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*ebecca Batchelor agony aunt

*ebecca Batchelor

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< Prev1234567891011Next > [16 pages, 584 answers]

Can't tell if the boss is coming on to me...

Q.   Dear Cupid My boss, who is older than me, has been giving off very confusing signals! When we have been alone he has been very close but nothing more. This evening as were leaving he said "We always seem to leave together; people will talk...

A.   10 October 2005: It really doesn't matter what he was trying to say. Instead it is far more important what you do. You said he is married; there's your answer. Have nothing to do with him! He should not be encouraging you or even allowing you to think that perhaps ... (read in full...)

My married guy is single now and I still have feelings for him...

Q.   About a year ago I had a relationship with this married guy. We slept together 3 times and we really cared for each other. Then he heard this rumor that I told on us, even though I didn't tell anybody. Then he stopped talking to me completely. T...

A.   10 October 2005: Why did his wife give him a divorce? Perhaps because she couldn't trust him? He stopped talking to you because he heard that you had let slip about your affair? I'm sorry, but it doesn't sound as if he cared a great deal, it sounds far more that... (read in full...)

I saw the name of the other guy she's seeing on the email she sent me

Q.   Hi, I'm in my late 30's, she's in her mid 20's and we really truly fell hard in love with one another..I know she loves me deeply..okay, question... We have been on a break for 2 and a 1/2 months. I know, it seems long, but I took a break initi...

A.   10 October 2005: I don't quite understand this; is she still seeing this other guy? If she is, then she isn't really being fair on either of you. She shouldn't be getting your hopes up if she is still seeing him and if she really is interested in being with you ... (read in full...)

We met, we clicked, we talked, we cuddled. Then I ran into him a few days later and... nothing!

Q.   Hey there ^_^ Please please please please help me out with this problem if you can as I have been boring my flatmates with this for a looong time. OK, I think I know what a lot of you will say but I'm going to tell you guys anyway. Right....

A.   10 October 2005: I think this guy has suddenly decided that he only wants to be friends for some reason that he hasn't disclosed to you. It could be that he just wants to get on with his degree but even then, he is entitled to have some fun. It wouldn't be a good... (read in full...)

Neither of us have a lot of money, so why do I have to pay for our entertainment?

Q.   My bf and I don't have well-paying jobs at the moment and sometimes I get angry or frustrated when he expects me to pay for our outings--I just feel like guys have the privilege to enjoy a girl's company and should at least make the effort to pay ...

A.   10 October 2005: Going dutch would be the best way whereby you share the cost of outgoings. Talk to your boyfriend about finances and explain that it would be a struggle for you to pay for everything when you are out and suggest that you share the cost. Rela... (read in full...)

Orgasm questions...

Q.   Is there a difference bewteen an orgasm and a climax? What about if you can't get an orgasm vaginally? And is it true that anal sex is dangerous? ...

A.   9 October 2005: If 20% of women can have an orgasm solely through penetration (i.e, not through any stimulation of her clitoris at all) then that means there is such thing as a vaginal orgasm! Sorry Bev, think you may have contradicted yourself!... (read in full...)

I insisted my girlfriend tell me about her fantasies, but I didn't like what I heard!

Q.   My girlfriend and I were having a frank discussion the other night, and I asked her if there was anyone besides me that she fantasized about having sex with. She didn't want to tell me, but I forced the issue because I felt like she was hiding ...

A.   5 October 2005: I think it would just be a whole lot easier if people had fantasies only about each other but that is in the ideal world. I think GISELA is right and I feel the same; I don't have fantasies about anyone other than my boyfriend because I am happ... (read in full...)

Is there anything wrong with thinking about someone other than my partner when I'm pleasing myself?

Q.   I need to know if it is normal for me to have sexual fantasies about men other than my fiance. When I am alone, and *ahem* pleasing myself, I sometimes think of someone other than my fiance. It's not someone I know well or see all the time. I don't ...

A.   4 October 2005: I find this type of question hard to answer as I would tend to lean towards I Don't Lie's point of view. Lots of people do it and they aren't unfaithful to their partners as a result but ideally, it would be better to be fantasising about your ... (read in full...)

He broke it off with me without even trying to fix what was wrong...

Q.   I was with my boyfriend for 2 years and recently engaged and then dumped. He says he doesn't want a relationship as too many things were missing, although he loves me. I have explained to him that I behaved in the way I did to protect myself. I ...

A.   3 October 2005: It could be the case that you will have to let this one go especially if you have explained to him exactly how you feel. If he is aware that you behaved in a certain way so that you wouldn't get hurt and he knows that you would really like to do the ... (read in full...)

Can I get my ex back from his pregnant girlfriend?

Q.   I really like my ex boyfriend still, but the problem is now he has met someone else and she has fallen pregnant. He says he likes her but gives me signals he likes me too. I still really miss him. I just don't know what to do. I want him back....

A.   3 October 2005: Why did you break up in the first place? This is very important as it should make you cautious when thinking about how you feel about your ex. He shouldn't be giving you signals that he likes you. He is with someone else now and she is pregnant whic... (read in full...)

Even when I'm up for it, I'm too tight to have sex!

Q.   I really want sex but every time I have tried I'm too tight and it hurts too much. It's a real problem as I'm so up for it and now I am too worried to have sex because this embarressing problem may happen again! What can I do to help this problem? ...

A.   3 October 2005: As you are worrying about this, this will cause your muslces to contract which may make entry difficult. First and foremost, you need to practise relaxation and realise that if you have an understanding partner, it will not matter if on the next... (read in full...)

Tired of faking orgasms. How do I have one with my boyfriend for real?

Q.   I'm 19 years old and have been in 2 serious relationships. I have never had an orgasm although I really enjoy sex with my boyfriend. Is there anything I can do? Don't want to have to fake it anymore....

A.   3 October 2005: Many women fake orgasms for reasons such as allowing the man to think they are having a good time and to arouse the him too. You need to be a little more selfish. Discover on your own what really turns you on. Use masturbation to seek out your arou... (read in full...)

Do I stay in my bad relationship, or make a break and hope the love is as strong as I think it is with my online woman?

Q.   I have been in a bad relationship for 14 years and about 4 months ago I fell in love with a girl online that lives in another country. About 3 weeks ago the online girl was diagnosed with ovarian cancer...I had been contemplating staying in my bad ...

A.   3 October 2005: I think harshbutfair is right to warn you of possible deceit with your online friend. Unless you actually meet this girl, you cannot know for sure whether what she says is true. You do need to be cautious for your own sake but I understand your ... (read in full...)

Will we still be together when it's time for my boyfriend to leave for overseas?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 months - he is 23 and I'm 20, and I can honestly say I've never felt this strongly about anyone before, and he has all the qualities that I could want in a person to spend my future with. I'm pretty s...

A.   30 September 2005: I think that as you have been together for a short while now, you should be able to open up and ask him more about his plans for the future and how he feels about you. The problem is that if you don't talk to him, you can imagine the worse and be f... (read in full...)

When we're apart, I get worried that my boyfriend will leave me for someone new...

Q.   Hi, thanks for being willing to help me with this! What's going on is, I like his guy and he likes me, and we both live apart. Even though that kind of sucks because sometimes I fear he'll lose feelings for me from being away. I have trust in him, ...

A.   30 September 2005: Your insecurity is the result of what has happened to you before which you lightly touched on and you need and want to find a way to stop worrying. I'm sure your boyfriend provides you with all the reassurance you need when you are with him but is h... (read in full...)

I'd love to end things with my current boyfriend, so I can start anew with my first love...

Q.   I have been dating someone for six months. He is 51 and thinks the world of me. I have tried to finish with him three times because he has done some very dodgy things. Both his marriages failed because of infidelity, the first with his wife's s...

A.   30 September 2005: Well, what do you actually feel for your present partner? Do you love him or not? You say he isn't reliable because of previous infidelities with other people (I'm assuming he hasn't been unfaithful while being with you) but do you feel he can't or ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend is going through so much! I just want to know how to help her talk about it.

Q.   I have a big problem. My girlfriend won't ever tell me what is wrong and she has confronted me about this a few times. I do not know what to say and freeze when I know something is wrong. She is going through a lot right now and I want to be th...

A.   30 September 2005: I think all that is necessary here is for you to reassure your girlfriend how much you care for you and that you are always available for her if she wants to talk to you. There aren't any specific or correct questions that you should or must ask;... (read in full...)

I'm always the one to initiate sex with my boyfriend. The lack of intimacy is driving me mad!

Q.   I don't understand....my boyfriend never seems to be in the mood. I ask him if anything is wrong....I try to get him in the mood, and that usually doesn't work. I am usually a very affectionate person, but this lack of intimacy makes me feel like ...

A.   30 September 2005: Ask him why he is never in the mood, ask him whether he has a problem with intimacy, ask him what drives him wild in bed, ask him if he has had a bad experience that has put him off. The thing is to talk to him. It could be that he suffers from impo... (read in full...)

He's more into porn and less into me. What can I do?

Q.   I've noticed my boyfriend has recently been searching for porn on the web and recently we haven't been having sex half as much as we used to. Is it me?...

A.   29 September 2005: No, its him basically, not you. Tell him you know what he has been doing and that it isn't acceptable on the grounds that you shouldn't be replaced by porn. This issue keeps on creeping up on this site and I think women do need to be a little t... (read in full...)

I know I was insecure and I accused him. Now, how can I get him back?

Q.   I need to know how I can possibly put my realationship back together. I know I messed it up between us because I was a jealous person who always acused him of something that he did not do, due to my insecurity. I really want to get him back but...

A.   29 September 2005: Try talking to him again and stress how you realise what you did wrong before and that you would like both of you to work together, to share a future together with your child. Try to give him some explanations as too why you were so insecure and ... (read in full...)

Are my problems with sex and intimacy a result of my abuse?

Q.   My world changed when I was 12. I was sexually abused by my mum's boyfrend. Nobody knows and they're still together now. Only thing is I find it really hard to open up to people. I often sit in my room by myself. There's so many thngs in my head ...

A.   29 September 2005: My heart goes out to you and I can understand how lonely and unhappy you feel. Of course there are lots of things on your mind and the urge to release them must be so intense. This, as I'm sure you realise, is what you should do. It is normal for ... (read in full...)

I don't feel like I measure up to my boyfriend's ex...

Q.   I have been going out with my boyfriend for 1 ½ years. I’m 23 and he is 27. Recently my boyfriend is starting to talk more and more about his ex girlfriend whom he had been going out with for 5 years on and off until she got pregnant by him and had ...

A.   29 September 2005: The main difficulty here is your boyfriend's insecurity because of what happened to him before with his ex. It obviously had a huge impact on him and as a result, he is having difficulty trusting. However, there is no excuse for him making you feel... (read in full...)

My new girlfriend is confusing! Does she like me, or doesn't she?

Q.   I have recently started dating this new girl and am confused about the signals see is giving me. I met her at a party and we hooked up (we were both sober). I liked her but see didn't like me. Then about a month later, she all of a sudden, liked me...

A.   29 September 2005: Perhaps the best thing to do is to find out a little more about her life. Is there something that is keeping her very occupied particularly in the holiday times? Something at home maybe? Without making it obvious that you are probing, show some inte... (read in full...)

Even little things my girlfriend does and says are starting to annoy me!

Q.   I have been with my girlfriend now for 1 and 1/2 years. I feel really close to her but lately the relationship has not been great. Phone calls are often long and boring, so we decided to stop phoning each other as often. The problem is when ...

A.   28 September 2005: You have been together a while now and perhaps the sizzle has gone out of your relationship and niggling doubts are surfacing as to whether you should stay together. I think what you need to ask yourself is what you really want. I mean, would you ... (read in full...)

I not only found out my husband was cheating on me, I heard it over the phone!

Q.   I have been married for 16 years. We have always have a fairly turbulent relationship but he love is strong. Three years ago he cheated on me. He doesn't know why he did it but he did it twice. I knew of his adultery when I received a phone...

A.   28 September 2005: Consider seriously to yourself what you really want. You have been married for a long time, do you wish to continue with the relationship despite his adultery? If you do because as you say the love is strong, then you have to find ways of dealing ... (read in full...)

The only way I can think to get recognition in my family is to compete with other family members...

Q.   I compete with my father and elder brother to prove my worth to them. Is it right? I want some praise and recognition for who I am in my family but somehow I always get ignored and get taken for granted. So I am trying to do extraordinary things to ...

A.   27 September 2005: Why do they think you are fragile? And I wonder what extraordinary things you have been trying to accomplish to get their attention. Why do you feel it necessary to prove your worth to them? I should think you already know that it is far more impo... (read in full...)

Feel like it's time to end it with my partner, but I just don't have the courage...

Q.   I have been thinking about breaking up with my partner now for a few years but can't find the courage to do it. I had several affairs a few years ago and met this lovely man who I have kept in contact with. My partner forgave me for the affairs and ...

A.   27 September 2005: What about the effect this farce of a marriage is having on your children? I say farce because from your point of view, that is what it is but perhaps not so from your husband's standpoint. You say you can't give him all the love he deserves so inst... (read in full...)

I think I'd be ready for sex with my boyfriend, if only I didn't have to show him my naked body!

Q.   I am so scared of showing my boobs or downstairs to my bf. I am 18 and I'm ready to get phyical with my bf who I have been seeing for about 6 months but I'm so scared of showing him my body. I feel fat and I think that my body isn't good enough. My ...

A.   26 September 2005: You need to remember that your boyfriend isn't just or only with you because of how you look. Consider for a moment why you are with him. Is it because he looks gorgeous or does it also have something to do with his personality, the way he treats ... (read in full...)

Should I have a go with a woman of 39?

Q.   Hiya, I'm 16 years old and I'm dating a woman of 39. She looks good. We are always having a laugh. She's always there for me and we are great together. We're talking about making a proper go of things. She doesn't have any children, and is...

A.   26 September 2005: Strange to have your question and a similiar one below you but from a different angle about a man much older than a woman he is attracted to (see answer to that one as well). Of course people think you should date someone your own age, they are conc... (read in full...)

What should I do about my attraction? Do I say something or keep it to myself?

Q.   I met a man just two weeks ago (at work). He is amazing. He has been dating someone for the past two years though. I don't want to come between him and his girlfriend but I want to let my feelings be known. Is this something I should keep to ...

A.   26 September 2005: If you sincerely don't want to come between this man and his girlfriend, then don't! Letting him know how you feel will be encouraging him and therefore coming between him and his girlfriend! Perhaps he isn't happy in his relationship but that is h... (read in full...)

Can anyone share an experience when they fell for an older man?

Q.   I am 47, and have met a girl who is aged 19; I have now become completely smitten with her. I think she fancies me, but cannot be sure, we flirt constantly. I would like to know if anyone else has been in a similar situation, if you were the girl, ...

A.   26 September 2005: I must warn you that you may not necessarily receive a sympathetic response here. We have had similiar letters before and the general consensus (if you look at the history of such age gap letters where the girl is very young and the man is much ... (read in full...)

Help put my mind at rest: How long does sperm last for outside the body?

Q.   This is a silly question to ask but i'm sure im not the only one that has thought about this. How long does sperm last for, once its out of your body? the other day i masturbated in the shower, and i was really paranoid about cleaning everyth...

A.   23 September 2005: Sperm doesn't last very long at all once it is outside the body so rest assured, it requires a warm environment to survive. As far as getting your sister pregnant in the way that you described, it just won't happen. You are worrying needlessly so ... (read in full...)

What can I do about my loneliness and lack of self-esteem?

Q.   Dear Cupid. I have a really low self-esteem. In public situations I get so nervous that I feel I might pass out. Usually I feel like I'm worth nothing and that people don't care about me. At school I see girls hanging out with their big group...

A.   23 September 2005: I think Pops is right in suggesting seeing an educational counsellor; they may be able to help you recognise all you have to offer as well as to discover why you feel the way you do. What about your home life? How are your parents with you? Do they... (read in full...)

Since I found out my husband was texting an old girlfriend, I can't get it out of my mind!

Q.   Dear Cupid, After 21 years of marriage, during last year my husband's old girlfriend turned up to see him (not at home of course). I suppose just after the last baby we had a few problems and with him working nights and me days we drifted apart...

A.   22 September 2005: You need to make a decision in your mind of what you really want. Do you wish to work on your marriage, not just for the sake of the children? If you are only remaining with your husband because of the kids, then you are basically on a no hoper. You ... (read in full...)

I'm on eggshells most of the time, trying to avoid getting into an argument with my partner...

Q.   My partner and I have been together two years. He has only said 'I love you' to me once, in the very begining. He says he doesn't know if he loves me and he says 'sometimes I do', but he never actually says those three little words. We argue a ...

A.   21 September 2005: I'm afraid I'm going to be really really harsh here. Dump him. He sounds like a very unpleasent guy who doesn't respect how you feel at all, who hardly offers you anything from having a relationship with him (such as love and a demonstration of that ... (read in full...)

Could my pubic hair be off-putting to guys, even though it's tidy?

Q.   I have pubic hair insecurities. I am an attractive 23year old girl who is confident with my body, however I am afraid that my pubic hair could be unattractive! I know this sounds dumb, but how important is it to a guy? I wax my bikini line to k...

A.   21 September 2005: I believe men vary in how they feel about pubic hair. Some like it to be there on a woman, some prefer her to be almost bald down below (if not entirely hairless). It really is a personal preference. Just keep it neat and tidy. Many men love aubu... (read in full...)

I feel like I'm nothing more than a slave to my boyfriend in prison!

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend now for 2 years. He has spent most of our time with each other in jail though, and the thing is, when he is at home we are great together. I couldn't have been happier but the way he is now is changing the way I feel ...

A.   20 September 2005: This man is selfish, possessive and dangerous; all the criteria necessary for you to have absolutely nothing to do with him. Put your feelings to one side and seek some help as soon as possible. You need to protect yourself and your child from him.... (read in full...)

He wants to stay in contact, in case we're free to pursue a relationship later, but I think we should move on.

Q.   I was dating a guy for nearly 4 months, we were very much in love, but had to go our separate ways for uni since he wasn't ready for a relationship. He wants to stay in contact, and one day meet up if there's still something between us. But I feel t...

A.   19 September 2005: It seems to me that this guy may not be very mature with his attitude to you and your life. He wasn't ready for a relationship before and when he suggests you meet someone else, he isn't too keen when you say you may. He is playing an emotional game ... (read in full...)

He doesn't see the point in us getting married, but I do!

Q.   I have been seeing my boyfriend for 5 1/2 years- ages!!! We only spoke of marriage in the last month, as he wouldn't talk of it earlier. At the weekend he sort of said 'why get married?' I want to. Am I wasting my time? I've moved countrie...

A.   19 September 2005: It could be that because you have been together for quite a while, that he doesn't see the point in getting hitched. You need to find out exactly what he feels about marriage and he needs to know exactly why you wish to get married now. Open the ... (read in full...)

He says he'll give me anything when he's a success. Is it worth waiting for?

Q.   I'm 19 and have known my bf for a couple of months but been with him for a little over a month. I recently just lost my virginity to him, maybe because I thought i felt love or whatever, or becuase I needed to satisfy my lust. Anyway, he's 26 and h...

A.   19 September 2005: Examine honestly how you feel and then make plans from those emotions. If you are only staying with this guy because you lost your virginity to him and somehow feel honour bound to do so then I think you ought to look at finishing the relationship. ... (read in full...)

My friends say he cheated, even though he denies it. Now we're broken up.

Q.   hello everyone! I really need some advice about my ex-boyfriend. We were together for 3 years (high school sweetheart) and have been seperated for 3 months now. I found out that he had cheated on me while he was away at school. I confront...

A.   19 September 2005: You say you found out he cheated on you but can you be absolutely sure that he did I wonder? Did you only rely on what your friends said or did you have any firm proof? I'm not sure if that was the reason why you split? He denied it and you can ... (read in full...)

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