A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just found out that my exboyfriend just got engaged. We've been separated for about 2 years and 6 months now. We were together for 11 years and I broke up our engagement because I got fed up with his lies and cheating. He tried to get back to me for a whole year; but then I eventually had to stop texting him and I cut all communications with him because I needed to try to move on with my live and he needed to move on with his. But, now that I found out that he is engaged again got me thinking about him. I am not sure why I feel that I left things unsaid. I felt horrible by cutting him off the way I did; but at that moment it was the only way for him to go away. I am confused now. Why do I feel like I need to see him? I want to talk to him. I want to know how he is doing? I can't stop thinking about him ever since I found out that he is engaged. Why? Is it smart to reach out to him after so long? How do I approach him?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2014): You just have regret for mismanaging a relationship that you thought its salvageable even when he contacted you the second time. You note that "I felt horrible by cutting him off the way I did; but at that moment it was the only way for him to go away.". Regrettably, it is the moment that most of the time determines the life time. Was it pride that made you want him gone? The only thing you can do is reflect on what has gone wrong and learn from that should you ever come in a similar situation.
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (26 November 2014):
 The problem with the sentence you wrote is you said you "needed to move on..... you did not say want. The problem with needing to do something is the brain took over and knew what was best for you. Unfortunately your heart was not party to the decision and hence all it took was him getting engaged and your heart has awoken to the reality of losing the man you love. He is not worth it based on what he did to you unfortunately the heart has a mind of its own. We don't choose who to fall in love it happens. 11 years invested in a relationship will never disappear and you need to accept that apart of you will always love him and you need to move on. If you think you will regret not making the one last contact to get closure, then give him a call and meet with him over coffee. Just don't go there with any expectations.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2014): You're wondering if you made a mistake breaking up with him. Maybe he was young then and he's changed. Maybe you didn't give him the chance to prove himself. Maybe she sees something in him that you took for granted. Maybe you just don't want someone else to wear your old clothes because they are yours, even if their only purpose is to stay in the closet. Whatever your feelings are, don't act on them in this case. It's not easy to cut someone off cold turkey when you are engaged and have been together for 11 years. You MUST have had very good reasons that you are now underestimating.Do not get in touch with him. Ask the people around you not to mention him to you. Do not look him up. Compelled as you may feel, don't do it. You decided it wasn't a working because it wasn't.
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A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (26 November 2014):
 Because you can't let go of the fact that you've invested 11 years into a relationship that lead to nowhere... yet within a few years of him dating another girl, he's getting engaged and soon to marry her.
Let it go.. move on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2014): Hi,it sounds to me, you are now realizing, that you are not over him, so me , you got to ask yourself, if I contact him, he might not any thing to do with you,but he might only be with her, cause he still misses you, call him, TeX him, if he wants to meet you,this might be your second chance, am still hoping my ex, who dump me two in a half years ago, would contact me, if she doesn't, I guess one day I have to settle for some one else, but in my heart, am still love her, even though am with some one else, what can it hurt, he maybe been waiting for you too, try it, good luck.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (25 November 2014):
 Please focus on THIS....which you wrote: "...I needed to try to move on with my live (life) and he needed to move on with his...."
Soooooo, now, he's "moved on with his"... and it's incumbent upon YOU to do the same thing. Don't spend another moment of mental energy thinking about this...
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 November 2014):
 "He lied and cheated on me", keep telling yourself this over and over again anytime you get that urge to talk to him. Do not give into this whim. It will pass.
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A
male
reader, lifesgreat  +, writes (25 November 2014):
OK so this is the first time you have felt like this since splitting up with him.
Simple in your head you are just thinking what if? or why?
also you forced yourself to cut ties with him and also him with you.
deep down you know what he is like so you know it isnt worth it.
Give it a few weeks and you will be over it , just do not approach him it will make things awkward and difficult
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