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How do I keep my mom from finding out I'm having a house party while she's gone?

Tagged as: Family, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 May 2010) 15 Answers - (Newest, 25 May 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, *ate_2010 writes:

hey :)

well my mum is going away this weekend and i have sort of organised a house party :D but i think i will get cought my neighbors are really strict and horrible and might end up telling my mum :S

So i was wondering if you have any suggestions on how to make this work and keep it so my muum does NOT find out becouse i will be in soooooooooo much trouble.I am not even allowed to drink so when my mum finds out that i have had a party with drink then i will be in the shittss

So if you could come up with any ideas to help that would be nice thank youu

xxxxx

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A female reader, Carrot2000 United States +, writes (25 May 2010):

Carrot2000 agony aunt"i was asking for advise not to tell me not to do it!"

Ummm, since having a party without your Mom finding out is impossible, telling you not to do it IS advice...

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A female reader, BettyBoup United Kingdom +, writes (24 May 2010):

BettyBoup agony auntI think nightfairy11's advice is the best. Have you asked her if you could have a couple of friends over? She might be ok with a couple.

I know how tempting it is to have a house party, believe me, I've had them. But unless you're prepaired to accept the downfall, if things go wrong, don't bother. Sooooooo many things can go wrong. Broken plumbing, toilet etc, carpet burns, expensive/sentimental items get broken, party gets out of hand, too many people turn up and neighbours find out, the list goes on. My advice, if you reeeeeeally want a party, have a small gathering. Only invite your best 4 or 5 friends. Do not let anyone smoke in the house, the smell will stick. Smoke in the garden. Don't let anyone drink anything that will stain the carpet. Stay away from rooms containing pale coloured carpets and anything breakable. Just have a small scale, fun night with a few good friends. If you have a propper huge party, it's just asking for something to go wrong. I don't think it would be fair to your mum to do that, especially as your dads died recently. You dont say if they were together, but if they were, she will still be grieving. This will be the last thing she needs. You may well be grieving too, but trust me, falling out with your mum over this won't make things better. There will be pleanty more parties in the future to go to, but you only got one mum.

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A male reader, LazyGuy Netherlands +, writes (23 May 2010):

LazyGuy agony auntSimple, you do NOT post it about it on a forum anyone in the world can read.

Your mom.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010):

I think this is going something you have to learn on your own, it's just unfair on your mum.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010):

Your going to regret this! Haha!!!

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A female reader, celtic_tiger United Kingdom +, writes (23 May 2010):

celtic_tiger agony auntThanks for the update. That completely changes my view.

Not only are you stupid, irresponsible and rude to your Mother, you are also incredibly selfish.

You say your Dad died recently, yet you are quite happy to go and do this behind your Mothers back, KNOWING full well she doesn't trust you. She is still going to be suffering from losing your Dad, yet you want to go and do this to her. So you have your party, things get broken, the home that your parents made together could get trashed. All her memories could be destroyed. Yet you dont care, because you want a party.

THAT is selfish behaviour.

How do you think she will feel about that?

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A male reader, C. Grant Canada +, writes (23 May 2010):

C. Grant agony auntHey,

My kids think just like you. We left them alone for the first time in February and went away for two nights. They had a house party. Dozens of very drunk kids. I was oh so impressed. In one single stupid move my kids wiped out all the trust that had been earned. Now they can't make a single move without my checking up on them. They can't go for a sleepover. The can't go for a bloody walk in the evening. Nothing. Because they completely blew it.

You go ahead and have your fun. And when your mother finds out how you betrayed her trust I hope you enjoy the feeling of completely devastating her.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010):

You're done for...

Unless your party is limited to a very few freinds, and they can park blocks away and walk + keep the noise down so that NO ONE hears it + don't mess the house up + be smart about disposing of the trash & other evidence... your done for.

All it takes is one thing to go wrong - here are a few that I've personally seen:

1. drunk chick takes off in car, bouncing off 5 neighbors cars as she goes to buy cigarettes (she had several packs in her purse...).

2. Kids getting so drunk he spent 2 days in bath tub, parents came home before he vacated.

3. Garbage bags of bottles in the alley.

4. Stereo noise so loud cops show up, neighbors take note, tell parents.

6. 30 cars parked in front of the house + people going in and out, smoking and drinking as they do.

7. fight in the front yard.

8. sex in the parents bed, condoms left behind (that was a good one!).

9. Parents calling looking for kid, kid drunk, folks finding out.

10. Carpet stained beyond belief from drinks, things broken.

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A female reader, Kate_2010 United Kingdom +, writes (23 May 2010):

Kate_2010 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

just to let you all know my mum isnt levaing me on my own she doest trust me! i have to stay at my friends house.

And its just my mum my dad died 4 months ago so stop saying parents

i was asking for advise not to tell me not to do it!

but thanks anyway

xxxx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010):

cancel the party, plain and simple

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010):

Hope that you're not advertising it on facebook, otherwhise she definitely will. Make sure that you leave a good twelve hours for you to clear up and open all the windows to air the house.

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A female reader, Duckyhelp United Kingdom +, writes (23 May 2010):

Duckyhelp agony aunthahaha! Your gonna get killed. It will be a disaster, my mate had an empty a few months ago, and his house got wrecked, and everyone was drunk and broke the house apart.

and now his parents dont allow his friends at the house because of what he did to THEIR house.

I say cancel before your year gets fucked up because your not trusted again.

x

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (23 May 2010):

So your mum is finally starting to trust you and be less strict, so you want to know how to show her in spectacular style that you are NOT to be trusted and she still has to treat you like a 12 year old?

This weekend away for her is a TEST to see if you can be trusted to act like an adult. If you'd passed it, your life would probably have become a lot easier with her.

But no, you are choosing to betray your own mother as soon as she gives you the tiniest hint of a chance to prove you are grown up.

Have fun being grounded over summer!! I'm sure your friends will have lots of fun with out you.

Good Luck!! xx

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A female reader, celtic_tiger United Kingdom +, writes (23 May 2010):

celtic_tiger agony auntBottom line, you shouldn't be having a party without your Mum's consent. It is her house after all. And if you go and damage anything, spill anything, she WILL know.

How do you plan to hide all the empties? Are you going to steam clean the whole house? Because alchohol smells, and is very difficult to get out.

You see a nice party where it all goes right. You have not thought about the consquences.

Are you prepared for what a house party might entail?

Drunken damage, vomit (which you will have to clean up), mess, spillage (think drink on carpet - will you be able to find ALL the spillages and make as new in just a day?), then you have all the other unsavory things that could happen. Teenagers sneaking off to have sex in your bed, your mums bed? How would you feel about that?

Music - how loud do you plan on having the music, because I tell you now, your neighbours WILL know you are having a party, and they WILL tell your parents. Then there is the issue of environmental health. If you make too much noise, they may call the council, and you could recieve a visit from police. Your parents would be informed then too.

Drugs - do any of your friends do drugs? Be careful, if the police do come round they may search. If they find drugs.... well... im sure you can guess what happens then.

What about gatecrashers? Are you prepared for those? Would you be able to control the situation if it was getting out of hand? How would you deal with a load of 20-something guys turning up, and started smashing the place up? What if they started stealing things? How do you explain missing jewllery or expensive items (TV, stereo) to your Mum?

I think what you need to understand is that your Mum is TRUSTING you to be home on your own for a weekend. She is putting her TRUST in you to behave, not make a mess, and act like a grown up. She TRUSTS you NOT to do this without her consent. And yes, legally you are too young to be drinking.

If you go ahead with this party, she will find out. Someone will tell her, or it will get back to her somehow via the grapevine. There is no way she will NOT find out. I very much doubt you would be able to have a house party and no one know. Other parents will know, and they will get chatting. Your friends will probably tell their parents, and they will assume she knows and is responsible for you.

All the TRUST she placed in you will be shattered and she will never believe you or Trust you to have the house on your own again. If you want her to give you Trust and treat you as a grown up, then you have to behave like one.

Its up to you. Can you show her that YOU can be MATURE and RESPONSIBLE??

Beacuse everything you have said in your post smacks of immaturity and lack of responsiblity. When she finds out, she will be even more strict with you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010):

Well in my opinion the truth always comes out. She'll find out sooner or later. You'll have to be very careful. But try to talk to them, tell them how much this means to you. Or ask her if a couple of your friends can come and "sleep over". Tell them that you don't want to be alone. Or ask them if they can just stay for a little while. This way this wont be a complete lie. But you have to be careful.

NightFairy

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