| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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I found a message on her cell phone from a guy getting straight to the point...cheating!
Q. I am a father of a one year old, and I think my girlfriend, the mother of my child, is cheating on me. Why? Because I found a text message on her phone, from some guy I've never met, that went as follows: "Do you want to f*ck?". Seems pretty ...
A. 2 August 2010: Confront her. You won't resolve this peacefully until you know what she has been up to. You need to know what has happened, so confront her and just say clearly what you found and that you've been suspicious for some time. ... (read in full...)
Married, fell for someone else and haven't heard from him. What should I do?
Q. I am a married woman and I fell in love with someone else. I haven't heard from him in awhile but i know he cared for me too... Im confused as should i presue him or not??? I miss him so much it hurts i cant think straight,,...
A. 2 August 2010: You're a married woman. That will mean this guy ran away because of it. Go back to your marriage and either get a divorce, or work on it. You can't have it all.... (read in full...)
Younger husband has an eating disorder and cheated online, and now I am alone
Q. Hi to all my dear friends out there, some of whome I've helped many times myself. Now its me that needs a bit of help and support, and I'd so appreciate to know that yous are there as I feel so lonely and distraught at the moment. So whats the ...
A. 2 August 2010: You won't like me saying this, but you're acting more like his mother than as a wife. When a man takes a wife, he takes HER, not anyone else. His 'follies' are no excuse for his cheating. Also, he needed to be tackling his issues. He's not. You're ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is cheating and making up excuses not to have sex
Q. ive recently discovered that my boyfriend of 2 years is cheating. We meet through a dating site, and everything was great for a year. The past year, however, hasnt been wonderful - we get along grand, but hes put on weight and said he doesnt feel ...
A. 2 August 2010: Walk up to him, tell him you know that he's cheated and that it's over between you. Then walk away and claim what is yours. Axe this man from your life. You deserve better than this. ... (read in full...)
Cheating ex is lying about our break up
Q. I caught my long term girlfriend in the act of cheating. This is the second time with a different guy then before. Last time she begged,cried and had me believing it was a mistake. I have cut all ties. She is now lying to everyone about our break ...
A. 2 August 2010: This woman is clearly nuts, putting it bluntly. Make a note of everything that happens, and even try to catch her in the act. Then, if it continues, go to the police and tell that that she is doing this. Get a restraining order. Anything. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend cheating online with girls half his age!
Q. hi everyone.. its been AGES since ive been on, i guess that means life was going ok. Well now im stuck again. 2 years ago, i met a wonderful man on the internet We now live together. I love this man. Hes divorced and his a son, who i treat as my ow...
A. 2 August 2010: A man does't think you're good enough for him? How about he's not good enough for you.
You seem to be very good at putting yourself down, but not good enough at sticking up for yourself. If a man cheats on you, it's not that you're not good enou... (read in full...)
I feel like a bad wife and mother, I'm seeing an ex because I just want some affection
Q. I feel so down about my home life. I got pregnant after being with my partner for a year. My little boy is now 2 and I love him to peices, but if I am honest I wasnt ready to be a mum and I felt a bit forced into the situation. My partner was very ...
A. 2 August 2010: I think you need to see a doctor. You're not a bad person. From reading your post, I think there is a very high chance that you have post natal depression, and I think you need to see a doctor with your husband so you can both fix this. You must ... (read in full...)
I like them both! Do I risk a threesome?
Q. Hi everyone. I am bi and I love this girl I am with. But this guy who is younger keeps flirting with me. I was wondering if I should invite him to a threesome or just live to seperate lives. Please help!!...
A. 2 August 2010: If you like these people more than just friends, this is not a good idea. This could really complicate matters. You need to pick one or the other. ... (read in full...)
Think I caught an STI during a threesome
Q. I'll be very upfront, I had a threesome with a couple and we used various dildos.. I had sex with the man unprotected also, since then, I've been having a powdery looking substance come from my vagina, i can take a shower and it'll still smell after ...
A. 2 August 2010: You need to visit a doctor. ASAP. ... (read in full...)
Love Weirdness
Q. (OP's suggested title) Why would a guy say "I love you," and then say a few months later that he could "never" love you?....and deny that he ever said it in the first place...When he said it several times! ...
A. 1 August 2010: When a man says something like this and acts this way, I'm sorry to say that you've probably been used by him. He sounds like the kind of guy you need to get away from. Sorry you've been hurt... (read in full...)
He mistreats me to get back at me for hurting him in the past
Q. should i give up? im going to try to make the story short i know i've asked this question in several ways but my situation changes from day to night. i have a mth old baby, my ex doesnt love me anymore he holds alot of resentment towards me bcuz ...
A. 1 August 2010: If he won't forgive, you need to walk away from him. You can't live in a household with your child that has so much tension in it. He came back to you, and by coming back both of you needed to make an effort to pick the relationship up again. I ... (read in full...)
Is his female client interested in him or am I over-reacting?
Q. I went out for breakfast with a guy friend of mine. He and I were having fun and conversation was great. He saw a client of his from work and excused himself to go talk to her. After a short stint of time he returned to our table and we continued ...
A. 1 August 2010: Either it was something that was important, or she does like him. I think that this is something you shouldn't allow to get to you. He is still a friend, nothing more, and you don't want to come across as jealous anything. She came to the table ... (read in full...)
We like each other but he won't ask me out!
Q. I have a guy friend whom I am interested in and who I believe is interested in me. We get along great and we flirt with each other alot of the time. I'm wondering why he hasn't asked me out on a date. Now I know one reason could be that maybe he is ...
A. 1 August 2010: If you wait too long, you'll never know. He may not know how you feel, so I think you need to be brave and talk to him about how you feel. ... (read in full...)
Why is it mainly women posting on here and not men?
Q. Hello Aunts I have one general question on the forum. Why do only women post questions here ? why so less questions being raised here by Men?. what are the thoughts on this. I know it is complex question and not a single and easy answe...
A. 31 July 2010: Main, basically, don't like to talk about problems as much as women. They internalize their problems. That's why there is more male depression and more male suicide. We don't talk as much, we don't have the friendships that women have, we don't have ... (read in full...)
Mum walks in on me having sex?
Q. Titled by Poster: What a mess i am in. Had a gathering the other night, well i would'nt even call it that, there was like five people and myself there and that's it. Things went well, wasnt anything crazy, nothing broke, i dont think. However, the...
A. 31 July 2010: Say sorry, and help her out a bit more around the house. She'll get over it. ... (read in full...)
Secret fantasy...
Q. Hi, I have been married for about 18 years, and recently have this fantasy of my wife being with other men, I get horny if i think of it. However, I am afraid to ask my wife about it. We love each other and have good sex. Am I crazy???...
A. 31 July 2010: Not crazy. If you read this site, you'll see other guys who have this fantasy. Unfortunately, you'll also read about fantasies likes this that have gone very wrong. Either the woman has become too accustomed and doesn't want to give the lifestyle ... (read in full...)
I want to say no nicely, and I want discretion....
Q. Hi I have a married male friend who recently asked me to have an affair with him, I too am married and love my husband dearly and would never cheat on him. How can I let this man know that as much as I like him I do not like him in that way and not ...
A. 31 July 2010: Exactly what Chigirl says. You need to be very clear on this.... (read in full...)
Blowjobs...What's my problem and what do I do about it?
Q. Ok, so I have been married for over 13 years, and have only gotten off by a blowjob once in my life and it wasn't my wife. I love when my wife goes down on me, it's truly amazing to watch her as she engulfs me, but for some reason I just can't cum. ...
A. 31 July 2010: I don't cum either when my g/f gives me oral. I actually find that it's too intense, plus I'm a little put off by the fact that I'd kiss her afterwards. I guess you're just not relaxed enough, perhaps? It's quite hard to let go of pressure ... (read in full...)
Sex has waned in our relationship and I'm thinking of looking elsewhere. Help!
Q. I have been with my guy for 5 years! I have a high sex drive and he knew this when we first started dating. This was one of the reasons we kept seeing each other as he thought he'd died and gone to heaven...sex on tap! But as the years have gone on ...
A. 31 July 2010: You need to talk to him again, this time making it clear that it is a deal breaker. PLEASE DO NOT CHEAT. You cheapen yourself, ruin the point of a relationship and it will seriously damage your reputation. No one likes a cheat, and few people bother ... (read in full...)
I secretly masturbate but don't like doing this ...any advice?
Q. Hello, I have been living with My Girlfriend a while now but I secretly masturbate a lot. No one knows about this, I have porn magazines hidden behind the panelling on the bath in the bathroom and I masturbate to them sometimes. I also masturba...
A. 31 July 2010: There is nothing wrong with masturbating. You can't help it. No man can really. You can't help being horny. I'd suggest getting rid of the magazines, as if your wife finds them she might be hurt. But I don't think you need to worry about anything. ... (read in full...)
He's in a relationship, he flirts with me and another girl at work! What is going on here?
Q. I'm in love with my co-worker who is twice my age; he's smart, sexy, funny and we have a lot in common. Problem is he's involved in a relationship, he also seems to favour one of the other girls at work a bit more than me. I'm just so terribly ...
A. 31 July 2010: He's involved in a relationship, so take those rose tinted glasses off and see what this guy is really like. Oh yes, he's smart, sexy and funny. But he's also taken by another woman and is having his ego stroked by all you naive young women who ... (read in full...)
Should I fake an affair to teach my cheating husband a lesson?
Q. should i fake an affair to teach my cheating husband a lesson? my husband for last years has been constantly cheating on me. i have caught me several times and everytime he begs for my forgiveness telling me that he has really changed this time. i ...
A. 31 July 2010: Why? What will that serve? Instead, he will spread it around that you're a cheat. Then your reputation will be left in tatters, and they'll all suddenly point and say 'she's as bad as he is'.
This is not a wise plan in the slightest. You'll give... (read in full...)
This is just a rant but I really need your thoughts and suggestions...
Q. this is just a rant, but suggestions and thoughts are appreciated. My gf has trouble letting go of her ex, no matter how nasty he is to us and our friends. She dosent see that he's pushing my friend base away from her....they dont want to speak to...
A. 31 July 2010: You're with the wrong girl, is my thought. She is not over him, for a start. She hasn't cut contact, no matter how badly he has treated her, and does nothing to reassure you at all. Instead, she continues to bring him up, then gets angry when you ... (read in full...)
Do you think i"ve made a mistake?
Q. Mod Note:Posters Title was not available I just broke up with my boyfriend of four years and I already feel horrible. I've been waiting for him to get his act together for years; he was a high achiever when he was younger and now he's stuck in a rut....
A. 31 July 2010: It's very, very difficult to deal with a person who is stuck in a rut, especially when you have little life experience to help you get through it. You're still young, and to deal with a person who isn't moving forward is not something you should ... (read in full...)
Do you think i"ve made a mistake?
Q. Mod Note:Posters Title was not available I just broke up with my boyfriend of four years and I already feel horrible. I've been waiting for him to get his act together for years; he was a high achiever when he was younger and now he's stuck in a rut....
A. 31 July 2010: It's very, very difficult to deal with a person who is stuck in a rut, especially when you have little life experience to help you get through it. You're still young, and to deal with a person who isn't moving forward is not something you should ... (read in full...)
Why is he being so selfish wanting me to have an abortion???
Q. Hi, last week i found out that i am pregnant im 17 and my boyfriend of 16 months is 18. I told him that i didnt want to get an abortion, and at first he said he would be there for me no matter what and said he would move in with me and my parents, a ...
A. 31 July 2010: I doubt most women think they'll be in this position to be fair. Your boyfriend clearly can't handle what is happening at all. But, at the end of it, this is your choice to make. There is no use in him saying you're ruining his life. He made his own ... (read in full...)
Confused, hurt, angry, worried all at the same time!!! What now?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. We bought a house almost 2 years ago. It's in his name as my credit wasn't good enough to be used though my income was for th loan. Anyway, recently, I had an atv accident that he has been blaming himself ...
A. 31 July 2010: The problem I read in your post is you're making this out to be more of a fairytale where love conquers all, rather than really looking at the facts about what this guy has done to you. You had an accident, you were hurt, and he then walked out with ... (read in full...)
My husband has cheated in the past, being dishonest now, what should I do??
Q. Dear Cupid, My husband is 27, I am 47, I am told that we look the same age, I weigh 142, smooth skin and nice looking. My husband had cheated on me several times in the past. I asked him about his cell phone last night, he had hid it. I check his ...
A. 31 July 2010: Oh dear. I'm sorry. but if he cheated on the past several time, and he's acting suspiciously now, then the truth is he is cheating again. I think the time has come for you to accept that this guy is just not the one for you. He has no idea about ... (read in full...)
We talked, he made promises, then stopped calling, now he's back, what do I do??
Q. okay well i'm not really sure what to do. theres this boy and he and me meet through another guy friend of mine. hes 17 almost 18 im 15. we had a really big thing but i would always have to sneak him in because I live with and abusive/strict father. ...
A. 31 July 2010: Yes let this other guy go. He called you a whore and broke all those promises he made to you. He's not worth your time at all. He'll just hurt you a lot. ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend flirts online -can I still trust her?
Q. Me and my girlfriend broke up for 10 days then got back together. A few months later, I found messages from a sexual conversation she was having with a guy online. When I confronted her, she said she was just talking trash and that it happened while ...
A. 31 July 2010: Definitely end the relationship. A few months ago, you found those first messages, and she said that it happened when you were apart. Fair enough. But then a few months later, you find more messages, even discussing spending time together. Again, ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't this guy like me?
Q. please forgive me for asking but im really upset and need advice. my best friend is friends at work with a guy who doesnt like me. why ? because he works with another woman who is very bitchy and doesnt like me and he has been listening to her...
A. 30 July 2010: You're not horrible at all. Sometimes in life, you find people you don't get along with. This is just one of those guys. I think the reason he doesn't like you is because you're the only person who can see that he's a loser and you're not kissing ... (read in full...)
New guy claims to have gotten an STD from me and its ruined our relationship
Q. Hi I am trying right now to get over the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my romantic life. About a month ago I met this guy at a club and we really hit it off and have been living a real intense, romantic life for the last month. He ...
A. 30 July 2010: If you do have it, then you need to accept that he wasn't happy and let him go. If you don't, then he's far too into himself and doesn't deserve another second of your time. You haven't shown any signs of it so far, and if you don't have it, then ... (read in full...)
In dire need of advice!! Is he too weird?
Q. Been dating a man 10 yrs older than me (never married, no kids, engaged a few times) for 3 months now. I thought I was in love with him after a month or so, but now when I say it...I just don't feel it. I think it's because he's a bit odd. He's in ...
A. 30 July 2010: He may be nice, but he's not the man for you, and I think you know it. He's the introverted type who is quiet and totally reserved. You're the outgoing type. Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't. I think this is one of those times that it ... (read in full...)
We dated for 2 years, broke up and are now together but she's unsure of us
Q. My girlfriend and i were together for 2 years. just after our 2 year anniversary she dumped me. She had a list of things that i did wrong during our relationship. And she was right. i took a lot for granted. didnt respect her feelings. I never ch...
A. 30 July 2010: You remember all those 'issues' that you supposedly had that were on her list? Well I have a sneaky suspicion that you weren't nearly as bad as she thought and you though. I think, like a lot of head-in-the-cloud people, she had this image of the ... (read in full...)
He says he can't love before sex!
Q. My boyfriend has this thing, where he feels like he can not love me until we have had sex. He says, that it's not like he doesn't want to he just can't, and he thinks it's the only thing holding him back. I want to know if any one else feels this ...
A. 30 July 2010: Of course he's using you! ... (read in full...)
Reunited with a lost love!
Q. A lover from my past has been looking for me. After 10 years plus he finally finds me. We do communicate through email only. He reminisces about the past and went through a lot to get to me. When I moved away we were on good terms. Just lost ...
A. 30 July 2010: I think you're asking for a lot of pain by speaking to this guy. It's more than likely that you're being kept around as a spare woman in case something else doesn't work out for him. I think for your own sake you would be better to move on. The last ... (read in full...)
I like him but he never wants to go out!
Q. I have a problem. My boyfriend never wants to go out with me. He says it's becasue he doesnt have much money, which he doesnt, as he doesnt have a job, is on Income Support, which are benefits that he gets from the government here in the U.K, and he ...
A. 30 July 2010: I just think you're two different people, and it won't work. If he can't walk because of the pain, he just can't. That's it. To be fair, the illness he has can cause unbelievable pain (the nerves in his spine basically are compressed to the point ... (read in full...)
Is he only interested in having a sex buddy?
Q. Hi i really need a second opinion on this! I've met this guy thru a cousin of mine they work together. He's a really nice guy, clever and funny and we get on great for most part!at first i wasn't sure about him beacause he's not really my type b...
A. 30 July 2010: I do suspect that you're being used more for sex than anything else here. It's not like you spend much time together as a couple doing things that don't lead to sex. You go out to the cinema, where you don't really talk, then you have a meal, then ... (read in full...)
Un motivated boyfriend.
Q. Okay so i am almost 16 years old with a 19 and a half boyfriend. We have been going out for a year and a half. Last year he enrolled in a college thirty minutes from the town we live in and he lived in a dorm. His parents have insisted on paying his ...
A. 30 July 2010: Oh dear. You've picked a bit of a lemon. Imagine in ten years time that you're still in this situation. There you are, working hard, while he does nothing. He doesn't do anything for you, doesn't do anything for himself and contributes nothing to ... (read in full...)
Should I confront my friend or would I just be lowering myself to her level?
Q. I need advice cause I'm going mad. I have been friends with this girl for over 10 years and I have helped and been there for her no matter what. She was with this fella for a few years until he cheated on her with a man, I told her get rid whic...
A. 30 July 2010: I think this is a woman you need to leave out of your life now. You've been a great friend, you really have. And you've been there. But the idea of a friendship is that you're both not just 'yes men', and that you care for each other. From what ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my boyfriend going into the military?
Q. I'm currently in a relationship with my 23year old 2nd cousin and he is going into the military and I don't know how to react to that. we have had sex many times and that makes it even worse because I won't get to see him yet I want him more and ...
A. 30 July 2010: I think the best thing you can do is to search for support groups for army wives and girlfriends. We have a few in Britain, and they allow wives and girlfriends of army personnel to mix with each other. Maybe they have a few in the US, where you ... (read in full...)
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