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... Send *omany a private message | | | *omany's profile:Hi, I'm Romany, 42 from the UK, I run my own business, from home, have 2 children, and 2 grandsons. Before I tell you why I love helping here on Dear Cupid, can I just say, this is not a dating site, I am not looking for a partner, So please do not contact me with personal details of yourself, or asking for mine, what is below is all I'm prepared to disclose. Thankyou, and sorry for that ickle rant.
I was asked what qualifies me to help people? nothing, just life lessons, and I've had alot, Pregnant at 17, Married for 13 years to childhood sweetheart who was in RAF at 8 month pregs, 2 kids by 19, cheated on 3 times, before I cheated back, with one guy for 18 months, then finally left him few years later, taking my children and running far far away, at aged 30, (for the safety of my children) We moved 8 times in as many months, cos he kept finding us.
Became bankrupt, coz I stopped working as my children got involved with unsavoury characters, they needed me and several hours of counselling, then just as things become enjoyable, my mum died.
A year later when my children were 18 and 17, and both had settled, and had become well rounded young adults. I had a mental breakdown, that was 7 years ago now, lost 8 months of my life, now I suffer with clinical depression, which I have pretty much controlled through medication, and agrophobia, which is also somewhat under control.
I have learnt to become compassionate despite the pit falls, sometimes too compassionate, but I've also learnt how to fight.
I was single for a few years after marriage breakup, and since then I've had a few long term relationships, been cheated on, and also cheated, been used, never been loose tho, and never had one night stands, Also was a mistress for 2.5 years(mainly cos of fear of attachment and committment, plus he was gorgeous and stirred things that have been dead in me for years) I regret being a mistress, and I feel guilty as hell toward his wife, we only ended because he started an affair with her best friend, and apparently this is the 3rd best friend he has done this with, but It was a blessing it ended, I wasn't really stable for relationship, I fell for him big time, but it taught me alot about heartbreak and healing.
Currently I'm single, but dating. I want the whole romance story, fall in love and live happily ever after, I wont settle for anyone though, and I dont believe that you have to fight tooth and nail to make a relationship work, if it works it works, if it dont, get out, you will survive. I also believe that if you think you've met your soul mate, but the other aint feeling it, then it aint right, move on, because I'm a big believer,that if its meant to be, it will be, fate will bring you back together someday.
I answer all questions, genuinely and sincerely, I really want to help you to find some resolution to your problems.
As for what makes me tick, my family, my friends, I surround myself with those I love, I'm quite content with my lot.
Oh, and In life I'm quiet, but on here I type alot, and use more words than neccessary. lol.
Romany. |
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Love him or "in love" with him?
Q. Well my boyfriend and i been dateing for almost 3 months now. he tells me he loves me, and i tell him i love him back. but im not sure if i really do. i know i like him and i care about him so much, but in love with him no. or am i just confused ? ...
A. 4 November 2010: If you have to question if your in love with him, then your not in love with him.
You may just be in love with the idea of being in love.... (read in full...)
Is it selfish of me to want more when she says she wants just friendship?Or is she playing games with me?
Q. Hi, There are two parts to this question, but they are really both of the same question: 1) I have been friends with a girl for about a year. We started off as casual acquaintances, then got closer. She says I am a dear friend to her. She is ...
A. 4 November 2010: First off, your not being selfish, you developed feelings, that is something that you had no control over, but you do have control of seeing her, you need to tell her that you've developed these feelings and you know how she feels about you, only ... (read in full...)
What are the rules when taking a relationship break and for how long?
Q. Me and my boyfriend are taking a break. We've been together for 9 months but lately I was getting mad to often because I didn't understand why he was acting the way he was. Although I wasn't screaming at him, I was only talking to him about it....
A. 4 November 2010: I personally think that he has asked for a break as he needs to sort his head out, not a hidden signal that the relationship is at an end and how long that takes is like asking how long is a piece of string.
I'd not MAKE any contact with him, as h... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship and now she won't see you!
Q. You're a 34yr old guy and you've been seeing a soon-to-be 19yr old for 7 months. She's only met three of your friends (who were from out of town and spoke no english) and that was months ago, she understands when you tell them you're her tutor. You ...
A. 24 September 2010: I'm sorry to hear that, its not good to have these sorts feelings, your obviously are very unhappy, and certainly not getting what you should be getting from a relationship.
Not all relationships are plain sailing, however a partner should enha... (read in full...)
Is thick and yellow normal for cum?
Q. When I perform oral sex on my man, I noticed when he cum in my mouth, it is thick and yellowish. When I go to spit it out, I gag every time. Have any male experienced this? Can anyone tell me what this could be? It looks like old mucus....
A. 24 September 2010: According to a website that I'm privvy to, Semen is cloudy white, and sperm is yellow/beige in colour and jelly like. So sometimes large quantities of sperm if ejacualation hasn't taken place in a long while can appear yellowish
However this said... (read in full...)
Do guys pay attention to how fat or skinny we are when we have sex with them?
Q. Hello! All my life (or at least a majority of it) I've been self-conscious about my body because I have a lot of body hair, small breasts, and have a little pudge (not fat but just a little belly). Well up until just recently, I've thought of how ...
A. 24 September 2010: I used to hate my stretch marks after having babies, my ex thought they were fantastic, cos they felt nice and were part of me!!!! Go figure!!...
He likes you, and he likes everything about you, and no flaw will make a difference, and if he did,... (read in full...)
Are older men better lovers?
Q. Is it true that older men make better lovers, due to experience?...
A. 24 September 2010: why 40-50? ... (read in full...)
Why do I still talk to him, see him and listen to his crap?
Q. I met and dated this guy when I was 22. I truly fell for him and a few weeks later found out he had a girlfriend. We were always off and on regardless because i wanted to be with him. He always had girlfriends but never could choose to be with me ...
A. 22 September 2010: I may be bang off the mark, but a few years ago, my mate who had been in same situation, finally bagged the man she'd been with on and off with 7 years, my mate was engaged and her long time fwb also had someone, he couldn't stand it when she set ... (read in full...)
His love for his mistress ruined our marriage!
Q. Hi guys I am 37 years and have been married with my husband for 14 years. About 3 years ago he cheated on me with another woman and the relationship lasted a long time because of his drinking and drug abuse. He left me in 2009 to move in with her ...
A. 22 September 2010: eyeswideopen is spot on, change direction celebrate your freedom, your life has been taken up with drama for so long, you think its normal, none of what you have told us is right, getting drunk together, fighting, gettin him out of jail, you have 2 ... (read in full...)
Should I dump my boyfriend for this guy?
Q. well i have this boyfriend and we just started going out.. and he is a good looking guy.. but at my job i have this fine ass dude that works there and he wanna take me out to lunch but i know how i am i would do something that might hurt my ...
A. 22 September 2010: Well, I dont think your ready to be anyones girlfriend, if you 'know what your like', and you can't trust yourself, then you shouldn't be in a relationship.
End things with your boyfriend, he deserves a woman who can be around a 'fine assed guy'... (read in full...)
Why does he always have his bags packed?
Q. why does my boyfriend always have his bags packed? and when I asked he says thought you might need your space! or maybe i you don't want me here. Then he comes back in and say's "if I'm not welcome her I would like to know instead of you avoiding...
A. 22 September 2010: Perhaps he is worried about out staying his welcome, perhaps he has been made in previous relationships to feel like he was not given them space, or perhaps he is trying to avoid being rejected by getting in their first.
Till you really speak to h... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship and now she won't see you!
Q. You're a 34yr old guy and you've been seeing a soon-to-be 19yr old for 7 months. She's only met three of your friends (who were from out of town and spoke no english) and that was months ago, she understands when you tell them you're her tutor. You ...
A. 22 September 2010: Not unless she tells him outright, because she hasn't been upfront all along.
He introduced her to friends who spoke no English, and as his tutor, kicks herself for him taken her virginity, all of which, she has allowed him to do/have. Does he have... (read in full...)
Can you still have your period even if you are pregnant?
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for four months and one month i didn't have my period but the beginning of the next month i had it but i still have the feeling that im pregnant. can you have your period even being pregnant?...
A. 20 September 2010: Hi,
Xanthic thats not altogether true, there is an implantation bleed that some women have, implantation bleeds happens about 10-12 days after the egg is fertislised, and it is possible to have a positive pregnancy result, before the impl... (read in full...)
Is the loyal boyfriend thing an act to keep her with him so he can mess around on the side with people like me?
Q. Hello :) Ok, well a guy i know, who but what people have told me has a bit of a reputation, has been sending innapropriate texts to me and a few other people, sexual ones. He has a gf and from seeing photos of him and her, and her family etc... ...
A. 20 September 2010: He is more likely putting the act on for his girlfriend, and the real him is the philandering knob jockey that calls you and others looking for some extra cream on his cracker!!!
Unfortuntely he isn't a rarity, you'll meet lots more like him on your... (read in full...)
Why would he lie about having a girlfriend and why is he so persistant on keeping me in his life?
Q. a guy I've been talking to for 4 months lied to me about having a girlfriend,even though I asked him specifically if this girl was. we're only "friends" but we do have an intamate relationship.. when i found out i told him i didnt want to be his ...
A. 20 September 2010: It does look like he likes you, but he hasn't been prepared to change his current situation, and no doubt he has some fabulous excuse, but the bottom line is, for the last 4 months he's cheated both you women, and turned you into the other woman, ... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't shower or brush his teeth as often as he should, what should I do?
Q. I love my husband very much but lately, there are some things I just can oversee. I mean is there a nice way to tell the man you love that he always has very bad breath... he could forget to brush his teeth for a couple of days, and showers ...
A. 16 September 2010: Well, I dont know what to advise you, as I think i'm a bit tactless on things like this, coz i know i would just tell him as it is, and it would probably be harsh, but the way i'd look at is, telling him the truth would be better and easier than ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's mother dislikes me!
Q. im stuck in an awful situation and really dont know what to do. iv been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now and i love him more than anything, but his mother has taken a disliking to me for no reason. she has never really liked me ever since ...
A. 16 September 2010: Hiya,
ahhhh, this takes me back, my ex husbands mum made it hell for me, or at least for the first few years anyway.
It upset me at first to be honest, but one day, and I can't remember what it was that triggered my ability to not give a rats ars... (read in full...)
Should I stay in contact with him, even though he's married?
Q. I'm a 21 y.o who recently met this gorgeous 41 y.o guy in a band when they played live, after we briefly met, i got in touch with him through myspace and he replied saying that he really liked me though he was married. Anyway, a few weeks passed and ...
A. 16 September 2010: No cut all ties, he is married, and is about to become a father, regardless of whether you want anything serious or not, you have to think about your role in destroying a family if she was to find out.
If you dont have any contact, sexual tens... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's dad fancies me!
Q. Hello, I am in a right pickle, I have been with my partner for 2 years now, we have lost 2 babies and we live together. Lately it has been hard for us and we didn't no whether we should end the relationship, but I dot want to just stay in the...
A. 16 September 2010: Your not going to like this, but i'm gonna say it anyway, its wrong wrong wrong.
You dont want to hurt your boyfriend, but ending with him and getting with his dad wouldn't just hurt him, it'll destroy him!.
End it with him if your not happy, g... (read in full...)
A bad time in the a relationship for the nice guy
Q. hey all i want to ask a very diffacult question i am 18 and my gf is 15 turning 16 she is might be pregenet with anothers man kid hu doesnt belive her and since i love her i will take the kid as my own but everytime she gos to guys house to talk ...
A. 15 September 2010: hmmm, this seems very complicated, she is or might be? she is going to ex's, and then gets aggressive toward you.
She may just be worried sick bout being pregnant, so first thing should be to buy pregnancy test, you can get one at Tesco or Asda for ... (read in full...)
What makes a guy shy?
Q. 1. would a shy guy ring a girl and ask her out?? or hes too shy to do that?? 2. what make guys shy??? 3. what if you like a shy guy and you think he likes you too..but hes not making any move?? what should the girl do?? thnx..xx...
A. 15 September 2010: I'm not a shy guy, but many moons ago, i was fairly shy,
1. I would not have rang guy and asked him out, I would have been far too shy.
2. I was shy coz i had no confidence, and was afraid of rejection when it came to guys.
3. If I real... (read in full...)
My wife is driving me crazy! advice please!
Q. My wife is driving me crazy. I love her so much but she is the most stubborn woman on earth. We met, fell in love, got married. Everything was perfect. Now, with the stress of my job, her starting nursing school again, oh and us getting pregnant. ...
A. 15 September 2010: wow, She's 7 months along, and in school, and you do some household chores, FOR HER!!!! and sometimes she thanks you.....You work, she study's, she's pregnant, your baby, stop whining and get on with it, for goodness sake, This mind frame never ... (read in full...)
Dating a military man
Q. I would really appreciate any advice I can get on this matter because I really need to decide what I should do about my RAF boyfriend and I. I am beginning to realise how hard it is to be involved with a military man after dating him for 4 months...
A. 15 September 2010: I was married to a bloke in the RAF for 15 years, and compared to the Army, RAF dont see much action, but that depends on what his trade is, I dont think his actions are to do with being in the forces personally.
At your age I was also on the dati... (read in full...)
I slapped the man I love!
Q. I slapped the man I adore to death this weekend when I was drunk, well we were both drunk. He now doesn't want to speak or talk to me. I clearly don't want this, what should I do? A bit of back round on us. Him and I have been on and off for over...
A. 8 September 2010: Dont usually disagree with you Tennisstar, and i still agree with a majority of what you say here, but i got to say, bitch slapping anyone aint on, and bitch slapping a man is foolish, I taught my daughter, never hit anyone, unless your prepared to ... (read in full...)
I slapped the man I love!
Q. I slapped the man I adore to death this weekend when I was drunk, well we were both drunk. He now doesn't want to speak or talk to me. I clearly don't want this, what should I do? A bit of back round on us. Him and I have been on and off for over...
A. 8 September 2010: Confused, you slapped him the weekend, now he wont speak to you, but you saw his last night to get your stuff and you slept together.
If you slept together, he's already on his way to forgiving you, and you never did explain why you slapped ... (read in full...)
How do I get over feeling duped?
Q. My wife and I have been married for 10 years. When we first started living together she expressed her dislike for certain things in bed. She said she didn't care for sex toys, porn, and oral sex, among other things. We have a healthy sex life, ...
A. 8 September 2010: Ermmm, You've kind of missed the point,
Her EX, the MAN SHE HATES.
This is so typical a male ego thing, you think that the ex husband has had it better!!! coz she was weak willed and for 20 years she did things that she dint enjoy, which made her... (read in full...)
Is he thinking of impregnating me?
Q. My boyfriend confuses me again and again...I am 20 and he is 36. We've been dating more than half a year. When it comes to sex, we use the pull-out method. From the first, he stated that he wanted no kids. I shrugged it off since I'm young and ...
A. 8 September 2010: Many a true word said in jest.........
If you dont want kids, then I'd think about getting myself to the clinic, and getting some protection, Why aren't you on any anyway, you do know the withdrawal method is not failproof, infact I dont know what... (read in full...)
Is there any way that you can make someone want you?
Q. I know this may sound silly but ive seen it happen before and i jsut wondered if there was a chance, is there any way that you can make someone want you after they've said they dont. I know that does kinda answer itself as a big NO but theres so...
A. 8 September 2010: Caring Guy is exactly right.
It may be the case that he is a little attracted to you, but he has made the decision that he doesn't see you as girlfriend material, and yeah, maybe a few months down the road, he may change his mind, same way you may ... (read in full...)
I told him about my past sexual abuse now he is distant!
Q. I recently told my lover about sexual abuse in my past (my lover lives abroad), this stemmed from an arguement we had when I completely freaked out about something that he did. And I felt it was only right that I should tell him what had happened ...
A. 8 September 2010: Hi Dorothea,
I too have been here, I have had many instances in my previous relationships where i have told partners about my past, and they too have appeared to chilled, however a majority of cases is because they are 'dealing' with it. When some... (read in full...)
How do I ask my girlfriend if we can have sex?
Q. I am only 20, yet I've not had sex with my girlfriend before. I want to but I need to know how to say it in order not to be turned down. How do I go about this? I need help....
A. 8 September 2010: Theres no magic words to get a woman into bed, only lies and broken promises, but they're only done by men who are nasty, selfish and have no respect for themselves or others.
You've not mentioned how long you've been in relationship with your girl... (read in full...)
She is now taking my communication as my weakness.
Q. Me and my wife are in early 40s. I met her 2 years ago. I have been through one divorce before and my marriage lasted 5 1/2 years. My wife has been through 2 divorces before she met me and both her marriages lasted approx a year. I have a son from ...
A. 7 September 2010: Hiya, I'm gonna be completely honest, cos I'm not the greatest one for big clever words and such like, so i'm just gonna say it, this woman obviously has some personality/mental issues, mega bad ones and I'd be thankful that she left me.
Your tryi... (read in full...)
He left me then why he did not disconnect the phone?
Q. my fionce told me he dont want to be with me any more. also he told me he dont love me any more and i have to follow my life. after that he did not called me , email me . even i did not see him online. may be he deleted my id. i could no see him ...
A. 6 September 2010: He has probably not got round to it, he has been blatently honest with you, he's not given you any contact, and I know you would desperately like some sign that he is thinking of you, I truly think he has just forgotten, or not gotten round to it.
H... (read in full...)
I'm in love and confused...
Q. Ok, so how can this man I love so much, hold me and at his own will profess all his love and caring and say how happy we are together and couldnt imagine life without me, suddenly just a little bit later same day insult me? Help, I am confused!...
A. 6 September 2010: Hmmmm, its a difficult one, as you've not given us much info, can you tell us more, coz just with what you say, I'm sorry to say, but It could be a bit of the 'kiss kiss slap' routine of a controlling man going on here, They start with lulling you ... (read in full...)
How do I let go of him...?
Q. How do I get over my ex boyfriend? He has made it clear that he doesn't want to be with me due to issues we've had in the past but everytime he looks at me, I know he still has strong feelings for me. And this is making it hard for me to let go. I ...
A. 6 September 2010: Thats good advice by LLindy, and I'd just like to agree with her that he wouldn't have been so blatent about not wanting to be with you if he dint mean it.
I'm really sorry your going through this, its pants int it, but I find the best way of gett... (read in full...)
Confidence with girls and in general.
Q. Hi well im 15 soon to be 16 years old and i was wondering if you could offer any tips i sort of lack confidence with girls because although they say im good looking, but i can get really shy, but in general ive had problems with my self esteem as ...
A. 5 September 2010: Right now then, let me tell you bout the 'popular' lot i went to school with, out of the main 8, 2 are dead thru drug overdoses, 2 are ex drug addicts, who are on benefits, 2 are working at local supermarket and have been for 20 odd years, 1 is now ... (read in full...)
Why do guys say they want one thing then act totally different like they don't?
Q. Why do guys say they want one thing then act totally different like they don't? Thing is my immediate answer would be, hes a player. But hes not hes a nice guy. He says he wants to be good friends with me yet he wont make any effort with me or speak ...
A. 5 September 2010: You've answered your own question, but you can't see it, coz you over thought it.............. Without offending the blokes reading this, some (not all) are simple souls, they dont think as deeply as most women, but he likes you, wants to get to ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's guy friend!
Q. So my girlfriend has a guy friend that she grew up with since she was like a few months old. She always tells me he is just friends. i saw a text from this guy a while back saying "im craving you rn". so im like wtf? she said he was drunk and i ...
A. 5 September 2010: As far as I can see, she wants you, if she wanted him, then she'd be with him.
If they've known each other since they were that young, I doubt they were friends with benefits and still friends, and I doubt your the first boyfriend that has had a pr... (read in full...)
It's like he wants me then he doesn't!
Q. So heres the deal, I have been hanging out with this guy for a little over a month. When we met we were both instantly attracted. Then of course I face booked him and I saw that he was in a relationship. I called him right up and asked him about ...
A. 5 September 2010: Well, everything you said here has been analysed to the very millimetre, Its still early days, and he's told you he wants to take things slowly, and to be honest, its probably just as well, as it sounds like your willing to run full speed.
Y... (read in full...)
Should I try anal? Does it hurt?
Q. Dear cupid. I cant stop thinking about receiving anal sex do you think i should go ahead and have it Does it hurt very much the first time as I never went all the way before with a man ...
A. 2 September 2010: Personally for me, I hate it, yes i done it and yes it hurt, and I would never do it again, it wasn't even over when it was over, as the pain stayed for days, However i've known some girls that do it regularly, they like the pain, and the fact they ... (read in full...)
I still don't know if I'm over or not ! help
Q. hey guys ! quick question ok my ex broke up with me about 3-4 months ago she said she didn't love me anymore . of course i was upset but as days past i accepted it and moved on . im better , now back to normal life working , going out etc...
A. 2 September 2010: hello,
This is really quite normal, same way your heart would race if you saw someone in the street that physically hurt you, I guess its like a natural survival instinct, and its happened to me on many occasions when bumping into ex's. It does... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to have sex with a prostitute? I'm married.
Q. I love my wife, and have never cheated on her, and have no fantasies about doing so in the future. However, what if your wife just flat out refuses to do something that you are curious about? What if you want to experience a threesome at lea...
A. 1 September 2010: hooker, i'd be devastated, beyond forgiving even.
Have you spoken to her about this?
Is losing all that you have with her worth it?
and most importantly, could you cope with knowing that you'd been physical with someone else, and that all tha... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to have sex with a prostitute? I'm married.
Q. I love my wife, and have never cheated on her, and have no fantasies about doing so in the future. However, what if your wife just flat out refuses to do something that you are curious about? What if you want to experience a threesome at lea...
A. 1 September 2010: Are you really telling us that you resent your wife for not letting you drop the shopping off at the back door?
I'd understand you being disappointed, but resentful?
Personally I think prostitutes offer a service, which for a single bloke, is cool,... (read in full...)
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