A
male
age
26-29,
*immo88
writes:After a wild weekend away with my FWB she won't talk to me and has gone completely cold. I don't get why though. She seemed to love every second of it.We’d known each other for years as acquaintances but both had messy break ups last year and have been seeing each other casually since September. Really just being friends with benefits is what we both wanted and to be honest, needed. A bit of fun with no strings and no commitment. And to be honest, it’s the best sex either of us have ever had. We both have similar kinky fantasies and are pretty much up for trying anything in the bedroom.We hadn’t seen each other at all over Christmas so decided to spend this past weekend together at a hotel. Really all it centred around was junk food, booze, sex and Netflix. We both have really high sex drives so I took a Cialis to avoid any ‘performance issues’ and in all honesty, I lost count of the amount of times we did it over the weekend. We even got so turned on we filmed bits of it. It was a fantastic couple of days and I couldn’t wait to hook up with her again. The feeling seemed to be mutual as well.However first thing Monday morning she told me she’d deleted the videos we made (They were all on her phone). I didn’t mind about that. I kind of assumed she felt we might have gone a bit too far. I told her it was absolutely fine but since then she’s just been completely off with me. Usually we WhatsApp all the time but over the past few days she’s been taking ages to respond to messages and only sending me one word answers. I asked if she was OK and she just said ‘yeah’. A few hours later I asked if I’d done something wrong and she didn’t respond. I’m worried I’ve really upset her somehow and have been wracking my brains about it. But honestly I can’t think of anything at all I could’ve done. We left the hotel on Sunday hand in hand and kissed goodbye when I dropped her home. She seemed absolutely fine.I really don’t get it. Any ideas?
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christmas, cialis, friend with benefits, sex drive Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2020): We get your side of it; but not hers. Let's hope you're perceptive enough to notice when things get a little dicey.
You still didn't explain how he's still had access to her by phone and social media up until recently.
It's really neither here nor there. Enjoy your FWB deal! Apparently you don't read DC that much. It's usually the women who get emotional and catch feelings. They hold-on waiting to see if anything changes; or they are confused by the mixed-signals. Hoping you'll get hooked and attached over time. She wants a return for her investment!
I speak from the place of experience, and you've yet to learn. Men who think with their penises (just having fun) usually learn things the hard-way, when it comes to women! They're much more complex and shrewder than you think!
A
male
reader, Simmo88 +, writes (10 January 2020):
Simmo88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys, thanks again for your input.
FAO – WiseOwl: Let me assure you she definitely does not want her ex back. He found out through mutual friends that we were seeing each other and if you’d read the messages he sent her you’d be disgusted (She showed me all of them). Honestly the man is a completely vile excuse for a human being and it looked as if he just wanted to be horrible to her for the sake of being horrible, purely because he’s still bitter that she dumped him over his behaviour.
As far as me and her go, I don’t want anyone to think I’m just using her. That’s most definitely not true and I would never do that. This is completely mutual and she’s more than happy with the way things are between us. At the end of the day we’re just two 24-year olds enjoying being young and free. We’ve both just gotten out of relationships with people who treated us like dirt on the bottom of their shoe. Like I said her ex cheated on her multiple times and spent way too much time binge drinking with his friends than with her. My ex was paranoid, controlling and manipulative and tried to dictate every aspect of my life. Imagine giving years of your life to someone who continually slept around or with someone who secretly tracked you everywhere you went because she was that paranoid? Even though you'd been nothing but loving and loyal to her.
We’re just putting ourselves first for once, and we’re both loving it. We always play safe as well. In terms of the future who knows? Maybe this will lead to more. I do really enjoy spending time with her and we have a laugh together but as of this moment neither of us want that ‘relationship’ tag. We’re happy being FWB’s for now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2020): Word of caution. She explained it was about her ex. If you know anything about women, you get only what's on the surface; but you might have to dig deeper to find-out what lies beneath it.
They also expect you to be a mind-reader; and might expect you to figure things out without explanation. I suspect she is growing feelings. Frustrated that all she can get from you is sex. Meanwhile, she probably tried to get her ex back. Somehow, he's caught wind of your alliance, and gave her a peace of his mind. His perceived presence will spark a competition. "My ex is jealous, so what are you going to do about that?" Her ex thinks you're being an opportunist and just using her, and taking advantage of her vulnerabilities. He doesn't care if it's true or not.
Why can he still contact her after all this time, if they broke-up last-year??? Why does he even care what she's doing, and with whom??? How did he find-out if it's secret just between the two of you?
If he's somehow back in the picture, just blocking him on social media doesn't paralyze him physically. Watch your back, that dude sounds totally pissed!
Sex is great between FWBs; but bear this in-mind. Women are emotionally-detached from the act of sex only but for so long. They grow tired of being used and objectified. Women and men do not think entirely alike. We are human, and share the same kind of emotions and feelings; but the thought-processes of the opposite-sexes are gender-specific. You only know what it is to be a man; and she only knows what it is to be a woman. It's nowhere the same!
The time will come, when she will want more. I hope you will let-go and stop using her body. I believe there is more to all this than she is admitting to. I think the things her ex said also struck a nerve; and she may have developed a different perspective on your arrangement.
Think with you larger-head, not just with your penis. Try to feel with your heart somewhat, not just below the waist. The placebo-effect of casual-sex begins to wear-off; and there will come a time when she will need something real that satisfies her needs in more ways than just sexually.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (10 January 2020):
 Glad you got sorted out, OP
Maybe it's not a bad thing to consider this girl might be more than a good shag?
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A
male
reader, Simmo88 +, writes (9 January 2020):
Simmo88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Guys, thanks for your thoughts.
Finally heard back from her and it's all sorted. Apparently her ex found out we'd been seeing each other and sent her loads of really foul, abusive messages about it. He called her a 'slag' among other things although I don't know how he's got the nerve to say anything because he cheated on her multiple times when they were together so is the male equivalent, if not worse.
It just put her in a really bad and upsetting mood and made her question it all but I told her we were doing absolutely nothing wrong and she eventually agreed, promptly blocking her ex on every platform imaginable. She's invited me to hers this weekend to pick up where we left off so everything is rosy!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2020): "I lost count of the amount of times ..We even got so turned on we filmed bits of it" And the booze .. That's the stuff you do with a keeper, a wife -- not a FWB. She sobered up and is embarrassed,, buyers remorse.. She was brought up by parents who instilled in her not to do all of the above.
FWB rule book, no porn stars like kinky stuff. Missionary once, cowgirl once -- go home.
Back in the 70's I had a few FWB crazy nights. The next day I felt embarrassed. Thought - hope I never see her again. But a month later we would usually hook up again. So she'll probably be back. And learn to make a freaking omelet. My best pickup lines involved omelets.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2020): If you said you left each other on good terms then I wouldn't worry about whether or not you did anything to upset her. You yourself should know and be confident enough to work that one out.
In my opinion it points to five different options:
1. She feels embarrassed and awkward about how far you both went sexually I.E. filming each other and doesn't want to face you out of pure embarrassment.
2. She's having second thoughts about this 'arrangement' you have and wants to call it a day
3. She does in fact want MORE from you and has developed genuine loving feelings for you.
4. She might be pregnant and in shock.
5. There's someone else in the picture I.E. she's met someone new or has been talking to her ex.
I'd wager a pretty penny on it being one of them. Either way just give her space for a few days before contacting her again. Start with a message but don't be too forward, just ask her how she is. If she leaves you hanging again then call her to find out what's going on.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (9 January 2020):
 She may want more.
Or she may have met someone else.
Or shes busy with work, a project or etc.
If you continue to press, she may dissapear altogether.
Wait a few more days or week then ask again for clarification.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 January 2020):
She might want more?
Pregnancy scare?
She is no longer interested in an FWB. The whole point is to be a short term "fill in" between relationship. This FWB has already been going on for 4 months.
You make a LOT of presumptions in your post as to what she feels and wants. She MIGHT have wanted NSA in the beginning, but that doesn't mean it hasn't changed. She might not have told you because SHE presumes you can tell or know.
I think the BEST thing you can do is ask her if she wants to meet up for coffee and talk. If you ONLY want FWB then be honest, if she wants more, LET her go.
There is no way of knowing what is going on for sure. But.. I'd wager she has either met someone else or.. changed her mind, as in, she has caught feelings for you.
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