A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years now and it's going good except that he doesn't tell me he loves me very often. He cheated last year and we are working through this and it has definitely been very hard but we are getting there, but when we split last year over this and decided to get back together he had no problem telling me then that he loved me and wanted another chance, but now I just don't hear it. He does show me in a lot of ways but I'd like to hear the words more often, sometimes I think maybe he's confused about who he wants in life and maybe he doesn't love me as much as I think he does.I know I should be happy with the fact that he shows me he loves me more but I think it's important to tell each other too. I just don't bother saying it now because I don't want it said back to me just as a response.Sorry if this sounds a bit immature but I think there might be a problem here and I don't know what to do. He's the type of guy that doesn't talk about his feelings and is very laid back about stuff like this. He thinks its more important that he shows it.please help me, am I been ridiculous???
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all. Of course I appreciate all the ways he shows me. I know that I could be with someone who says it all the time and never shows me...... Thats obviously not what I want, and I don't want to change him. I just thought there might be somehing wrong. I'm the type who likes to say it all the time and he's the type who doesn't, I don't really mind it. I'm just insecure after he cheated and worried he doesnt feel love for me. I do know its not all in the words so I'll just accept him for the way he is.
thanks again
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all. Of course I appreciate all the ways he shows me. I know that I could be with someone who says it all the time and never shows me...... Thats obviously not what I want, and I don't want to change him. I just thought there might be somehing wrong. I'm the type who likes to say it all the time and he's the type who doesn't, I don't really mind it. I'm just insecure after he cheated and worried he doesnt feel love for me. I do know its not all in the words so I'll just accept him for the way he is.
thanks again
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (4 March 2009):
 My last ex had problems saying the L word. I stopped saying it because like you, I needed to hear it too. We later got to the bottom of his "issue" though. i.e. he was deeply hurt when his relationship of 18 years with his partner "dissolved".
We are not together anymore not because he did not say the L word, but because of more fundamental issues.
Your b/f may say it now and then when he feels like saying it, and to you, that would mean sooo much more special than him just responding to you. Having said that, I don't think it would have been that difficult for him to say the L words either .. but then ... I am also a female like you LOL
Cat
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2009): I think its good to own your feelings.
If you truly want a guy that affirms his love for you with words more often, then you need to get out of the relationship, because you cant expect your b/f to be and do something he is not!
But if you can settle for just his actions, and the occasional I love you, then you can stay with him.
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