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Father of my child wants nothing to do with his son!

Tagged as: Online dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 March 2009) 6 Answers - (Newest, 16 March 2009)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Well I met this guy off the net and we dated on and off for about 11 months or so. We even lived together for about 4 months and at the ending of the realationship i became pregnant. He already has 2 kids and had stated on several occasions he didnt want anymore kids so I tell him I'm pregnant and he says have an abortion. ( He even lied and stated that he had a vasectomy so technically he should not be able to have children and before he left he called the unborn child at the time the miricle baby.)I thought about it but i didnt have it in me to do so. So i tell him I'm keeping it. So he says ok he would stand by me regaurdless of what decision i make. So we decide to keep it and he automatically starts saying we have to get married he does not want to have another baby out of wed-lock. And I am saying no your not ready for marriage becasue of all the issues we have had with in the realtionship that was ending before the this baby issue. He wants to meet my mom and for some reason this is a huge issue because we have argued about it several times. We end up having this huge argument i tell him i dont want to be married and he will never meet my mother. By the end of the night we have agreed to be married again but i'm still pissed off so I dont communicate with him for like 2 days and on the the 3rd day I go to see him and he says to me that he wants nothing to do with me or the baby. Thru out my pregnancy he was a straight ass to me he told me not to come around his family or him and how come i didnt understand him when he said he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby. So I had our son 2-13-2009, I was afraid to call him because he repeatedly said I want nothing to do with you or the baby but i will pay child support so file for child support and leave me alone. Well I called his mom the last day I was in the hospital and told her that I had the baby and informed her of what her son had said about not wanting any thing to do with the child and she stated that she wanting to be involved in his life and that her and her daughter would come by to see my son. well its been almost 3 weeks since she said that and they have not come nor have they called to find out if he is doing ok or what not, the baby's daddy is still saying i want nothing to do with the child he will not even look at his own son. He does not ask about him he acts as if he is not even on this earth like he has disowned his own flesh and blood. I dont want to raise my child with out his biological father and I would like for him to know his entire family. Well my question is how could a man just not want anything to do with his own child and if i should try to continue to persue a relationship with the mother since she did state that she would like to be involved in my sons life. I am really hurt by the daddy's decision to walk out or not claim my son. I am thinking his family might do the same. There are so many single parent household this day in time and i am just not willing to be part of one.

PLease help!!!!!!!!!!!!

View related questions: abortion, the internet

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009):

I feel for you. I was with my son's father for 7 years. We were engaged when I became pregnant and he wanted the child. When my son turned 1 years old I decided to end the relationship with this father because he wasn't being faithful to me. His father decided to disappear and no longer see his son or pay child support. You definitely aren't the only single parent out there and it is definitely very disappointing. The only thing you can do is take it day by day and be a strong parent for your son. If his dad doesn't want to be there that is his loss, not yours or your sons. You can do it!! I am! Good luck and stay strong!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009):

I had the same situation with my daughters father only we dated for 3 and a half years but he never wanted me to have her, he was there for the first few months while i was pregnant but he was too imature and didnt care at all about anything, i was close with his family but i didnt feel comfortable being around them when he didnt want me there and his family wasnt all that happy about the situation, i had to think about what was best for my daughter so i just pulled away from the whole family i understand this is not what you want to do but think about it, would you want your sons "father" there when he doesnt care at all about your child or would you rather give all the love and care YOU have for your child? My daughter will be 2 in november and i havent seen talked to or heard from her father or family since i was 4 months pregnant, it was very hard but i had my family there and my finace to me theres nothing more i could ask for.

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A female reader, wonderingcat United Kingdom +, writes (3 March 2009):

wonderingcat agony auntFor social reasons, yes, you would need a father for your child.

For psychological reasons, a father figure is definitely needed, and ideally it would be the biological father, but a loving step-father or b/f, or even uncle, is just as good.

For medical reasons, it is good to know the immediate family members, so that if anything happens, family medical history can be easily traced.

For financial reasons, he should be contributing something toward his son's expenses.

For your well being, you a good person to love and respect you. It may be the biological father, or a new b/f (see second paragraph above)

But for the most part, a loving and caring mother for your child is more important than just having "bodies" around him. I think you would your son to grow up in a loving environment, right?

Good luck and lots of hugs and cuddles for the baby

Cat

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A female reader, uluvme0723 United States +, writes (3 March 2009):

uluvme0723 agony auntFirst off I must start off by saying you sound a little ignorant. Being a single mother is not the end of the world. You just have no one to depend on but your self. I'm a single parent and I love it. Why would you want this man around your child if that's not his wish. You should want more for your child. If he doesn't want to be there oh well. You decided to keep the baby, so decide to man up and do what has to be done for your child. I'm going to tell you like my sister told me. Mama's baby, daddies maybe. Meaning at the end of the day no matter what that baby depends on you. Grow up.

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A male reader, dddddddd Australia +, writes (3 March 2009):

Your reaction not to get married seems very sensible as from the sounds of it neither of you really wanted to get married, it was just his answer to being pregnant.

I do wonder though, why did you say he would never meet your mother? It seems a bit strange that you would go out with him for that long and even live together yet you never introduced him to your mother. Is there a bit more to this story you've not mentioned?

It is very sad for you and your baby that he doesn't want to be involved in even a remote way. All you can do is hope he changes his mind. His family might or might not do the same - but if you want them around then at least tell them so they know (as they might think otherwise).

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A male reader, tux United States +, writes (3 March 2009):

tux agony auntWell you cannot force someone to be what they do not want to be.. You can try all you want and if you manage to force them into it, they will only do a half-butted try at it. You are going to need to let him become a father to his son on his own terms. The only thing you can do is get child support from him.

As far as his mother goes, if she wants to be part of your son's life, it may cause problems, but you need family support.. She is the child's grandmother.. I think you should go with it as long as you are not guilty or forcing her into it. The sperm donor is just going to have to live with his mother wanting to be part of her grandchild's life.

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