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... Send *omany a private message | | | *omany's profile:Hi, I'm Romany, 42 from the UK, I run my own business, from home, have 2 children, and 2 grandsons. Before I tell you why I love helping here on Dear Cupid, can I just say, this is not a dating site, I am not looking for a partner, So please do not contact me with personal details of yourself, or asking for mine, what is below is all I'm prepared to disclose. Thankyou, and sorry for that ickle rant.
I was asked what qualifies me to help people? nothing, just life lessons, and I've had alot, Pregnant at 17, Married for 13 years to childhood sweetheart who was in RAF at 8 month pregs, 2 kids by 19, cheated on 3 times, before I cheated back, with one guy for 18 months, then finally left him few years later, taking my children and running far far away, at aged 30, (for the safety of my children) We moved 8 times in as many months, cos he kept finding us.
Became bankrupt, coz I stopped working as my children got involved with unsavoury characters, they needed me and several hours of counselling, then just as things become enjoyable, my mum died.
A year later when my children were 18 and 17, and both had settled, and had become well rounded young adults. I had a mental breakdown, that was 7 years ago now, lost 8 months of my life, now I suffer with clinical depression, which I have pretty much controlled through medication, and agrophobia, which is also somewhat under control.
I have learnt to become compassionate despite the pit falls, sometimes too compassionate, but I've also learnt how to fight.
I was single for a few years after marriage breakup, and since then I've had a few long term relationships, been cheated on, and also cheated, been used, never been loose tho, and never had one night stands, Also was a mistress for 2.5 years(mainly cos of fear of attachment and committment, plus he was gorgeous and stirred things that have been dead in me for years) I regret being a mistress, and I feel guilty as hell toward his wife, we only ended because he started an affair with her best friend, and apparently this is the 3rd best friend he has done this with, but It was a blessing it ended, I wasn't really stable for relationship, I fell for him big time, but it taught me alot about heartbreak and healing.
Currently I'm single, but dating. I want the whole romance story, fall in love and live happily ever after, I wont settle for anyone though, and I dont believe that you have to fight tooth and nail to make a relationship work, if it works it works, if it dont, get out, you will survive. I also believe that if you think you've met your soul mate, but the other aint feeling it, then it aint right, move on, because I'm a big believer,that if its meant to be, it will be, fate will bring you back together someday.
I answer all questions, genuinely and sincerely, I really want to help you to find some resolution to your problems.
As for what makes me tick, my family, my friends, I surround myself with those I love, I'm quite content with my lot.
Oh, and In life I'm quiet, but on here I type alot, and use more words than neccessary. lol.
Romany. |
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Can't get pregnant
Q. Hi, so me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years, I'm 25 and he is 29, we both have good jobs, we both have a car, we own a condo, we have a great little life, but... We want to have a baby. We have been trying for a few months, we want it ...
A. 24 December 2010: Thats fab news, congratulations!!!! Merry Xmas to you both.... (read in full...)
How can I find proof of his cheating IF he is cheating?
Q. Dear cupid, how can I know if my man is cheating on me or has just grown cold?...
A. 8 August 2010: Eve has given you some good advice there, but i would just like to add, please dont investigate him to PROVE he is guilty, as you'll end up taking something quite innocent and turning it into something which isn't, investigate to see why he is ... (read in full...)
Who is lying? my girlfriend or my best friend.
Q. i need advice. I have had a close mate for about 6 years now and from what i knew of him he was a extremely genuine guy, all my group of friends seem to think so. I got a new girlfriend recently and her and this friend of mine used to be close fr...
A. 7 August 2010: I think pinktopaz has summed up everything i was gonna say, I think you know its your girlfriend that is lying, and not your friend, and I too think that she is either worried as your friend may know something that she doesn't want you to know, or, ... (read in full...)
My friends new b/f, is in an open relationship with another woman, should I tell?
Q. here is a dilemma, a friend of mine is in a brand new relationship. The guy she's dating, unbeknownst to her, but I happened to find out, has been in an "open" relationship with another woman for over 10 years. He made a decision to keep up his ...
A. 7 August 2010: I dont think you should tell her that HE IS in an open relationship, but i do think you should tell her that you've heard, and that it may not true, but you thought she should know, as you value her as a friend and would hate to see her being strung ... (read in full...)
I don't want sex, and I'm only 21, but my partner does
Q. MOD NOTE: OP's own title:.. When me and my partner waited over a year before we had sex together, we were teenagers, and by the time we did have sex, we were 17. I loved it, couldn't get enough of it, and it was always me instigating it (of cour...
A. 5 August 2010: (grrrrr, this new computer is taking some getting used to)
Continued from previous post below...
Instead of just my safety zones, i even managed a huge festival with 20,000 other people, in a huge airfield, tackled both fears of open spaces and l... (read in full...)
I don't want sex, and I'm only 21, but my partner does
Q. MOD NOTE: OP's own title:.. When me and my partner waited over a year before we had sex together, we were teenagers, and by the time we did have sex, we were 17. I loved it, couldn't get enough of it, and it was always me instigating it (of cour...
A. 5 August 2010: Hiya,
6 years go, I had the mother of all breakdowns, I lost 8 months of my life, and I mean lost, I can't remember a thing about any of it, My memory is also sketchy, and a bit 'ropey' from 2000 onwards, and short term is affected, this has resu... (read in full...)
Can't get pregnant
Q. Hi, so me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years, I'm 25 and he is 29, we both have good jobs, we both have a car, we own a condo, we have a great little life, but... We want to have a baby. We have been trying for a few months, we want it ...
A. 5 August 2010: Hiya,
You've not stated what form of contraception you were on before you started trying for a baby, but if it was implant, coil (IUD) with hormone, contraception pill, it could take months before your body is clear enough to concieve.
If however,... (read in full...)
Can't get pregnant
Q. Hi, so me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years, I'm 25 and he is 29, we both have good jobs, we both have a car, we own a condo, we have a great little life, but... We want to have a baby. We have been trying for a few months, we want it ...
A. 5 August 2010: Hiya,
You've not stated what form of contraception you were on before you started trying for a baby, but if it was implant, coil (IUD) with hormone, contraception pill, it could take months before your body is clear enough to concieve.
If however,... (read in full...)
Why do I feel so alone when his daughter comes to visit?
Q. I'm 25 with a 3-year-old son and my boyfriend of almost a year is 30 with a 4-year-old daughter. Chemistry between the two of us was great right from the beginning; as well as chemistry between both of our children. They play like they are brother ...
A. 2 August 2010: Hiya,
It sounds to me like he is feeling guilty, maybe he has nothing to feel guilty about, but it seems he is trying to cram in a weeks worth of love into a few days, at the expense of you and your son, and thats not fair, but I think its the way ... (read in full...)
What does his text message mean exactly???
Q. I've been seeing this guy for about ten months. We aren't dating because I'm leaving the state for graduate school for a couple years and he's not a fan of long distance relationships. We've talked about this and are doing what we can. We have a...
A. 2 August 2010: I feel like a meanie saying this, but analysing his statement is just going to complicate things, and cause pain, he may not be ready for a relationship, and even if he was, after 10 months, you'd be silly to let it change your plans of going to ... (read in full...)
How can you tell if a man is married for sure?
Q. how can you tell if a guy is married, because this guy keeps hitting on me and i want to tell his wife that he's a jerk. he actually asked me for sex i'm not just flattering my self. What should i look for?!?! he has no ring on... says he's div...
A. 1 August 2010: I was put to the test once, as I have a way of knowing if their married, its not 100% correct, but I'm hardly ever wrong.
Not many people know this technique, so keep it between us girls ok.
Sniff them! if their clothes smell of nice, of high exo... (read in full...)
How can you tell if a man is married for sure?
Q. how can you tell if a guy is married, because this guy keeps hitting on me and i want to tell his wife that he's a jerk. he actually asked me for sex i'm not just flattering my self. What should i look for?!?! he has no ring on... says he's div...
A. 1 August 2010: I was put to the test once, as I have a way of knowing if their married, its not 100% correct, but I'm hardly ever wrong.
Not many people know this technique, so keep it between us girls ok.
Sniff them! if their clothes smell of nice, good fa... (read in full...)
Tiny bright red spots on his penis?
Q. My boyfriend realized he has tiny bright red spots on his penis head. They don't hurt or itch. He said it actually intensified the sex. But I'm curious if anyone would know what caused it? ...
A. 1 August 2010: Hiya, sounds to me like Fordyce, but i'd not take that for a definate, and I'd go see the dr, but i've searched out the following information for you.
Fordyce spots: small (1-5mm) bright red or purple papules that can appear on the glans, s... (read in full...)
Should I wait 3 weeks for him to break off his other dates?
Q. I have been dating a guy for about 2 months now. Sex has come up and I have stated that I will not have intercourse until we are in an exclusive relationship. At the beginning of the week, he has said that he likes me a lot, and that he 'needs t...
A. 31 July 2010: gggrrrr, pressed to enter button instead of back space....
Anyway, continue'd..... you'll not have a women scorned, texting and calling, and you'll be able to start what hopefully could become the best things ever......3 weeks is nothing, be patie... (read in full...)
Should I wait 3 weeks for him to break off his other dates?
Q. I have been dating a guy for about 2 months now. Sex has come up and I have stated that I will not have intercourse until we are in an exclusive relationship. At the beginning of the week, he has said that he likes me a lot, and that he 'needs t...
A. 31 July 2010: I admire your values and restraint, well done, However, you've given it to him straight and he's told you yes, so that means, yes.
The stuff going round your head, complicating this situation is all conjecture, and your not exclusive yet, so resp... (read in full...)
Will 18 year old boyfriend be in trouble if my parents approve of us dating?
Q. Hey there. soo im kindof confused.ive been looking for the answer everywhere. But im 15 and my boyfriend is 18 my parent approve of us dating im almost 16 and we wanna have a kid as crazy as it sounds but will he get charged by the stated with anyt...
A. 31 July 2010: Hiya Natalie, I dont know about the laws of your state,but I know about feeling the way you do, all i wanted when I was your age was to be a mummy, and fortunately for me, it didn't happen for me till i got to 17, and my daughter was born when I was ... (read in full...)
I'm very insecure about my penis size.
Q. lookin for advice from any ladies,iam a decent lookin guy, but my penis is 6 inches long and only 4.5 inches around.iam very insecure of it,any advice?...
A. 30 July 2010: I'm a woman, I agree totally with Cerberus.
My ex was small, but confident, he even used to joke bout the little chap, he used to pretend it talked, and say, look i'm like a real willy, only smaller!. lol.
Truth is, it was fine, Personal... (read in full...)
Any tips on diet and exercise?
Q. Ok, i am 18 years old, male, about 5'10". I am trying to plan a workout/weightloss/muscle gain or what ever you would like to call it so that i can try and gain muscle and lose fat. Would a detox THEN workout work best or just workout? Al...
A. 29 July 2010: Hiya, Congratulations on making a commitment to yourself to make yourself healthy, I've dated alot of body builders, and altho they look great, they can't run a flight of stairs, so jogging is a good thing, my last boyfriend was into cardio as well, ... (read in full...)
He's married, but I love him! How can I handle this unrequited love?
Q. Dear Agony Aunt I'm a single 24 year old living in the UK. My problem is that I think I'm in love with someone who is married and can never love me back. He is 29 and married with a kid. We used to work together and we got on brilliantly,...
A. 29 July 2010: Hi hunny, Vintage64 is spot on, you need to be you, and if that means telling your parents, so be it, One of my best friends is a vicars son, telling them he said he felt like he was saying goodbye to them, convinced they'd ostricise him but they ... (read in full...)
He said " I love you" so soon! Does he really love me?
Q. Before I ask this question I would just like to say - YES , I do really how stupid it is...but events leading up to this has caused me some serious paranoia. I need to sort my head out. I understand this is ridiculous but seriously just go with it, ...
A. 29 July 2010: hmmmm, texting psychic hotline? I got to say, personally for me, I think its complete claptrap. I'd not take a blind bit of notice, So please dont waste money on them.
He watched you care for his friend, he saw how you handled his friends vulnerab... (read in full...)
I don't see a future for us!
Q. I genuinely cant see a future for me and my boyfriend. When I have visions of my future he's never in it. Should I end my relationship purely based on this fact or should I just live for the here and now and see how it goes? All opinions apprecia...
A. 28 July 2010: I think the fact you can't see him in your future speak volumes, however, You've not stated why.
Does he make you feel that he is not going to be around for the long haul, or does he have annoying habits and just dont do it for you.
I'm just won... (read in full...)
I love my husband but am falling for someone I met
Q. ok so iv been with my husband 6 years married for 2.. i recently went out of town and met someone... i didnt mean for it to be more than a one nightstand but we spent 4 wounderful days together now that im home... i cant stop thinking bout this ...
A. 28 July 2010: You need to think about your husband, and how he is going to feel when he catches you, and learns that not only have you had sexual relationships with another man, you have continued to decieve him and have allowed your marriage to decline while you ... (read in full...)
What kind of things are important to know about your fiance before getting married?
Q. MOD NOTE: OP's own title: What kind of things are important to know about your fiance before getting married? I'm not looking for the obvious things here...Wondering what other engaged/married couples come to discover is important to know be...
A. 28 July 2010: lol, thanks Aunts, I've just spat coffee out all over my laptop!!! lol
And here was I as a single woman thinking that, as long as he has potential to learn the phrase,
'Yes dear, of course'
everything would stay tickety boo.
My dad (god res... (read in full...)
He used me, how do I get over it?
Q. how do i get over a guy a who lied to me saying that once he sleeps with me i would be the only girl he sleeps with cos he dont sleep around, few months later i asked him if he is having sex with someone else he turned away and said no then got up ...
A. 28 July 2010: Hi hun, Its not unusual for some people to lie to get what they want, and its not unusual for some people to go out with the intention of hurting someone, as he seems to have done with the yes comment.
I do think however, that he has done both, used... (read in full...)
Long term relationship gone forever???!!??
Q. Mods Note, OP's own title: im 18 and i have been seeing this boy for 5 years of my life. hes 18 also. we've been getting into small arguments lately because he took a promise ring back from me because he thought i lied to him. they have been my faul...
A. 28 July 2010: I think you should just give him some space, make no contact at all, so he can think about everything, If you've not heard anything in a week, then send him a text or call him, Just asking how he is, his reaction to that contact will give you more ... (read in full...)
Is it right for me to tell everyone?
Q. Hey everyone, I'm extremely confused right now about where I stand! I joined Facebook two years ago, and I know almost 900 people; in other words I've seen them, talked to them or I'm their friend. But, this one girl recently joined. I know her from ...
A. 28 July 2010: I can see your dilema, I dont like seeing people conned either. so I think I would write an inbox message to her, and tell her that you know she doesn't look like that, and that she is playing a dangerous game, and that its only a matter of time ... (read in full...)
Why does he REALLY want to keep in touch? Could it be strictly for career reasons?
Q. A few of you may be familiar with my story about a mutual crush I have on my now ex boss. I I have now left. I saw him last week just to finalise a bit of unfinished business. Our previous meeting was after work. He asked me to meet him at 6...
A. 24 July 2010: You are obsessed with this man, you are writing in all the time, and as much as we say, he's married, and your in a common law marriage, you are still trying to justify your feelings.
I've lost count of the amount of times, i've told you, let alon... (read in full...)
All I did was try for her but she fell out of love after 7 years of marriage
Q. I want to ask how to let go of a women whom you have married, grown to love for the past 7yrs and now wants to be alone and doesnt want to be in a relationship. She has been dating and were still married and after a house and two kids i thought she ...
A. 24 July 2010: Well putting your children first is the only way to go,glad to see you have your priorities right but saying that you still need your time, to be you, make a night to go out with boys, or join a gym, do something that takes you out into the world, ... (read in full...)
Will he not kiss me because of his friends?
Q. okay so, me and my boyfriend have been dating for a few weeks, and he is a really sweet person, but acts tough for his friends. me and him get along perfectlyy but we havent kissed yet. im not sure weather he wants to kiss me because of his friends ...
A. 22 July 2010: There are lots of reasons why he hasn't kissed you yet,Has he kissed anyone before? He may be scared,
Perhaps he is waiting for you to do it.
Does he have braces, or do you?
I don't think his reluctance in kissing you is because of you, I think... (read in full...)
If her girlfriend really loved her why should she break up with her to see someone else?
Q. I started dating a girl right after she broke up with her girlfriend. The reason they broke up was that the girlfriend had a crush on someone and wanted to date that person. So they broke up and I started seeing her. Well the girl I was seeing ...
A. 22 July 2010: So let me get this into perspective:
She has gone back with ex, even tho ex has hurt her,
You want her, even tho she has hurt you, by ending it twice, after using you to get back at, and back with her ex.
Whats to understand?
Your all masa... (read in full...)
Breakup over bad past... please help!
Q. Please help... I am 20 years old and I'm in this fantastic relationship. It's been 10 months... I have a rather "dirty" past, I wanted to have fun and did and he feels so threatened by my past that once every 2 or 3 months he brings it up. He says ...
A. 22 July 2010: Wow, you are a very patient girl, I would have been patient with him, as you were the first time round, I would have pufffed up his ego, and probably apologised his feelings were hurt, but reminded him gently, that he knew all this before he laid ... (read in full...)
What can I say so that we remain in touch???
Q. I am leaving my job and there is a mutural attraction between me and the boss. I want to give him something to remember me with. I was thinking of a plant with a card with some really kind words in as he has helped me a lot. I have been treate...
A. 22 July 2010: hmmmmm, this is very similar to several questions thats been asked on DC, where the OP is a common law wife, and the said boss is a married man.
If its you, you know your wrong, neither of you are available, so let it go, no one here is gonna help... (read in full...)
Don't know if I want kids, help!
Q. I am 23 years old and have been in a committed relationship with a woman I love to death for about 2 years now. She knows she wants children in the future but I'm still unsure. When we talk about it, she gets upset and says she doesn't want to ...
A. 22 July 2010: Auntie E has said exactly what i was gonna say, when she said,
Trust your gut feeling.
I dont think you should give in to pressure either, I think you'd find yourself regretting it, and i also think that if you decide to continue the relation... (read in full...)
I feel less of a man for my experimenting. How can I move forward?
Q. I'm a 25 year old male who experimented with another male a couple of days ago and did not like it. he gave me a bj that was wierd, I then let him give me anal I hated it. That lasted for all of like 2 minutes. I just feel like less of a man for ...
A. 22 July 2010: You were curious, you tried it, you dint like it, simple!
Its understandable why you think bad of yourself, but really, you've nothing to be ashamed of, guilty for or think you less of a man.
As Moo's mum says, just chalk this up to experien... (read in full...)
Help! I feel as if my husband doesn't love me enough...
Q. I feel as if my husband doesn't love me enough. It has been a while since we have been intimate and cuddly. He never starts kissing me unless I do. He never embrace me unless I ask for it or I open my arms. I know he loves me but I don't thi...
A. 20 July 2010: I think it is partly down to your hormones, but your husband has been studying for his PHD and he is about to become a father.
No doubt he spent the last 4 days swatting for his exams, and worrying about whether he will pass and with what grad... (read in full...)
Did HE put this picture on Facebook???
Q. hi, everyone need some help if yall wouldnt mind taking the time, please, and thanks. so yesterday my soon to-be husband comes home from work, we're laying on the bed talking and im checking my facebook on my phone and there was a photo downloaded ...
A. 20 July 2010: hmmmm, it dont sound like something he would do, knowing you are able to get onto his facebook photos, I reckon he has been hacked, or someone has got his password and is winding up, unaware of the consequences, or not caring.
Has he used some... (read in full...)
Crazy little thing called love!
Q. A woman 12 years your husbands junior posts a comment on myspace you find disturbing enough that you ask your husband to take down his page which he does. She wrote "you're alone and so am i.. and no engagement is going to change that.. let's get ...
A. 20 July 2010: No your not crazy at all, I can wholey understand where your coming from, but....I dont think your being fair on him.
So far he seems he has done everything to try and eliminate your concerns, with the my space page, and he cancelled his Golf Tour... (read in full...)
Why did he not text me back? Was he jealous?
Q. Hello everyone One thing thats been on my mind since last nite I was sleeping with this guy and 4 weeks ago he called it all off, anyway we do still talk and get on ok through txt last nite when i was taking, a mate hope who lives near h...
A. 20 July 2010: My first thought was yes, but then on reflection, and experiences from my past, I honestly now think, No, I dont think he was jealous, that was his male ego asking if you had someone else, probably just wanted to know that his options for having you ... (read in full...)
Help! How can I get him out of my heart?
Q. How can I rid myself of this feelings . My ex an I have a 3wk old baby we broke up the last months into my pregnancy due to the lack of love for me. He came back I don't even know why, he was there when the baby was born unfortunetly not how I ...
A. 20 July 2010: Continued:.....(sorr)
gave birth to her, you are important too.
The only way you'll get over him is to realise you are worth more.
He is gonna be part of your life forever, so you need to find a happy medium, and at the moment, I think realis... (read in full...)
Help! How can I get him out of my heart?
Q. How can I rid myself of this feelings . My ex an I have a 3wk old baby we broke up the last months into my pregnancy due to the lack of love for me. He came back I don't even know why, he was there when the baby was born unfortunetly not how I ...
A. 20 July 2010: At the moment your emotions are all over the place, You need to enjoy this time with your daughter, it goes by so quickly.
You need to look at her precious little face and ask yourself what you would say to her if she was grown, and was walking in y... (read in full...)
Help! How can I get him out of my heart?
Q. How can I rid myself of this feelings . My ex an I have a 3wk old baby we broke up the last months into my pregnancy due to the lack of love for me. He came back I don't even know why, he was there when the baby was born unfortunetly not how I ...
A. 20 July 2010: At the moment your emotions are all over the place, You need to enjoy this time with your daughter, it goes by so quickly.
You need to look at her precious little face and ask yourself what you would say to her if she was grown, and was walking in y... (read in full...)
Stay and fight it out, or RUN?
Q. Hi, I have a kinda hard situation regarding my parent/s. The story is this: when I was 6 my mum and dad got divorced and me and my sis went with mum, as is standard procedure I think. Then very shortly after that she met who would become my step-dad ...
A. 19 July 2010: Well, I got to say, you got a good head on your shoulders, and altho you have had some bad times growing up, it aint done you any harm, you are very well put together young man, your articulate and are fully aware of your feelings. Alot of men, a... (read in full...)
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