get your attention because he didn't know how else to do it. Now he's realized that teasing doesn't work, so ... (read in full...)
I cant trust my sister and my boyfriend to be alone together anymore, what should I do?
Q. My boyfriend cheated on me with my older sister, but then I took him back. He somehow convinced me that it will never happen again and that I should work on my trust. I was really convinced that he would never hurt me again. But, then I found out my ...
A. 28 July 2010: I think you should just end it to be honest. You can't trust a man like this, and you can't trust a sister stabbing you in the back. She still likes him, and I think she will make a play while you're away. And I think he'll go for it, because he's a ... (read in full...)
My friend says it is best if we don't speak anymore, how can I show him things will get better?
Q. hi, i have a friend who lives in another country. we have known each other for a long time. he is in a way more than a friend but it is complicated. however recently things havent been going well. he said something has changed but he doesnt know wha...
A. 28 July 2010: I suspect that something has happened to him, such as he may have found a girlfriend and she's not happy with him speaking to you. I think you need to respect his wishes and let him go. Don't go out to see him, because it will scare him and push him ... (read in full...)
Do I have the right to make my son have my last name?
Q. I am 18 yrs old feel in love with my son's mom, we were together for 4 years. we ended up breaking up and months later I found out she was pregnant, but she claimed it was not mine. I told her it was mine the whole time but she denied it until the ...
A. 28 July 2010: If there is no DNA evidence, you don't know that it's yours. That's the first step. You need proof that it's yours. (I know you see your son, but you need to be sure). I don't think you have the right to force your name on your son. We don't here in ... (read in full...)
It's been over 6 years and I still can't get over him
Q. how can i just move on? it has been over 6 years and i can't get over him. now from time to time we will get together and I always think it is us getting back together but it is him just using me and I get hurt everytime. he has made it clear th...
A. 28 July 2010: You're not getting over him, because you're not being brave and totally cutting him out of your life. 6 years on, you're still talking to him and you're still letting yourself being used.
For a start, cut contact with this man. Delete his numb... (read in full...)
Our 'dates' are all at his house but I want us to go out
Q. Ok... Ive been seeing this guy recently. Date 1: We was supposed to go out for drinks. He called after he finished work saying he was tired but i could come round his place. First off i said no and said we would do it another day when he was less ...
A. 28 July 2010: Why is it that women have this thing about not talking to men about what they want? Why? We're not mind readers. This is why men get confused. You say one thing, but expect another. Why not try saying what you expect? It's about actions. Your ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend won't go down on my unless I'm shaved
Q. My boyfriend and I were talking about "what ifs". and it came up, "what if i was nine months pregnant and couldnt shave "down there"?" his response, "i wouldnt go down on you". my thought was arent you suppose to love someone even in there natural ...
A. 28 July 2010: I don't even think you know what love is. This is such a teenage question it's unbelievable. Love is not about him giving you oral sex when you're pregnant. Love is about him standing by you when you're pregnant and looking after you. I think you ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend won't go down on my unless I'm shaved
Q. My boyfriend and I were talking about "what ifs". and it came up, "what if i was nine months pregnant and couldnt shave "down there"?" his response, "i wouldnt go down on you". my thought was arent you suppose to love someone even in there natural ...
A. 28 July 2010: I don't even think you know what love is. This is such a teenage question it's unbelievable. Love is not about him giving you oral sex when you're pregnant. Love is about him standing by you when you're pregnant and looking after you. I think you ... (read in full...)
She's a free spirit and wants to break up to devote herself to studies
Q. I live with my beautiful 25 year old girlfriend. We moved in together very rapidly, after only a month of dating to make our rent cheaper and because we are both extremely spontaneous. We live with a mutual friend and our living situation is ...
A. 28 July 2010: I'll be honest with you. It won't work. I can't think of anything to help, because with this girl it won't work.
What you have to understand is that some people, both men and women, have this perfect 'ideal' partner in their head. Just the othe... (read in full...)
So confused and don't know where to go from here. I'm tired of putting in all the effort!
Q. So you get an idea of what's going on without having to go back and read my other posts, my husband is in the army and deployed for 15 months less than a year ago. He was really cold and distant from me and I couldn't handle it. I had a guy friend ...
A. 28 July 2010: It's not the cheating that will wreck this marriage anyway. It's the fact that he's away when he needs to be fixing it with you. Unless he's there, unless he's with you and unless you are both making effort, there is no chance. No matter how much ... (read in full...)
My ex girlfriend is making me crazy!
Q. My girlfriend of one year broke up with me a couple weeks ago. I was very good to her and all she did was take. She wanted some space which I had a hard time giving to her and after some fighting she told me that she did not love me anymore. She ...
A. 28 July 2010: The trouble with being a nice guy, is that even when it's going wrong and you're being treated like crap, you'll take it. Believe me, I know that feeling. The times I have been hurt and have just wanted to make it better are countless. In the end ... (read in full...)
So confused and don't know where to go from here. I'm tired of putting in all the effort!
Q. So you get an idea of what's going on without having to go back and read my other posts, my husband is in the army and deployed for 15 months less than a year ago. He was really cold and distant from me and I couldn't handle it. I had a guy friend ...
A. 28 July 2010: Your marriage is over. Period. That's it. This is a clear sign now of two things.
First of all, your husband is an army man and will have seen things you can't even imagine. Unfortunately, this means that the only way he can deal with it is to act ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend cheated, said she does not know why she did it, says he loves me now!
Q. *OP's suggested title* About 6 months ago my girlfriend cheated on my with someone from her job. I found out by seeing the two of them together two days after we had a big argument. she denied it for about 6 weeks then finally admitted she slept wi...
A. 27 July 2010: She's cheated several times, lied to you about ending it, fallen into a trap you set, and claimed the sex isn't good. Trust me, this girl is the problem. Not you. There is no use in bothering with someone like this who will treat you badly. And she ... (read in full...)
Can I believe what he said while drunk?
Q. Just a quick question. Do men speak the truth when they're under the influence of alcohol? A friend of mine admitted that he liked me, but I'm not sure whether to take it seriously or not. ...
A. 27 July 2010: Not always. Some men say the truth, some talk complete rubbish. I wouldn't take a drunk man's words seriously. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend slept with his brother's wife before he met me?? Please help?
Q. Ok, so before my boyfriend and I started dating, he slept with his brothers wife supposedly just once. We started dating maybe about 5 months after this happened and he told me about 7 months into our relationship out of guilt. At first, I was ...
A. 27 July 2010: I have to be honest, for me this would be a deal breaker. He stabbed his own blood in the back. What does that mean? He would stab you in the back. If this was just a simple question of retroactive jealousy, then I'd have other things to say. But ... (read in full...)
Thoughts of her having the affair are driving me insane!
Q. Three years ago my wife had an affair with a married man and it has absolutely destroyed my life. We had what I thaught was a wonderful live with five great kids. I was unable to forgive my wife of twenty two years for hurting me so much even after ...
A. 27 July 2010: There is only one piece of advice I can give you, and that is to get counselling. You have been treated shabbily, and your reaction is one of the worst I've read about on this site, and I feel bad for you. I think you need to take a step forward and ... (read in full...)
How do I live like a normal girl and not care what others think?
Q. I've been through alot,during my childhood! I sort of grew up so fast,and when I was in both primary and secondary school,others always made fun of me,I was taller than all my classmates and looked more mature than them, I became a woman earlier ...
A. 27 July 2010: You are a normal girl!
I had some of the same problems as you. I grew up too quickly when I was young, both mentally and physically, and took a lot of rubbish from people. But I'm in love now, even if it did take me a few years to get there.
Th... (read in full...)
Tale of two men: which one do I go for?
Q. I'm not sure what to do . I like two men, but i'm not sure which one to go for.One of them is married, but i really like him as he is confident and has a good sense of humour, and we have met up recently and known each other for a few years. The ...
A. 27 July 2010: Well the married one will be nothing but a liar and a cheat if something does happen. And the other is single but you haven't told him how you feel. To top if off, they're friends,
I foresee a disaster of epic proportions here. This is stra... (read in full...)
Texting Dilemma: am I thinking too much?
Q. I need input on a Texting Dilemma I have. Long story short, i met a guy, and right off the bat he was negative. The minute we met, he says "your dressed slutty". I looked awesome, and he was being a hater. His buddy was being more gentleman l...
A. 27 July 2010: He was after a quick one, and like an intelligent lady you didn't give in. Good for you. You don't need a weirdo like that in your life. ... (read in full...)
Does He Want The Relationship Back - Or Just Sex?
Q. Hi all, I was seeing this guy for a while, and things were going great, then we feel out, and he finished it. I ignored his calls, and he kept on calling me - he called 15 times in four days, so in the end I picked the phone up.He was saying he ...
A. 27 July 2010: It does make sense when you realize that he wanted sex, and got it on tap. And it makes sense again when you realize that when it ended and you didn't give in, he got angry. Sadly, he's just not a great guy. ... (read in full...)
Does He Want The Relationship Back - Or Just Sex?
Q. Hi all, I was seeing this guy for a while, and things were going great, then we feel out, and he finished it. I ignored his calls, and he kept on calling me - he called 15 times in four days, so in the end I picked the phone up.He was saying he ...
A. 27 July 2010: Yes, some do. NOT ALL though, so don't think we're all like that. There are a lot of better guys out there that don't act this way.
But yes, this guy set you up big style. And the moment you seemed like you wanted to take it further, he pushed you ... (read in full...)
Does He Want The Relationship Back - Or Just Sex?
Q. Hi all, I was seeing this guy for a while, and things were going great, then we feel out, and he finished it. I ignored his calls, and he kept on calling me - he called 15 times in four days, so in the end I picked the phone up.He was saying he ...
A. 27 July 2010: Yes, it was all done to reel you in. Some men do this. He did. That's why every time you turned him away he got mad. Because he realized he wasn't getting his way. It's essential you block him out.
It is about sex, nothing more. Take that from a ma... (read in full...)
Does He Want The Relationship Back - Or Just Sex?
Q. Hi all, I was seeing this guy for a while, and things were going great, then we feel out, and he finished it. I ignored his calls, and he kept on calling me - he called 15 times in four days, so in the end I picked the phone up.He was saying he ...
A. 27 July 2010: He was a user beforehand. That's the whole point. And don't do the whole 'there must be something else in it'. There's not, I'm sorry, but there isn't.
For some reason that I have yet to understand, women seem to crave crap treatment at times. Not ... (read in full...)
Does He Want The Relationship Back - Or Just Sex?
Q. Hi all, I was seeing this guy for a while, and things were going great, then we feel out, and he finished it. I ignored his calls, and he kept on calling me - he called 15 times in four days, so in the end I picked the phone up.He was saying he ...
A. 27 July 2010: Girl, this won't even work as friends. He just wants to get into your pants all the time, and if you keep in contact with him, you'll either give in, or you'll just get all these abusive emails and texts for as long as you know him. He is just a ... (read in full...)
She's a free spirit and wants to break up to devote herself to studies
Q. I live with my beautiful 25 year old girlfriend. We moved in together very rapidly, after only a month of dating to make our rent cheaper and because we are both extremely spontaneous. We live with a mutual friend and our living situation is ...
A. 26 July 2010: This is her being unhappy that you were the one who ended it, and not her on her own terms. Stop sleeping with her and sleep by yourself again. I guarantee you if you go back to her, she will then dump you. She didn't do the dumping, and she doesn't ... (read in full...)
He didn't call to give me closure on our relationship...
Q. Today is a month from the day my bf stopped talking to me. He hung up promising to call after a trivial dispute that happens between any two. from that day till today he did not call. I tried to call him, he never answered and when I sent him an SMS ...
A. 22 July 2010: There are common misconceptions about 'closure', as such.
1 - A person does not owe closure, or reasons. They can end it, and they don't need to say anything else other 'than it's not working out'. However, it's pretty low when someone does what... (read in full...)
She's a free spirit and wants to break up to devote herself to studies
Q. I live with my beautiful 25 year old girlfriend. We moved in together very rapidly, after only a month of dating to make our rent cheaper and because we are both extremely spontaneous. We live with a mutual friend and our living situation is ...
A. 6 July 2010: You can't. You're trying to make her change. There is no way you can make her change. Only she can make herself change, and right now she won't. I did once try to to make a girl stay with me by being kind. She still cheated and that was it. If your ... (read in full...)
She's a free spirit and wants to break up to devote herself to studies
Q. I live with my beautiful 25 year old girlfriend. We moved in together very rapidly, after only a month of dating to make our rent cheaper and because we are both extremely spontaneous. We live with a mutual friend and our living situation is ...
A. 6 July 2010: Sorry my friend, but you are yet another person in her destructive cycle. End it now. Don't try to salvage it. Her history has been dark and has clearly affected her ability to be with people. There's nothing wrong with her being independent. I ... (read in full...)
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