A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a very serious problem – I’m insanely jealous of a girl I know who is hotter than me, smarter than me… She is successful in everything she does, but absolutely EVERYTHING! She is the national champion at Math, she competes in Physics, she’s good at languages… She plays the piano, actively does volleyball, goes to a drama club… She used to be my close friend, until she became popular. Now all the boys love her and I always feel left out.I’m not stupid, I’m not ugly but I feel like a big fat zero when I try to compare myself with her. On top of all that, we happen to have a crush on the same guy who plays the part of her LOVER in a play we’re doing. When I see them kissing and touching on stage, I literally want to cry. I never get to spend any time alone with him, because she always magically appears and steal my show. She’s very coquettish, she flirts better than me… I really don’t know what to do. Can anybody help me with this?!
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (10 March 2012):
 You wrote here before.. but last time it was just the guy you wanted. Now it's not the guy, you just want to beat this girl and come out a winner.Everyone gets jealous from time to time, but you sound obsessed. She isn't trying to do anything to you, she's just out there living life, having fun and doing her best. You however are so overcome with jealousy, your messing up your own life. So what if she's better, faster, whatever... people want to be around her, because she enjoys her life.Maybe if you just concentrate on your own successes, instead of comparing yourself to people, making some competition where only you are racing, you might start to give off better vibes and people will notice you more. She seems to work hard for what she's got, but you seem to just sit there feeling upset and jealous.Please can you concentrate more on you and feel happy with what you do when you try your very best.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (10 March 2012):
 Stop comparing yourself to anyone or you will be miserable.
As for the guy. Ask him out?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 March 2012):
 This is what I do when I notice that I have started to compare myself to others. I think that there will always be someone who does everything better. But no matter how hard they try, no one can ever replace me, or be who I am.
I sometimes meet people who I call A's. A is the top grade we get at school, hence the system. They're top at everything. Get the highest grades, do great at everything they do, are popular, have money, have it all. A-people. They get A jobs, and A boyfriends. They live their A life. And A life comes with its own form of troubles.
Me for example often look at myself as a C. Now, you might think C's are not as good as A's, but C's lead different lives. We get mediocre grades at school, perhaps we're not as funny, we're not top graded at most things. But we lead different lives. We have different thoughts in our heads, we meet different struggles, and we have different sorrows.
Being a C doesn't make you "less". It just makes you different. Another type of person. There are C-jobs that the A will not be good at, believe it or not. There are circumstances when C-people have a great time, where the A will not have a good time at all, but be miserable. It's a different life-style.
Be happy with who you are, because even if she is funnier that you, or more outgoing, or flirts better, she can not replace you. Only you can be you best. And even if you don't believe it, often people look up to those who are different from them, and think of them as better. For all you know, there are probably people who look at you and think you are an A, and envy you all the things that YOU can do, and that they can't.
I know people who look at me and think I am an A, that I do everything amazingly, perfect, have talents and so on. So I know that there really is no "better" in life, only a difference in people.
She is she, and you are you, and she can never be you or be better at being you than you are yourself.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (10 March 2012):
 Every time you want to compare yourself to her, stop yourself and deliberately say something you like about yourself. It's time to break the habit of comparing yourself to other people, because you never really know what's going on with them. She could be miserable on the inside. Either way, it's making you sad and stressed out. Keep the focus on you and how wonderful you are, and you will find a good group of friends and a guy with eyes for only you. Everything is possible if you love and accept yourself!
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