Maybe he'll want me back if I change, but in the meantime I'm "not what he wants"...
Q. One month ago I was dumped. He told me I wasn't what he wanted anymore. We were best friends, done most things together and I know we both loved each other inside out. A couple of months ago things changed. He wanted to go out every Saturday...
A. 11 April 2005: Can you change? Do you want to change? And should you change? What exactly does he want? Have you found this out? All these questions but it all boils down to one thing really; he should accept and love you as you are. Unless you have done something ... (read in full...)
I want to say something to her, but she says one thing and her brother says another...!
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm quite young and theres a girl I really like. I think she likes me. Her brother is always saying that she does and she instantly says she doesn't and "that there is no way". The main problem is that her brother is my best frien...
A. 9 April 2005: Ok, so she says "No way" about the idea that she likes you and you also think it would be quite odd to go out with her? Why? Because her brother is your best mate? That wouldn't be odd if you really liked each other. You may be interpretating things ... (read in full...)
My husband's not interested in sex with me, since I began to gain weight...
Q. My husband is not interested in sex, it can be 6 month gaps. I know there is no one ealse, this has been going on for 4 years, since I began to gain weight. What should I do?...
A. 9 April 2005: I think perhaps you should have a word with him and find out what he is feeling. Has he said that he isn't interested due to your weight gain? This may not be why. He could have things on his mind, he could be depressed, he could be suffering from ... (read in full...)
Too much job, not enough sex. We're going crazy!
Q. He's job is killing our sex life! I am a stay at home mom and my husband works 12 to 14 hours a day 7 days a week. We never seem to have time for sex. I miss being with him so much. He and I both are so tired at night we never feel like sex. I...
A. 8 April 2005: I can really understand all that you are saying. You want to make love with your husband to feel close to him and that isn't happening right now and it has been a while since it has. Something has to change! I'm not saying that your husband ... (read in full...)
First-time sex... Does it hurt?
Q. Does it hurt the first time you have sex? And if so, how bad?...
A. 8 April 2005: This really does depend on the individual and who the individual is with! When you make love for the very first time, if your partner is considerate and takes their time, making sure that you are aroused and enjoying foreplay, then it is less likely ... (read in full...)
I can't stop thinking about the guy I met in America. We just connected...
Q. I recently went on holiday to America, where I met this fantastic guy. As soon as I saw him, I felt we had this weird connection, and found that I couldn't keep my eyes off him, and vice versa. Now that I am back home I cant stop thinking about hi...
A. 7 April 2005: Can you get in touch with him to find out how he feels? Is it possible to ring or email him? You need to find out if he feels the same way. Remember that while on holiday, everything can seem more rosy than the grim reality home sometimes offer. He ... (read in full...)
He just won't open up and tell me stuff, like I tell him! Is he out of love with me?
Q. Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for just over seven months now, and I tell him everything. I confide in him and tell him all of my emotions and things. I see him as someone I can tell anything to, and that he is like my best friend. The only thi...
A. 7 April 2005: I think that if you asked him if he loves you and he replied no then there could be some problems here. Some men aren't expressive but that doesn't mean to say they should be that blunt! And why? I mean, does that mean he does love you but just not ... (read in full...)
Now that my fiancee has been promoted at work, she's too tired for sex. Help!
Q. My fiancee got promoted at work just after Christmas and since then our sex life has declined considerably. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for her that she got promoted, but now we only have sex once a week at the weekend and it seems rushed. ...
A. 5 April 2005: I think you need to explain to her how important this is to you. You aren't being selfish, it is perfectly normal to want and expect intimacy that is pleasurable with the one that you love. Express to her how this is making you feel but that you... (read in full...)
He claims he doesn't sleep with his wife and loves me... Can that be true?
Q. A married man falls in love with a single woman. He is her first. Still lives with his wife overseas, yet he claims he loves the single woman. Is it possible for a 31 yr old man not to sleep with his wife? He says so, says he doesn't. But is it re...
A. 5 April 2005: It is possible but unlikely. If he was serious about the single woman, he would be with her unless there really was serious extenuating circumstances. He should be thinking of his wife and not declaring his love for another woman. If he has problems... (read in full...)
Our growing attraction might be too much to control, but we don't want to hurt our spouses...
Q. I am married but have found someone else very attractive. He is also married, but we feel that working together is becoming almost impossible without our attraction to each other growing. Unfortunitly not working together is not an option either o...
A. 5 April 2005: If you honestly both love your spouses very much, then this shouldn't really be an issue. I think the fact that you both have a difficult to resist attraction for each other suggests that there are problems that need to be dealt with in your ... (read in full...)
My ex seems to be moving on with her life but I keep waiting for her to come back!
Q. Hi, Just want to be helped in my love life & don't know what to do now. I broke up with my girlfriend 3 months ago & seems that I can't move on and still want her back. She has been in 3 relationships so far, but me, I'm still single, thinki...
A. 31 March 2005: You are probably stopped by the fact that you don't want to get hurt and sense that you may. Why did you split up in the first place? If you only broke up three months ago, it is very quick for her to have had three relationships already. She seems ... (read in full...)
We haven't seen each other in a year, but my feelings for him have grown
Q. Hello, I met a super nice guy at music camp last year. We are going back to the same place this summer and will be seeing each other for the first time in a year, since we live in different states. Over this year since the 2004 summer we've st...
A. 31 March 2005: You need to tell him all of what you have said here, minus the part about moving on if necessary. Write him a letter, expressing how you feel, that you want to remain friends but that your feelings have grown for him. Say that you will understa... (read in full...)
My bloke promised he wouldn't mess me about, but now he won't answer my texts or calls...
Q. Hiya, please help me. I've become friendly with a bloke named Hayd. We started flirting a lot and eventually he tried to kiss me but I refused. A couple of days after, I saw him again and realised I actually did fancy him a lot, so I gave in. He ...
A. 30 March 2005: I think the answer here is for you to be very strong. Don't ring him, don't text him. Do absolutely nothing. Do anything, everything else to distract yourself from thoughts of him and attempt to put him to the very back of your mind. He is playing ... (read in full...)
Due to emigrate with my husband shortly. One problem: he just beat me up.
Q. My husband an I have been together for 12 years married for 7. We have 2 children 11 and 9. We are due to emigrate on the 29th april 05 and have just had a wonderful last holiday on our own without the kids. The problem is that he got drunk and ...
A. 30 March 2005: There is no excuse for being violent and there is always the risk that when it happens once, it will happen again. In your case, it has but there was a long gap in between. Nevertheless, he has let you down badly. He has betrayed your trust in him ... (read in full...)
The girl who's interested in me is younger than me. What do I do?
Q. Dear Cupid Hi, I am a 16 year old boy who lives in the UK and this girl I know who is 14 wants to go out with me. I don't know what to do, as I think people may think this is strange. Plz can you help me? cheers ...
A. 29 March 2005: Okay, she wants to go out with you. Do you want to go out with her? Do you like her? Is it more important to you what other people think than what you feel? You need to consider these questions first. The only issue you will have to contend with is ... (read in full...)
We're breaking up due to our clash of personalities, but I'm devastated and she's already seeing someone!
Q. Please help me. I have just split up with my wife and I'm devastated. We have been married for 8 years, but we have had a very bumpy marriage. We have many times in the past, but this time it is serious. She has even started to see someone new. Sh...
A. 29 March 2005: Was it her decision to go? You have been married for quite a while so you both must have tried very hard to make it work. Did you consider going to Relate? Would she possibly consider that now? She cares about you but does she still love you? ... (read in full...)
He claims he only comes around because I "pester" him. What's wrong with me?
Q. Please help. I've been seeing someone casually for a while now. He won't commit to me, that's why it's casual. He says he doesn't want to be with me. I'm overweight (size 16) and he said, given a choice between me and someone whom he cybered ...
A. 28 March 2005: Be strong, tell him to clear off. He has some serious issues. It isn't you, it's him. You deserve someone to treat you well, not with contempt. He has hurt you so much, don't allow him to hurt you anymore. He is using you when it is fitting for him.... (read in full...)
I'm afraid of trying to manage a long-distance relationship for a year, until my partner gets back home...
Q. Subject: Long Distance Relationship Hi, James, my long term boyfriend, was offered a one year contract job on the other side of the world before we got together, and it would start this October. He accepted but is now unsure about taking it up...
A. 28 March 2005: I don't think you need to be concerned about James accepting the job in terms of your relationship as it sounds as if you are very happy together. He accepted the job before you got together and he wants to get married when he returns. I think on... (read in full...)
Although he says he loves me, he only has time for me as a last resort. Is he playing with me?
Q. I am divorced and I have been dating this guy for the last four months. I have a son that is 20 months old. I thought everything was going great and he broke up with me, but still wanted to "see" me, and we are having the same relationship that we ...
A. 28 March 2005: You feel as if he just fits you in when it is convenient for him. Is that true? You need to ask him. Why did he split up with you originally? What were his reasons? Are these the reasons why he doesn't spend as much time as he could with you? Wh... (read in full...)
She's madly in love with me and I don't know how to say I want to break it off.
Q. Hi, I have a problem with my relationship of 14 months. All the way through I've found it difficult to tell her how I feel. I have told her I love her and she has said the same to me. She seems so happy and tells me all the time how much s...
A. 27 March 2005: This situation is very sad as you know someone is going to get hurt, but it is inevitable. You can't stay with someone in order to make them happy when you feel unhappy yourself. In the end she would know anyway by your behaviour that you weren't ... (read in full...)
I think I've put too much pressure on him for sex. Now he feels like he's performing...
Q. I am in a loving relationship with a wonderful man! We used to have a fantastic sex life and all of a sudden it seems to have slowed way down! I'm not too sure of the reason, just normal for a relationship I guess... The question is how do I get ...
A. 27 March 2005: I think the best thing to do here is to simply stop trying. It seems you now have mismatched sex drives and his outlet has become porn. He does still want you as at the end of the day, these women that he watches aren't real, they are not ... (read in full...)
I don't trust him and he grizzles if I flirt with other guys. Can we make this work?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for two years on/off and we have had our fair share of ups and downs. I do love him and I know he loves me, but he is starting to change. He smokes cannabis (which I dont agree with) on a regular basis and I sometime...
A. 27 March 2005: Well, I don't know! It seems you have a rather insecure relationship in that you don't entirely trust each other. Why are you flirting with other guys? Because he has a reputation for being flirtatious? To grab his attention because it seems he ... (read in full...)
Two pregnancy "scares" have left me wanting a baby, but I'm just 18...
Q. Hi This may sound strange, I'm with this guy and have been for 10 months. I am 18. We are engaged. Not that we want to get married in the next like 5 years. "Engagement" means committing to us. I've had similar relationships of this length and ...
A. 27 March 2005: I understand how you feel and it is perfectly natural to feel the way you do. You feel you have met the right one, you are committed to him so the natural progression of things is to want to have children with him. You also know that if you did ... (read in full...)
As much as I love my partner, I've begun to feel physically ill during sex...
Q. Hi, for a while now I have been losing my sexual urges, but don't want to make my partner of 10 yrs think it's anything to do with him. Sometimes during intercourse Ii actually feel physically sick or as if I'm having a panic attack - and have to ...
A. 26 March 2005: I would certainly suggest visiting the doctor. The swelling and the sensitivity seem indicative of an infection that needs to be investigated. The medication that you are on you say affects your sex drive but because you are experiencing discomfo... (read in full...)
My partner has moved in and out twice, now I'm an emotional wreck...
Q. Need advice on what to do about my partner. We were both with other people when we met 6 months ago, but we decided to rent a place together while we sorted everything out. I moved in with my 2 small children and he came for a week and then moved ...
A. 26 March 2005: Well, I'm not a man but I hope I can help a little!! I don't think he knows what he wants and he is simply keeping you hanging indefinitely till he works it out. He has got you on a string. He knows you are there waiting for him and this isn't fa... (read in full...)
I love my partner but I'm having trouble dealing with our "part-time" relationship
Q. Hi, before I met my current partner I hadn't been in a relationship for a couple of years and never thought I'd meet someone so special. Things are not easy for us, as my partner has a young child. I was aware of this before we got together and ...
A. 26 March 2005: As you feel your partner is special to you, ending it wouldn't be ideal. You need to express to her how you feel at the same time as telling her that you aren't trying to be demanding or you don't want her to feel pressured or bad. This is a bit ... (read in full...)
No matter who I'm going out with, I'm wishing it was my ex...
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend about a year and a half ago, but I am still in love with him! He was my first love and he broke my heart but he just doesn't understand. He ignores my messages and doesnt call me back! I guess it's obvious that he doesn...
A. 26 March 2005: You really need to establish exactly where you stand with your ex. This is hard if he isn't responding to any messages. Have you tried writing him a letter? Short of stalking him, which you mustn't do, there isn't much else you can do. If he won't... (read in full...)
Feel trapped by the debts that my cheating, abusive boyfriend owes me but I want out...
Q. My boyfriend owes me lots of money. How can I make him pay? He cheats, is mentally and physically abusive and I know I need to get out. I love him so much so it's so difficult to walk away. I feel trapped by the debts he owes me. Please help...
A. 24 March 2005: You feel trapped by the debts he owes you and/or trapped in the relationship with an abusive man whom you are having great difficulty in walking away from? I think it may be both. He owes you money but your main concern should be your safety a... (read in full...)
Our arguments started a year ago and have continued, even after we broke up!
Q. My partner and I have been arguing for about a year now. It all started when I fell pregnant with my second child. We have now split up as I can't take it any more and it is not fair on the kids. Even though we are not together any more, he conti...
A. 24 March 2005: By saying just that: that you intend for you both to stay civil and that you won't enter into any arguments with him, no matter what he says. The next time he wants to argue, walk away from him if possible and explain that you have no intention to ... (read in full...)
I don't know how much longer I can stand my husband's lying, manipulative daughters!
Q. I think my step-daughters hate me. I feel like they conspire to get me and my husband into fights. They are continuously causing their own mother and her boyfriend relationship problems. They have no respect for other people's property. I personal...
A. 24 March 2005: I think firstly you need to speak to your husband in depth about all this. You say he doesn't seem to care at all. You need to know for certain that this is the case otherwise you could be fighting a loosing battle anyway. I'm not saying that he ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend won't go down on me; he says it's "horrible"...
Q. Help! my boyfriend will not go down on me, he says the taste is too horrible, and that it's not just me but other past girlfriends, also. Any suggestions?...
A. 24 March 2005: He may have a hang-up in relation to doing this. Perhaps you should smear yourself with melted chocolate or honey, he may prefer the taste! Seriously, it all depends on how important this is to both of you. If you really want it to be a part of you... (read in full...)
I can't get an erection...Tried everything!
Q. No erection. I tried all tablets ( viagra, cilas , etc. ) With no effect. What shall I do ?...
A. 24 March 2005: Have you tried to see a therapist who is an expert in sexual matters? Perhaps there is an underlying pschological cause that may need to be investigated. Do you take any drugs or are you on any medication at all as this can cause penile dysfunct... (read in full...)
It was OK that she wanted to date other guys, but she said she 'loves' me, after she ran off with someone else!
Q. Hi, I've been dating this girl for one year and three months. We've had a wonderful relationship, and agree that we both love each other. The problem is this though, She hasn't dated really anyone before me. A few weeks ago she tells me that she...
A. 23 March 2005: You don't say how old she is but I am assuming that she is quite young. I think it is a simple case that she wants to become more experienced with affairs of the heart and you are the back up when the need arises. I'm sorry to be so blunt but she ... (read in full...)
It's like I don't care if I have sex or not. What's wrong with me?
Q. I don't seem to want to have sex as much as when me and my husband first got married. I'm 35 years old this 4th of July. We will be married 4 years. I'm told I should be in my prime. It's like I don't care if I have sex or not. I'm a very attracti...
A. 23 March 2005: It seems you don't have problems with confidence or self esteem which is great. You feel wanted by your husband which is super great! I think what you need to do is take a quick trip to the doctors and explain the problem. Perhaps a hormonal... (read in full...)
What do I say to my 'might-be-bisexual' boyfriend?
Q. I think my boyfriend might be bisexual. Little things I have come across indicate this. What do I do or say?...
A. 22 March 2005: This all depends on what you want. Do you wish to be with someone who is attracted to both sexes? It will probably be best to just ask him how he feels. Does he find both men and women attractive? Say to him that you have noticed certain things a... (read in full...)
In the 5 days we've known each other, she's already talked about marriage and kids
Q. I have been dating this 18 year old for 5 days. In five days, she has already talked about marriage, children, and moving in together. I am 20 years old. She is still a virgin, but she is like a nymph in a virgin's body. What should I do about he...
A. 22 March 2005: Suggest to her that she slows down a little, well, quite a lot actually! You are both very young but that isn't a reason not to commit to each other. What do you want? Do you like her? Perhaps she is so eager because she really does like you but ... (read in full...)
I still love and miss my old girlfriend, but I don't know where to find her...
Q. Hi, I'm 16 and I used to date my mum's best friend's daughter a while back. We had a secret relationship which lasted for a while, up until I moved away. My mum lost contact with her best friend and she has said she doesn't want to get back...
A. 22 March 2005: I wonder why your relationship was so secretive? Was it because you were both so young or were there other reasons? Does your mum know about your longing to find her? Perhaps if you confide in your mum about this, she may be able to help. She has ... (read in full...)
The big question: what is love?
Q. How do you know when your in love? I thought I was in love with a girl, then I met another girl and thought I fancied her, but what atually is love and when do you know you're IN love?...
A. 18 March 2005: Love is very much a subjective thing; people have varying opinions as to what constitutes love. It has always been a big debate! As I am in love, I will offer you my ideas as to what I think love is! But remember, this is a personal viewpoin... (read in full...)
I'm unhappy because I feel fat and blobby... and I'm afraid my fiance agrees.
Q. Over the past 6 months I have put on a lot of weight.(1 stone) I have always been Heavy but now I feel totally disgusting, and it is affecting my life, especially my love life. My Fiance of 5 years now prefers to look at internet porn instead of ...
A. 17 March 2005: You sound like a deeply sensitive person and you deserve to feel loved and wanted. You need to work on your self esteem and confidence and this takes time. You also need to talk to your fiance and put him in the picture of how you are feeling. Tell ... (read in full...)
How do I get back with the woman I'm willing to give up drugs and tobacco for?
Q. To set the scene, I'm 24 this year, male and have now been through two emotionally-based relationships. For the past four years I've been taking various drugs to varying degrees - pot all day every day, but with a few forays into ecstasy, coke and ...
A. 17 March 2005: You need to tell her all that you have said here. You have to explain to her that you want to be with her and that you don't intend to do drugs again because she is more important to you. What's more, you need to make a sincere promise to yourself ... (read in full...)
It wasn't enough for him to break it off with me; he humiliated me when I tried to be friendly.
Q. I went out with a lad for about 5 months, everything was fine at first but then towards the end he started freaking out about the '6 months' thing. I broke it off last November and heard nothing from him until today when I saw him in town and thou...
A. 17 March 2005: What is this 6 month thing? Is it the equivalent to the 7 year itch or something? Did he mean that once you reached 6 months of being together that things would then automatically go wrong? Perhaps he has had this experience before and was unwilling ... (read in full...)
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