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... Send *omany a private message | | | *omany's profile:Hi, I'm Romany, 42 from the UK, I run my own business, from home, have 2 children, and 2 grandsons. Before I tell you why I love helping here on Dear Cupid, can I just say, this is not a dating site, I am not looking for a partner, So please do not contact me with personal details of yourself, or asking for mine, what is below is all I'm prepared to disclose. Thankyou, and sorry for that ickle rant.
I was asked what qualifies me to help people? nothing, just life lessons, and I've had alot, Pregnant at 17, Married for 13 years to childhood sweetheart who was in RAF at 8 month pregs, 2 kids by 19, cheated on 3 times, before I cheated back, with one guy for 18 months, then finally left him few years later, taking my children and running far far away, at aged 30, (for the safety of my children) We moved 8 times in as many months, cos he kept finding us.
Became bankrupt, coz I stopped working as my children got involved with unsavoury characters, they needed me and several hours of counselling, then just as things become enjoyable, my mum died.
A year later when my children were 18 and 17, and both had settled, and had become well rounded young adults. I had a mental breakdown, that was 7 years ago now, lost 8 months of my life, now I suffer with clinical depression, which I have pretty much controlled through medication, and agrophobia, which is also somewhat under control.
I have learnt to become compassionate despite the pit falls, sometimes too compassionate, but I've also learnt how to fight.
I was single for a few years after marriage breakup, and since then I've had a few long term relationships, been cheated on, and also cheated, been used, never been loose tho, and never had one night stands, Also was a mistress for 2.5 years(mainly cos of fear of attachment and committment, plus he was gorgeous and stirred things that have been dead in me for years) I regret being a mistress, and I feel guilty as hell toward his wife, we only ended because he started an affair with her best friend, and apparently this is the 3rd best friend he has done this with, but It was a blessing it ended, I wasn't really stable for relationship, I fell for him big time, but it taught me alot about heartbreak and healing.
Currently I'm single, but dating. I want the whole romance story, fall in love and live happily ever after, I wont settle for anyone though, and I dont believe that you have to fight tooth and nail to make a relationship work, if it works it works, if it dont, get out, you will survive. I also believe that if you think you've met your soul mate, but the other aint feeling it, then it aint right, move on, because I'm a big believer,that if its meant to be, it will be, fate will bring you back together someday.
I answer all questions, genuinely and sincerely, I really want to help you to find some resolution to your problems.
As for what makes me tick, my family, my friends, I surround myself with those I love, I'm quite content with my lot.
Oh, and In life I'm quiet, but on here I type alot, and use more words than neccessary. lol.
Romany. |
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Stay and fight it out, or RUN?
Q. Hi, I have a kinda hard situation regarding my parent/s. The story is this: when I was 6 my mum and dad got divorced and me and my sis went with mum, as is standard procedure I think. Then very shortly after that she met who would become my step-dad ...
A. 19 July 2010: Well, I got to say, you got a good head on your shoulders, and altho you have had some bad times growing up, it aint done you any harm, you are very well put together young man, your articulate and are fully aware of your feelings. Alot of men, a... (read in full...)
I'm really worried he'll cheat on me with her... help!
Q. I have only been with my boyfriend for 3 months now and the first month was brilliant with no arguments whatsoever. Going into the second month facebook began to cause arguments with the way he commented on other girls statuses. They weren't extreme ...
A. 19 July 2010: Keep arguing with him over his responses on facebook, will definately send him on his way further from you, or into the ex's arms. No one can say whether he would, has or could get with her when he says bye to her, but like Denise32 says, he's obv... (read in full...)
Does cybersex equal cheating?
Q. hi, well im in a complicated situation right now. I have a boyfriend we've been together for longer than 6 months. I love him like i never thought i would love someone, he loves me really much (i know that)but the thing is... ive been lately sexu...
A. 19 July 2010: Yes, As honeypie said, its emotional cheating, which personally for me, I find the worse kind, as you have to put so much thought into what your typing, your trying to please his mind, you are wanting him to think of you as his sexual partner, and ... (read in full...)
What can I do to kick start my life?
Q. Ok so I dont know how to really put this but im male, 17, rather intelligent and not the worst looking but not the best :S basically my childhood sucked. i used to live with my great grandmother and my brother. my great grandma died and me and ...
A. 19 July 2010: Hiya Sweetheart, You are in the same place many people have been, at the bottom, and the only way is up. First up, and i know this sounds harsh, is kick yourself up the arse, there is no future in history, so stop looking back, those bad times ha... (read in full...)
He proposed!! Do I share the excitment??
Q. My now fiance just proposed, he is in basic training so he did it over the phone, he told me to pick out three rings and he wants to choose one and ask again when he get back. Is it wrong to say we are engaged? He said that that was him proposin...
A. 18 July 2010: hmmmm, share with a close loyal friend, to share your excitement, but I'd leave family and other friends till he's home, that way he to can have the excitement, and something to look forward to help him thru his training.
I hope sharing it with us h... (read in full...)
How do I deal with unintentional biting during orgasm?
Q. I hope someone would share his experience and give me an advice how to deal with my little problem. My girl is blessed with very strong orgasms, but when it happens, she often unintentionally scratches and bites me. We solved half of this problem....
A. 17 July 2010: I figure you've explained how much this bothers you, how your enjoyment is being compromised by this? if you have then.... I'm sorry, I dont believe that she can't stop herself from biting, and if i was aware that something i was doing was ruinin... (read in full...)
My ex still likes me but I like his friend instead
Q. last summer i was going out with this guy that i really liked, and i invited him and his best friend to come play baseball with me and my little brother. i kinda started to like his friend... me and my ex-boyfriend broke up a few months ago and ...
A. 17 July 2010: Personally, I;d never go out with an ex's mate, same way i'd never date my mates ex's.
But your ex is your ex, I understand you dont want to upset him, but it wont upset him as much as it will when he finds his mate is after you!
I think you shou... (read in full...)
How do I rekindle her interest in me?
Q. Ok there is this girl that i used to like a lot and she used to like me a bit but not as much and now i have got over it but i always had a soft spot for her if you know what i mean. this girl and i drifted apart a bit and werent as close friends ...
A. 17 July 2010: Well i figure you got 2 options, you can keep repressing your feelings for her, for the sake of the friendship, which in no doubt will bring frustration and possible resentment toward her as you'll not be being true to yourself.
Or, you could tell... (read in full...)
Shouldn't a newly-wed have a higher sex drive?
Q. My husband and I are newly-weds. We have been together for three years and have been married for 2 weeks. We're both 20. We've had plenty of sex in the past and I used to think i was a nympho because i always wanted to have sex with him.. But latly ...
A. 10 July 2010: I remember when i got married, all that planning and then in a blink of an eye it was over, and the following weeks were like the calm after the storm, I'd been so busy with organising all the wedding stuff, I was exhausted after the wedding, also, ... (read in full...)
I'm almost 19 and have never even kissed a girl!
Q. Hello. I'm 18, nearly 19 and I have never kissed a girl before, infact I've never hooked up with a girl before (or whatever all you hip kids are calling it nowadays). I feel there are several factors affecting this. 1; I'm a naturally very reclusive ...
A. 10 July 2010: Firstly let me say, your personality is amazing, altho i can see your angst between the lines, the fact you've written this with such a natural 'roll off the tongue' humour, has shown me that you are cheating the woman of your town/city an amazing ... (read in full...)
I was molested, but my boyfriend is apathetic!
Q. Okay, I'm having a bit of a dilema.. I've been with my boyfriend for two years and 8 months (tomorrow, the 10th, will be 9 months). We've never been a problematic couple and we always try not to argue. But now things have turned for the worst. I...
A. 10 July 2010: First off, you need help for the abuse you have suffered in the past, that has to be your number one priority, I'm not sure how you go about it in your country, so hopefully someone here will know, if you dont.
Some people are very unsy... (read in full...)
Is my friend trying to set me up?
Q. I'm not sure whether to meet up with my friend and this guy she is friends with . She has been friends with him for a while, and she said he really wants to meet me, and she said he is a nice guy, and he is 32. I'm 26. I know my friend isnt ...
A. 10 July 2010: I think you are getting yourself, into an unneccessary pickle, She is your friend, tell her your worries, it could just be that she wants her friends to meet, but i'm sure, once you've explained your anxiety's, she'll realise what a big deal this is ... (read in full...)
God brought us together and the Devil ripped us apart! Any guidance?
Q. I was with my wife for the better part of 5 years and we had 2 daughters together but our relationship was always up and down. Typical battles of life and a relationship I suppose and at the time I was having difficulties keeping everything we had ...
A. 10 July 2010: Fantasising about 'what ifs' 'if onlys' and 'whens' aint doing anyone a favour, except keeping you there, ready and waiting with open arms.
You keep offering her sanctuary, and a new life, and yet she chooses him, that is not really the acti... (read in full...)
Is 8 years too big of a difference?
Q. Hello, all I want to know is if anyone thinks that 8 years is a big difference? I honestly don't think it is. But I'm 18 and I like a 26 year old who likes me back. I just wanna know if you think 8 years is too much....
A. 7 July 2010: My mum was 18, and my dad was 26 when they met and married, went on to have 4 kids, it worked for them.... (read in full...)
Did I handle this situation correctly?
Q. I was just on this dating website chatting to another user, everything was going fine and then he saw me on FACEBOOK, after that he just went cold and blokced me. I sent him a curt email telling him he was immature shallow and not all that attract...
A. 7 July 2010: I wouldn't have bothered telling him I'm nice and that i'd delete his email.
This guy is no one to you, one chat doesn't mean your attempt at making him feel guilty for being an a55hole was gonna work, he won't give a darn.
He is shallow, but it d... (read in full...)
He doesn't have the trappings of a guy in 2010....so?
Q. My kids think there's something wrong with him but I think he's wonderful. He doesn't have a cell phone, TV, internet or friends. Heck even my parents have all that and they're nearly 80. His relationship with his parents is via phone although ...
A. 7 July 2010: hmmmm, I think you should keep your head below the clouds and your feet on the ground before you gush too much over this guy.
I dont think being a techonophobe is cause for concern, however,I'm always a little bit wary of guys who aren't close to f... (read in full...)
Why is she lying? I don't understand why she'd do that
Q. Ok I am 40years old and I ran into an old friend who is 43. We had not seen each other in 20yrs. So we started dating and all was well. Flowers every week took her on a little vac and we would go out 2 eat 5 days a week all on my $ she then ask me ...
A. 7 July 2010: You need to ask her, you've discussed, not dating, then dating, so in her eyes, your not exclusive, so you can easily approach this, just ask her outright, definately before you spend any more on her on the this vacation, I think shes keeping her ... (read in full...)
Relationship with a married man who doesn't leave his wife
Q. I met a man online. He is still married, but she has moved out of the home. They run a business together and to date they still draw from the same money pot. I have told him from the beginning that my values want a legal separation and/or divorce, ...
A. 7 July 2010: Sorry to say this, and it may be harsh, but your values aren't that high, you said it, but haven't acted upon it, its been a year and nothing has changed, and you've continued in a relationship with him all the same.
You know this man isn't in any ... (read in full...)
He refused to add me on Facebook, then made everything private, but still texts me!
Q. A boy who has asked me out (we have been out once so far)has refused to add me on facebook, and since I sent my request has made everything private. This is odd right? Is he hiding something from me or am I just being paranoid? He still texts me ...
A. 6 July 2010: The Realist has a point, however, most guys at the age I'd imagine this one to be at which would be same as you, wouldn't care what photo's are on there, infact the more stupid the better to be honest.
It is incredibly easy to deactivate the acco... (read in full...)
Is she using me for a debs ticket?
Q. Ok so I've known this girl for about two years but in the last maybe six months, bit longer probably, we've been getting really close, but we've got our debs coming up in September (more or less like the prom in America) and all my mates think she's ...
A. 6 July 2010: Whats does really close mean to you? Do you mean as in friendship, coz i dont think she is seeing you as a close friend, she is treating you like an acqualintance, calling you to a party and then not talking to you-thats naughty, but you can do t... (read in full...)
It upsets me that my bestfriend and my boyfriend spend so much time together when I'm away.
Q. Hi.I've been living in Arizonia for pretty much this whole summer with my dad. I live in Texas with my mom during the school year though and go to school their. This summer I've started dating this guy and we're pretty close, but i havn't got to ...
A. 6 July 2010: No one can say yes, and if they do, they are just putting onto you their cynical views of male/female friendships, or going from their own, or someone they knows, unfortunate experiences.
They are not hiding what they are doing, and I know I coul... (read in full...)
Is this girl serious, joking, is she not into me, or is this some weird teen love?
Q. Hello all cupids and readers=)! Thanks for reading my troubles and it does mean alot your willing to give free time to help so thank you for being amazing. Well lets just say im not exactly the doctor of love and at that would be an understatement. ...
A. 6 July 2010: You've known her years, just tell her.
Say I really like you, and you've said you like me, I wanna get with you, be my girlfriend and i'll do everything in my power to make you the happiest girl in the world.
If she says yes, then you live happily ... (read in full...)
Does my friend like me more than a friend?
Q. I have this friend who I only really became friends with because of another friend. For the last few weeks I've noticed some things. He always picks on me. He does this to a lot of people, but he does it especially to me. He knows I don't like to ...
A. 6 July 2010: 'Odds' could be right, but i'd just let things carry on as they are, unless of course you fancy him rotten, in which case tell your mutual mate and she will no doubt tell him and then he'll get the courage to make first move, but like 'odd' says, ... (read in full...)
If she'll ever come back...
Q. hello thanx for reading this. your advice will surely be appreciated. excuse some of my typing errors. now that my wife found out about my about five minute affair , my life has been hell. i wsa able to hav my position switch so now im home. ...
A. 6 July 2010: Well your already doing ok.
I dont know if i'm alone here, but I found it quite easy to forgive him for shagging someone else, its an act based mostly of animalistic tendancies for a man, it was the deceit that done my head in. The lies, and the ... (read in full...)
How do I tell him things aren't going to work out?
Q. I have been divorced for three years. Recently decided to date on line. Was just looking for a friend, but found a really nice guy. Three months after we started dating he found out he needed a bone marrow transplant. I visited him in Florida three ...
A. 6 July 2010: I think you need to tell him, but obviously chosing your words very carefully.
You've been a good friend, and being so concerned about how you can approach the situation with him, has without a shadow of a doubt proved that fact.
I think you need... (read in full...)
Help me with my girlfriend and getting her to talk to me please!
Q. Could someone please help me with me current situation with my girlfriend!? We've been going out for almost 3 months and everything has been going great! Until now! Recently she has suddenly stopped sending as many messages to me and when she does, ...
A. 6 July 2010: I'm 42 and i still tell my friend more than i've ever told any bloke. Your 3 months into a relationship, things always do settle down, like texting and calling, how is she when she is with you? is it all pretty normal and relaxed, are you reading ... (read in full...)
He refused to add me on Facebook, then made everything private, but still texts me!
Q. A boy who has asked me out (we have been out once so far)has refused to add me on facebook, and since I sent my request has made everything private. This is odd right? Is he hiding something from me or am I just being paranoid? He still texts me ...
A. 6 July 2010: Definate red flags, I think he has a girlfriend, or is a complete flirt and is afraid you'll see him for who he really is on FB and his little act of being a great guy wont work on you anymore if you knew the real him.
Its up to him if you ask him ... (read in full...)
Why do my breasts hurt?
Q. hi,sorry if this is a dumb question. but im a 14 yr old girl and my boobs have been hurting for the past few days.i asked my mom why pretending it was for a friend and she told me that can happen when your on your period or its about to come.and for ...
A. 4 July 2010: Lots of reasons.
Your bra may not be fitting you right.
Your due on,
They are still growing.
Your having hormonal changes.
Either way, these are just a few of the reasons, it wouldn't hurt to go see your doctor for peace of mind... (read in full...)
How to accept its over
Q. Mod Note: Posters own title Hello, first i will say i was with this boy for a while he was so sweet, caring, loving we had so much in common. I really thought he loved me he even told me he did i was talking to this girl who happened to be frie...
A. 4 July 2010: The reason he is being so mean to you, is coz you found him out, and so he is on the attack, rather than defence, coz he's a very selfish person, he's not telling you his side of the story, because by telling you, he would be admitting he's a twat. ... (read in full...)
Age and Height Difference - Weird?
Q. Mod Note..Titled by Poster Okay, hey there! So, I've got a quick question. I JUST got in to a relationship (like a day ago) and it's my first one ever. I'm 16 years old. The thing is: he's 19. I mean, I don't really see anything wrong with that. I've...
A. 4 July 2010: no, not weird, you may get looks from people when your walking around, as your alittlelot shorter than him, but its all good, coz if you become serious, his love could make you feel 10ft tall.
Enjoy it, he sounds good, you have what is impo... (read in full...)
Is he just going through the motions to keep me close and have a potential sugardaddy?
Q. I'm a single, successful single company manager and have been seeing a 23 year old guy for about a year. He's cute, bright, charming and i enjoy our time together a lot. In spite of my initial hesitation because of our age gap (... and don't give me ...
A. 4 July 2010: Course he is, Your 23 with his dazzling smile has it sorted, he has a man with money, who wants to please him, who he only needs to spend 52 days of the year with.
But you got to ask yourself, whether or not, your ready to be without your eye cand... (read in full...)
Should I try to stay with my boyfriend who is lovely but just kicked me???
Q. Dear cupid, my partner and I have been together for over a year, and me moved in together after only a few months, partly due to money. Were now relocating, together, accross the country, but I am settled in the new place and he has to work out his ...
A. 28 June 2010: Good Lord, he kicked you in the crotch, to hurt you physically, and its been one day, and your considering taken him back!!! NOOOOOOOOOO, He can't be let off that easy, if he is depressed he needs to seek help and also tell his GP how he thought ... (read in full...)
Will breaking up force the issue?
Q. If I break up with my FWB will I stand a better chance of getting him to committ? ...
A. 28 June 2010: He'll be mega peeved that your making a problem, and breaking something that he feels isn't broken, he cut his emotional ties from you, when you became his FWB.
So you could lose him, but if you ask him, you'll get your answer, and if its good, then... (read in full...)
I want to stop having sex with everyone I meet!
Q. I don't know what kind of girl I am anymore. its like every guy I meet wants to sleep with me, and I dnt know how to say No. I feel like such a hoe because I'm 19 with 8 sex partners and only been sexually active for 3 years. I want to stop having ...
A. 26 June 2010: Your follow up makes a bit more sense now of why your doing it.
How did you feel when you fell pregnant, and the guy said abort, we'll be happy, so you did, and you weren't? Maybe the guilt of the abortion is playing on your mind, and that is what... (read in full...)
Can't get over the fling I had
Q. i dont know why im finding it so hard to move on from this guy i had a fling with for 2months, i cant seem to stop thinking about him appoaching the girl and taking her number in front of me and he saw me there sitting at the bus stop. this guy ...
A. 26 June 2010: Tisha, your great!!!!! fantastic advice, I'd like to add, that maybe you feel like you didn't win/succeed, as you'd hoped that your love and tenderness for him would bring him round to fall helplessly in love with you, and you'd both live happily ... (read in full...)
How do I tell him to get lost good and proper?
Q. my boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago fine fine can handle it not! worst still he rings me every three days now i got him tickets to a concert he and i wanted to go to for his birthday and he said he would bring a mate i eas hoping he would ...
A. 26 June 2010: Its over, You've been involved in his life for a long time, and he is probably calling you to see how you are, as he feels guilty, he knows your not dealing with the breakup well, and because you want him back, you are reading his compassion as ... (read in full...)
Should I write a letter to end things with him? Or just forget about it?
Q. Hi I had dated this guy and because of some things on both our parts , we kind of broke up. I tried very hard to work things out but he would always be mean to me, so I decided to accept that he didn't want the relationship back, but everytime I ...
A. 26 June 2010: Nope, dont contact him at all, no letter, no calls, and dont even give him the courtesy of talking to him, ever again, Alto I'd bet he'll be intouch again, coz that is what playas do, but if he rings, say nothing, and hang up, and laugh bout it, and ... (read in full...)
I'd like to marry my g/f, but it's a package deal
Q. I would like to ask my GF to marry me but she has an older brother that is borderline retarded and is also 90 percent deaf on top of that and he'll have to move in with us if we ever got married. He's on SSI and disability. He can't work, he has ...
A. 25 June 2010: Has she expressed resentment for being her brothers carer?
If it was always going to be like this from the start of the relationship then your bang out of order, you have to just accept it and get over it, however, if this is a situation that she... (read in full...)
Help! I feel uneasy when I'm out!
Q. I am 21 years old and have an 18 month old son with my boyfriend. I had changed my whole life for him. when i was going to college i invited him to visit me but never did he come so we descided that i was going to transfer my credits to a college in ...
A. 25 June 2010: I think that you need to seek medical help, I'm not a dr/physician, but if your on edge, unable to control your emotions, hence disagreement with loved ones, then your something is making you anxious, so you really do need to see your physicin to ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's reason for breaking up doesn't make sense!
Q. My girlfriend recently dumped me but I can't seem to understand why. Her reason was that when she was with me she was happy but when she was not she was really down. This seems really strange and sounds like she is not giving me an honest reason why ...
A. 25 June 2010: Really sorry to hear this, not all women are like her, she is obviously self centred, and really very nasty, to not have the decency to put your mind at rest.
Good riddance to her, Your seem a good man, who is obviously intelligent and sens... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's reason for breaking up doesn't make sense!
Q. My girlfriend recently dumped me but I can't seem to understand why. Her reason was that when she was with me she was happy but when she was not she was really down. This seems really strange and sounds like she is not giving me an honest reason why ...
A. 22 June 2010: She has issues by the sound of it, I think she has realised that she is not ready for a relationship, so has broken it off so she can work on herself and her self esteem.
But that doesn't mean she dint like you, it just means she dont like hers... (read in full...)
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