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My boyfriend won't go down on me; he says it's "horrible"...

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Question - (24 March 2005) 10 Answers - (Newest, 9 April 2011)
A , anonymous writes:

Help! my boyfriend will not go down on me, he says the taste is too horrible, and that it's not just me but other past girlfriends, also. Any suggestions?

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A female reader, littleBB Italy +, writes (9 April 2011):

I am sorry to hear this. Wanting to be the devil's advocate, I would suggest you check with your doctor to rule out any infections, and make sure you are squeaky clean. You can self check to see if you have any abnormal smell down there. Having said that I need to tell you what i really think: you boyfriend is damn lazy and is using an excuse to avoid going down on you. His selfishness will damage you by eroding your self esteem eventually.

Sorry to sound harsh but I went through the same with my ex and in the end I have to say he was a selfish bastard, in the bed and outside the bed. Any man refusing to do that, especially when they want bjs, and feel entitled to them, is a poor excuse of a human being and a misogynist. His hatred of women and his selfishness will show up in other areas too. Get out of there before it is too late, life is too short to be denied love and pleasure.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2010):

My husband of 2 months has stopped giving me oral too. he did the first few months we dated. I feel cheated because he is the first man I ever had sex with and I learnt quite painfully how to give him oral even though I find it de-meaning.... But this guy does not reciprocate at all. I am decided I wont give him any more till he learns to recognize my need in bed. I would not break up my marriage over something stupid as sex. But he needs to realize , unless he used his mouth , he must not expect me to use mine.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010):

Well obviously it's you but he doesn't want to hurt you by saying that your holy gate taste and probably smells bad.

Clean up and he'll go down right away.

It happens to all women at some point.

I m sorry if i was rude or wrong but i had the same experience and said the same thing as your bf did.

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A female reader, maxxie United States +, writes (18 March 2010):

maxxie agony auntmaybe you have an infection. a normal, healthy vagina has its own odor but nothing "horrible" go to the dr. and be sure to keep clean with mild soap and water. if he thinks its "horrible" still... most likely he's gay or not that into you...

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A female reader, mysterywoman United States +, writes (7 November 2008):

A lot of women only get pleasure from the clitoris area anyways... the rest is just a bonus. Tell him if he sticks to the area that actually counts (clit) he wont be tasting you. And if he doesnt then say "bye bye baby". I am not fond of giving oral sex and the penis is ugly to begin with, but I do it because I love my husband and I want to please him in every way. Can your man say the same for you?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2007):

Hey my boyfriend was more than happy for me to go down on him but he said it was not something he enjoyed to go down on me, so what did I do, kept pleasing him for months until realising how totally one-sided things had become!, he was getting all and I was getting nothing needless to say we are not together, it takes mutual respect and giving and if he wont then move on, even if you love him, he clearly doesnt take your needs at heart.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2005):

I have dated blokes like this and i can tell you one thing that i learned from this. Just like the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water but cant make him drink. so dump the selfish pr*** or quit doing oral favors for him. either way, you wont feel resentful and above all, wont allow him to give you a complex. plenty of guys out there, sweetheart!

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A reader, Devil's Advocate +, writes (24 March 2005):

Devil's Advocate agony auntMaybe you haven't attacked the forest with a bush-whacker recently. Some guys just don't appreciate a face full of minge, it's like french kissing your wizened old uncle or something.

Devil's advocate

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A reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (24 March 2005):

Rebecca Batchelor agony auntHe may have a hang-up in relation to doing this.

Perhaps you should smear yourself with melted chocolate or honey, he may prefer the taste!

Seriously, it all depends on how important this is to both of you. If you really want it to be a part of your sex life, you would have to tell him and suggest that maybe you see a sex therapist together to make sure there isn't a more deeply based reason for his objection. However, it could simply be the case that he just doesn't like it in the way that some women don't enjoy going down on their boy-friends. If that is the case, you may just have to go without it. However, I wonder whether he expects you to do the same for him? This could eventually cause a dispute in that he would be unable to return the favour.

You need to talk to him and discuss the importance of this to both of you.

Good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2005):

Ask him to use his fingers and be gentle. Some guys just don't like going down there and there's probably nothing you can do to change his mind.

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