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*ebecca Batchelor agony aunt

*ebecca Batchelor

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Fell for my tutor! Now it hurts to be around him...

Q.   I am a fifteen year old girl in high school, and to help prepare for college entrance exams (the SAT Subject Exams), my parents hired a tutor for me. However, this tutor (a 26 year old college graduate) seemed to be the perfect man I had envision...

A.   18 July 2005: I think the other answers were more focused upon why you can't have a relationship with your tutor and I bet, as an intelligent young woman, you are already aware of this! I think your tutor actually handled the situation rather badly and is cont... (read in full...)

An old email has made my girlfriend think I don't want her as much as I do!

Q.   My GF is great. She is the mother of my daughter and she also has one son. She was recently looking through my computer and found an e-mail that was sent to me by someone. It was very detailed and romantic. I no longer have anything to do with ...

A.   18 July 2005: I think that you need to think less about making your computer secure (as said below) as this will only arouse suspicion from your girlfriend that you have something to hide! And perhaps more about giving your partner lots of love and reassurance. I ... (read in full...)

My friend's mother doesn't approve of the 8-years difference...

Q.   My Friend is falling in love with an older woman. She is older than my friend by 8 years. But when his mother found out, she told my friend to break up. But he tell everyone this is a true love. What should he do with this problem?...

A.   17 July 2005: Is this you or your friend? Seems to be a common start by saying 'my friend'...but we will take it that your friend is male and 8 years younger than a woman he is falling in love with. It all depends really on how old he is. I mean, if he is only... (read in full...)

It feels like she just doesn't love me any more...

Q.   I have been with my girlfriend for 5 1/2 years, we are both heavily involved with each other and have been through a lot. We are now living together and things have become "comfortable". The problem is that she never shows any affection towards me, ...

A.   17 July 2005: There is only one thing left to do. Talk to her and ask her to be honest with how she is feeling and thinking. Ask her what she wants from the future and if she feels that the future includes you. It sounds like you are trying very hard. Perh... (read in full...)

Three years into our relationship, my boyfriend needs to "live a single life" in case I leave him!

Q.   Im 21. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. When he came back from holidays last summer, despite the fact that he emailed me every second day, things had changed for him in that I was becoming a lot less of a priority in his life. He was thin...

A.   15 July 2005: I think it is important to find out exactly where you stand with him and what he really wants from the future. You can't go on like this, playing the waiting game and being uncertain of what to expect. You are both very young but that doesn't mean... (read in full...)

I know my girlfriend likes me, but she's not good at showing it...

Q.   Me and my girl (whom I care a lot about) have been dating for about 2 and a half months. It's been great. I cant go a more than 3 days whitout hearing her voice, at least. I know she likes me, but she shows none of it, sometimes when we're alone, b...

A.   15 July 2005: It could be that your girlfriend feels embarrassed and awkward about displaying affection but I think you need to ask her if this is the case. Explain to her that you are a little concerned that sometimes she turns away from you and you are worr... (read in full...)

Accidentally saw my son's father and I didn't know whether to hate him or love him..

Q.   I feel so stuck between love and hate. I haven't seen my son's father in almost four years and out of the blue I see him at the grocery store. I wanted to cry, yell, ask so many questions, but I just couldn't get up the courage. I still love him...

A.   15 July 2005: Bev is right with her advice. Why did he walk away from something so precious; namely you and your child that you had together? What kind of a man doesn't have any contact at all with his son, I am assuming that he hasn't? You know he is bad news... (read in full...)

I caught my boyfriend in an elaborate lie about a phone call he received. Can I still trust him?

Q.   Hi, my boyfriend and I have been together for 10 months. He is real sensitive and wants me to move in. He gave me the key and said come and go as I please. I really love him. I know were he is at all times. We are together more than 1/2 the day. I...

A.   14 July 2005: This is the problem with lies. One becomes another and another... The biggest issue is that if someone lies once, can they do it again ? So I can see why you are concerned. First and foremost, who is this girl anyway? How well does he know her?... (read in full...)

His job is to take pictures of beautiful women, and I don't feel like I can compete with that!

Q.   My new boyfriend is a fashion photographer and he always takes pictures of beautiful women and as much as I try not for it to bother me, it does. What should I do? I am considered pretty but not beautiful. ...

A.   14 July 2005: Consider why it is that your boyfriend wishes to be with you. I'm sure he's told you how much he thinks of you and I bet him photographing beautiful women is simply just a job to him that he doesn't think of in the way that you may be considering. I ... (read in full...)

My old lover is stable and says he'll take me back, but my new lover is younger and exciting...

Q.   I recently broke off an 8 month relationship with my Ex boyfriend and met someone new. While I have only been dating for a month now, I really feel like I have found real love. The problem is that this new love lives a few states away and works 6 ...

A.   14 July 2005: This is a kind of common problem. Excitement and passion or stability and security. How about both? Can you have your cake and eat it? You can if you try but I don't mean for you to see both men. Instead, you need to have these qualities in one man ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's family doesn't want him to see me because I was raped!

Q.   Hi, I need help. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and I was raped about a month ago by an ex at a party. Ever since, we have had problems and fights every day and I can't stop crying because my boyfriend's family wants not...

A.   14 July 2005: First and foremost, you may benefit from receiving help from an external source such as a counsellor and professionals who are experts in dealing with rape. You are trying to cope with not only your own feelings but also that of your boyfriend's and ... (read in full...)

My abstaining from any kind of sex is affecting my girlfriend...

Q.   Ok, I know it sounds weird but although I'm 16 I preach, a lot, and it means a lot to me. Because of what preaching means to me I cannot have sex or anything resembling sex, or I try at least, and I think it has an affect on my relationship because ...

A.   14 July 2005: You are very young and not everyone is having sex at your age anyway! Does preaching mean you can't have sex until you are married, assuming you can get married? I think you need to be straight with your girlfriend and make her aware of how you ... (read in full...)

My partner wanted to split up, but she's willing to talk. So, what can I say?

Q.   Age old problem I'm sure, Me and my longtime partner of ten years have been having problems and we have recently split, she said that she needs time to think about where our relationship is going and how she feels about me now. I did not hand...

A.   14 July 2005: I think when you meet tonight, it will be wise to allow her to guide the conversation. You can repeat what you have already said to her and in your mail and also include why you think you both have a future together. The rest is up to her real... (read in full...)

Every month at "that time" my girlfriend gets mad... and stays mad.

Q.   When "Aunt Rose" comes to visit my girlfriend I can't keep her happy for anything, and when she gets mad it carries past Aunt Rose's monthly visit. You girls out there how can I keep it under control and keep her happy?...

A.   14 July 2005: There are a variety of supplements available at chemists that your girlfriend could purchase such as Evening Primrose Oil which is meant to be excellent for menstrual difficulties. A visit to her doctor could be an idea if she really is that bad.... (read in full...)

He knows I have a crush on him... Should I send him my essay too?

Q.   Dear Cupid, A few days ago,I wrote a completely fictional essay about my crush and I getting together.I decided to send it to my younger cousin via e-mail,and she replied saying that it was incredible and that I should send it to my crush.Sh...

A.   13 July 2005: I entirely agree with what Bev has said below. It would be really unwise to push this guy. If he wants to be with you, he will be able to contact you to let you know that but don't hold on in hope. From what he has said and how he has behaved, it ... (read in full...)

I'm in love, he just wants to be friends. Now he won't answer his phone...

Q.   Met a great guy one month ago. He just wants to be friends but I have fallen in love with him. It has now been six days since we last spoke and he does not answer his phone or my SMS....

A.   13 July 2005: I think he is trying to tell you that you can't be anymore than friends in his eyes and that is just the way it has to be. You don't have much choice but to accept it. I wonder how you managed to fall in love with him anyway if he was keeping you ... (read in full...)

It's a cliche, I know... but I've fallen for a young, blonde attractive member of my staff...

Q.   This sounds like a cliche but I feel that I need help to get it out of my system. I have fallen for a member of my staff. She is 10 years younger blond, slim attractive and available. I have been married and faithful (ish) for 21 years so there's ...

A.   13 July 2005: It seems to me that your marriage is stale and you have been after a bit of excitement. You found this in Gill but she perhaps found you more attractive when you weren't trying in vain to get her attention. Now that she knows you want her, the ... (read in full...)

I get the cold shoulder when I tell my girlfriend that I love her. What's going on?

Q.   I really do love my girlfriend, but recently if I try to hold her hand she pulls away. If we are out somewhere she speeds up and seperates herself from me, and although I told her I loved her and vice versa a lot of the time recently when I tell her ...

A.   13 July 2005: Ask her to explain to you why she is behaving this way. Is it because she isn't demonstrative? Perhaps it makes her feel embarrassed. The only way you are going to fathom this out is by simply asking her and expecting an honest answer in return. S... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is in the military and he broke it off with me because he has to go abroad...

Q.   My boyfriend of 9 months is in the forces and was due to see me at the weekend after being on a training course 300 miles away for 3weeks. He had been ringing and texting me daily saying how much he has been missing me etc. On the night before his...

A.   13 July 2005: I'm afraid there isn't an awful lot you can do. It could be that he is serious and feels that your relationship won't survive while he is away and he doesn't want that to happen. He could also be under a lot of stress. He may change his mind but ... (read in full...)

When I think of my boyfriend losing his virginity to his ex, I get sad and angry...

Q.   I've got a problem that I can't seem to get over. I love my boyfriend more than I could explain, but I can't seem to get over his past. A few months before we got together he lost his virginity to a girl he didn't care about. I can't stop thinking...

A.   13 July 2005: You are going to have to be a lot firmer with yourself and frequently tell yourself to let his past go. He has reassured you that it was a mistake so there is nothing more he can do, its all up to you. Only you can get past all this if you try. Ever... (read in full...)

Our sex life is about half what my boyfriend would like, so he gets moody and I feel guilty!

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for five years. he gets very moody when I don't want to have sex and acts like a child. I do not like to have a lot of sex and so feel guilty that I am not interested enough - do I have a problem? If we ...

A.   13 July 2005: Whatever you do, don't let your boyfriend read what 'Pops' said below! 'You should be doing it daily, and several times each day at the weekends'! There is no should or shouldn't about it! He is assuming that you are young but you don't say your age ... (read in full...)

Attracted to a lifelong friend and not my wife... Unfortunately, we both have partners and children!

Q.   I am married with a child. I have a loving wife but I feel sexually attracted to a lifelong friend whom I have known for over 15 years. We are very close and she has a child as well. Our kids play together and she and my wife hang out a lot. S...

A.   12 July 2005: I can understand you feeling happier with your friend than your wife and being sexually attracted to her but there are people very likely to get hurt if you pursue her. It is even worse that there are children involved. In addition to this, your ... (read in full...)

In an arranged marriage, but I can't help thinking that my wife should look and act differently!

Q.   Hi.. I am a 27 years guy from India. I am an Engineer working with a US based MNC. I got married 5 months ago and mine was an arranged married. I am not convinced by the way my wife looks and does not carry her like the way I anticipated. Thi...

A.   12 July 2005: This is a big problem with arranged marriages as I'm sure you know; you don't have the ability to exactly select what you really want. However, choosing and being with a woman isn't like buying a bunch of flowers! You don't or at least shouldn't ... (read in full...)

Split with my ex and I'm free to choose, but now I can't decide which boy I like better!

Q.   Hi, Right. I am 14! I went out with a boy my age some time ago now. We ended but at the same time I liked this other boy that really really liked me and after me and my ex split he still liked me loads. I told him I didn't like him in that way....

A.   12 July 2005: I think you need to be a little bit surer of who you really like before you go any further! Take your time and don't jump into any relationship too quickly. I think it would be better to wait until someone else comes along and you just click an... (read in full...)

How can I help my friend get over her disappointment?

Q.   I have a friend. We study at the same school. Before she does the Entrance Examination, she hopes to study in the faculty of Dentistry. She's concentrate on her books. She reads the books and do the exercise too much. She spends her time to read ...

A.   12 July 2005: It seems your friend works extremely hard but doesn't always achieve what she wants. I think she needs to ease the pressure on herself a bit and have some fun. How about suggesting that you both join a club together? Have a night out together... (read in full...)

I think my gf lies to me to protect herself... but it's hard on our relationship!

Q.   My girlfriend is always hiding things and lying to me. We have a great relationship and I love her very much but how do I get it across to her she needs to be honest with me? She always tells me that there's nothing wrong or nothing on her mind ...

A.   12 July 2005: Perhaps there actually isn't anything on her mind and nothing wrong! Just because she has been hurt before doesn't necessarily mean that she is hiding something from you. Don't assume the worst! However, I think it would be wise to offer her lots... (read in full...)

Met an online lover, but he was sprung by his wife. Now he won't talk to me!

Q.   My husband doesn't have sex with me. About three months ago I took a lover, who is also married. We met online and his wife recently found out about the affair and has requested a divorce. I am very distraught because I am very emotionally attached ...

A.   12 July 2005: I think you must know that morally and emotionally what you have done isn't right and the same applies to the married guy; he also shouldn't have had an affair with you. Too many people get hurt and now you are hurting too. Consider couples coun... (read in full...)

On again, off again with my boyfriend because he doesn't have the same goals and ambition...

Q.   I've been on & off again a few times with my b/f for 5 yrs. We've been really serious and we are each other's best friends. However, I feel as though he isn't going anywhere with his life. I'm about to graduate college, and he is just going ba...

A.   12 July 2005: You didn't say at all if you actually loved him or not. Additionally, you said that you've talked to him about his aspirations or lack of aspirations but you don't seem to have spoken to him about your relationship. Is he aware of how you are ... (read in full...)

My close friend spends all her time with her boyfriend now and I miss her!

Q.   I am an 18-year-old girl.I have a closed friend who I love very much.She has just had her first boyfriend in her life.She loves and cares him very much. They are sticking themselves together all the time and this makes me feel lonely. Sometimes...

A.   11 July 2005: Your friend is making the mistake of basically ditching her friends and not spending enough time with them because she has a boyfriend and wants to be with him. However, she may find if something goes wrong for her, her friends won't want to know ... (read in full...)

No longer attracted to my wife. Not sure about moving in with the other woman. Help!

Q.   Very Confused. I have been married for 5 1/2 years and have also been seeing another woman whom I fell in love with. I have sex with her, but not with my wife. My wife is a wonderful caring person. She gained weight and I no longer find her ...

A.   6 July 2005: You haven't been entirely fair on either woman. You have been dishonest with your wife who you should have respected enough to be truthful about what has been going on and how you feel. Additionally, the other woman simply became the other woman ... (read in full...)

Time to break up with my married guy. Can we stay friends?

Q.   I am in love with a married man. I have been seeing him for 3 years. It seem like I make all the effort. How can I tell him I can't do this anymore and still be friends?...

A.   6 July 2005: With difficulty I would say. If you have been making all the effort, he has been having his cake and eaten it basically. Three years is a long time to be with someone and he has got well used to the state of play. I would hate to think how hi... (read in full...)

My new friend at university went from kind to cold. What happened?

Q.   Today is the first day in University, I can't get along with others. I'm so worried about that but good luck to me I have one new friend. She is friendly and very kind with everyone. After couple days, She has many friends everyone want to be her ...

A.   6 July 2005: Ask her outright what her problem is and why she is being this way with you now. I think it may be a waste of time trying to pursue a friendship with her as she seems somewhat two-faced and perhaps she just appeared to be really nice at the begi... (read in full...)

He read my email without even consulting me! I've got nothing to hide, but don't I deserve my privacy?

Q.   The other day, I was writing an e-mail to my girlfriend. She had told me some very personal information and I was replying to some concerns she had about her upcoming divorce. When I left the computer to answer the phone, my boyfriend had came to my ...

A.   6 July 2005: In a relationship, there shouldn't be any secrets but you are right, you are entitled to your own privacy even in a committed relationship. It could be that he is insecure and this is why he firstly looked at your email and secondly turned it arou... (read in full...)

What can I do to get my friend to forgive me?

Q.   I argued with my best friend. I tried to call to say sorry but he always rejects my call.What should I do?...

A.   6 July 2005: I think the best thing to do is to write him a letter (or email him). Then you can explain everything and express how you feel. Explain how much you value the friendship and what you think of him as well as apologising. All you can really do then... (read in full...)

I don't want to lose my girlfriend, but I can't deny my attraction for a guy from work!

Q.   O.K., here it goes. I am a bisexual male, and I have been with my girlfriend for over 3 years. I have only had two contacts with a man in the past. I recently started hanging out with a guy from work that I believe I am falling deeply in love with, ...

A.   5 July 2005: I think you may not be able to have your cake and eat it, I'm afraid. You need to be brutally honest with your girlfriend and let her know that you are falling in love with this guy at work and he with you and then let her decide what she wants to d... (read in full...)

His friends seem more important to him than our time together...

Q.   I have been dating my now boyfriend for a little over a month. We were long-distance friends for over a year until he moved back into the area. I am having a problem with his friends taking priority over me. He works nights so the time we get to see ...

A.   5 July 2005: I would be inclined to disagree a little with Bev's answer below. Normally when you are first together, couples wish to spend as much time together as possible. This may include being with friends too but normally, you will meet and see your frie... (read in full...)

We didn't have actual sex... but could I still be pregnant?

Q.   My boyfriend and I are in love, and we do not have sex because we do not feel that it will benefit our relationship right now. We do however immensly enjoy foreplay, and "dry sex". Well I've missed my period after 'dry sex' and was wondering if I ...

A.   5 July 2005: Dry sex involves a couple stimulating each other with their clothes on; rubbing each others bodies together etc. I think this is what you have been doing? Any sperm that is spilled in or around the vagina or vulva can lead to pregnancy but if you ... (read in full...)

What are some other ways I can enjoy foreplay?

Q.   I am not able to perform oral sex on my husband at the moment, please can anyone give me advice on other ways to pleasure my husband during foreplay....

A.   4 July 2005: Massage and caressing are a good start. How about stroking his entire body from head to foot to arouse him? You may find he prefers certain areas of his body to be massaged than others. Concentrate on those areas if you wish. In return, he could do ... (read in full...)

I'm so keen on my English teacher. What can I do to be his favourite?

Q.   I am a student and I have a crush (a major crush) on my english teacher. He knows I'm a good student and all, but he is never frank with me. I want him to like me and treat me as his favourite student. What can I do?...

A.   4 July 2005: To be a little more sympathetic than the answer below, I would say that you need to redirect your attention elsewhere. It is correct to say that a relationship between a teacher and student is wrong and the teacher would be risking his job as well... (read in full...)

We're getting married in September, but when it comes to sex, he pushes me away!

Q.   My boyfriend doesn't want sex with me. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 years now and we're getting married in September. But he never wants sex with me. I try and turn him on, but he pushes me away. I'm starting to think it's me. I do...

A.   4 July 2005: You haven't said if it was always like this. You have been together for six years, perhaps it is only recently he has been behaving this way or is it longer? You do need to get to the root of the problem before you do make the committment of marr... (read in full...)

His insensitivity about my feelings is ruining the great relationship we had!

Q.   I'm wanting a bit of advice from other readers please ;0) I have a happy relationship with a wonderful man, we have 2 children together and I thought I had everything in the world. My partner moved 200 miles to live with me and since he moved he...

A.   4 July 2005: It seems to me that your husband is very disrespectful towards your feelings and emotions. I wonder how he gets personally involved with his female customers? His leering at other women and running you down is indicative of a man who doesn't seem... (read in full...)

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