A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:You're a 34yr old guy and you've been seeing a soon-to-be 19yr old for 7 months. She's only met three of your friends (who were from out of town and spoke no english) and that was months ago, she understands when you tell them you're her tutor. You spend a lot of time with her, entire days and nights. You caught the flu from her once while taking care of her. You're constantly buying her small gifts (though she never asks) giving her advice, and wanting to know her thoughts. She keeps them from you, never wants to tell you because she's afraid that you're a man with an angel's face but a bad man's heart. She's never told you this. You took her virginity and she hates you for it at times. But she kicks herself for caring about you, maybe even loving you. The last time you saw her, she was unhappy and then, seemed better. You even made love. Today, she ignores your calls. When she picks up, she's distant/vague and you're frustrated. She can't see you anymore. She won't. She hopes you'll get it. Will you? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, romany  +, writes (24 September 2010):
 I'm sorry to hear that, its not good to have these sorts feelings, your obviously are very unhappy, and certainly not getting what you should be getting from a relationship.
Not all relationships are plain sailing, however a partner should enhance your life not make you feel like the 3rd person, or give you unneccessary stress, that isn't healthy. As you know or otherwise you'd not have written in.
I think you have to end it, as soon as you can to be honest, But by saying it, not hoping he'll cotton on, you just have to say, its not working for me, its over, that will remove that weight from your shoulders, and allow you to breath and regain some of this self esteem that has been stripped from you, and then work on how to love yourself, so in your next relationship, you will not allow yourself to be treated as a lesser person.
As for getting over this guilt about losing your virginity to a man who you now resalise wasn't the one, stop that, you dint lose it blindly, and at the time you thought he was the one, you wanted him to be the one, you have nothing ot reproach yourself for. I know that is easier said then done, especially if you valued your virginity, and wanted the fairy tale, but there are far too many frogs out there since fairy tales were written, and unfortunately, sometimes we have to 'try' a few to find the prince, its just how it is sometimes, and its not soiled you hun, so dont let this get you down. Its happened, move on.
Good luck, I really do wish you well, and you know we're all here if you need us.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you....and Romany, I feel this way sometimes, like I'm seperated from my body, watching it go through motions.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 September 2010):
 No, how could I ? I'd perhaps guess that she is up to some passive-aggressive kind of game, but I'd still expect she should communicate in an open, honest manner.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2010): Not unless she's upfront and honest. Men aren't mind readers.
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A
female
reader, romany +, writes (22 September 2010):
Not unless she tells him outright, because she hasn't been upfront all along.
He introduced her to friends who spoke no English, and as his tutor, kicks herself for him taken her virginity, all of which, she has allowed him to do/have. Does he have any idea what is going through her complicated mind?
Why would she think he knows that by her being distant and vague on the phone after 7 months.
She was unhappy the previous time she'd seen him, then got better then made love, He will be used to her moodiness, why would he think a vague/distant phone call any different from the phone call, he probably thinks, pah, she'll be ok in day or so.
If she wants shot of him, she's gonna have to tell him striaght.
Listen honey, if your talking to us as if your the 3rd person in this scenario, how the heck does this guy know what is going on in your head. Try being more upfront with him and yourself, its about you and him, not her and him and you narrating.
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