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anonymous
writes: To set the scene, I'm 24 this year, male and have now been through two emotionally-based relationships. For the past four years I've been taking various drugs to varying degrees - pot all day every day, but with a few forays into ecstasy, coke and acid. Never thought of it as a problem until now.I'd been seeing a woman who is older and a lot cleverer than I am, who happens to be straight edge. Everything seemed to be fine, and we both were falling in love.Then last week she broke up with me because I thought it was ok to take drugs, and that doesn't fit in with her personal philosophy. Not with the serious level we wanted to take things to. She seemed really upset about having to do this, and claimed that it was the only reason. She even responded to me telling her that I love her for the first time (at the time) by mouthing the words "I love you" back.I crawled inside a bottle of vodka and a lot of dope for a couple of days and then looked at myself in the mirror. The crushing realization that I'd been blocking out the bad parts of the last four years, or at least refusing to acknowledge them. I could have a degree in physics right now if it hadn't been for pot and E. I could be a qualified bus driver if I hadn't freaked out and got really stoned before all three tests that they allowed me. Heck, my previous relationship mightn't have failed if it hadn't been for getting coked up at parties or getting really stoned the whole time. And everything else in between.A bit of a wake-up call.Over the weekend, I decided that enough was enough. I quit it all, forever, at the weekend. I'm even trying to quit smoking cigarettes for gods sake.Obviously, I desperately want her back. She's the one thing that I need more than ever in my life. I want to marry her and have kids, grow old and die together. (I've wanted this since before all this crap)We're meeting for coffee on Saturday as friends. I'm gonna tell her how she's given me a mental slap around the face, and thank her for it.But how do I rekindle our relationship? She's all that I want. I think I'm talking soulmate time here. Please help. I'm at my wits end.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, the questioner, writes (20 March 2005): Just like to say Thanks to all the people that replied. You all seemed to hit the nail on the head in your own ways. Ii've now seen her, and things seem to be improving. At the very least, we're still talking like we always used to and I think we may still have a chance. So thanks again.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (17 March 2005):
 You need to tell her all that you have said here. You have to explain to her that you want to be with her and that you don't intend to do drugs again because she is more important to you. What's more, you need to make a sincere promise to yourself that you are going to change your life by not slipping back to drugs again.Tell her that you believe her to be your soul mate and that you think she is really very special. It sounds as if she cares very much for you so I don't think rekindling your relationship is exactly the issue but more so standing by what you are promising.Good luck.
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A reader, Jonathan, writes (17 March 2005): Just so you know, this is my first time posting an answer to a love problem, but I thought to myself that I had to as I relate all too well with what you're going thru. Not entirely the same scenario but I still hear you. I was so badly hooked on heroine I did so many stupid things that I inevitably regretted, including wrecking both my parent's cars and hitting my ex girlfriend. I've done away with drugs for nearly a year now and there's so much more going on for me now I'd have to say. I understand you want to rekindle the relationship and hope to pick up the broken pieces now. I suggest you tell her that first and see how she reacts. If you get a good response, then brilliant! But if you get a negative reaction, I'd advice you to give her some space and let her be. If she wants you, she'll let you know. meanwhile, NEVER and I mean NEVER EVER go back to your old habit. I made a mistake of giong back to drugs when I thought stopping couldn't help the first time. When I tried to quit the second time around it was much more difficult for me. Never!!...that's my advice to you! Take my word for it. You'll notice so much difference in your life once you've gotten that out of your system. I think you should concentrate on throwing your habit away before trying to rekindle things with her. Chances seem to be higher that way. Trust me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2005): Let me just say. Great for you! You have realized that drugs have and will keep ruining your life. You made the decision to quit it all...But you will need help. Find a program in your area that can give you that help. This will show her how serious you really are, and ask for her support. Even if she is not able to look past that you need to get off the drugs! You will destroy your life if not. I think you should be honest with her about everything you're feeling and let her know just how much she means to you. And that she is more important than your drug use. Good luck and work hard to prove to you and her that you can do this!
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A reader, lacey, writes (17 March 2005): Hello luv, i'm a 23 yr female that has been though that too. My b/f said that he would finish with me if I didn't stop taking E, so I did. It's been a few months now and he still is not confident that it's stopped forever. Firstly, don't tell her that you've stopped for her because that doesn't mean 'forever'. Tell her that you've stopped for you but you will have to give it time for her to trust you. Maybe she won't come back to you straightaway, but dont give up. Keep off the drugs and get a decent job and then maybe she will see that you meant it and you can start afresh. You will be a new person that she will have to get to know. Good luck x
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