A
female
age
26-29,
*ySweetheart9113
writes:Ok, so I've been with this guy for the past year, he's everything I've wanted in a man and the one I want to spend my life with, at least that's what I thought. I lost my virginity to him and have lived with him off and on since we got together. We were getting along great until may, he left for trucking school and was gone for three months. During the time he was gone I had several anxiety attacks, worrying if he was going to find someone better than me or someone that's prettier than I am. I've always had a low self-esteem because of my weight and being abused when I was younger along with other events in my life. I thought it was getting better until recently when he got upset over me saying something to him when we were out with friends and he told me that he misses the girl he fell in love with and he wishes he could have her back. He wasn't supposed to be gone as long as he was but the school wouldn't let him come home. I feel bad because I still kinda hold it against him and now it's gotten to where when he does certain things they aggravate me so bad and I don't know why, it's things that I've never had a problem with, I need help but I don't know what to do...can someone help me save my relationship?
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female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (3 September 2014):
 Hi, the problem appears not be the relationship and it appears your insecurities is the major problem. You need to learn to love yourself and secondly not make your life centre around a relationship. You need to have friends, start working (if not already employed), go to the gym, spend time with family. The reason I suggest you have a life it will help you regain your confidence and stop obsessing in your spare time about what your BF is up to. Try and improve yourself, like studying and working but do it for yourself and the fact that you want to be strong and be a better you.
I was at one stage a very insecure person (childhood issues) but I wanted to stop being a victim and started to work on myself and all it took was building a career and becoming independent and not needing someone in my life but wanting the right person for me (notice the difference need vs want). Also stop fighting and making yourself miserable, this is a sure way to destroy a relationship. Men want to come home to warm loving reception and not one where they have defend their where abouts. The change needs to come from you.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 September 2014):
 How do you save it?
YOU realize that these issues are YOURS, for YOU to work on. He can't fix your insecurities and he shouldn't in the sense that, YOU need to REST within yourself.
It's not his JOB to constantly make sure you don't freak out and it's not his JOB to constantly tell you he isn't looking elsewhere.
YOU need to learn how to trust. Yourself and him.
Trust yourself that you ARE good enough. And Trust him, that he KNOWS this.
So when he is gone LEARN to be comfortable with yourself, HAVE a life with work, family, friends and hobbies.
As for him missing the girl you USED to be, well do you really blame him? Don't YOU miss her? The girl who didn't freak out? I don't think he said it to hurt your feelings, but he wanted to be honest with you and YOU both need honesty for this relationship to work.
My husband served in the Army, would be gone for schools, training, deployments for days, months and twice little over a year. I could not "afford" (emotionally and mentally ) to fall apart because he wasn't there. Neither can you. YOUR whole world and life CAN NOT just revolve around BEING with this (or any) guy. IT needs to revolve around YOU.
WORK on your self confidence. If you can't do it alone, look into a counselor/therapist. Maybe it HAS to do with your childhood if so, your BF can definitely NOT fix it, a therapist can give you the tools to work on it.
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