A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm dating older guy (47), I'm 39. Things are somewhat ok. Lately, I feel neglected. It seems like all I do is play taxi/chauffer to him. All we do is go to stores and out to eat. How do I tell him I need more excitment than just going out to eat all the time, wihout hurting his feelings? We also only seem to have sex when he wants, but when I want to, he has something to do, isn't that a bit selfish? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Susan Strict  +, writes (30 May 2008):
 You mention sex and I wonder whether this is as much a sex thing as it is a "we don't go out anywhere interesting together" thing?
So let's keep it simple. If he won't, can't or simply doesn't, then it's up to you to put the spark back into the relationship. Take charge. Be forceful - not argumentative or controlling, just firm. Pick something you want to do insist that you do it together; and pick something that's going to get him going too. Perhaps something a little "different" in the bedroom. Perhaps going out to see a sexy show. Perhaps you leap on him, drag him upstairs, handcuff him to the bed and make passionate love to him! I don't know what's right for you and him, but you can find something that works for you if you think about it carefully. Excitement, sparks, passion. That's what it's all about. Find it. Arouse his desire and break the pattern before it becomes a habit that will be more difficult to change.
A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (30 May 2008):
 One suggestion is to start making plans that include more activities that you would like to do and tell him what they are in advance.
It's not really possible to tell from your information here if he's being selfish. Has his workload increased? Is he in the middle of some other project that's taking his time? I also think that you should gingerly tell him how you're feeling. They are your feelings and he may not be aware of them (we men are thick, no matter what age we are).
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A
female
reader, Gio  +, writes (30 May 2008):
Hi,we have to remember that men think different to women. Yes, men are from Mars :) . Perhaps you can take the initiative, make him think you 'are doing it for him', and plan a surprise date. Not a restaurant, but something else you would like. We can also make them have sex when we feel like it. Tell him 'you look tired, what about a massage?' rub cream on his back including the butt, and why not continue to the front of his body, yes, all of it. Unless he falls asleep (which will proof you are a good massausse) surely he will be ready for some bedroom action.Best of luck
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