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*ebecca Batchelor agony aunt

*ebecca Batchelor

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He said he loved me and was going to leave his gf. Now I think I'm pregnant and he's still with her!

Q.   I had an affair with a guy that has a girlfriend because he told me he really loved me and that he was going to leave her. Now that I think I am pregnant by him. He swears to her that it ain't his and that he don't love me. What should I do?...

A.   2 November 2005: It is probably a bit too late to preach about not going with someone who already has a girlfriend as you can't always believe what they say and their promises, that they aren't trustworthy to be doing it in the first place, that if they really ... (read in full...)

My older guy is concerned about our age gap, but I'm not...

Q.   HI Everyone! I'm 21 and the man I love is 42. We get along on soo many levels! HE has concerns that he will "steal" my childhood away. I feel that I'm 21 and what childhood would he really be stealing? I love him so much... Is it ok for me to love...

A.   2 November 2005: It is okay to love someone much older than yourself as long as you are aware of the pitfalls and understand each other. Age gap relationships can work as longer as each person makes an allowance for the other and are aware of the stigma that many... (read in full...)

Another girl said my bf kissed her 5 months ago. He denies it. What do I do?

Q.   How should I handle this? I just found out that my boyfriend of almost 2 years was with another girl about 5 months ago, not sexual but they kissed. I asked him about this, and he said I was crazy and that he didn't even know this girl, just knew ...

A.   2 November 2005: Have you made a big thing about it? What concerns me is that your boyfriend said you were crazy. I mean, if you just accused him, I could almost understand this but if you just told him what this girl said, then he shouldn't have said you were craz... (read in full...)

He's always had a temper and now he yells every day!

Q.   My boyfriend seems to have lost interest in me. He doesn't seem to be intrested in my sexually at all. If I want to do something with him I have to practically beg him. Other than that we don't do anything. He has always had a temper, but lately it ...

A.   28 October 2005: He may not change, that's the problem. This could be the way he is; selfish, with a bad temper and treating you like a doormat to wait on him and do what he wants. However, to give him the benefit of the doubt, approach him and ask him if there is a... (read in full...)

There's no violence in our house, just lots of shouting. It's making me depressed...

Q.   I always feel like every thing is my fault. My family aren't rich but we are very close to losing the house and all the nice things we have. My mother has four kids, me including. My dad still lives in our house, but rarely comes home and when he...

A.   27 October 2005: Kayla, Find someone you can confide in and tell them all that you have said here. It doesn't matter too much who they are, someone you trust, someone who cares about you, someone perhaps like a teacher or a counsellor who can understand and advi... (read in full...)

His online dating profile didn't mean anything. So why does he want to meet the fake person I put on the site?

Q.   HELP me:( I thought I found the love of my life. I have been with him for 2 years. He has two wonderful children that I love. He got married at 20, and divorced after 6 years. then was in another relationship of 3 years that did not work out...

A.   27 October 2005: You obviously were highly suspicious of him anyway to create a fake profile. He is not to be trusted in the slightest. I don't know why he is like this or even how long he has been like this but he isn't even worth the bother of trying to figu... (read in full...)

I'm 17 and in love with my married, 50-year-old, female boss!

Q.   Hey dudes, okay, here goes... I'm a 17 year old female and have a part-time job in a restaurant. I am very close with both my bosses who are married, but I am the closest with my female boss *Amanda. For the past year and a half I have had sexua...

A.   26 October 2005: You didn't actually say that 'Amanda' was married to your other boss, they could both be married to other people so POPS was assuming this and people also don't automatically know they are gay before they reach puberty;confusion can play a major ... (read in full...)

I wonder if I'm ever going to meet the right guy...

Q.   Am I never going to find the right guy? I'm 21 years old and I always seem to go for guys who are very unattainable (the ones I can't have or who break my heart). I dont know what to do, feel as though I'm never gonna find someone to love. Please ...

A.   26 October 2005: Think about what you find so attractive about unattainable guys. Is it the excitement, challenge? Think about what you would like to find in an attainable guy. Perhaps you are attracted to the typical bad guy and you need to work out why. How abou... (read in full...)

Sometimes I freeze up with nothing to say to my crush! Hints? Suggestions?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I've been talking to my crush (Timber) on the Internet for about four months now. He's sweet, funny, and absolutely everything I ever thought he would be. We talk almost every day for long amounts of time-just finding out about each oth...

A.   26 October 2005: I think what you need to do is pretend that he is only a friend and try to relax when you're talking to him. This is easier said than done, I know. It is easier to talk on the net than on the phone or in person because your voice reveals a little of ... (read in full...)

Met someone online who told me she loves me. It seems odd to me. What do you think?

Q.   I am a bisexual. I met this girl on MSN and I've hardly ever talked to her. Today she said 'hi' and 'whats up' and then asked what my sexuality was. I told her and then she was asking all of these different questions. She then said that she loved me ...

A.   25 October 2005: Yep, all the reasons you have given seem correct to me and what is the most worrying is that she wants to meet you so quickly and that she is declaring her love for you already without even meeting you! People have met online and had wonderful rela... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is extra-large and we're wondering... what's the average penis size?

Q.   What is the average penis size? My boyfriend has a very large package and we were wondering what was average? This is so awkward but also when he goes all the way in I have a sharp pain but it also feels good. Why is this and is there any harm in ...

A.   25 October 2005: Pops isn't right, I'm afraid. Of course a woman's vagina is able to accommodate a baby's head but that is width not length! Some men can be very long which can hit the cervix and hurt as a result. This could be what you are experiencing. The average ... (read in full...)

Should I quit my online flirting, even though neither of us takes it seriously?

Q.   I want to know what others ppl's opinions are on flirting. I am a bit of a flirt and enjoy it, I have always been this way and always thought it was harmless unless you acted upon it. I play an online game with a male friend that my partner do...

A.   25 October 2005: Possibly your relationship is suffering because, quite simply, you should be relaxing with your partner after a long day at work as opposed to playing an online game with a 'friend'. Your partner is possibly jealous not just because your friend is f... (read in full...)

He cheated, repeatedly and with multiple partners, but now he wants to come back...

Q.   My fiance just told me he's been cheating for the past year - off and on, no one in particular. His job takes him away for the majority of the year and definately puts him in the position to cheat, musician. I've kicked him out and told him it's ...

A.   25 October 2005: Why was he cheating? I'm not saying that he deserves to have any excuses but the fact that it was 'no one in particular' illustrates him to have no respect for himself and women. Perhaps, however, you have given him the wake up call that he need... (read in full...)

No reason for his dumping me. How do you get over something like that?

Q.   I am so utterly broken. My boyfriend of 8 months, who I loved (and still do) more than just about anything, called me 3 weeks back on my first day at uni and broke up with me. No reasons or anything. How do I begin to get over him? I'm an emotiona...

A.   24 October 2005: I don't know what 'Pops' is on about below in terms of education but I think he is just trying to assume a reason (more than likely the wrong one, we cannot assume on the basis of what you have said and what little you know) as to why your boyfriend ... (read in full...)

Ouch! Uncomfortable when my girlfriend is on top!

Q.   When my girlfriend is on top she makes me feel like my penis is being bent the wrong way. What can we do to help?...

A.   24 October 2005: Tell her to bend the other way! Perhaps she is leaning too far back. Both of you try moving to a better and more comfortable position while she is on top but if all else fails, try another position altogether. It certainly shouldn't hurt. Tell her ... (read in full...)

A different kind of porn problem: Where can I get porn for women?

Q.   Im a female of 22 and recently split with my long term boyfriend. I don't want to go out and sleep with everyone so I'm really enjoying my marathon masturbation sessions. The problem is, where do I get hold of porn for females (mags)? Porn for men ...

A.   24 October 2005: Scarlet is a mag you can buy from the shops now and it contains erotic literature that can be arousing. Try ebay, and put in scarlet magazine as a search. I just sold some on there! Another magazine to look for is 'For Women' Now this one does cont... (read in full...)

My guy didn't seem to care until I started dating his friend. Now they both want me!

Q.   I have been in love with this guy for a long time but he expresses no interest in me, so I began to go out with his friend who likes me. Now the guy that I am in love with begins to sweet talk me and take notice of me. I don't want to hurt his ...

A.   24 October 2005: This seems to be very much an example of what we can't have, we want but when it is available, the challenge diminishes somwhat. The guy you are in love with is like this and he is playing with you. Okay, think about this. He wants you now beca... (read in full...)

Just discovered that my girlfriend cheated 18 months ago and I can't stop thinking about it!

Q.   I am 21 and my girlfriend is 18. We have dated for almost 4 years and she just admitted to me that she cheated on me about 1 and a half years ago. I can't sleep at night and I am always thinking about it and getting frustrated about it. What should ...

A.   24 October 2005: First and foremost, I think you need to decide whether you can live with what she has done and whether you can forgive her. It won't be easy (or even possible) to forget but do you love your girlfriend enough and is your relationship good enough for ... (read in full...)

I want him back, but he's with someone new. What can I do?

Q.   My first love and I broke up after 7yrs. It's been 5 yrs. He has a girlfriend, but I want him back. What should I do?...

A.   21 October 2005: Do you mean that its been five years since you broke up? If so, that is a long time and also a long time that you were actually together. I don't know if he knows how you still feel about him but there is quite a possibility that he has moved on, ... (read in full...)

Been masturbating in a different style. Will this cause me problems later?

Q.   Hello, I am 16 years old and still a virgin. I started masturbating in a different manner. I lie on a bed and rub my dick on the bed. I am afraid will I have problems in having sex?...

A.   21 October 2005: Allow your worries to subside as you won't have any problems at all having sex when you are ready to do so. People have different ways of achieving satisfaction and what you are doing won't hinder you when you do make love. It may be wise not to d... (read in full...)

He's 25 and I'm 15, but it's not about sex..!

Q.   I'm 15 and I'm seeing a 25 year that lives an hour an a half away. Everyone thinks that our relationship is wrong and that he is using me for sex but he hasn't even asked once, but no-one will believe me. I love him very much and he loves me also. ...

A.   20 October 2005: Many people on this site will say that the age difference is wrong simply because you are so young and below the age of consent but I'm not going to try and patronise you by saying that you don't know what love is or that you are simply too young to ... (read in full...)

Does going out with someone else when we were separated make me a slapper?

Q.   Hi All, I was recently in a relationship with a guy I work with, i felt the relationship was dying and the only thing left was to end it which i did but the guy said he was sorry about all the problems and would really like us to get back togethe...

A.   19 October 2005: Following your feelins is fine providing no one else gets hurt. I think the guy you were seeing was hoping for a reconciliation and you had said about not rushing into anything because the issues hadn't been resolved but that perhaps still soun... (read in full...)

I've lost my sense of security since we discussed whether to break up...

Q.   Dear Cupid, I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 18 months. He's 28, I'm 26. We were friends for 5 years before we got together. We don't live together but we see each other 5 days out of 7. We have a very happy, loving relationship. 2 weeks ...

A.   19 October 2005: You haven't done anything wrong; you just can't jump into his mind and read and understand his thoughts. Of course you now feel insecure and worried as you thought everything was fine and now uncertainty and doubt lingers. Ask him to tell you exac... (read in full...)

Are "escorts" just prostitutes by another name?

Q.   My friend has hired an escort - and I tried to stop him but he did it anyway - are escorts really just prostitutes? He says he's lonely after losing his girlfriend but is it really just to have sex? Is that what escorts are for really?...

A.   19 October 2005: Think of it from this point of view; when a woman hires an escort, is it just to have sex? It doesn't have to be different for men. Some escorts do have sex, some don't. It depends on what the client wants. There are many escorts that provide a serv... (read in full...)

My relationship with my bf is great, except that he has almost no interest in sex!

Q.   I know this question was recently asked, but my boyfriend of almost 4 years has a very low sex drive and he is only 32. We have sex about an average of once a month. We have talked about this for a couple of years now, with no improvements. There is ...

A.   19 October 2005: If he refuses to get help, if he won't consider a compromise whereby he at least pleasures you on a regular basis without you needing to pressurise him for sex, if he won't listen to you seriously when you tell him how you feel, then you have two ... (read in full...)

Is the boy I'm dating gay?

Q.   Hi, I am unsure if the boy I'm dating is gay. When we first met. my friend said 'don't bother because he is gay'. When we first had sex he asked me if I'd ever had anal sex. Then when we finally got intimate he fingered me but was just staring ...

A.   19 October 2005: There are enough warning signs here, admittedly, to suggest at least some confusion over his sexual orientation, but I think you need to ask yourself whether you really want to be with him anyway. Do you enjoy being with him? Could you consider ... (read in full...)

When my girlfriend gives me oral sex, I just can't get off!

Q.   When my girlfriend gives me a blowjob, I can never get off. All the times I get right to the point that I would normally get off but it won't happen. What could be the problem? I love it when she does it, it feels good. It just wont finish it. ...

A.   19 October 2005: Relaxation could be the key. Next time it happens, try not to concentrate on actually having an orgasm and just enjoy the sensations. Explain to your girlfriend what you will do;just relax and allow her to do what she does. Don't try to force an ... (read in full...)

How can I persuade him to give us another chance?

Q.   Myself and my boyfriend of almost 3 years recently broke up. We're best friends, are very attracted to each other and I love him like crazy. He says he doesn't know how he feels anymore but that it doesn't matter as we'll never work out. I suspect ...

A.   19 October 2005: Unfortunately, giving him time and space may well be the hardest thing for you to do but the best thing overall. Perhaps the outside pressures that you hinted of may well have swayed him into thinking your relationship will not survive but you shou... (read in full...)

Is it normal for someone like me to be so obsessed with much older men?

Q.   Dear Cupid! I am a 16 year old girl and I'm having a massive dilemma: I seem to be attracted to men much older than me.... not just attracted actually, I'd say I am almost obsessed! I fantasise about my maths teacher, my english tea...

A.   19 October 2005: What you are experiencing is normal so please don't worry too much about it. You are finding yourself with crushes on older men because they are more mature and therefore more attractive to you. You are also maturing yourself and it is natural to ... (read in full...)

Keeping tallies on sex and orgasm...

Q.   I told my wife that 3 of my ex girlfriends would write down on a calender everytime we had sex. They would put a check mark if they got off. They would put a circle if they gave me a bj. My wife things that was weird and thinks no girls do that, ...

A.   17 October 2005: I think the overwhelming response here says it all! Weird. But what is even more concerning is why you are discussing such sexual histories with your wife. It doesn't sound like a very romantic marriage to be honest! I hope you don't elaborate abou... (read in full...)

Is the great sex worth her controlling behaviour?

Q.   I'm 27 years old. I have just started a new relationship with a 37 year old women. At first I thought she was great, but now I am finding her very dominating towards me. She dosen't feel comfortable with any type of public affection (holding hands), ...

A.   14 October 2005: If most of the agony aunts on this site are aunts and not uncles, then I think you may be talking to the wrong people! Okay, how is she dominating towards you? Because she's told you how she would like you to wear your hair? That's such a sin!... (read in full...)

My partner won't really say what's wrong between us; she just wants to leave

Q.   I’ve been married to a lovely woman for 2 years. We were lovers, partners, best friends and soul mates. I love her dearly we really have had a fantastic relationship. We haven’t been getting on for a few weeks, or should I say she hasn’t been get...

A.   14 October 2005: It is important that she does receive help in the form of support from a counsellor or a doctor who could put her in touch with a professional. It would also be a good idea if you could both receive couples counselling. The difficulty you have is ... (read in full...)

I explained how I feel about his looking at porn, but he still insists he enjoys it.

Q.   I am middle aged woman dating a seven year older man for almost 2 years. I recently saw him looking at pornography on the internet when I walked into the room. I was shocked and I tried to explain to him that I felt when you are in a loving, ...

A.   13 October 2005: No, you aren't wrong to feel this way at all and I for one personally agree with your sentiments. If you have a look at the categories on the right hand side of the first page of this site, you will find pornography listed and discover many women ... (read in full...)

My cheating was just a symptom of our failing relationship...

Q.   I have just cheated on my partner with a guy that I have kinda known for nearly 2 years. I am now in the process of breaking it off with my partner because the attraction with the other guy is like fireworks going off! Even though the other gu...

A.   12 October 2005: I wonder how you think things may turn out to your advantage? You cheated on your partner with a man who simply used you for sex. Even if this man did decide to be with you after all and not with his chosen girl, how would be able to trust him and ... (read in full...)

What do you look for in a bisexual partner..?

Q.   I am wondering if there are specific signs to look for, if you think your husband might be bisexual. Are there physical signs on their private parts? Help!!!...

A.   12 October 2005: There aren't any physical signs on their private parts but it would be helpful if he did have 'Jack and Jill welcome here' to confirm your suspicions (eyeswideopen below-very amusing!) However, instead of worrying and being suspicious, checking up o... (read in full...)

Was I disrespectful to my fiancee?

Q.   I have been in my relationship for five years. I am in the US Coast Guard Station overseas. I have been here for 4 months. This maybe sounds stupid or not, I don't know, but I have been using the website myspace.com to talk with old friends. I...

A.   12 October 2005: Irish49 is very right-relationships, in order to succeed, should be based on trust, respect and understanding. In your eyes, you may not have done anything wrong but in your partner's eyes, you have broken the trust by emailing that girl. The thin... (read in full...)

How can I get over my ex? We've tried everything!

Q.   My ex boyfriend (28) and I (20) have been on and off for the past 11 months. I was so depressed after the breakup, I lost 40lbs. He says its over and he'll never be with me, but every time I see him it's as if nothing ever happened, and when he ...

A.   11 October 2005: I think the only answer to this is to have the ability, which will require amazing strength I know, to let go. He may have a lot of pride but it is no excuse for what he is doing; essentially using you. He shouldn't be doing that; if he loves you ... (read in full...)

Our unequal sex drives are leaving me, well, frustrated!

Q.   I have been with my g/f for 10 years and we have 2 children together. I have always had a high sex drive while my g/f has a very low sex drive,. I have been ok with this until recently as I now find myself getting very upset when we don't have sex...

A.   11 October 2005: I guess your words will indicate to others here (at long last, may I say) that porn can play a role when a relationship is floundering on the sexual side and shouldn't merely be thought of as 'what men do'!! There is a reason for it. Mismatched sex ... (read in full...)

He can dish out the blame, but my boyfriend can't take it!

Q.   I met a guy online a year and a half ago. He is from the States, I am from Africa, although he is African like me. We dated and got engaged mid this year. I love the guy with all my heart and am sure he does love me too. He says am his ideal kind of ...

A.   11 October 2005: As you are already experiencing problems and you haven't even met, then I think you should be very cautious with this man. Communication is very important in a relationship with the ability to talk things through and understand each other. You ... (read in full...)

Snooped on his phone and found some messages that make me wonder if he's cheating...

Q.   When staying at my boyfriend's house the other month I found a dating services newsletter in the post he had left it in his room, obviously put to one side. I have since looked on his mobile and found text messages from online dating services. I ...

A.   10 October 2005: A relationship flounders if there isn't trust and trust is lacking greatly in your relationship. Something must have made you need to check up on him in the first place. If you're sure that he genuinely loves you, why would you need to check up o... (read in full...)

Can't tell if the boss is coming on to me...

Q.   Dear Cupid My boss, who is older than me, has been giving off very confusing signals! When we have been alone he has been very close but nothing more. This evening as were leaving he said "We always seem to leave together; people will talk...

A.   10 October 2005: It really doesn't matter what he was trying to say. Instead it is far more important what you do. You said he is married; there's your answer. Have nothing to do with him! He should not be encouraging you or even allowing you to think that perhaps ... (read in full...)

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