A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am quite shy and not a big talker. I’m also (I think) thoughtful and an excellent listener. I seem to get along well with extroverted women who talk enough for the both of us and appreciate my attentiveness. I’ve had a few relationships (lasting 2~5 years each) in the past and I think this dynamic was the same in all of them. I don’t go searching for women who fit this description, it just seems to be a common theme in my relationships. Anyway... Recently I have a new girlfriend and things have been going well I think. The problem I have is that I’m struggling to keep up with her texting and stuff. My phone is going off every few minutes. I’m happy I’m on her mind but I feel exhausted trying to keep up. I don’t want her to feel like she’s talking to a brick wall so I’ve been trying hard to talk back most of the time. She’s on my mind too, I just don’t understand how someone can have so many things to say... And then there’s social media. Every few months or so I post a photo on social media but I basically don’t use it at all. Meanwhile she’s sending me links to things every few hours. I feel like I should be sending things back but I scroll for hours trying to find things she might like and all I can find is mean jokes and weird stuff.To summarize, I do like all the attention. But I’m worried that she is going to get tired of my low rate of replies. When we are together, I feel like everything goes perfectly. But sometimes I think about forgetting my phone at home on purpose just so I can have a break from all the texts and stuff.I have had the same problem in my previous relationships. It’s not really the first thing that comes to mind when I think of why those relationships didn’t work, but I think it was a part of it. Am I wrong to worry about this? Has anyone had similar problems? Should I be doubling my efforts to become a social media butterfly? Should I just be me and hope she accepts it? Am I falling for the wrong kind of women?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2019): Well done, how refreshing a person who is awake to real life. Your struggle is with staying in reality. While people are so busy texting every hour of every day, they can not be participating in their real life. Unfortunately the progression of technology is taking on it's own intelligence and sucking the human race along with it. Don't get me wrong, technology is fantastic and progression is the natural order, but it's not natural to live by technology alone. What ya gonna do if the wheels ever stop turning? do some of these very young phone facebook addicts even know true human connections, do they understand body language? do they even think for themselves? Some of us dinosaurs have a pretty good idea where we are heading and heading fast. Stay awake, stay alert, use your own mind, be creative, stay true to you, nothing wrong with your tech engagementlevel.Forget the social media butterfly and be a free butterfly.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2019): Relationships are give and take. If you have to change significantly or have to change the other person to make it work; that means you're incompatible.
That's why you're exhausted. Of course, you enjoy being with her; but if she's in her 30's, she needs to dial-it back a bit. She's not a teenage school-girl! There's nothing wrong with people who love spending a lot of time on their phones and devices. They are better-off dating people who like doing what they do.
You may be shy, but you're also a grown-man. You may submit to and date women who talk a blue-streak; but do you notice the fact you're no longer with them?
Our modern-society has a tremendous problem with being honest or straight with the people they date or marry. They go from one extreme to another. From rudely blunt, and unfiltered; to being mealy-mouthed, or telling people what they want to hear. Turning themselves inside out to please another person who really has very little in-common; but happens to be too pretty or handsome to take a pass, to seek a better match.
Let her know you're not as media-savvy or as much into texting as she is. You would prefer her company in-person; or phone-chats. Then make sure to let her know what time is best. Let her know that you can't keep-up. If she dumps you for that; then that would be childish/stupid. Otherwise, you're going to dump her anyway. You're writing a post, because you're on the brink of doing just that! She's being over-possessive of your attention, and running you ragged!
You have to be yourself with people; fine-tune or adjust your social-skills; but you don't try to transform yourself into someone you're not! That's exactly why relationships don't progress, or last. People trying to force bad-matches to work. Pretending to be what people want them to be; instead of being who they really are.
Be the man in your relationship. You should let your love-interests know who you really are; and let her form her feelings for the sweet-guy you truly are. Not what she's trying to mold you into being. You will start to feel like a robotic-android. Walking, talking, and behaving as programmed. I'll tell you this; you'll feel more like a piece of property, than a man. Like a trained lap-dog, or a trick-pony!
Yes, you do have to be interesting, attentive, and speak-up; to let her know she's not alone, or talking to herself!!!
Practice, practice, practice! Push yourself a little.
People who bombard you with text messages and IM's all the day long are often immature and/or insecure. They need constant reassurance, minute to minute contact, and keeping track of your every move throughout the day. They don't want to let you get away! You'll get so saturated and inundated with their persistent rain of contact; you will throw-up your hands and end-it!
Let her know she needs to just slow-down the messaging. You're really not that into it. If she doesn't understand that, then she's the wrong woman. She will be gone by self-elimination anyway; because she'll drive you away! You won't be able to be pretentious; and keep-up the facade you're into all that messaging and social media stuff! You're not!
If you won't grow the nuggets to be honest; she'll drive you away, and you won't have the nerve to tell her why. You'll end-up ghosting her, and that would be cruel. She's trying to keep you so into her, you won't have time to think.
Never be a fake or a phony to make people like you. Be yourself. If you have bad-habits or social-awkwardness; that's what you should work on. Not by trying to become a chatty social media bot to keep her entertained.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (9 February 2019):
 I honestly am NOT a big texter (or caller). Most of the texts I send to my husband are please pick up some milk (or whatever) on your way home. Or to let him know the kids have friends over. I text my kids if they have to take the school bus home (instead of getting picked up) or to answer their texts. I don't have many conversations over text, I guess I prefer to actually TALK to someone.
I don't do Facebook or Instagram either. Ever. My husband does. My kids too. I just don't have a huge need to air all my laundry good or bad online. And I don't really give a single fuck what other people post. My BIL is BIG on social media and is pretty much attached to his phone but I have seen all the drama THAT causes... lol And honestly? I like to have things to talk about when I meet people. Linking "inspirational quotes" and inane crap is just pointless to me. Others just devour that... So each to their own.
I think singinbluebird have some really good ideas as to how you can AVOID feeling you HAVE to text constantly and still give her attention she obviously crave.
I also think it would be a good idea to let her know at SOME POINT soon that you are just not that big into texting, but big into her. I think being honest about it is the best way to go.
Changing yourself into someone you are NOT will not help at all. That will just being you being fake.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2019): I'm doubting the post on hey babe blah blah see you Friday will cut it .. but you do need space.. I like texting .. I do text my husband he works so he texts me at lunch or calls for 10 mins whatever he does is fine .. we do have big gaps of non text like 4 to 5 hours and that too is fine .. I think what you need is a lil routine .. say a couple text at lunch time .. one to say your home ..couple after dinner then a big break till you ask how your night was and say goodnight
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (8 February 2019):
 As a female who rarely if ever texts/call people, I feel your pain. I don't understand people who constantly need be communication every few hours, esp if there are plans to see each other soon already.
My advice is communicate. Tell her how you are and how best for you both meet each others need without feelimg neglect or overburden. Say things such as
"Hey today is a really busy day for me at work but I want you to know your on my mind and I can't wait see you Friday. "
"It's going be busy week for me but I'm so excited see x movie with you on Sat and see that beautiful smile. "
"Hey thanks for sharing those links, I can't get to it now but actually Id love it if we can look at them together because I think that'll be awesome. Have great day, babe. "
Women will swoon at all these texts. It directly communicates you are a busy (high demand quality guy ) and dont want text all day but you love And enjoy her and anticipate seeing her. You also imply how wonderful she makes you feel.
These are all ways for her feel secure, wanted, attractive and any healthy quality woman will allow you space to do your thing then come back to her when your ready.
Good luck ??
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