We both know that my weight gain is why we're not intimate...
Q. Since I met my boyfriend (7 yrs ago) I have gained forty pounds. More lately. I know that he is not finding me attractive at all because we would be physical in the past at least 3-4 times a week. Now it is more about once a month. It used to be ...
A. 24 August 2005: I think the fact that you feel you are fat and also that your sex life has diminished is all contributing to your lack of self esteem. Of course, you don't know for sure that he no longer finds you attractive as that type of conversation doesn't ... (read in full...)
The love of my life broke it off and went off to college. How can I make her understand how much I want her?
Q. I've known this girl for a long time, and she was always just there. But for some reason, this year something changed. I never thought that I would believe she was the most beautiful girl in the world, but I do now. I've never been in love lik...
A. 24 August 2005: I'm really sorry but everything you are saying here sounds like she just isn't at all keen on an emotional and committed relationship. She doesn't just not want that with you, it would apply to anyone I'm afraid. You have done all you can; you have ... (read in full...)
Our relationship is special and secret, but I want to show some affection in public!
Q. I've been seeing a guy on and off for the past 6 months and like him quite a bit. It was labelled a "no strings sex" thing when we first started seeing each other, but it clearly isn't that now, there are feelings which I know are there as previous ...
A. 23 August 2005: Question this secrecy thing very seriously; it sounds like an excuse to me. People tend to only want to keep a reltionship secret if there is something to hide; after all, who could mess it up if your feelings for each other are strong enough?
O... (read in full...)
Why do married men ogle other women?
Q. Why do men when they are married 'lech/ogle' women and flirt with them? Are they insecure, are they trying to boost their own ego, are they not happy with their own marriage?...
A. 23 August 2005: This really does depend on the man in question. It could be to just boost his own ego, to make sure he stll has what it takes to charm a woman. I think it is more to do with this then him not being happy in his marriage. He is just having a view of ... (read in full...)
My daughter is involved with a man 36 years older than her!
Q. Hi there, I have a 16-year-old daughter and have recently found out that she is dating a 52-year-old man. She is talking about marriage and children with this man; personally I don't understand why she wants to marry someone so much older than...
A. 22 August 2005: Concerned Mom
I'm afraid you will keep on getting some quite narrow minded replies because of the age difference; people are jumping on the band wagon of paedophilia and it is this that your daughter may come up against. She may have to face the ... (read in full...)
My daughter is involved with a man 36 years older than her!
Q. Hi there, I have a 16-year-old daughter and have recently found out that she is dating a 52-year-old man. She is talking about marriage and children with this man; personally I don't understand why she wants to marry someone so much older than...
A. 22 August 2005: I will agree with the other replies that it isn't usual for a man of that age to be interested in such a young girl and that it is something to be concerned about but I think the other responses are jumping to assumptions about your daughter's ... (read in full...)
I like him; he likes me. But he's getting married to someone else!
Q. I really like an engaged man and I know he likes me too. We have been together for nights but never had sex, I feel like I have a great relationship with him but he is getting married to someone else! She lives hours away and we spend a lot of time ...
A. 22 August 2005: Charliesgirl is right; there is a lot to consider here. If he can do this with you while he is engaged to be married to someone else, what makes you think he is trustworthy? It is often a good idea to try putting yourself in someone else's shoes. I ... (read in full...)
My ex married his ex and it's hell!
Q. Help!!! My stupid ex husband just married my husband's crazy ex. I have been married to my wonderful new husband for nearly three years now. My husband's crazy ex (even though she cheated on him) could not let go. She went so far as to track my...
A. 22 August 2005: Hang on, so your current husband (sorry to use current, I'm not saying you are going to trade him in or anything, just makes this a little easier to understand!) has an ex who has married your ex husband? Phew!
So your husband's ex tracked down your... (read in full...)
My girlfriend keeps changing her mind about us!
Q. My problem is that I've been broken up with my girlfriend for just under 3 months after we decided to have break to clear our heads! There has been limited communication between us since my girlfriend said that she wanted to end our relationship 2 ...
A. 21 August 2005: It could be that she is very confused at this moment in time. If there is family conflict, this could be playing a part.
However, it could also be that she is simply using you when she needs suppport which isn't fair on you because of what you feel... (read in full...)
We were great together when we were friends, but now that we're dating... it's different!
Q. Hi there's a girl that I really like and before we started going out we were great together. I could be myself which was amazing because I'd never felt that way around a girl before. Now that we are together feels like she doesn't really care abo...
A. 21 August 2005: It seems as if she put more effort into your friendship than your relationship; almost as if she is taking you for granted.
Sometimes it is the case that certain couples are better to stay friends than to embark on a relationship. It has a tend... (read in full...)
Sex is painful if he goes too deep...
Q. I have been having sex with my boyfriend for a while now but lately I have not been getting orgasms, and I get a very painful feeling in my stomach if he goes too deep. How can I help this?...
A. 21 August 2005: This can simply be caused by your cervix becoming tender as a result of your partner's penis hitting it when he inserts deeply. You could try different positions to avoid this happening so much, such as you being on top whereby you can control how ... (read in full...)
He wants me back! Should we get back together?
Q. Me and my boyfriend loved each other and were so happy in our relationship for 5 months. He had planned proposing! We haven't seen each other too much over the summer, though; then he said he lost feelings for me and wanted to break up. Now he...
A. 18 August 2005: I think the first thing you need to do is open the communication channels with him. You need to establish exactly why it was that he broke up with you in the first place. I mean, was it because you hadn't been spending enough time together or for ... (read in full...)
Thought my friend was an internet dating freak... But now I am cheating with her web lover!
Q. Ok, well this is kind of hard, but here goes... Around March, one of my really good friends found a boyfriend on the internet. He lives in Norway and we're both in the UK, so she's never met him. At first I was skeptical about him, because she h...
A. 18 August 2005: I guess this had to happen one day - web infedelity or internet unfaithfulness, what could you call it?
How can your best friend be his 'official' girlfriend when they haven't even met?! I am right to assume neither of you have met this man?
Okay,... (read in full...)
I keep hitting my boyfriend and it's getting worse!
Q. I love my boyfriend more than anything in the world. I can't stop nagging and hitting him. I don't want to hurt him but it's getting worse. Help me to stop before I really hurt him....
A. 17 August 2005: You know this is abuse and it has to stop. The first thing you need to ask yourself is why you are doing it. Do you feel very insecure? Jealous? Worried about the future? Have you had a bad experience in the past with a man? Have you yourself been ... (read in full...)
My life has been horrible up to now, but I'm scared my great new boyfriend will find out about my past!
Q. I am having a problem. All my life I'm faced with things that hurt me so much. For example my ex made me have an abortion as it wasn't his (we got together before I found out I was pregnant) now I regret it every day and miss my little boy. My bes...
A. 17 August 2005: If you were confident, you wouldn't be feeling scared and so worried about your boyfriend finding out about your past and leaving you as a result of it. Why should he? We all have pasts and incidents occur that aren't always our fault.
First and ... (read in full...)
I keep catching my husband in lies...
Q. First a little about my situation. I have been married for six years. I am a stay at home mother of three beautiful children. I feel my marriage from the beginning was just a mound of lies. He lies about work, his past and constantly does dishonest ...
A. 17 August 2005: This may not be quite the answer you would hope for or even expect but I must be truthful.
Reading your letter, I would say that perhaps you set very high expectations for your husband and perhaps he feels he cannot meet them. I'm not saying for ... (read in full...)
My ex plays too many games!
Q. My ex-boyfriend is goes from hot to cold and only seems to want me when he is emotionally in need. All I really want is friendship but he seems to like all the I love you bullshit game stuff. He avoids any questions that are not easily answered. ...
A. 15 August 2005: What questions are you asking that are easily answered?
So when he is emotionally in need, he gets all romantic and tells you he loves you and then he goes cold I guess?
Do you only want friendship with him? You need to make sure you aren't g... (read in full...)
So scared of being hurt again that I pushed away a fantastic girl!
Q. I have recently met a fantastic girl. But due to a badly ending previous relationship, I have found myself running scared. I have kept the poor girl hanging on, by telling her yes, I'd like a relationship, to only break it off the next day. Thro...
A. 15 August 2005: Okay, I think you need to calm this situation down a little. Obviously, hounding her isn't going to work but I can appreciate you don't want to lose her.
However, you need to be able to explain why you have been behaving this way.
How about wr... (read in full...)
Will my ex ever realise that he made a mistake, leaving us to lead a single life?
Q. Hi I need help. I am heartbroken and happy at the same time. My boyfriend left me after 7 years and two children. No big fight, no disagreement and the week my grandfather died. He moved out and I was very upset because we did not even talk abo...
A. 12 August 2005: It is hard to say the reason for your boyfriend's departure when he wouldn't even tell you. It could be possible that he wanted freedom and independence as you say but it shouldn't have been at the price of sacrificing his family.
You have the righ... (read in full...)
Hubby says I need to lose weight and he's always "too tired" for sex. What's going on?
Q. I have been married for almost 2 years and have a baby. When we first got together our sex life was great and we both was happy with each other. Now we don't have sex very much any more. It went from every day to once a week if I am luck. When I...
A. 12 August 2005: Looks to me like you appear to be banging your head against a brick wall with your hubby. He wants everything his own way and has become selfish and uncaring of your needs for both intimacy and for simply spending quality time together. What is ... (read in full...)
Big Question No. 2 How do I meet someone who will love me for who I am?
Q. I'm 24 and I've never had a boyfriend. I'm 6 stone overweight but am not unattractive and don't understand why I have such bad luck. I've tried all the diets and everything but none of it works. How do I meet a nice guy who'll love me for me? I ...
A. 10 August 2005: If you have tried everything in which to lose weight, have you considered going to the doctors to investigate a physical cause?
Projecting a confident self image does help as men prefer women who smile than those who don't and there are men out ... (read in full...)
Could I have lost my virginity without meaning to?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend 8 months. We've done some bad things like heavy petting and giving each other orgasms, but I wanted to save losing virginity for marriage, but I love him and I wonder if I haven't already gone that far without meaning to. ...
A. 8 August 2005: It seems to me that you may not be quite ready for the full emotional implications that a sexual relationship can bring.
For a start, heavy petting and giving each other orgasms isn't 'bad' but if you aren't ready for such sexual intimacy on an emot... (read in full...)
Why do I say such hurtful things to the man I love?
Q. I have actually found the love of my life, the man that I want to marry. I would die for him,. My problem is that I do have respect for him but not completely. I get angry with him and can be very nasty in arguments and say hurtful things delibera...
A. 8 August 2005: HappyTimeHarry is right when he says that your hurtful comments are really a cover up for something else and it is this that you need to find out.
To stop hurting your partner, next time you feel an argument coming on, walk away no matter how hard... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't get that I want and need foreplay before we get into sex!
Q. As my member name reads, I'm 20 years younger than my husband. I'm a Filipina now situated in the US. By the way I get stares when we go out, I'm proud to say I attract attention. I believe I'm beautiful with my polyneisan features, natural tan ...
A. 7 August 2005: Perhaps you ought to try beginning foreplay yourself. Do something active as opposed to just putting up with it. It does take two to have sex after all.
Next time he seems determined to get on with it, hold him off by kissing him all over as well... (read in full...)
I've had a delayed reaction to the rape. Now I think my boyfriend's afraid to touch me...
Q. Two years ago I was raped. Since then, I've had sex many times and had no problem. The other night however, my boyfriend and I were having sex and it was uncomfortable so I asked him to stop, but he didn't hear me, as I was trying to keep it down ...
A. 6 August 2005: You have done everything right, I'm afraid it is him that isn't dealing with the situation very well at all.
You were in a situation where you suddenly felt out of control and it was uncomfortable, it may have reminded you unconsciously of the rape... (read in full...)
I found pornography on my Dad's computer!
Q. dont know what to do about my dad? i was recently browsing on the computer when i came across a folder of my dads which i opened. it contained many poronographic images and then many images of himself. ifeel disguisted at this and i dont know how ...
A. 5 August 2005: This is a difficult one as not only are you trying to think what to do (if anything at all) you are also trying to come to terms with discovering such material and having to accept that your father has sexual feelings that obviously spill over into ... (read in full...)
He just told me today that his passion is not there anymore!
Q. His passion for me is not there anymore. I just heard this today. I don't know what to do. I am loosing my best friend. We have been married for 7 years. We are so alike, yet different. We have the same morrals, values, and we talk and list...
A. 5 August 2005: It does sound as if passion was never high on the list in your marriage in the first place and it also seems to me that he may have some psychosexual problems that urgently need dealing with.
I would suggest couples counselling, focusing mostly on t... (read in full...)
I want to leave my wife and be with my lover, but I can't leave my kids!
Q. We'll I'm 41 yr. old male, I've been married 14yrs and met a wonderful woman 7yrs ago and have been loving each other for the past 7 yrs. I've lied about being married still over the last 7yrs. I love this woman who's not my wife. I want to leave...
A. 3 August 2005: I can't help but wonder how you have managed to keep everyone in the dark for the last seven years!
I am assuming that your 'mistress' doesn't know about your wife and children and vice versa?
You say you love your children more than your wife and... (read in full...)
We've been dating for almost 3 years and he still runs hot and cold, and says he can't decide how he feels...
Q. I have been in a three year relationship with my boyfriend. We are both divorced. I have two children, one 25 and other 16. He has a 7 year old. In year one we dated and did not include the children, believing we needed to know each other first. I...
A. 28 July 2005: I think you already know some of the answers to your questions.
This man is committment shy, committment phobic I would say. It seems to be due to his ex wife who appears to have hurt him badly; it is as if he hasn't really recovered from that. As a... (read in full...)
My partner cheated and it just adds to our troubles...
Q. My partner has cheated on me and told me all about it. We only buried our still born child ten weeks ago. I don't know what to do....
A. 27 July 2005: I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you are feeling right now must be considerable. This should be shared between you though you may go through the grief at different stages.
I wonder why your partner chose to tell you about him being unfa... (read in full...)
We were engaged... but then he moved out, broke up and just said he needs time alone!
Q. I'm so confused right now. We were together for 2 years and finally moved in with each other in August. In January he asked me to marry him. We moved out in April, back in with my parents, to get out of financial debt, then a month later he b...
A. 26 July 2005: I think it may be time to make a stand and be a little more assertive.
He says he wants a future with you but you are in limbo, waiting and waiting for some kind if decision from him. His actions aren't reflecting his words and you need to know what... (read in full...)
Does porn turn my boyfriend on better than I do? Is that a normal thing?
Q. I can see this is a normal question but I feel my situation is a little different. I found my boyfriend looking at porn the other night. I don't care that he looks at it, but I don't like him hiding it from me. We had sex the previous night an...
A. 25 July 2005: I think the good thing here is that he was honest with you which means you can work together on this.
It is understandable that you feel he got turned on by the porn and then had sex with you, so perhaps it was the porn that aroused him as oppo... (read in full...)
My partner is looking at porn again, only now he's lost interest in sex with me!
Q. Hi.. I wrote a few weeks ago about my concerns about my boyfriend's interest in pornography and him saying that he just does it out of boredom. Many thanks for the very helpful replies. Things have since developed with my boyfriend and I discussi...
A. 21 July 2005: I think pornography is becoming quite an issue in relationships and you only have to click on the pornography category we have on this site to see how many problems it causes.
Bev always answers these questions well but she tends to take the view... (read in full...)
Did I push him beyond the limit? Can I redeem myself?
Q. My boyfriend and I are now 23 years old - we have been on and off since we were 16. I have always loved him but I never felt he loved me as much. About a year ago, at the time we werent together, I moved to another city. He followed. Within t...
A. 21 July 2005: I think first of all you have to understand exactly what it was that made you angry and made you want to strike out at him. Were you resentful in some way? Did the isolation you felt somehow contribute to you being on his case?
I think once you have... (read in full...)
He still calls the girl he cheated with, but I want things to work out between us...
Q. How can I make my boyfriend forget the girl he cheated on me with? He calls her and I know he is seeing her. He denies it. I need help. I love him so much. We live together. I try to be good with him. What can I do?...
A. 21 July 2005: I should really ask you whether you know for certain that he isn't still cheating on you with this girl. You say he calls her and you know he is still seeing her. How do you know this? Why is he denying it if it is true?
It could be because he want... (read in full...)
It's painful to see my friend becoming depressed. How can I persuade her to get help?
Q. I have a friend who is increasingly becoming very "down on herself" which is highly unusual and I worry about her. She is a caring, fun gal (mid-40's)She's always savored life and is so positive. What is bothering is how people she comes into ...
A. 20 July 2005: It strikes me that your beautiful friend is encountering difficulties because she is a lovely person inside and out. Others can feel extremely threatened and intimidated by this. Not only does she look gorgeous but she is sensitive, caring, bubbly, ... (read in full...)
I feel inadequate because my ex isn't beating up on his new girlfriend like he did on me!
Q. I lived with a man 22 yrs my junior. He is very controlling and power driven. He became violent and I have a permanent restraining order against him. I didn't want to care for him anymore so threw him out. He has another woman now who is carin...
A. 20 July 2005: Bev is right in saying that more than likely he is abusing his new woman already with perhaps veiled threats and intimidation and exploiting her own vunerabilities. I wonder how you know he isn't physiclly hurting her? Do you have contact with her ... (read in full...)
So many girls are interested. Do I have to pick just one?
Q. I have so many girlfriends. I have a serious problem that I couldn't manage my time for all of my girls. but I do love all of them very much. Do I have to choose one of them and love only one, or should I still be the same? "HAPPY BUT TIRED" Please ...
A. 20 July 2005: Do these girls all know about each other I wonder? Are you serious about any of them? This isn't love, you aren't in love with any of them, you are just having fun and hopefully, they are treating their 'relations' with you equally casually.
I thin... (read in full...)
I just want to lose my virginity, like all my friends have, but I'm still scared...
Q. I am 17 years old and am still a virgin. I have told my friends I have had sex before when really I have not. I now really want to lose it as all my friends have. I guess I'm just too scared of the pain and the fact that I may bleed. Can you give me ...
A. 18 July 2005: To be frank, you are more likely to experience discomfort if you try to have sex for the wrong reasons than the right ones because you aren't so likley to be relaxed and may not even like the boy you are doing it with.
To have sex because you feel... (read in full...)
Just one phone call from my ex and it's like nothing ever changed!
Q. I had from a boyfriend from out of town for 3 years who lied to me since he was married. I found out and broke up and made it impossible for him to contact me, (change numbers and address) I was so heartbroken and lost my job, very depressed and I ...
A. 18 July 2005: You have done everything right and absolutely nothing wrong so you are not a bad person, far from it. You recognise how special your husband is and I think you know how much your ex has the ability to hurt you if you got involved with him again.
F... (read in full...)
Fell for my tutor! Now it hurts to be around him...
Q. I am a fifteen year old girl in high school, and to help prepare for college entrance exams (the SAT Subject Exams), my parents hired a tutor for me. However, this tutor (a 26 year old college graduate) seemed to be the perfect man I had envision...
A. 18 July 2005: I think the other answers were more focused upon why you can't have a relationship with your tutor and I bet, as an intelligent young woman, you are already aware of this!
I think your tutor actually handled the situation rather badly and is cont... (read in full...)
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