He has the ring. When will he find the right moment? Should I wait?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years this June. We have a great relationship and have lived together for the past 2 years. I trust him and he has never given me a reason not to. We are very close and are best friends and lovers. 2 1/2 years ago ...
A. 1 March 2012: It's all up to you. How much longer do YOU want to wait? We all have a breaking point. Obviously you wouldn't want him to propose in a few days with all this negativity lingering as it would really dampen the actual engagement. At this point, I ... (read in full...)
I feel like an outsider after our discussion about wills and money!
Q. HI guys. I have posted questions on here before and had some really good advice so hope you can help. To cut a long story short, I have been with my partner almost four years and we are reasonably happy. It started out long distant but i mo...
A. 29 February 2012: As your update indicates, he has no intention of getting married to you, so you will always be the "girlfriend" hence your chances of being included in his will are slim to nonexistent. Did you know that he never intended to marry you before you ... (read in full...)
Is it fine to casually date two women before choosing whom I want to be with? Does that make me a player?
Q. After a tough break up last year, I've been only getting out to start dating now. I met one lady at start of February, I've met her 4 other times now, even cooked her breakfast. I met another girl two weeks ago, that wouldn't work out. I met another ...
A. 28 February 2012: Honestly, if I were single and I was dating a man that told me he is also seeing other women, I would check out. Why would I open myself up to a person and share who I am if he is seeing other women? In theory it sounds great. I mean who wouldn't ... (read in full...)
18 months..how much longer do I have to wait?
Q. So this is a really long and confusing question but here it goes. I have been in a relationship with a guy who is separated but not completely divorced for about a year and a half. When I met him he had already moved out and was not living or sl...
A. 28 February 2012: This is a red flag to me: we cannot go out in public and have to hide each other from our families. Why is this? Why do you both feel the need to hide one another from your families? Why can you not go out in public together? If he is separated ... (read in full...)
B/f wants me to move in with him. Do I have to be the one to make all the changes?
Q. my boyfriend of 2 years wants us to live together, with me moving into his house and then his idea is we split all the bills 50 - 50, including me paying 1/2 his rent. He feels it is not convenient for him to move in with me because my place is ...
A. 28 February 2012: You're smart enough to know that this decision WILL cause financial difficulty for you. What exactly are you getting out of the deal? Seeing his face every day? You don't have a ring, you're paying 50% of his bills, you have to deal with a longer ... (read in full...)
'Good girl' lusts for dangerously 'bad boys'? What is this?!
Q. Ok, so I am the stereotypical 'good girl': I have perfect attendance in the college I go to, I dont smoke cigarettes, or do any drugs, they do not appeal to me. I guess I am smart; I am junior with a 3.5 GPA and I am completely interested in my ...
A. 28 February 2012: Is there any way I can keep my 'head on straight' having this occasional relationship? Do you think i can stay out of trouble if i dont let him tell me where to go? That depends entirely on your personality. In the past have you been able to kee... (read in full...)
He has a female friend who I feel is inappropriate.
Q. My and my boyfriend have been together for almost 2 years and have lived together for a year. He is currently in Afghanistan with the military. He has a female friend who I feel is inappropriate. She often sends him pictures to his phone of lit...
A. 28 February 2012: You definitely got one thing right: you've definitely put up with way too much unacceptable shit. There is NOTHING normal, or platonic about their relationship. To think that you chalked up a lot of the evidence as "they're just friends" is very ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants a 10 month break....how do I cope with this?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years. The first 4 years were long-distance. It was very hard, but we all got through it. We have been together when we were 19 years old and 18 years old. We are each other first love. We saved money du...
A. 27 February 2012: You were testing his commitment level and he FAILED. You're depressed, you quit your job and drinking too much as a result of HIS decision to take this break. Is he depressed like you? Is he quitting his job and drinking himself into oblivion? No, ... (read in full...)
How can I help my boyfriend get over my past?
Q. I have been seeing a guy for about 3 months who I am completely in love with. Everything was going great until about a week ago. He found out that I had slept with a guy in his group of friends around 7 years ago. He had always told me he has ...
A. 27 February 2012: There are a few factors to consider:
1. How long has it been since he found out the truth from his friend? Is it just a week? If it's just a week, he just needs more time to get over it. A few months at the very least. You don't get over things l... (read in full...)
Why hasn't he asked me out yet?
Q. Hey everyone, Well my story is going to be pretty long please have the patience to read it.. So 2 years ago I met this guy thru a common friend at the time he was dating a girl for nearly 6 years,they were in a long distance relationship..so...
A. 27 February 2012: Maybe it related to simple logistics. You two live in different cities, which makes dating much more complicated and difficult. His last girlfriend was long distance and he probably doesn't want another one, As I'm sure the distance contributed to ... (read in full...)
I really like this guy but he is a player. Should I walk away now before I get hurt?
Q. I have been seeing this guy for around 4 months now. I know he is a player and just sees the whole thing as fun but i have fallen for him and i dont know whether i should talk to him about it or just leave and walk away? i really care for him but im ...
A. 27 February 2012: You can't see/date other guy because you have feelings for this guy. He clearly doesn't have that problem, right? If he can date girls while he is dating you, it means he just doesn't feel the same way about you. You're way more invested emotionally ... (read in full...)
He has the ring. When will he find the right moment? Should I wait?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years this June. We have a great relationship and have lived together for the past 2 years. I trust him and he has never given me a reason not to. We are very close and are best friends and lovers. 2 1/2 years ago ...
A. 26 February 2012: My first question is: have you spoken about engagement and marriage? Do you know when he would like to propose, aside from the "waiting for the perfect moment"? Did he actually buy the ring for you, or is it a family heirloom, or an engagement ring ... (read in full...)
I've compromised so much he now thinks he is always right!
Q. Sometimes one thinks the best way of dealing with disagreements is by compromising, so much that you change a lot of what it is "You" in hopes that the other would do the same. It's like that Fergie song, "Meet Me Halfway", but what happens if one ...
A. 26 February 2012: Hate to say this, but when one person has more power in the relationship, it will be nearly impossible to get it back. He knows he is running the show on most things, so why would he start to compromise now, especially if he never had to in the past ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend withdraws suddenly from the relationship. Is she love avoidant?
Q. (Sorry if this is too long. If you just want to know what I’m talking about jump to the last 2 paragraphs.) I’m in a (very) long distance relationship with a girl for about 4 months now and we’re planning to meet in her city in 1 month. She’s a l...
A. 26 February 2012: This sounds like a very immature relationship on both ends. She ignores you, then you retaliate and ignore her. All of this sounds like a child's game and I think both of you are wasting time. If I were you, I wouldn't go visit, nor would I waste ... (read in full...)
I'm so angry after breakup with boyfriend and I'm worried about how its making me act/feel
Q. My now ex boyfriend and I broke up because he was a compulsive liar.he had lots of warnings but inm the end he just couldn't change so I ended it. The problem I now have is my anger, I am furious with him for everything he put me through! For not ...
A. 26 February 2012: Change your number and start boxing. Physically punching objects really gives you an outlet for anger and rage all the while wearing you down. You can opt for a different sport, though boxing really does help a lot of people with anger issues. Rest ... (read in full...)
'Good girl' lusts for dangerously 'bad boys'? What is this?!
Q. Ok, so I am the stereotypical 'good girl': I have perfect attendance in the college I go to, I dont smoke cigarettes, or do any drugs, they do not appeal to me. I guess I am smart; I am junior with a 3.5 GPA and I am completely interested in my ...
A. 24 February 2012: I was under the impression that "good girls" don't have sex either, nor do they date criminals. :) Honestly, you're type-casting yourself into these silly, narrow, basic categories that no one fits into, including you. You're not into bad boys fr... (read in full...)
My husband ogles other women right in front of me
Q. My husband and I got married one year ago. We have been together for 4 years now. Since getting married, he ogles women. He is not in the chase anymore and is comfortable. He does this in front of me. We just went on our honeymoon (kids were with at ...
A. 24 February 2012: Looking is natural. Staring like a dumb oaf all the time however is not acceptable. You can have a rational, calm discussion about this. If he doesn't stop, at least spoil his fun. Call him out on it and start starring at other men more often. If ... (read in full...)
I'm 17 and he's 27, plus I lied to him about being a virgin....how do I approach the sex situation?
Q. So i've been seeing this guy for a few weeks - we've met up about 3 times and i really like him, he seems decent and nice - baring in mind i usually have terrible luck with guys. The only issue is that hes just turned 27 and im 18 in a couple of ...
A. 24 February 2012: I was quite mature when I was 17. Many people would comment on that as well, but guess what? I am 27 now and I can tell you that the whole "teenage maturity" concept makes me laugh. Your actions are not of a mature person. If you were mature, you... (read in full...)
He claims they are just friends but he has told me she is prettier than me, should he stop seeing her and stop texting her?
Q. Dear all, I am in a serious relationship for a year now. 3 years ago in 2009 I broke up with my ex and was very depressed. During that time I even had to see a councillor. And he advised me on what I should have in mind for my next bf. that year, I ...
A. 24 February 2012: Honey, you need to look at the basics. 1. He has a crush on her 2. He's attracted to her 3. He spends time ALONE with her So he has a crush on her, he thinks that she is hot AND he is spending time alone with her, texting and hanging out wit... (read in full...)
He declined my proposal with the answer 'I see this happening in the future'. How do I show him marriage would work without being pushy?
Q. Hi, I would appreciate your views on my dilemma. I recently proposed to my boyfriend with a poem I had written myself. We have been together for 18months although do not live together at the moment. We have discussed living together but it's ...
A. 24 February 2012: 'you never know when dreams come true'
What the hell does that even mean? Have you asked him? That is the most vague, non-direct or illogical way to respond to such an important question.
'I see this happening in the future'
Again, get a sp... (read in full...)
He shows interest in me but then never follows through
Q. There's this guy I've had feelings for for nearly 5 years now. So when he started showing interest in me a couple of months ago, I couldn't believe my luck. We kissed at a party and texted afterwards. Then he started to ignore me. People said he's ...
A. 24 February 2012: He's just not into you. The whole "shy" thing is total BS. Shy boys don't kiss girls that they meet the same day. He's not shy to kiss you twice, but he is shy to talk to you? Your friends are too naive. What would you say to a girlfriend if the boy ... (read in full...)
Is it taking advantage of a girl if you sleep with her because she's "easy"?
Q. So I know this girl who is really beautiful. Not only is she gorgeous but she's also "easy". You know what I mean by easy, right? She lets a lot of mates have their way with her. I mean, maybe she likes it too. If someone will get her a gift or buy ...
A. 24 February 2012: There are some women that are only after sex, just like men. If all she wants from you is sex and vice versa, I don't see the problem logically. Could you use your time and energy more wisely and safely? Yes. Do I think it's something to be proud ... (read in full...)
Is an emotional affair like texts, emails not cheating and more like porn?
Q. I am right now very numb... Two days ago I woke up and was going to paint getting ready for my long term bf to finally move in. He had slept over and left his iPad. I was looking at the furniture that we had been looking at the night before on it ...
A. 23 February 2012: Porn and what he is doing is quite different. Porn is taped sex. All you do is watch it. It doesn't talk back to you. It doesn't address YOU specifically and responds to your statements. You don't meet porn in person in basic training, nor is it ... (read in full...)
An argument over opening doors has led me to question my feelings for him, am I being crazy or over-sensitive?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for just over a year. He's 46, I'm 43. I will admit, I have ignored some small "yellow flags", but there are many, many good qualities about him and I also know that there is no "perfect", that I, myself, am not ...
A. 23 February 2012: If the "yellow flags" as you describe them relate to his personal philosophy of "If you give women an inch, they want a mile", I say run like hell. Men these days are very selfish and don't treat women as they should be. To think that opening doors ... (read in full...)
He claims they are just friends but he has told me she is prettier than me, should he stop seeing her and stop texting her?
Q. Dear all, I am in a serious relationship for a year now. 3 years ago in 2009 I broke up with my ex and was very depressed. During that time I even had to see a councillor. And he advised me on what I should have in mind for my next bf. that year, I ...
A. 23 February 2012: Looks like you're dating the same exact guy that you dumped. They both told you that they know a girl that is much prettier than you and both have inappropriate relationships with women. Your boyfriend is taking this girl on dates while you're ... (read in full...)
B/f is dating 2 of us at the same time. He says he's just "pretending" to date her!
Q. I'v been dating a guy almost a month now, recently, he told me that he was dating a different girl and he's doing that to please her he disclosed to me that im the one he loves even though he's pretending to be dating her. Should i believe him? I ...
A. 22 February 2012: If you're too scared to loose him and you're falling for the "don't break my heart" thing, you will find yourself in the same exact position that you're in right now. You'll be in love with someone who is openly dating another girl and you're going ... (read in full...)
What is the opinion on a 40 year old man who has never been married or engaged?
Q. I have a question for the ladies.. what do you think of 40 year old men who have never lived with a woman, been engaged, married, etc. would you question if they are boyfriend or better yet.... husband material? This conversation came up at work ...
A. 21 February 2012: If I met a 40 year old man who was never engaged, married or lived with someone, this is what I'd think:
1. They have commitment issues and/or are set in their own ways, so they don't feel the desire to share their space or life with someone ... (read in full...)
I like him but I'm wondering if he's gay?
Q. Hi, I really need some advice, I've met a really lovely guy who is in tbe military. But I'm concerned he might be gay. He can be camp at times, loves cleaning and ironing it took 7 dates for him to kiss me which I instigated and also said his ma...
A. 21 February 2012: Get a gay friend or acquaintance to hang out with you two and he'll be able to tell you with more certainty. In college I was roomates with a girl, who had MANY gay friends. There were a few who never admit that they were gay, but they were. If you ... (read in full...)
Why would she do all this texting, Christmas present, chatting, etc when I have been avoiding her and not returning the same to her?
Q. I was dating a girl from work for about 8 months last year, but finished with her in December. The relationship was an emotional rollercoaster to say the least, but the last straw for me was receiving a text from her saying she was going on holiday ...
A. 21 February 2012: You rejected her, so now you're a challenge. She was more distant and less invested in the relationship than you, so when you dumped her, it didn't sit well with her ego. Most men and women will try to get back together when they're dumped. And this ... (read in full...)
Why won't my boyfriend come clean about how many people he's actually slept with?
Q. I have been with my partner a year but we were friends before that. I'd say our relationship is good, we talk, laugh have a good sex life (the best I've ever had actually)and can tease each other and have fun. we have discussed serious things too ...
A. 20 February 2012: He probably thought you'd be disgusted with him if you found out how many people he slept with. He knows you didn't have many sexual partners, so to appeal to your lifestyle and moral outlook, he severely decreased his number, so he would appear ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is really cheap and it really bothers me
Q. Hi, I am very confused and bother now. Advice would be appreciated. Me and my boyfriend had been together for almost two years. His cheapness has recently gone to a degree I can't stand it. When we go to CVS he bought three dollars of candy ...
A. 20 February 2012: This is who he is and it's not going to change. Can you imagine what kind of a father he will make if he freaks at the thought of paying two additional dollars for your tampons? If you tell him the kid needs X,Y,Z, do you think he will tell you to ... (read in full...)
The Cody Chronicles, Part 2: Should I get involved with Cody, when I know he mainly wants to do sexual stuff with me?
Q. So this question is a follow-up of my previous question about this guy Cody. Well whenever me and my sister showed up at the dance, he was smokin' weed in his truck. I was so astonished that he would do somethin' like that in public, especially on a ...
A. 20 February 2012: Being high doesn't turn someone into someone who is sexual. This is actually who he IS when high, drunk or completely sober. You have feelings for him and he is mapping out a plan to get into your pants. Look at it this way: he already has a ... (read in full...)
My deceased ex-bf's son wants to date me--and he looks just like his dad!
Q. My exboyfriend died in 1993, when he died he had a little son by someone else. Now the son is 23 years old and wants to date me. I like him to but I don't know if this is right, the thing that is nagging at me is he looks just like his dad.What ...
A. 20 February 2012: Personally and socially, this is a NO-NO. How would you feel if you had a daughter with another man and one of your exes started a relationship with her because she looks like you? Wouldn't you be disturbed this? You may miss him, but dating his son ... (read in full...)
Guy is leaving abroad soon, but still wants to spend a lot of time with me before he goes. Is he leading me on?
Q. Hi Agony Aunties and Uncles!... Me and my friends went out to a student night at a nightclub a couple of weeks ago. My friend introduced me to one of his friends at the club. My friend told me his friend had seen me a week before and was attr...
A. 20 February 2012: It's really simple. He saw you at the club and thought you were hot. His main goal is to get into your pants before he leaves abroad. ... (read in full...)
B/f is dating 2 of us at the same time. He says he's just "pretending" to date her!
Q. I'v been dating a guy almost a month now, recently, he told me that he was dating a different girl and he's doing that to please her he disclosed to me that im the one he loves even though he's pretending to be dating her. Should i believe him? I ...
A. 20 February 2012: Of course he is "pretending" to date her. Just like he is "pretending" when he gives her a V-Day gift, spending time with her, talking to her and being intimate with her. Wake up and smell the roses. He is using both of you because he likes ki... (read in full...)
My passion is steadily cooling and I'm wondering if I should breakup with boyfriend because hes selfish sexually?
Q. my bf is 36, I am 21. he was my first and at first it was exciting. but I have only been able to come once in our 2yr time together...Now, he does little foreplay and goes right in. Hard and fast. Done. He has stamina and no problem getting/staying ...
A. 19 February 2012: You have been together 2 years and you only had one orgasm. Think about that for second. That's a really sad situation to be in. And if sex is painful, why the hell are you going through with it? For him, to please him? Why? He is not doing anything ... (read in full...)
My fiancé's ex wife still has some kind of power over him, she pisses me off with her ways and I hate the way she takes advantage of him
Q. I´m engaged to the most wonderful man in the world. We have known each other for alomost 12 years, been best friends and have been together for 8 months. They were married for 19 years with no kids. They aren't divorced yet but seperated. Divorce ...
A. 17 February 2012: This is the standard female response where the woman gets blamed for everything. Frankly your fiance sounds like a sap. Maybe he doesn't have a backbone and can never say NO to her, or maybe he likes high-maintenance bitches, who knows. In either ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend of 7 years says if I don't give him a child he will leave me
Q. So, My bf of 7yrs has giving me an ultimatum that if I don't give him a kid he is going to leave me..Mind you he has a daughter who is being raised by her mother and he feels since he has no say he is giving up and wants to have one with me cuz he's ...
A. 17 February 2012: You have written here before and you have received our advise. Maybe you should read it over again.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-bf-wants-a-child-with-me-and.html
You will not find anyone with half a brain that will support your boy... (read in full...)
Do I meet him and let him help me financially to be with him?
Q. I have no idea how to start, i really have a big dilemma. I recently took a break from college due to some family problems. In this time i have had a lot of spare time on my hands so of course i overkilled the internet. It is at that time that i...
A. 17 February 2012: First off, let's talk about your feelings of inferiority. You have to keep in mind that he is a college student. The wealth that you see around him is not his own; it's his PARENTS. He doesn't have some fabulous job, making loads of money. He is a ... (read in full...)
Bf does not pay attention to my breasts...but he does look at those of other women!
Q. I have a wonderful boyfriend (we have been together for almost a year now.) Our sex life is pretty great except for one thing... I get upset because he doesn't take my top off during sex and doesn't pay attention to my boobs. I admit that i am ...
A. 16 February 2012: No offense, but your situation sounds weird. So he never takes your top off, touches your boobs, or gets to the nipples? That's very unusual, even if he has a preference for big tits. There are plenty of men who like big breasts that end up in a ... (read in full...)
He didn't give me any reason for breakup...
Q. Dear cupid My bf broke up with me yesterday. We had our share of ups and downs. I wanted to make the relationship work, but he doesn't want to. He did'nt give me any reason for breakup, he just said that he doesn't want to see my face or h...
A. 16 February 2012: "He did'nt give me any reason for breakup, he just said that he doesn't want to see my face or hear my voice anymore and that I am annoying, I don't look good and he cant go out with me because of my looks"
Read your statement and you will rec... (read in full...)
What does it mean to "use" someone?
Q. I recently recalled an argument I had with a woman some time ago. She slept with men for money. She tried to keep it secret, but once I found out, I was very troubled by it. One reason was that she did not really need the money--it was not like she ...
A. 16 February 2012: He gave her gifts and provided for her in exchange for her youth and beauty but he NEVER put her in his will. He was not stupid and never prepared anything legally for her after his death. The court ruling stated that he was mentally fit and under ... (read in full...)
What does it mean to "use" someone?
Q. I recently recalled an argument I had with a woman some time ago. She slept with men for money. She tried to keep it secret, but once I found out, I was very troubled by it. One reason was that she did not really need the money--it was not like she ...
A. 14 February 2012: You asked whether or not she was using the men and the clear answer is no. You didn't ask whether we thought prostitution or mutual using is morally justifiable. I don't have a high opinion of prostitutes or the men who visit them, nor am I a fan of ... (read in full...)
What does it mean to "use" someone?
Q. I recently recalled an argument I had with a woman some time ago. She slept with men for money. She tried to keep it secret, but once I found out, I was very troubled by it. One reason was that she did not really need the money--it was not like she ...
A. 14 February 2012: No, she was/is not using these men. These men want sex and they come to her for her services. They're getting sex from her and she in turn is getting off sleeping with powerful men, hence no using.
"But it cheapens sex and it cheapens words," ... (read in full...)
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