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anonymous
writes: Over the past 6 months I have put on a lot of weight.(1 stone) I have always been Heavy but now I feel totally disgusting, and it is affecting my life, especially my love life. My Fiance of 5 years now prefers to look at internet porn instead of being with me. In a way I understand why he does this. I can barely look in the mirror without bursting into tears. Why would he want to make love to someone as ugly as me, when he can jack off to some of the beauties online! The ones who don't have a nervous breakdown when having sex!! This happened at the weekend, I was in the mood so was he, but the second he asked me to get on top, I burst into tears and froze, I was shaking and almost sick, The thought of my blobby body on top of his made me ill and I just lost it. Of course of was understanding???? Well slightly anyway. Since then though, nothing, not even a cuddle at bedtime. I think he hates me.I have tried every diet in the book, none seem to work, I am taking slimming pills from the doctor but so far they are not having any major affect. I have been doing regular exercise and trying to take control of things but I can't seem to move on.I just want to be able to Love myself and get on with my life!Help...
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female
reader, Hats  +, writes (29 July 2008):
its very sad that u feel that, that way about your body and u definetly need to do something about it the answer is exercise, exercise releases endorphines into your blood stream after exercise and make you feel good about yourself, u really need to take a look at the type of execise your doing do you vary it? do you do it with friends to make it more enjoable? do you dread doing the exercise? the more postive you are about the exercise the more benefical it will be if i was you i would throw myself into aquacise at the local pool twice a week, pilates to help with flexibility and core strenght and start doing a lot of walking !!!! obivous dont exceed the daily recommonded intake of 2000 for a women!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2007): i am getting married in 3-4months, i have a ugly body i hate 2 look at myself at the mirror..but after speaking to my fiancai about how i feel, its really helped... he understands dat im lacking confidence within myself n he is willing to help me...n until den we wil only do the things dat im comfortable wid.... so plz do speak 2 ur fiancai about it.
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male
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (17 March 2005):
 You sound like a deeply sensitive person and you deserve to feel loved and wanted. You need to work on your self esteem and confidence and this takes time. You also need to talk to your fiance and put him in the picture of how you are feeling. Tell him how you feel about your body image and that you think he may dislike what he sees particularly in comparison to the girls on the net. You are the real thing, with a beautiful heart and mind; he can never get that from what he sees on a computer screen. Explain how you miss affection from him. He is probably a bit wary to approach you. This isn't your fault and you need to explain this to him. Tell him how you wanted to make love but that you felt so very self conscious that you couldn't. I believe he will reassure you and hopefully be honest with you also.If you really wish to lose weight, ask him to support you emotionally. Tell him you wish to do it for yourself as you want to be able to look at yourself in the mirror without cringing and you wish to feel more confident.When making love, women tend to feel self conscious about their bodies, much more so than many men but men don't tend to notice the 'blobby' bits of their women. When truly making love, the act is more so derived from love and affection; a means of illustrating how you feel for another person. This is what you need to concentrate on. Next time you make love, look into his eyes and he will look into yours. Don't be self conscious. If he really thought that you were ugly, why would he of wanted you to go on top where he could see you so clearly as opposed to missionary position?Write down 10 things that are positive about yourself and refer to them on a regular basis. For example, one could be that you are caring and affectionate, another could be that you are a good cook. Any attributes and talents and personal qualities write down. You will more than likely be able to think of more than 10.Take another sheet of paper and compose some goals you would like to achieve. Perhaps investigating joining a gym or learning a new skill. Another goal could be inventing tasty meals that are low in calories and are non fattening. Draw up an exercise plan that you can build on gradually but make sure you do things you enjoy. Perhaps dancing to music or gentle aerobics to your favourite songs. Maybe you could invest in a work out video or go to the library and look up fitness and diet.Forget the slimming pills, they don't do you any good at all. You need to find out why you have put on this extra stone as this could be the key to loosing it again. Perhaps you have been comfort eating? Not exercising as much as before? Eating the wrong foods? If you can't find the answer to this, visiting another doctor may help to investigate the weight gain.Above all, you need to develop your confidence and talk with your fiance. Tell him how much you love him and that how he feels is important to you.I really hope this helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2005): If you believe you can lose weight, you will lose weight. Start thinking positively -- you will look GREAT when you have got to a healthy weight. You have all that to look forward to! This is a problem that can be solved, and that you alone can make happen. Go for it and Good Luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2005): IT'S SOUNDS LIKE YOU PERFER FOR YOUR BOYFRIEND TO LOOK AT PORN RATHER THAN YOU. IF HE DID NOT LOVE YOU HE WOULD NOT BE THERE. YOU ARE YOUR WORST ENEMY. THERE ARE VERY FEW WOMEN OUT THERE WHO CAN POSE FOR PORN AND WHEN YOU GET RIGHT DOWN TO IT MOST MEN WOULD NOT WANT ONE OF THOSE FOR A GIRL FRIEND. THEY WANT A REAL WOMEN. YOU NEED TO WORK ON YOUR SELF ESTEEM. START WALKING WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND THAT WAY YOU CAN EXERCISE AND COMMUNICATE AT THE SAME TIME. MAYBE HE WILL REALIZE YOU'RE NOT READY FOR THE TOP. TURN DOWN THE LIGHTS, TURN ON SOME MUSIC AND KNOW THAT HE LOVES YOU.
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A reader, Shonna, writes (17 March 2005): No matter what, you will be beautiful. You seem like a very nice girl, and you have to think that some people are not beautiful internally. A lot of the time it is difficult for women to lose weight when they are not happy with themselves. You tend to think if I got this fat then I'm never going to be able to lose the weight again, but you just have to focus. Don't do this to satisfy your fiance, do it for yourself. If your fiance hated you then he would no longer be with you. I think you need to talk to him and let him know how you are feeling because if you think that he hates you then you are not ready to get married yet. In order to get help you have to want to help yourself. Stop sitting around feeling sorry for yourself and you get up and exercise everyday. Make up a schedule for everyday and guarunteed you will lose weight if you want it bad enough. Here is a helpful tip: don't snack between meals, and dont try to starve yourself, you will only gain more weight. GOOD LUCK!!
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